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Cold Coffee
It was the coldest it had been all season. So cold it discouraged commutes outside of work and school. The Shibuya streets were filled with masked men and women in fear of getting ill from the frost. The sightings of all and any masks were Phantom Thieves reminiscent to Ann and Haru as they glanced out the window while the waiter poured them hot coffee. Despite the weather, it wasn't too cold to discourage Haru from her favorite restaurant for a lunch-meet with her friend and business partner.
Haru sat at the white table clothed dining table, well dressed in a wool houndstooth two-piece skirt suit. Her blazer rested on the back of the chair; her silk button down, loose two buttons at the top. Her voluptuous bust seemed finely accented by the expensive fabric and her gorgeous skin; her wavy hair pulled into a messy bun. Ann bit her bottom lip and meekly looked into her own cup of coffee. Though she too wore lovely designer things – and was an attractive woman – sitting across from the empowered Haru made her feel insignificant. Ann was sure the flamboyant waiter off to the side of their table, noticed her checking out Haru's breasts in envy and judged her. Fuck him.
She couldn't say much as Haru asked for one moment so her assistant could step over and hand her documents to sign. Haru quickly scanned the paperwork before leaving her signature on various pages. All Ann heard were the sharp drags of the fine ball-point pen on the articles of paper. She was so entranced by Haru's professional prowess that it broke her trance when she heard Haru's other words.
"So Friday works?" Haru asked. Ann looked up and nodded.
"Yeah. Friday. I'll have Giselle email you the updated contract once our legal team reviews it."
"Giselle, that's the platinum blonde one, right?"
"Yeah. She dyed her hair a few weeks ago."
"I thought so. When we video conference I was unsure because I swore she was a brunette. I've actually been thinking of dyeing my hair."
"Oh?" Though they met for business, Ann missed talking to Haru. She desired idle conversations about things they enjoyed; she also desired to get juicy gossip as Makoto and Shiho were married women who didn't have much to say and Futaba was…Futaba. "I think you'd look great with highlights. Think of the wonders it'd do with dating."
"Yeah…" Haru answered coy. She handed her assistant back the documents and the young woman vanished quickly. Haru sipped her coffee. Ann tapped her fingers against the side of her mug; excitement reverberated on the ceramic; danced in the ripples of the contained coffee.
"Have you been seeing anyone?"
"Not as of late…" Haru began, "actually I was going out with a woman for a very short time." Ann clasped her coffee mug and stared at Haru with doe eyes. The waiter stepped closer to the table, as this was the best dirt he would have the opportunity to hear all day.
"Really?"
"Yeah. We met online. We only went on a couple dates and I found her attractive, but it wasn't really for me. We didn't get intimate or anything." The waiter sighed loudly and Ann observed him from the corner of her eye. He rolled his eyes. So what if she judged him? Screw her.
"So, are you into women?" Ann asked, "Not that there's anything wrong with it –"
"Oh, I know! It's just, I didn't want to limit my options. But after those few dates, I know I'm not."
"I see." Ann looked back into her mug. Somewhere in her she was disappointed. She wanted all the dirty details, but it seemed Haru was just regular Haru. So much for gossip. Without knowing it, she and the waiter were equally disappointed.
Haru looked out the window once more. The hurried people of the city, leading their busy lives, even in the coldest weather seemed only to emphasize her loneliness; her desire to love and be loved. "Actually, I wanted to tell you something, but I'm afraid it'll complicate things."
"Please. You can tell me anything." Ann reached across the table and touched the hand of her former comrade; her friend – and now business partner. The Phantom Thieves became Haru's family when she lost hers; that would never change, but also, Ann wanted to be better friends with the young women she left behind when she went to New York. Women who were part of her youth and she had the privilege of entering adulthood with.
"It's just – I like where you and I are going and that we're able to maintain our friendship and become business partners. It really means so much to me to do business with a person I trust and also another woman at that."
"I totally agree. I'm glad about this too."
"But Ann, this particular thing has been bothering me and I can't. I can't say it. It'll ruin everything." She pulled her hand away and resumed sipping on the lukewarm cup of coffee. Ann arched an eyebrow. She worried now; was Haru hesitant to continue work with her? Did she want to end their partnership? It was the thing Ann feared most and it couldn't be more complicated than that.
"Just say it. We've gone through life and death together, right? You've been in my corner about this business, I want you to know I'm here for you as well."
"But what if we can't stay friends after this?" Ann paused. What was it she wanted to say? The silence in the restaurant began to bother her. At first, she was excited to have the restaurant all to themselves, the cold discouraged other guests; but she seemed to miss Haru's ability to pay for it to remain empty for the hour. Ann felt small again; nervous and very much out of her league.
"What? Everyone has hiccups, but I'm sure we'll be okay. It's us." Was the desperation in her voice obvious? She also reprimanded herself for thinking that pulling their former days as teammates could save the relationship; her business.
"I don't think I can date anyone." Haru finally said. Ann paused; it wasn't at all what she expected. She was confident it was about work; about the business; about everything else, but then it wasn't. Though she should have been glad she was wrong, she wasn't. She wanted to feel relief but she wasn't sure why she didn't.
"Well, why not?" Ann's eyes seemed as deep as the sea. Haru stared at them, fearful of drowning. She wanted to be a good friend; but was she really? Were they actually, good friends? At this point in their adulthood? After the time that past? After Akira?
"Because –"
"Because…?" Ann's smiled was decorated in uncertainty. The curve of her lip seemed to tremble. At this time, both cups of coffee were ice cold.
"I still love him. I still love, Akira." As best as possible, Haru fought tears. She covered her mouth and the waiter stepped over once more. He smiled as he leaned into the table.
"Can I get you, ladies, anything?" He asked with a smirk. Leaning deeply over the dining table, he turned to Haru who used a napkin to pat away the mascara that ran down her cheeks. Giving Ann his back, as he gave Haru his full attention and effectively blocked the blonde's line of vision. From that, he made it quite clear he just wanted to fuck with her.
"Some privacy would be nice," Ann answered sharply.
"Actually some fresh coffee would be nice," Haru asked; her face blocked by the obnoxious, looming waiter. At that moment, Ann wished for him to vanish.
"Of course." The waiter said with a smile. He stepped away but quickly spun around. "Shall I bring you a dessert menu?"
"No," Ann replied curter than before.
"Actually, I'll have two chocolate macarons," Haru ordered. The waiter smiled deviously and Ann glared at him as he left the table. "Are you sure you don't want anything?" Haru asked her companion. Ann sat white-faced and held her cold cup of coffee. She didn't make eye contact.
"No."
"Ann, listen – I won't be acting on these feelings. I just thought you should know since we're more than friends. Aren't we?"
"Yeah, of course."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize."
"I told you because I love you. I love you and Makoto and Futaba. You all are the sisters I never had, and I felt like I was betraying you."
"I appreciate the thought. I do." Ann arose from the table the gathered her things. Haru looked away, hurt, but with understanding.
"We'll talk then." Haru regretted her decision to speak, immediately. She regretted the truth.
"Yeah. The next time I'm in Japan of course."
"Oh! Maybe I can visit you in Brooklyn? I should be in New York next month, for business. But we can see a Broadway show!" She didn't want Ann to leave. She just wanted to change the subject. "I was excited to hear you're getting into acting –"
"Yeah. You're always welcome to see me, Haru. It's just - you're not welcome to him. I appreciate you telling me, and I get it, but please do understand that – our friendship can last this, but I don't know if he and I can. I may be overreacting right now - which I hope you understand - but as long as you're feeling this way, please do stay away from Akira. I'm asking. As a friend." And so it came about, the difference in them, outside their respective looks, and position in life. Ann felt small in comparison to Haru and her greatness at the start of the conversation, but wouldn't feel small any more if he was the subject matter.
"I'd never act on these feelings. That's why I told you."
"I understand. So, those documents, for Friday then." Cold. Cold like the old cup of coffee; like outside; colder.
"Yes. Friday."
"Okay. Have a good evening." Ann, fully dressed in her winter gear left money on the dining table then made her way out of the restaurant. The waiter returned and placed down a clean cup for coffee and a plate with macarons. Though piping hot coffee steamed from the small tin pot as it was poured for her, Haru sat there, staring at the empty seat Ann sat in moments before. Things were complicated and the coffee was now too hot to drink.
She was right.
