Disclaimer: I own it. I OWN IT. IT'S MINE. Ehhh okay not really.

Day X, Time Y, Deep Hole In Lost Woods

It took several minutes for Link to realize what had happened to him. After a good two or three minutes of shock, he looked carefully and realized that he had just been...

Transformed into a Deku.

Yes, the Deku, creatures who used to inhabit Kokiri Forest and its outskirts. Small critters with bodies made of wood, wearing all kinds of flora on their heads and sporting a long nose-mouth with one big hole for shooting Deku Nuts. Link still had his boots, blonde hair and signature green clothing, but he looked VERY different.

I am a Deku. Yes. A Deku. How awesome, now I can spend the rest of my life hiding in plants, throwing seeds at random people just for fun, giving away secret codes or else... right…

"YEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" He screamed in horror.

"Oh, you look mahvelous, dahling!" said the wizard kid, with a sarcastic tone. "If you don't like it, though, then come closer... IF YOU CAN!"

"Hey!" Link could only say - yes, it seems even transforming into a Deku couldn't stop Link's will to talk again - before the kid floated behind a now closed stone gate.

Dammit, he's gone! And I'm here, all alone, turned into a Deku-what the? Who's there?

"HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU, WOODY!" a voice suddenly called Link from behind, "OPEN UP THAT FUCKING DOOR SO WE CAN PROCEED!"

Gah! The Russian is talking to me! Quick, Link, act natural! "Er... Vodka!"

"Excuse me?!"

"Perestroika! Moscow! KGB! Stereotypeski!"

"Are you dumb, scrub? Do you think I'm Russian or something?"

"Uh... You aren't?"

"OF COURSE I'M NOT! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE RUSSIA IS?"

"What is a Russia anyway? All I hear are tales-"

"Look, let's do the normal thing already and introduce ourselves. I'm Tatl," the fairy said, annoyed, "And I'm a fairy from Lost goddamn Woods. Is it so hard for you to see?! Now let's move, before the Skull Kid and Tael leave me behind again, like that day in the city fair…"

"Tael"? What? Not "Navi"? "Okay, so how do I open it?"

"Pressing the A button, obviously!"

"A... Button?" Link voiced, confused. "Wazzat?"

"Er- damn, I mean... Look, just open it like you did before!"

"Eh, okay…" Man, Russia is so weird.

With a noise, the stone gate opened, revealing a wooden path which Link and Tatl followed without hesitation. They were stopped at the end, however, by a bunch of platforms leading to the way forward. At the floor, in front of Link, there was a flower.

"So, you wanna move? Then blast already!" Tatl said, pointing to the flower.

"Blast?"

"Yeah, Dekus do it all the time! You burrow underground here, wait, spit some pollen out and WHIZZAM! With two flowers and air resistance, you can fly for a short period of time!"

"Uh, yeah," This fairy is crazy. Reeeeeal crazy. "So, burrow under- OOF! POLLEN! YUK! WARGH!" Spit! Spit! Whew... hey, I'm stuck. Damn, how do I get out... ah, I know! These vines are sticking out, maybe if I just...

Link's train of thought was interrupted abruptly by him being tossed into the air, just like Tatl said, holding two flowers, each on one hand.

"See, I told ya!"

"HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS THING STOOOOOOOOOOOOP?!"

After floating to the other side, the duo faced many more obstacles before reaching a Deku-like small tree and a gate. The tree was "Deku-like" because it had a face carved into it, a Deku one, and it looked anything but pleased.

"Look, this tree looks sort of like you... so full of pain, suffering… lost, without friends or familiar places to rely on…"

Uh… she's spot on, act-

"… And with a dumb face!"

At least I'm not yellow. "So, we're going in?"

"Yeah," Tatl said, but paused a bit and said, "Um, look, I... I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For helping steal your horse and stuff. We were supposed to be just messing with you a bit, but it seems like Skull Kid has taken it a bit too far."

"Understatement of the year."

"Well, ever since he got that mask, he's…"

"He's...?"

"Never mind, let's carry on."

"Let's carry on", she says...

After some walking, they reached a corridor that seemed to twist around, making one walk from the floor to the ceiling and around, while moving forward. Link couldn't help but feel he was moving into another dimension, and it really felt like it too, since you could hear the very air around you distort and make noises. After coming through a small hole, a steel door closed behind him and he found himself inside what looked like a clock tower. Not much was said between our two heroes, still very much estranged and with guilt and awkwardness smearing the very air between them.

After climbing some steps and walking towards the door to the outside, Link was interrupted by a voice…

"… You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"