Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot (which can be bought on eBay – I will listen to any offers)
Day 1, Night, Boat Rental Shop
Link and Tatl entered the Boat Rental Shop looking for the not-so-evil-anymore witch Koume, who ran the attraction and had given them a free ride. As soon as they entered the wooden cabin, their attention was drawn to the front desk, where a literal huge man stared at them through dark glasses, his beard unkempt and hair covered by a strange aviator-like hat, which would sound like the most "remarkable" attribute of the man – if it wasn't for the fact that he was almost shirtless and showing a LOT of body hair.
"EH-HE"
"Woah! Pedobear!" Link screamed, rolling to the side and hiding behind a vase.
"HOOOOOOOOoooooooo… I am most certainly not some sort of kiddo-lover, my boy!" The man said, after letting a… sigh? Or some sort of battlecry? Something like that.
"Um, we're looking for Koume…" Tatl said, trying not to cringe at the forest springing from the man's chest.
"EH-HE! Koume is right over there, m'lady!" He boomed, causing Tatl to flinch, then pointed towards a square hole in the far wall of the cabin. Sure enough, Koume's large nose was poking out from the inside.
"D-Do you always have to start every sent—" Link started from his hiding spot, but was cut off promptly by the man.
"HOOOOOOOooooooo…"
"Mercy! Mercy!" Link screamed, running towards Koume, then shouted, "A TICKET! FOR THE BOAT! PLEASE! AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO!"
"Not so brave now, are you, brat?!" Koume spat, then started again in a more business-like tone, "The boat only goes by a circular route inside the swamp."
"M-M… JUST… T-TAKE ME…"
Meanwhile, at the front desk, Tatl still bravely fought against her desire to shave the man's upper body while she tried to ask him some questions.
"So, what is it exactly you're doing here…?"
"EH-HE!"
STOP THAT!
"I am the owner of this place and the proud host of the Pictograph Contest!"
"P-Pictograph…?" Tatl asked, confused.
"HOOOOOOooooooo… My lady, it is simple! You're going on a boat ride with young Koume over there, no?"
She's anything but young!
"Then you also have the opportunity to print out some memories from the trip!" The man was taking a sales pitch now, drawing Tatl's attention, "How, you ask? With this!"
"What's this?" Tatl asked, looking at a yellow box with lens that the man produced from under the desk.
"It is the one and only Pictograph Box! You use it to take photos! Then, you bring the best one for me and you might just win a fabulous prize…!"
A "Pictograph Box"…? Is he for real?! This looks like those cameras from the Stone Age!
"Wow! I want one! How much?" Tatl asked, beaming.
NO! Tatl, don't fall for that!
"EH-HE! It's absolutely free of charge, since you were so kind to Koume!"
"Really?! Wow! Thanks!" Tatl said to the man, then dragged the camera all the way over to Link. "Look! Link! LINK! A PICTOGRAPH BOX!"
"…" Link could only stare.
"Hey!" Koume's voice called from behind the two, "Are you lovebirds going on the boat or what?"
"Let's go, Tatl. And drop that thing!" Link ordered, pointing at the Pictograph Box, but the fairy ignored him thoroughly, happily dropping it into Link's satchel.
Day 1, Night, Southern Swamp
Our duo of legend-made heroes stepped onto the boat and watched as Koume got in front of it, looking at them but not paying attention, and started announcing the tour.
"Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking."
You're flattering yourself, witch.
"We will now commence our Swamp Tour of Doom… wait, no, that's not it – I mean our… um… Swamp Tour of... Fluff and Happiness… yay!"
Well that's pretty reassuring.
"Please, do enjoy the scenery and take pictures to your heart's content! Also may I state that littering is a crime and if I see any of you people throwing stuff on the river I…"
Why is she talking like there's more people in here besides me and a fairy?!
Ignoring the witch's blabbering, Link noticed the boat had already passed the gate leading to the Magic Potion shop, and was cruising through the lilypad string path he had followed when he was mad as hell, blindly trying to find some way into the temple.
Heh. I think after all I've been through since I left Hyrule, I should be even more out of sorts than I was at the time, so, kudos for me and my superior behavior…
"Link?" Tatl asked, taking Link out of his interesting trance.
"Yeah?"
"Not gonna take any pictures?"
"… Why should I?"
"Because you have to commit this place to memory! In a sense, it's like we're on vacation and traveling! Y'know, doing some nice sightseeing!"
"… My idea of 'vacations' don't usually include me being turned into a Deku, nor encountering alternate-universe versions of my past foes or dodging innuendos every once in a while."
"You're such a spoilsport."
"Easy for you to say when you're just floating around like it's not your busi—" Link started, but his argument was cut short when the boat stopped in front of a familiar cave. Tatl just tilted her head in confusion, but Link, who had already been there, realized what was going on.
Wide-eyed, he yelled at Koume.
"STOP THE BOAT! KOUME, LISTEN TO ME, THERE'S A BI—"
"Would you just be quiet please?!" The witch answered back from above, floating on her broom, "I know what's in there! Just relax!"
As if on cue, out came the Big Octo, splashing poison water around him.
And the boat started moving again.
"KOUME! STOP!" Is this her idea of revenge?!
Still moving.
"Link, w-what's going on?!" Tatl panicked, moving behind the boy, but he only panicked back, "I DON'T KNOW! THE WITCH IS TRYING TO KILL US!"
"N-NO! KOUME, PLEASE, WE'RE…"
I-I have to do something! But I can't jump off, the water's poisoned! A-Argh!
The boat was now much closer to the Big Octo, as he already widened his vacuum mouth and started sucking the air in front of it. Desperate, Link just closed his eyes and crouched…
… Then, a noise. A yelp. And Link looked up to see the boat's sharp edge piercing the Big Octo.
Oh you have to be kidding me.
The monster, defeated, shriveled up and let out a sigh before dissolving into the water. Then, a cackling laugh from above.
"Hee hee hee! Come on! Continue the plights! It's funny!"
T-This is not funny…
"So I was trying to kill you, huh?! Are you always so suspicious of people around you, brat?" Koume asked Link, who only trembled and shut his mouth.
They got past the cave into a whole new area of the swamp: to their left, Link could see a coast with a long wooden bridge sticking forward, like a port, and a huge palace. To his right and front, he saw high platforms and waterfalls leading to upper heights.
I'll probably have to check those places out later… much as I hate to.
"Well, then. We've arrived at the Deku Palace. Are you disembarking?" Koume asked, changing her tone.
"Deku Palace, huh?" Tatl echoed, turning to Link, "Should be interesting to check, maybe they'll have some clues about the swamp and how to reach the temple."
"Or maybe they can teach me some new 'yo mama' jokes."
A bump to Link's head and our heroes jumped off from the boat onto the wooden bridge, awkwardly waving Koume goodbye as they progressed through the door to the Deku temple…
"Alas!"
"ARGH!"
… Or not. The monkey fell from above on top of Link, startling Tatl – as usual – whose face turned a new shade of red.
"WhAt ThE hElL aRe YoU dOiNg HeRe…?!" Tatl slowly asked, venom filling her voice, a distorted glare in the primate's direction.
"M-My lady, I am just here in order to deliver a statement… a message, if you will! But first, might I enquire as to why the ground is so unstab—"
"That's because you're standing on me!" Link yelled from beneath the monkey's feet.
"Oh! I am very, very much sorry!" It answered, jumping backwards while Link stood up and brushed off his clothes.
"What do you want this time?" Link asked, trying – barely – to keep his cool.
"Ah! Yes! My reason as to why I'd direct mys—"
"CLEARLY!" Tatl shouted.
"Y-Yes!" The monkey yelped, sweating profusely, as if unable to talk in a different manner than the one he's used to, "I, er… I come forth to you with, um… a… message. From my cousins."
"Your cousins?" Link echoed. I thought that the only monkey family with a sense of "family" was Donkey Kong's…
"They um… want you to… help our other cousin who has been… captured by the Dekus."
"Captured?" Tatl, again, echoed.
Jeez, aren't we good at this echo thing.
"The temple has befallen a most unfortunate fate, as you probably came to hear?"
That's not English. "Yes? Go on…"
"Well, the Deku Princess and my cousin went to the temple to find out, because only members of the Royal Deku Family know how to enter the temple."
This sounds an awful lot like Hyrule's Royal Family.
"And why is he 'captured' now?" Tatl asked?
"That is the thing, ma'am," the monkey replied, suddenly wide-eyed and pleading, "The princess has disappeared within the walls of the temple, and the Dekus, in their rage and confusion, assumed that my cousin was the one to dispose of the fair lady!"
"Well I can see why they'd suspect him, he has no alibi and was with the victim…" Tatl pondered.
Oh, so now we're playing detective?
"But m'lady! They didn't even give him the chance to defend himself! They are intent on toasting him alive!
"Now don't be so dram—"
"I MEAN LITERALLY, M'LADY! THEY HAVE THIS BIG CAULDRON AND…! AND…!"
"Ouch! They are literaly going to cook him?!" Link interjected.
"Y-Yes! Please, he didn't do it! You have to do something! Find him!"
"That's not our prob—" Tatl was going to refuse, but Link cut her off.
"Tatl, listen. The monkey was with the princess at the time. No matter what he did, at the very least we know that he has intel on the temple, and being held captive with the prospect of being boiled to death, I don't think he'd be unwilling to share stuff with us."
"…" Tatl said nothing, admitting defeat – which would mean help the stupid monkey.
"We'll do it," Link said to the primate, "We'll save your cousin."
"I… I thank you, good sir!" Said the monkey, turning and happily hopping off to the woods.
"Alright, Tatl. Initiate covert operation 'Monkey Rescue'!" Wait. That lacks punch. Maybe "Banana Rescue"? Nah, too… obvious. "Peel Peril?"
"LINK, JUST… GO!" Tatl shouted, taking Link out of another interesting trance and going inside with him as the sun rose behind them.
Day 2, Deku Palace, Morning
The door led Link and Tatl to an U-shaped pond that streteched far around and behind a big palace, as to be expected of the Dekus, natives of Woodfall. In front of Link were some platforms, which he hopped across to reach a small hallway.
"Well then Tatl," he said, walking towards said hallway, "Let's see what this palace is all ab—"
A bump.
Seriously, all I've been doing the past few days is bumping into everything.
"THOU SHALT NOT PASS!" yelled two Dekus at the same time, popping up from two flowers on the ground, blocking Link's way.
"What's with the overused line?" Tatl replied, but the Dekus didn't respond. They just stared at Link with their hollow eye sockets, as if waiting for him to leave.
"You really won't let me in?" he asked.
"No."
"I have a sword…"
"So?"
"I can cut you to pieces!"
"We welcome you to try."
"…" My tactic is ineffective against guards, it seems.
"Look, this is the Deku Palace. Dekus only. Now scram!"
"Link, what are you doing?!" Tatl irritatedly asked Link, stating the obvious afterwards, "Why aren't you taking your mask out?!"
"Oh! Right!" The boy replied, taking the Deku Mask and putting it over his face, promptly going through the usual morphing process. Even though he changed right in front of them, the Deku guards seemed not to notice it, suddenly changing the look in their eyes – if that was possible.
"Welcome to the Deku Palace. The public normally has little access to this place, but today we are welcoming the likes of you in our sacred abode!"
More importantly, how come you guys don't bat an eye when someone pulls something like this off in front of your eyes?!
"If you go straight down this hallway, you'll reach the king's chambers, where the monkey's execution is set to happen!"
"E-Execution…" Tatl cringed, disturbed by the idea.
"And that is it! Do not enter any areas whatsoever, or so god help me!"
"Are you ever nice to anyone at all?" Link asked, but the guards just burrowed underground again, leaving the path open.
"Well, let's go, I guess," Tatl said after blinking meaningfully a few times. So, our heroes proceeded down the hallway, entering the door at the end leading to the palace proper…
Day 2, Morning, Deku King's Chambers
The sight was something else. A large room, sand-floored, with some stray leaves doubling as seats around a somewhat large bonfire (probably where the cauldron was to be set) and a throne at the far end, a bunch of Dekus in front and, towering above them all, one very large – in every sense of the word – Deku.
They moved towards the king, but something else caught Link's eye. To the side, bars separated the chamber from a small, higher area with a pole… and on top of that pole…
"Look! Tatl!" Link said, pointing at said pole, where a monkey – much like the one who constantly pestered Tatl – was tied high up.
"Is that the monkey's cousin?!"
"Oh of course not, it's probably Diddy Kong. WHO ELSE?!"
"Link, you should seriously check that PMS of yours."
Not this again… "Is there even a way up there?"
"Um, I don't know…"
"You two!" a loud voice bellowed from behind, and a very startled Link turned to look at none other than the Deku King addressing him.
"Y-Yes, my… um… lord?" Link awkwardly stuttered, unsure as to how to address the King.
"What is your business here?"
"I-I… We're here to… um… see that rotten monkey suffer!" Link replied, but His Highness only eyed him warily… then looked at Tatl.
"And… who is your friend there?"
"Ah! Pleased to meet you, sir. I am Tatl, a fairy from North Clock Town. I was specifically assigned to this area by the Great Fairy herself to bless the execution, and ensure that you have the heavens' approval to proceed!"
W-What a load of…
"Oh! Wonderful! In that case, I welcome you!" The king replied, then took notice of something else. "Hey, is that a Pictograph Box, by any chance?"
"Yes!" Tatl beamed, happy that someone took notice of her favorite toy.
"Well I never!" The Deku King was practically smiling now, "Let us take a, how do you call it, 'shelf', you and me!"
"You mean 'selfie', don—" Link said, but was cut off.
"Silence, peasant! I am speaking to the deity!"
"Hahaha! You don't get any special treatment this time, Link!" Tatl said, laughing at him.
"Come on! Join me!" The Deku King said, lifting the box upwards and towards his face, Tatl joining him seconds before the flash that confirmed the taking of a memorable picture.
"Now we have to think of a caption, no? Maybe… #fairy #blessed #fuckmonkeys #followback"
What the hell is going on here?! I want to go home, this is too much!
"Hey, Your Highness!" Tatl said, all friendly now, "Is there a way up to that cage?"
Still distracted choosing a caption for their picture, the bigger Deku responded distractedly, "Oh, just go through the outer garden and you'll be fine. Grab some magical beans on the inner garden and plant them outside…"
"Magical beans?!" Tatl replied, sharing Link's incredulous look.
"They really are forcing this 'alternate dimension' thing a lot, huh?" Link thought aloud and turned to leave for the gardens, leaving Tatl to her goodbyes with her new friend.
Glancing at the monkey's "cage", Link saw an entrance at the far end of the area, and registered it, going through the process in his mind.
So… Inner garden, magical beans, outer garden, cage, huh.
"Link, let's go." Tatl said, standing beside him.
"What, got tired of photoshooting?"
"Well I just found out that the Pictograph Box only holds one picture at a time. It's pretty lame."
"I told you that this was bullshit! You fell right into that man-forest's trap!"
"What can I say, I have a weak spot for technology."
"Says the fairy living in the woods."