BWinner's note: I won't lie; I'm surprised I've made it this far. Multi-chapter fics and I don't get along; I normally get writer's block and give up. So far, I've had only minor struggles tying in certain ideas I want, but for the most part I really haven't had an issue keeping the story I want to tell going. Hopefully it's still continuing to entertain some readers out there! Also mixmax 300, it's so encouraging to read your reviews each time, as long as I have one person out there who really enjoys this fic I've done my job ;)
Crossing the Line - Ch. 4
From the moment Hawkeye left his place Roy had thrust himself into his studies. Breda followed through on his orders dutifully, though he did force the two of them to pause in order to make lunch. In this kind of instance Roy couldn't help but be grateful to be blind; he was unaware of the passage of time unless someone informed him of such, or he grew exhausted. By having such ability, he could work as long as he pleased without the work feeling like a chore. Though something as important as this would never have been considered a chore to him in the first place. The incident with Hawkeye was a moment of weakness, and he would not allow himself to dwell on it and drag him back from his goal.
"Alright, I'm making us take a break again, it's dinner time," Breda announced.
"Are you sure we can't pull through one more chapter on Ishvalan religion?" Roy did his best to sound stern.
"Sorry boss, you may outrank me, but I told the Lieutenant I would take care of you. She's one woman I would rather not disappoint," the 2nd Lieutenant argued.
Roy heaved a heavy sigh; if there was one person his men would listen to over him it was Lieutenant Hawkeye. He put up no further protest and allowed Breda to get to work preparing their meal. Roy was going to suggest going over some more notes during dinner but decided against it, Breda probably needed a break. Dinner was eaten in relative silence, and the finger food that had been made for him allowed him to eat on his own with out making a giant mess. He was grateful to have his subordinates respect him enough to allow him to try and retain some independence in his incapacitated state.
Once dinner was over Roy insisted the two of them finish the section of Ishvalan religion they had been focusing on. They had almost completed the text when there was a knock at the door. The Colonel frowned, wondering who could be calling, as he had not been expecting any visitors.
"Oh, hey Edward!" he heard Breda exclaim when the door opened.
"Fullmetal?" Roy let the military name slip out before he could stop himself.
"Hey Colonel, 2nd Lieutenant Breda; I'm sorry to drop in unannounced. Is this a bad time?" the young man asked.
"No, no it's fine, Edward come in," he beckoned.
The three of them carried on a pleasant conversation for a while before Roy could sense that Edward probably came to speak to him in private. In a suggestion that bordered on a command he told Breda to go and get a drink at the bar down the road, he would be fine for about an hour or so. Breda didn't put up much of an argument and Roy and Ed were freed to discuss more personal matters. It didn't come as a particular surprise to him that Edward would question his thoughts about using a philosopher's stone. He understood the teen had been the one to discover the grim reality of how that all powerful stone was created, and he certainly knew of the boy's strong moral compass.
Despite these things Roy knew there was no other timely manner of achieving his goals. Just as Ed's goals had been important to the young teen, Roy viewed his own plans with equal importance and passion. He was relieved when Edward didn't press the matter further, or try to dig in the knife of guilt. Bringing up Hawkeye came as a bit of a shock, but the young man supposed it was inevitable all things considered. Roy didn't fully know why he chose to unload his secret onto the older teenage boy; perhaps it was because he knew Ed wouldn't think twice about it. More likely than that it was because he wanted vindication for his feelings, to hear from someone that it was the military with the problem and not him. He was certainly confident enough that Edward would keep it to himself at any rate; after all he had kept Ed's secret for years.
When Edward left, he finally turned his head towards the window where he felt the cool night breeze coming through. Part of the reason he had been so confident telling Breda to leave was because he knew Hawkeye, and he knew she would be close by performing her duty, regardless of their previous exchange. Their personal issue would not distract her from her professionalism, and what she considered to be her duty. Knowing this, however, made what he had told Ed all the riskier, because in reality she might have been close enough as to hear it. Truthfully Roy was torn between whether he wanted to have heard that confession or not. It was something he was unable to decide on.
The young colonel sighed and sank deeper into his chair; Breda would be back any minute and truthfully Roy would be happy to be helped to bed at this point. He had pushed himself harder than he realized with his studies, and the emotional exchange with Edward only served to drain what little energy he had left. His wait was mercifully short, and no sooner did the 2nd Lieutenant step in the door did he request to be brought to his room. Breda followed through quickly and rather quietly; he helped the Colonel change and then bid him a brief goodnight before retiring to the living room once more.
Roy found that he was unable to fall asleep right away, despite his very tired state. He lay there contemplating his situation and wondering what it was he could do to set things right with the woman he called his Queen. If he was going to be successful in his military efforts his whole team needed to be intact with no animosity or unresolved feelings lurking beneath the surface. Roy himself may have slacked off once in a while, but his unit was to perform as a well-oiled machine.
No matter how hard he tried he couldn't come up with any idea outside just calling the woman. So little time had gone by though, his head was still buzzing from the near confrontation and he couldn't bear the thought of facing her again so soon. He was supposed to be a soldier, able to remain fearless in the face of any situation, and yet despite that he couldn't bring himself to take the actions to make things right again. He felt like a coward. His mind hung on that thought and he curled deeper under his blankets, eventually falling into an uneasy sleep.
Roy shot up gasping, his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes were wide and anxious; the wounds on his hands that he had all but forgotten about seared with pain as his hands fisted into his nightshirt. He was confused and disconcerted, as his eyes shot around yet remained unable to see, unable to get a hold of his surroundings he felt an over whelming fear and dread. His panic rose as he heard the sound of his door being thrown open and a gun being cocked; for a moment there was only the sound of clothing moving as whoever was there likely twisted their torso to look for someone in the room. What came next were heavy footsteps and the feeling of the side of his bed sinking. Roy took a swing in his panic, but his fist was quickly caught.
"Colonel, Colonel easy," a steady male voice instructed.
His mind wouldn't recognize the voice at first, then as his body slowly lowered from the spike of adrenaline his addled mind pieced together that it was Breda. Gradually he was able to even out his breathing and his remaining hand let go of the tight grasp on his clothing. As his emotions finally settled Roy fell back down onto his pillows.
"I'm sorry Breda. Everything is fine now, you can go back to bed," he instructed. The statement was hardly true, but Roy was embarrassed enough in his state of incapacity, he couldn't add what he was presumed as a nightmare to his current afflictions.
Breda didn't say anything at first, and Roy listened to his breathing carefully, trying to measure his coming response. Finally, the man released what could only be considered an exasperated sigh. "If that's an order then Colonel."
"It is, you can return to your post," he insisted sternly.
Once he was sure Breda had left the room, he cocooned himself in his blankets a little more and resisted a shiver. What had that feeling of overwhelming terror been? He remembered feeling something similar, but not as drastic when Hawkeye had woken him up last night as well. There was nothing he should possibly be afraid of though. Ishval was years behind him, and Roy certainly didn't feel that the recent events would deliver such a horrific blow to him. Roy had the beginnings of his victory thanks to the events over the past few weeks. The evil that had plagued the country for possibly hundreds of years was gone; he could start rebuilding the nation he cared for so deeply.
What Roy did know for certain was that this was going to be something else to cause him to lose sleep, and with his mind already addled with things concerning Hawkeye he couldn't afford to be any more sleep deprived. It was impossible for him to tell if he had fallen back asleep or not, certainly if he had he didn't feel rested. The sound of a pan crashing to the ground in the kitchen startled him and he sat bolt upright in bed, Breda's cursing soon followed so Roy could only assume it was morning. Releasing a relieved sigh, he eased his weary body out of bed and made his way to the door, one arm stretched carefully ahead of him.
"Breda!" he called when he made it to the end of the hallway. "I need you to do me a favour, I need you to get Doctor Knox on the phone!"
"Huh? Well sure Colonel, you feeling okay?" the rather obvious question was bounced back to him.
"I'm fine, just a string of uneasy nights. I can't have sleep deprivation if I'm going to keep forging ahead. Doctor Knox should be able to help, and he should still be at his home here in Central."
Breda didn't reply, but in a few moments, Roy heard the receiver being lifted off the phone in the kitchen. The call was short, with Breda getting his hackles up somewhat and insisting it was an order from Colonel Mustang. When that didn't work Roy told the 2nd Lieutenant it was okay to tell the man to simply shut up and get his ass over there. That seemed to do the trick and Breda was able to inform him that the doctor would be around in about two or three hours. Being mostly satisfied with that answer Roy cautiously made his way to the dining room table, being ever so careful to avoid the easy chair that stuck out just a little from the living room and blocked part of the hall along the way. Knowing he'd receive some kind of help made his coffee that much more enjoyable.
More hours were spent pouring over Ishvalan texts, finishing off the one on religion that the visit from Edward had interrupted. Roy was just about to suggest going over traditional Ishvalan architecture when a knock sounded at the door. He raised his head to the sound and nodded towards Breda to answer it.
"All right Mustang, what in the hell was so important that you had to drag me all the way out here?" an unimpressed and gruff male voice demanded.
Roy was just about to give a snarky comeback when Breda interjected. "Look, in the interest of doctor-patient confidentiality I'm going to make a run to the store to get some more groceries. I trust you'll be okay for about an hour." Admittedly Roy was relieved by this announcement and he waved his permission for Breda to leave.
"My question still stands Mustang," Doctor Knox pressed.
"It's… it's been my sleeping doc," he finally began quietly. "The last couple of nights have been strange. The night before last I was woken up and told I had been screaming in my sleep, and just last night I woke myself up screaming, and with little to no control over my body. I tried to attack Breda when he came to check on me," came the bitter confession.
The older man gave a pensive 'hm', and Roy could hear him pull out a chair at the table to sit down. "Before these incidents, do you have any recollection of what you were dreaming about before waking up?" he asked after a long moment.
"No. I'm somewhat restless before I fall asleep, but I have no idea what wakes me up like that."
Roy heard his former war comrade give a frustrated and shaky sigh. "Well that's a fine thing to learn," came his brusque response. "I thought it would only have to be my relationship destroyed by those damned fits."
"I beg your pardon?" Roy was very confused by the statement.
"They're called night terrors, Colonel. It's a kind of parasomnia, which is an undesired occurrence during sleep. A number of things can bring them on but knowing you this is due to stress," the older man explained. "I'm assuming you've treated the past series of events like you treated the situation after the war in Ishval and just buried yourself in some other task. I'm honestly surprised you haven't had a nervous breakdown by now!"
Roy snorted in distain and rolled his unseeing eyes. He had other matters that took precedence in his thoughts right now. While the events with the homunculi and Father had could have been considered traumatizing, he didn't have time to deal with them now that he had carelessly gotten himself into this recent situation. He couldn't be bothered to sort himself out emotionally when the only thing on his mind was repairing the damage he had done to his relationship with Hawkeye. Without her he wasn't entirely sure, despite his best efforts otherwise, that he could move forward.
"Don't give me your crap attitude when you were the one who called me for my help!" admonished the doctor. "Listen to me, if you ever want to help yourself out of this mess, you'll take my advice. The best way out of this situation is therapy, but since I can pretty well guarantee you're as stubborn as I am you won't take that route. So, my only recommendation is this, you need to relax. Tell the team to put the studying off until your eyes are restored. Have them come over and read you something relaxing or get that pretty blonde assistant of yours to take you for a walk… I don't give a damn, but don't continue with anything that would put any pressure on yourself mentally."
"I'm not sure my Lieutenant would appreciate being referred to in such a manner," Roy replied flatly.
"You think I care?" the man's tone was flippant and Roy heard the scrape of the chair as he stood up once more. "Take the damn advice Mustang, or the lack of sleep will turn you into the same miserable old man I am."
With those parting words Doctor Knox left, and Roy was left in silence once more.
TBC…