Disclaimer: They own, I won.

Day X, Time Y, ?

Link was scared. Who could it be, talking behind him in a real quiet voice, in a strange place he'd never been to, which was all dark and smelly...

He slowly turned around as the voice said, "You seem to be troubled. May I he-"

POW!

Before the stranger could finish his question, he found himself with a huge bruise on his cheek, made by a very hard and fast Deku Nut projectile. Link started to run away, but he was, again, stopped by the voice.

"OW! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP HERE! DAMN!"

"I know your type... pick up a lost boy that seems distraught, ask him what's wrong, play nice... And the next moment the poor boy's wrapped to a pole butt-naked and-"

"STOP!" Tatl interrupted, "This isn't funny! People suffer from this! And now this mental image will be with me forever now, dumbass!"

"But it's true! My uncle said it once happened to him and-"

"HEY!" The man cut in, thankfully, "Can you listen to me?! I'm not any of these atrocities you two think I am! I'm just a mask salesman!"

"Mask… salesman?" Both Link and Tatl voiced.

"Yes. And I was wondering, since you have a sword, a shield, and a wise partner... I was going to ask a favor of you."

"A… sword… but I'm a Deku right now, dude. You know me from before or something?" Link said. How the hell did he know I was a human before?! This guy is just digging his own grave here...

"I know you from Hyrule. Happy Mask Shop, remember?"

"Oh. OH. You're… oh. Now I remember." Wait, I gave money to this guy before?!

"So, could you hear my plea?" The salesman asked, puppy dog eyes and all that.

"Sure... why the heck not." Tatl replied, seeming much more relaxed.

"So. I have this mask, called Majora's Mask... well, had. Some dumbfuck made of wood with a skull face stole it."

"Oh, heh heh heh, who could THAT be, huh?!" Tatl said, seeming distraught. It was pretty obvious who it was.

"This mask was, long before, a prized possession of a certain tribe. They'd use it for rituals and such, and this mask has... well, a strange power."

"Strange... power?" Link voiced, wondering internally. I bet it's going to be one heck of a made-up, mumbo-jumbo story...

"Whoever put it on would instantly gain tremendous physical strength and magical might, and would be able to control pretty much all matter in this world. Anyway, this wasn't good, because there's one more trick to the mask: The user goes crazy."

"Crazy?" Link echoed again, like the parrot he is.

"Yes. Mad. Nuts. Batshit. And this was a huge source of trouble, as you might imagine. The leader banished the mask…"

How the hell do you "banish" a mask?!

"... And peace was everlasting once more. I found the mask, unaware of what it did, and was planning on selling it at the shop, y'know, feed the kids and all that."

You mean, you were going to sell your own brand of Apocalypse. Real smart, you.

"But that kid stole it and put it on right after. I chased after him, but alas, he was too quick. Now, the bastard is going to make the fucking moon fall from the sky!"

"Yeah, go on... waitWAITWaAiItTt! T-THE MOON?!"

"Yes! The moon! That's why I need that fucking mask back, and I need it in three days, before the moon falls, so I can leave this blasted place and break that mask apart!"

"My GOD HE IS GOING TO DROP THE GODDAMN MOON" Link was pale as a sheet now, and Tatl had to cut in and give them some space.

A few minutes later…

"Uh... so... where do I fit in all this?" Link asked the salesman.

"You're going to find it for me!"

"Ah, yes. Me, of course." It's not like I'm made of wood and leaves, two-feet-tall and WITHOUT ANY SORT OF WEAPON OTHER THAN SOME FUCKING NUTS!

"So... can you do it?"

"No."

"Did I mention I can turn you back to your human form?"

"Eh, I kinda like being small."

"... 50 Rupees."

"DEAL!" This always works! Damn, I'm good.

"So, good luck! He's not far from here, I can tell. It's gonna be easy to catch him!" The salesman said, very happy now - this man switched moods in seconds!

"Um... where are we, exactly?"

"This here's a 'parallel dimension', pretty much. You're on Termina Land, and this is the Clock Town, center of the land and national pro-"

"Right." About the last thing I need to hear today is tourist noise.

"Believe in your strenghts... believe...!"

"Shut up," Tatl said, after moments of quietness, "you're creepy."

After the nice dialogue, the two of them went through the door and to the town.

Day 1, Morning, Clock Town - South

"So, what now?" Tatl asked.

"Well, we should search for the most likely spots first, like... like…" Link said, turning speechless after being forced to think.

The town wasn't that big. It was divided in five areas: North, South, East, West, and, last but not least, the one, the only, the… Laundry Pool. The south part was more of a hub, which hosted the famous Clock Tower, a large tower that shows the time and had a locked gate. Aside from that, there was but a tower undergoing construction by some workers, the entrance to the other areas and an exit to the world outside.

So many places.

"I think we should try and ask the loc-" Link said, moving towards a strange, yellow-colored plant. He was interrupted by a voice.

"STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooop!"

"WAH! What the…" Link screamed, scared. Looking to the sky, he saw a Deku carrying two huge bags flying in his direction. He approached Link, burrowed to the ground and then got halfway out.

"Youse know," the Deku started, "Dis here's my piece 'a land. Youse can't go snoopin' in here like dat unless youse have DA LAND DEED!" He finished, shoving the land deed to the flower into Link's face.

"Ah! Ah! Get that thing outta my face! I'm sorry!"

"But, hey, I'm feelin' nice today. I may be able ta give my DA LAND DEED to youse... in exchange for somethin'."

"Something...?" Tatl said.

I don't like the way this is going... for the last 24 hours, all I've been hearing is threats and innuendos...

"Yea. Can be anything... SHINY. I like dose sparklin' pearly thingies, ya know. But it could be gold, too. Anything... SHINY."

"Ah... sure, I'll come back if I find anything…"

"Ya do dat, man. See ya 'round."

"…" Tatl stared, but then proceeded to ignore the Deku in order to keep the plan up.

"So, we better hurry. We have 3 days to get this shit ready."

"Yeah," Link agreed, "But we don't know where to look…"

"Why not try wandering around?"

"Yeah, why not…" Why not call you an idiot for this idea too?

"Okay, let's move north."

"North? Why?"

"I heard it from Skull Kid, so I'm not sure, but the Great Fairy lives in a chamber at the north part."

How does he know… nevermind, "Um... You could've said it before I ran into that nutcase."

"Yeah, I suppose…" Tatl said while giggling.

Fucking Russi... ack! Let's just move north...

Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - North

After some walking, the duo reached the north section of Clock Town. The place wasn't that interesting; about the only thing that caught Link's eye was a huge balloon with a Majora's Mask drawing. There was also a boy trying (and failing) to pop it with a blowpipe. Not so further away, there was a cave, which Tatl recognized instantly as the Great Fairy's.

"Let's go, dumbfuck! Gotta get that mask back!"

"Wait." Link said, staring forward.

"What?"

"Those bushes. They bother me…"

And they were indeed bothering. Link saw a bunch of bushes forming a perfect circle and one in the center. What could this mean?

Maybe these can lead to something... "HAAAAAAARRRGH!" Link screamed, cutting the grass away with Deku spin attacks.

"Look! It's... moving!" Tatl said, taken aback. The grass started to whirl and dance around, but then quickly disappeared.

"…" The two of them stared, until Link broke the 20-minute silence. "Okay, that was just…"

"... A big waste of time, yes" Tatl interrupted, "let's just go."

When did she turn into the boss all of a sudden? Those soviets are so self-c... okay, this is getting boring.

"Excuse me," Link said to the blowpipe kid, "But can I ask y-"

"DON'T BOTHER JIMMY!" The kid answered sharply, "JIMMY IS BUSY BLOWING BALLOONS!"

Well excuuuuuuuuse me, princess. "Ah, sorry to interrupt your... task, but I-"

"JIMMY. IS. BUSY! GO AWAY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"LOOK!" Tatl yelled, "We just want to know w-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

The urge to force that pipe down this brat's throat is just so...

"Tatl," Link said, "let's just go to the cave."

"Okay…"

Day 1, Afternoon, Great Fairy's Shrine

After entering the cave, the pair soon found a large and reasonably shallow body of water surrounded by pillars. Link seemed at peace upon entering, with a sensation of sheer security. Tatl, on the other hand...

"GREAT FAIRY! NO!"

Tatl screamed, upon seeing a bunch of small fairies floating around the fountain.

"I don't see any Great Fairy... all I see is a bunch of fairies."

"This can't... No... I don't... I…"

Can you at least finish a goddamn sentence?!

"Hey, let's see here… yo, um, fairy!" Link said to one of the fairies, "'Sup with that, huh?"

The fairies began to talk at the same time, bringing a plea.

"Please, hear us out... that Skull Kid broke me in pieces and took one of us away…"

"He broke you in pieces?" Usually that expression is not to be taken literally...

"Yes, and I've no idea of where this piece is... but it's in Clock Town... please! Help me!"

"Why would I?" Link said, narrowing his eyes.

"I can give you magic in return!"

"I'm no wizard."

"But you can shoot things from your nose, here, have some magic!"

"Eh, thanks, but I kinda already shoot Deku Nuts."

"... 100 Rupees."

"Sounds nice. Let's go, Tatl!" Heh. Always works...

Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - North

The day was getting busier and busier for Link and Tatl. They had four tasks arranged. One was to find the remaining "piece" of the shattered Great Fairy. Then, they had to find something shiny to get a Deku Flower's land deed. After that, they had to target Skull Kid and retreive the Majora's Mask. Last, but not least... Tatl was going to teach a lesson to one spoiled brat.

"This is it," the fairy said, looking at Link. "Blast away."

"Uh... All right." I don't remember agreeing completely with this.

With his new bubble-shooting ability (acquired prematurely by a little... "persuasion"), Link felt like a new Deku. After testing it a thousand times and hitting everyone with it, he inspired Tatl to come up with a plan to make young Jimmy talk. He crouched behind a bush, turned his head and...

POW!

As expected, the bubble flew away and hit the balloon, bursting it. Jimmy turned, his eyes darting the area, searching for the offender.

"WHO DID THIS TO JIMMY'S BALLOON?! WHO?! COME HERE AND FACE JIMMY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

My life to stop this bawling...

"Hey there, Little Mister Waterworks," Tatl said, approaching the boy. "Feel like talking now?"

"JIMMY IS MAD! JIMMY KILLS RUSSIAN!"

What the... must be the weather. Yeah, it has to be.

"If you give us just a tiny bit of info, I'll let you go," Tatl bargained.

"JIMMY ONLY TALKS TO YOU IF YOU BEAT THE GAME!"

"Game? Look, I've had enough of-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jimmy cried, now a bit forcedly, but still.

"Look! Please! Shut up!" Link said, tired of sitting back and watching.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Fuck. How can I make this kid stop... Hey! "I've got it!"

"What?" Tatl responded, still looking at the kid.

"I'll play," Link said to Jimmy.

"You will WHAT?!"

"I'll play his game!" But if it's poker, I'm quitting.

"Waaaaaa... Huh?" Jimmy stopped crying and then asked again. "You'll play?"

"Yup. What will it be, kiddo?"

"DON'T CALL ME KIDDO!"

"OKAY, Mighty Master Of The Fucking Wet Eyes!"

"Huh? Um... let's play... I know! Bombers!"

"Bombers?!" Is this kid with ISIS?

Suddenly, four boys dressed exactly as Jimmy (despite the fact that he wore red and they blue) rushed up to the scene. They stood on a row, turning around to show the back of their shirts. They were numbered 1 to 5, 1 being Jimmy, of course. They then gathered together and started to whisper something.

After a good 15 minutes of whispers, Jimmy broke the silence.

"Scrub!"

"Huh- yeah?" Link said, unaware of what the kid had said.

"Let's play hide-and-seek!"

"Well, that's good. So, I get to count?"

"Yeah. You gotta find us 'till night, or you're going to lose! Good luck, loser! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha..." Jimmy said, while running towards the slider.

"Piece of cake," Link thought as he finished counting to 20 and ran towards Jimmy.

The kid ran around and around pretty fast, giving Link a hard time, but eventually Jimmy got backed into a corner and was forced to sit.

"Awww! Now you gotta find the other four kids."

"Man!" Tatl yelled, obviously infuriated.

"Yeah?" Link answered while walking around.

"Why do we gotta play this stupid brat's game, anyway? You're a goddamn Hero Of Time, for crying out loud! Can't you just make him spill the beans? Use your goddamn sword for something!"

Sword? Hero of Time? I'm a fucking Deku... she's scary! And all this rambling... must be PMS. Yeah, it has to be... but do fairies PMS? I think that's taking the whole gender thing a bit too f-

Link's intriguing train of thought was interrupted by the noise of rustling grass near him. He drew closer, and out came one of Jimmy's friends, running away as fast as light. Well, not so much, because Link spun around and caught up with him.

"Awww! Three left!"

"Well, that has to be it for this area. Let's search elsewhere!" Tatl said, moving towards a gate. However, someone stopped her... A guard. Wearing a shiny silver armor that screamed "Bring it!" and a long spear, he moved sideways like a crab, blocking Link's way.

"Hey, hey! What's the big deal?" Link asked.

"Sorry, no going outside. It's dangerous."

"How so?"

"There are creatures."

"I'm a creature."

"There are molesters."

"I'm getting expert in avoiding them."

"There are winged thieves."

"I can burrow underground."

"…" The guard paused for a moment, but didn't move.

And now, the money. Come on, be a nice guard and gi-

"What?" The guard said, annoyed by Link's smirk, "I'm not moving an inch."

Damn! How did he...?!

"Move it. Now."

"Yes, sir…" Link said, defeated, turning towards the gate to East Clock Town.

Day 1, Afternoon, Clock Town - East

Link and Tatl arrived at East Clock Town, searching frantically for any sign of a boy. They stopped in front of an inn, and decided it was time for a plan.

"Okay," Link started, "What to do?"

"Dunno," Tatl answered uncaringly, staring at the inn's logo. It read "Stock Pot Inn".

"What are you staring at?"

"Stock Pot Inn... Hmmmm... Does that mean they stock pot in here?"

That's... a good question... hey!

Link backed up a bit after hearing the sound of flapping wings. He looked at the inn's veranda, and there was a boy, THE boy, holding a chicken over his head and looking to the ground, ready to jump. Link, unnoticed by the boy, ran back to Tatl.

"Hey! I've got good news!"

"Baby, don't worry, about a thing…" Tatl was singing. Link shot a bubble at her to get her attention.

"...Is gonna be alrigh- HEY! What's the big idea?!"

"I found him."

"The kid?"

"Yeah, but he's on top of us right now, holding a Cuckoo."

"Hmmm... gotta corner him, but how?"

"I'll climb up there, and you'll wait down here. If he jumps, I want you to startle him, by any means."

"Gotcha".

Link opened the Stock Pot Inn's front door and went inside. Tatl waited outside, looking to see if a boy would fly past her. She could've sworn she heard someone say "Awww!", so she readied herself. A few minutes later, a Cuckoo slowly glided through the sky, carrying a boy...

"Where are you, Link?"

...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-"

Link was holding the chicken tight, and trying to stay put.

How do I make it land?! Too slow, too slow! I'm afraid of heights, dammit! Come ooooon, you little feathered motherfucker!

A good half-minute later, Link got to the ground, white as a sheet and breathing heavily. Tatl came to him, feigning concern but laughing profusely on the inside.

"You OK?" The fairy asked.

"Yeah," Link answered, trembling, "I've just been through the worst flight of my life since the Deku Flower thing, but I'm OK... I caught the boy."

"So, two more, huh?"

"Yup, and we've better hurry, it's already 5 o'clock. We've got an hour."

"OK, let's go! Wait…"

"What?"

"Over there! I see someone…"

And there indeed was someone. Up a ledge, next to the gate that led to another gate to the outside world (yep), there was a kid, watching the place. Link proceeded to run after him, climbing some stairs and then cornering him into a fence.

"Awww! Now there's only one left…"

"And we have a whole hour to find him, buddy." Tatl said in a superior tone.

"Let's move it, Tatl. You can be an arrogant bitch later-"

"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?! DON'T YOU DARE RUN!"

Only way to make her move... but now I'm the one who has to hide!