Disclaimer: Do I even have to do this? I'm running out of jokes
Day 2, Afternoon, Stock Pot Inn
The clocks marked the beginning of the afternoon, their strange pointers indicating that it was already 12:00 PM. As our heroes entered the Stock Pot Inn, they took in the lobby's appearance. The place was reasonably small, for a two-story building. The lobby was as simple as it could be, with a front desk – and the clerk, tiredly staring at Link and Tatl, as if warning them that they shouldn't even bother – to the left and a waiting couch to the right, a few (and very creepy) tribal masks hanging on the wall above. Straight ahead from the door, a corridor that split in two, one leading to the back hallway – nothing more than the kitchen, a couple of non-guest rooms and a bathroom – and another leading to the staircase for the second floor, where the "vast" array of three rooms was located; one of them being the employees' room.
Link headed to the front desk, ignoring the clerk's bored-as-hell face. Tatl stood alongside him, floating around his hat.
"Excuse me, miss, I was hoping you could spare me a room?" Link asked politely.
"Yeah, like I have a goddamn choice…" she muttered, annoyed, reaching for the guest book.
Jeez, so much for people skills.
"Do you have a reservation or something…?" Again, sounding exhausted, the clerk asked, not bothering to look at Link.
"No, actually, I just arriv—"
"Well sorry, no rooms then. Both rooms are filled."
"What? By who?"
"Are you kidding me…? I can't tell you that."
"Look," Tatl intervened, "We came from very far away, we just want a place to stay for the night, maybe you could spare a makeshift room or something, we can pay…"
"Christ, I told you, there are NO. ROOMS. AVAILABLE! Get the fuck away from here!" The clerk suddenly snapped, startling Link and Tatl.
What the hell was THAT for?! "Hey, hey, calm down! Jeez! Sorry for asking for service, you know!"
"Whatever, Link," Tatl bitterly said, "Let's just get out."
"Wait," the clerk interrupted, "Your name is… Link?"
"Yeah, why? You gonna snap at my name too?" You bitch.
"Oh holy mother of… that Goron took me for a ride… son of a—"
"'That Goron'? Look, lady, what is going on?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Link, it appears I have made a small mistake." The clerk suddenly changed her demeanor, which wasn't ignored by our fearless hero.
Aside from not going to a therapist yet?
"You see, I had a reservation here for a Mr. Link, for the suite room, the 'Knife Chamber'. A Goron showed up claiming to be you and took the reservation."
"Oh." Why would a Goron be here anyway? This stinks like last week's lunch. I should have a chat with this guy. But I never made a reservation in the first place…
"Just a moment, I am going to sort this out. Please, make yourself at home…"
"Link, that lady is whacked out," Tatl stated.
"Oh yeah, she is. But hey," Link asked, "did you make a reservation here? Because I sure as hell didn't."
"No, I don't know about that either…"
The two of them stopped talking after hearing loud noises from the floor above. Link went to the stairs to check things out, only to be hit by a rolling Goron.
"DON'T YOU EVER SHOW YOUR FACE IN HERE AGAIN, YOU LOWLIFE SCUM, PIECE OF SHIT!" the clerk screamed, waving a broom around.
"I keep telling you!" the Goron stated, about to burst into tears, "my name is really Li—"
"DON'T START THIS AGAIN! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY INN!"
Is the inn really yours, miss?
"Oh all right then!" a tearful Goron uncurled from his ball state, picked his blue hat from the floor and dragged his feet out of the door, carrying a heavy backpack along.
God damn it! The guy really had a reservation here and I just had his ass kicked for no reason! I am a monster! I have to help him!
"Here you are, sir. This is your room key," the clerk politely said, handing Link the key to the Knife Chamber room.
"Look, actually, I—" Link started, only to be cut off by the clerk.
"No no no! Don't mention, it. I'm sorry you had to witness that and go through all that trouble. As a compliment from the house, I will put a Silver Rupee chest in your room shortly."
"I, um… thanks." Yeah, you know what? Fuck Gorons. I still haven't forgotten Darunia beating me around all the time back home.
"My name is Anju. If you need anything, you give me a shout. Okay? Also, we have complimentary bottles, should your fairy need to rest."
"Why would I rest in a bottle, of all places?!" Tatl angrily said, while Link just whistled and cut in, "Well, shall we?"
"I will go ahead and prepare your room, Mr. Link. Feel free to have a look around the inn, if you wish," Anju said, taking her leave.
"Link, maybe we should check out the back hallway and see if there's something we can find to help us fight the Skull Kid."
"Um, here? In this inn?"
"Who knows, man! Just get on with it already!"
"DON'T R—"
"YES I WILL RUSH YOU! NOW GO!" Tatl shouted, dragging Link by his wooden nose.
I guess Anju isn't the only lady around who needs to see a doc!
Heading for the hallway, Link entered the first room he saw, right as he entered the hallway. Inside, an old lady sat in a rocking chair next to a fireplace.
"Oh, Tortus," the old lady said, "have you not eaten yet, child?"
"What?" Link asked, confused.
"Now now, Tortus. You should know that the Great Fairy does not give away candy to boys who do not eat!"
"Oh holy Goddess of Time…" Tatl stated in dismay, then asked, "Excuse me, are you senile?"
"Oh! Tortus, that is a very shiny dog you have with you there! Why, I'd never expect you to take to animals!"
A dog?! This is beyond senile! This woman is crazy! Every woman in this inn is completely insane!
"Very well, Tortus. Do you want me to tell you a story? I know you like them, so I brought two books with me today."
Yeah, I'll take a rain check on that, I'm not much for stories myself.
"Story?" Tatl asked.
"Would you like me to read the Four Giants for you? Or the Carnival of Time?"
"Carnival…" Link started, "Yes! Please!"
"Oh, well, if you have to…" Tatl stated, bored, going into Link's hat.
The old lady picked up a book, opened it, and started as Link sat on the carpet, ears sharp.
"Once upon a time…"
Yes! Yes! I'll finally make some headway into this whole thing! Maybe if I get to know this Carnival of Time, I'll figure out a way of… stopping… the Skull…
…
Day 2, Evening, Stock Pot Inn
"Why, Tortus! Did you fall asleep?" the old lady said to a groggy Link, who, after a few seconds, jumped to his feet.
"Wha— wh— fu— hey!" I fell asleep! Goddamn it! I can't believe this!
"This is what happens to children who skip their lunch!"
"T-tell me the story again!" Link pledged, "I swear, this time I'll stay awake!"
"Very well, Tortus. Ahem- once upon a time…"
…
Day 2, Night, Stock Pot Inn
"Tortus, you fell asleep again! Maybe you should head to bed, hmmm? There's always tomorrow for more stories!"
"What the fuck?! This can't be real!" Is this book laced with something? I was wide awake there!
Link headed out of the room, defeated.
Maybe I'll just go rest like she told me…
"So, Sleeping Beauty," Tatl said, now out of his hat again, "what's the plan?"
"You're so funny", Link replied dryly, then said, "Maybe we should go back to our room and crash there, and tomorrow we'll fuck around a bit until the gate opens."
"Sounds like a plan," Tatl agreed, "Let's go to our Knife Chamber then."
"I just hope we're not taking a… stab in the dark here," Link so cleverly joked, receiving a bumping in the head from Tatl as his response.
The duo climbed the stairs, passed a door that led to the terrace (where one of the Bombers was hiding during the hide-and-seek game), then passed another door labeled "Employees Only", and then, on the middle of the corridor, they finally found the Knife Chamber.
As soon as they entered, they felt stabbed alright – even though they were staying for free, that room was just too much. The bed had an old blanket which was ripped in many places, and then there was a fireplace that lit up about half an inch in front of it, a dirty window and a cracked wall that let in all of the noise from the employees' room.
"Damn," Tatl could only manage to say.
"This is definitely the worst room I've ever had to sleep in, and I spent pretty much my life sleeping on a wooden log in a tree house", Link commented as well.
"At least the chest is there, as promised."
Link opened the chest, finding the aforementioned Silver Rupee inside. Rupees were the national Hyrule currency, and for Termina, apparently, as well. A silver one was worth 100 rupees, which is nothing to sneeze at.
"Ehh, well, let's get our asses in bed already," Link said.
"You mean you get your ass in bed and I get my pretty little backside inside your hat."
"Whatever floats your boat, Russian."
"What?"
"Sweet dreams!"
As nighttime finally crept in completely around Termina, our heroes fell into a deep slumber. As well-deserved as the rest was, the fact is that the giant, monster-faced moon above them did not sleep. And was quietly – but surely – on its way to touch all.
Day 2, Midnight, Stock Pot Inn
"… did not get my item?"
"… of Healing…"
Huh?
"… back into your human…"
What is…
"… Ocean. Canyon…"
"… then try to stop it!"
Skull… Kid… ?
"… remember the Song of Time…"
Zelda!
"WHAAAAA—" Link sharply got up from bed, sweating a bit. His two consecutive naps during the old lady's storytelling did his body no good, and flashes of people and loose phrases hindered his deep resting state.
Huh, I managed not to wake Tatl up. Better leave my hat in the porch. Still... what was that?
Getting up, he looked around and decided he wasn't in the mood for sleeping anymore. Opening the door to the hallway, he paused for a moment to think of something to do.
Well, I'll swing by the restroom first, nature is calling. Then maybe I'll just wander around town, see if I catch any more interesting characters...
As Link headed very quickly to said restroom and readied himself to... make use of the inn's facilities, our Hero of Time was suddenly surprised. From the depths of the toilet (which, really, was more of an indent in the center of a wooden platform), out came... an entire arm.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS"
"YEAAAAOOOW!" a voice shouted from inside the toilet, and then pledged, more timidly, "Pa-paper, please!"
"Jesus fucking Christ what are you?! Why is an arm talking to me?! Am I still stuck in that dream?!"
"PA-PAPERRRRRRR!" the "arm" shouted, startling Link again.
"GAH! SHIT! TAKE YOUR STUPID PAPER THEN!" Link panicked, throwing the land deed for the yellow flower at the toilet. After it fell deep within the entrails of the "system", the mysterious arm twisted around, the hand giving Link a thumbs up.
"YE-EY", the arm shouted, and then went down, never to surface again.
My god… this is… fuck… I-I gotta get out of this place…
Link left the bathroom and made his way out of the inn, through the set of stairs to his left and then through the gate from East to North Clock Town, still running away from the accursed establishment.
Day 2, Midnight, Clock Town – North
As he finally stopped spinning madly around, Link came to a halt when he almost bumped an individual standing by the slide. He had a very happy face and was fidgeting with his arms side to side, all smiles and such.
Almost too much smiles.
"Hey, what's hangin'?" Link asked the man.
"I'm not doing anything suspicious… really," the man answered back.
Huh, if you say so. "So, have you heard of this Carniv—"
As Link was talking, the man just plainly ignored him and turned his head to the gate from Termina Field to the North, from where an elderly woman came, carrying a huge bag on her back. Then, he started to jog weirdly in a diagonal line. Link only watched, confused, but when he realized what the man was about to do…
… it was too late. The man "bumped" into the lady, leving her on the ground and taking her bag with him, running.
"Thief! Stop!" the lady shouted.
Fuck, I gotta stop him or she'll cream me for letting him do that under my nose!
The thief tried to run as fast as he could, but, obviously, the heavy bag slowed him down considerably. As such, Link readied himself and started charging his bubbles…
… but they missed. Once, twice, thrice.
Oh god damn it! I can't go near the guy, what if he waves that thing at me? I'm too small! I have to hit this! Come oooonnnn…
The thief was just at the gate to Termina Field when Link blew the last bubble. It flew, dancing around the air a bit before hitting the man in the face…
… and nothing happened. The man wiped his face and ran through an oblivious guard, a guard who let the thief go, but still kept intent on blocking Link's way.
"Move! Move! Let me pass! Did you not see the thief running past you?! Go after him yourself then!"
"..."
"You fucking corrupt cops!" he screamed at the guard as he left through to the gate from North to South, not wanting to face the old lady.
Damn, I let the thief go. That's… just… shit, man.
... Sometimes I wish I could just… I don't know, go back in time...
Link thought about going back to his room, but first, he went to the west side to wander a bit and lay off the bad vibes.
Day 2, Past midnight, Clock Town – West
As he got there, Link looked up at the starry sky greeting him… and the moon, scarily looming, almost hanging over their heads like a guillotine, ready to end their lives at a moment's notice, as inevitable as death itself. Yet, somehow, no one really seemed to care that much, save for him, Tatl and the mask salesman.
"PLEASE!" a voice rang, snapping Link out of his thoughts.
"WAH!" Fuck's sake! Why is everyone out to scare me today?!
"Please, make a deposit!" the voice came from a man… or woman? Link couldn't tell, but whatever it was, they were sitting on a ledge, viciously pounding their palms against their legs.
"A deposit?"
"Yes! If you do that, you can save money, and if you save enough, you get a prize!"
"A prize for deposits?"
"Yes!"
Alternate dimensions… "Well, why not, it's not like I can waste this Silver Rupee on booze around here. I'll do it."
"YES! Oh, yes, yes!" the figure screamed, opening his arms and lifting them upwards as if thanking the gods for the mentioned deposit, "Let me just mark you first…"
"Wha— hey! Hey! Get your hands off— " Link struggled, but the person only wanted to put some mysterious ink on his forehead, so they did it anyway.
I hope this is not LSD!
"Now I'll remember you when you swing by again for a deposit or withdrawal!"
"... Well okay then, take this," Link said, handing over the Silver Rupee, "And I'll see you, I guess."
"Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome." Fucking nut.
As soon as he turned away from the bank, a sign caught his eye. It was the Bomb Shop sign, by the end of the stairs. Bored, he decided to swing by.
Day 2, Past midnight, Bomb Shop
The inside of the place was big, but pretty empty. No one was at the front desk, and another Goron in town was sleeping on the corner.
Well, this must be what they call a successful business around here… ah, c'mon, Link. It's the dead of the night. No one's buying bombs at 3AM unless they're either planning a terrorist attack, or super, super drunk.
As soon as Link finished musing, a very weird-looking bald man, dressed like a punk rock band reject, came shuffling to the front desk to attend him. Link was going to say something, but…
... as soon as he started to form words, the old lady from the theft appeared behind the man, sobbing.
Link ran for dear life and, this time, he wasn't going to stick around. A couple of minutes later and he was already under his sheets at the Knife Chamber, cursing under his breath and trying not to wake his partner up.
If only I wasn't a fucking Deku…!