Disclaimer: I claim absolutely nothing until my lawyer arrives

Day 2, Morning, Deku Palace

Deku Link and Tatl were, again, on the hallway of the strange Deku Palace, only this time with an actual plan on the works… or something like that.

"So which is the inner garden?" Link asked, looking around the hallway which featured, as well as the entrance to the King's Chambers and the entry/exit with the two Deku guards, doors on each side; both leading to separate gardens.

"Huh, there are two gardens…" Tatl mused. Two seconds in and their plan already had been jeopardized.

"Ok, Tatl, I need you to fly up there and check which of the gardens has any sign of magical beans."

"Oh, so I'm your personal spying drone?"

"Yeah, maybe you can put that camera of yours to some real use," Link said, pointing at Tatl's Pictograph Box.

"I plan on tossing it into the next trash can we find, but sure, I'll go. Be back in a minute or two…" Tatl said, then floated upwards until she could see both gardens well enough.

Now that I think about it, I can't believe I've never had Navi spy things for me before. Fairies like that are some Metal Gear Solid spying shit. I could've found out about quest-related stuff way earlier like that Ruto girl's underw—

"Hey!" Tatl came back right on time, and interrupted Link. "I've found it! I think."

"You 'think'. Great. That's always the kind of result we expect."

"Look, bozo, listen. The garden to our right is the one we're looking for," Tatl explained, pointing towards the entrance, "But there's something we should be careful about."

"Like what?" Link asked.

"Well," The fairy responded, "Both gardens have some features. First of all, they're a bit maze-like, as in, lots of walls and rocks and obstacles like that."

"Oh, I hate mazes…" Link grumbled under his breath, memories surfacing.

"But that's not all," Tatl continued, "They are both under surveillance."

"Surveillance, you say? Like cameras and stuff?"

"Do you really think those guys know what technology is?"

Says the proud Pictograph Box owner!

"No," Tatl sighed and continued, "There are some guards doing rounds around some structures. We have to find a way around them if we want to reach the end."

Castle Courtyard all over again. "And what's at the end?"

"A hole."

"No need to insult me, I was just ask—"

"No, really, there's a hole at the end. I know it's not conclusive, but the other garden has nothing that looks like a place that sells beans."

"Oh, gotcha," Link said. "So we reach this hole and enter it to find the salesman?"

"That's my best guess right now."

"Real secretive. I wouldn't be surprised if those 'beans' turned out to be really 'magical'…"

"Oh come on, like you've never tried it before."

"I'll have you know I only take Blue Potions, and they're perfectly legal!" Link shouted as they entered the inner garden. The place was small, as in a square-like garden, and structures like small towers, rocks and blocks gave the place a real maze-y feeling. As Tatl said, Deku guards like the ones at the palace's gate were circling around the structures, in a pattern that reminded Link of Hyrule Castle's guards; same orientation, stopping at precise times and for perfectly timed durations.

And he planned on using his burglar-like experience today.

"Alright Tatl, hide inside my hat, please."

"W-Why?! Do I have to?!

"Yes you do, you're all yellowy and shiny and you're just gonna attract attention." And hey, you have no qualms about randomly entering my hat to slack off.

Tatl sighed. "Okay… make some room please…"

Alone time, how long has it been? I've missed you.

Putting his back to the wall behind him, Link strafed sideways until he reached a corner. Looking to his left, he could see a huge rock being circled by a slow-moving Deku.

Ok, this is a piece of cake. The guy clearly hates his job to be moving so sluggishly. Let's dash in 3… 2… 1… G—

"INTRUDER!" a voice shouted following a sharp, ear-shattering whistle noise. Link may have slipped past the guard's back when he wasn't looking, but he failed to see that there was another rock with another patrol guard just behind him… and his lack of foresight cost him.

Thrown out – literally – out of the palace, Link got up and rubbed his aching back. "Fuck, I think I've lost my touch…"

"That was SO lame! Oh my god! You're worse than Johnny English!" Tatl freaked out, trying to think of alternate ways to get into the garden along with the injured nuisance to her right.

"Well I'm sorry I don't have, like, X-Ray vision or something!"

"Now how do we get back in?!" Tatl angrily demanded.

"Let me try talking to the guards…"

"Yeah, sure, try talking to the guys who just threw you out, that's a brilliant idea."

Link didn't listen to the fairy, instead going to the gate to talk to the two guards who, again, burrowed out of their Deku Flowers to eye him warily.

"Aren't you the Deku we just threw out…?"

"Ah—er—I—No! I am great rich millionaire from distant place!" Link answered, throwing his green hat to the side.

"W-What?" One of the guards asked after both flinched.

Seriously, they've seen me "change" like three times now and still can't tell each one apart. "I am coming here to, er, how do you say… 'szvatkza'… oh! The 'execution!'" Link improvised, very badly, but the guards seemed to buy it. "Tatline!" he shouted, and Tatl took a second or two to process, but floated to his side.

"Y-Yes, um… d-darling?" She said, stuttering and maybe gagging a bit.

"Please hide in my hat and bring it to me once you get inside," Link whispered into her ear, "and also act like I've just told you something important and give me your Pictograph Box."

"O-Okay…" she said, still whispering, and then raised her voice for the guards to hear. "No problem, darling. I will see you after your meeting with the King!", she said, floating to the side.

Whoa, she's sharp.

"You have business with the King too, sir…?" The other guard asked.

"Yes, I have the business, yes! I intend to, um, bring this Ptograph Box and take one 'shelf' with my friend, which is the King!" Ugh.

"Oh, by all means, please come in! His Highness' chambers are at the end of the hallway, and, um, if you could please avoid entering the gardens to the sides, we'd appreciate it…"

The tone changes when the money changes, huh. "Thank you! I am with the gratefulness!"

Link then got in, watched as the guards went underground, and quickly dashed to the inner garden to meet with Tatl at that same corner he was before he got caught. Sure enough, the yellow fairy was there, carrying his hat.

"Ok, position yourself inside it again as you put it on, please…"

"Link, I'm not your real servant, okay. You put it on yourself."

Dammit, it was way better being a millionaire. Wait, is this why Navi left?

"Alright Tatl, I'm gonna need your help again this time. Hover up to that rock I couldn't see and keep an eye on the guard's movements so I don't get caught again."

"Okay, but do we have a signal?"

"I'll be waiting here, looking at you. When you see that both guards have their backs to me, you do that flashing thing you do with your body and I'll dash past 'em."

"You sure this will work?"

"If this plan doesn't work, I'm trapping myself into a Goron body."

"W-Well alright then, why don't I just…" Tatl trailed off, quietly floating above the wall and taking her spying drone position again. The guards kept on doing their boring rounds in the same lazy fashion, until LCM laws brought them to a point where both guards had their backs to Link.

Tatl quickly flashed her body, doing her best to not flash too brightly, and Link took the hint, zooming past the clueless security staff. He, then, motioned for Tatl to scout the next area while he hid behind a tall bush.

Operation "Castle Courtyard on Steroids" going well so far…

"Okay," Tatl whispered, floating back to Link's side, "There's a guard across from you who's going to turn a corner and disappear for a while, that's your cue. Just rush forward and enter the door to your right."

"Uh-huh," Link nodded, "Then what?"

"As soon as you go past the door, hide behind a bush to your left. There's two rectangular structures in front of it, with two guards circling them."

"Right, and you'll signal me when they're both—"

"Nope," Tatl interrupted, "They're going opposite directions, you'll get caught."

"Well what do I do then?"

"I don't know, you're the Max Payne here."

"Ugh… okay, I'll come up with something. Get under my hat."

Following suit, Tatl entered beneath the green clothing while Link slightly put his head outside to see if the coast was clear.

Ok, I'm really gonna have to do this again… I'm lucky these guys are dumber than me.

As Link saw the first guard coming, he hid his face a bit more. When the guard marched past his hiding point, Link did what probably no spy would ever do: he started tiptoeing behind the guard.

And what do you know, the guard didn't even notice. He kept on walking. While Link was literally behind him.

Man, it's like someone's deliberately making this easier for me.

As they reached the next corner, between this and the next structure, Link stopped and stuck to the wall. Sure enough, the second guard came and went past him. Moving quickly so that the first guard wouldn't catch him, Link started walking quietly behind the second guard until they were both on the other side of the wall.

There! The hole!

Link made a mad dash towards the hole, which surprisingly startled the guard, but it was too late to see anything. They were already inside.

Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace – Underground

The hole led to a small underground area of the palace, with a grassy floor, a small pond to the right and an outstretched carpet to the left. At said carpet, sat an overweight, bald man, furiously eating what appeared to be chips.

"Phew, we made it," Link said, letting out a breath.

"Far from it. Still have the outer garden to go through," Tatl answered, then took notice of the man on the carpet. "Hey, is that guy the one who…"

"Maybe," Link interrupted, "Let's see if he has the beans or not."

They both made their way to the man, who looked at them – but still didn't stop munching on what, on closer inspection, looked like actual beans.

Yeah, go ahead, impulse eat your stock away. Shining business handling. "Um, hello?" Link asked.

"Mmmmmmmmmm… *munch munch munch*…" The man barely registered Link there, but then asked through a very full mouth, "Whaddya want, pops?"

"I'd like a… magical bean, please?" God, this sounds so stupid.

"Oh, sure, pops. *munch munch munch* 10 Rupees and it's yours."

"Oh, alright, lemme just…" Link trailed off, looking for his wallet.

"What is exactly so magical about these beans?" Tatl asked, taking over the conversation.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm… they *munch munch* taste real good…"

"I-Is that all…?"

"Oh! Sorry, got distracted. These beans, ya know, they grow into plants."

"Yes… go on…" Tatl said, a little annoyed by the prospect of being scammed.

"These plants, well, they fly *munch munch munch* real high, right?" The salesman said, still barely making any sense through his mouth full of beans, "They're like them magical carpets from the cartoons."

"Um… and how do we grow them?"

"Find ya some soft soil, plant the bean, water it, shazam."

"Just like that?!" Link interjected, Rupees in hand.

"Yep, guaranteed. Less 'n 3 minutes."

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Link yelled, literally throwing the money at the salesman, who flinched and gave him some magical beans.

"You have a shopping issue," Tatl stated.

W-Why you… what about your useless photo box?!

"So, do you know where the outer garden is?" Tatl asked.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm… yeah. Just go outside the gate, make a left and go all the way 'till ya reach the end…"

"Right, thanks." Tatl said, moving away from the munching man and to Link's side, who was filling a bottle with water from the pond.

"Where'd you get the bottle?" The fairy asked.

"Well, someone I know had this bottle before me, she was supposed to fill it with Red Potion and bring it to a witch but failed—"

"IT WAS THAT MONKEY!" Tatl yelled.

"Right, right, blame the inferior being. Typical," Link jokingly said, closing the lid on the bottle and making his way out of the cavern, Tatl following him.

Day 2, Afternoon, Deku Palace

"Okay, so the outer garden can be reached from outside the gate?" Link asked.

"Yeah, we just need to backtrack to the hallway." Tatl stated.

"Backtrack and repeat all that crap? No sir," Link said, "I have a better plan."

"Which i—LINK?!" Tatl said in shock as Link started to run around and shout through the garden.

"JESUS IS RETURNING! HE IS COMING BACK TO THIS EARTH! THE SINNERS SHALL BE PUNISHED! I REPEAT, OUR SAVIOR COMET—"

"Hey! Intruder! Get back here!" The nearest Deku guard shouted, intercepting Link like a loose football and throwing him out of the palace again.

"S-Shortcut…!" Link said, half-jokingly, as he got up from the ground.

"Link, what's the big idea?! You couldn't be bothered to strafe through a bit more walls?"

"We don't really need to go inside again, do we? Enjoy life a bit more, will ya."

"T-That's not.. argh! Fine! Let's go!" She said as Link started hopping around, following another lilypad string, which stretched through the entire left half of the palace's poisoned moat.

As they finally got to the end, Link saw a patch of conveniently prepared spot of soft soil and a sign that read, "Outer garden entrance".

Hmmmm, so, I just put the beans here…

Mere seconds after Link inserted the beans in a hole on the soil, a small sprout rose from it.

"Whoa! Is this even—" Link said, shocked.

"Looks like it's not growing anymore, maybe you should water it." Tatl said, looking at the sprout.

"Right, good idea," Link agreed taking out the bottle and just dropping all the water inside at once.

"You'll drown the damn thing! What is wrong with you?!"

"Oh shut it will you, everyone knows water is ineffective against grass in Pokémon!"

"Link, for the last time, Pokémon is not real li—" Tatl began, but was interrupted by a sound. When she looked for the source, she saw a large, round, carpet-like floating leaf where the sprout was.

"You were saying?" Link said, a smug smile on his happy-go-lucky face.

"…" A confused and defeated Tatl accompanied Link as he stepped on the leaf. It floated upwards, stopping at a small hallway up on the wooden walls of the palace.

Proceeding forward, Link found himself over the inner garden, and noticed that the towers that were there had all Deku Flowers on top of them. So THIS is the outer garden, huh. I guess I just have to hop from flower to flower until I reach the cage…

"Link, there are Mad Scrubs on the flowers!" Tatl pointed out, and right on cue, a Mad Scrub popped out, spitting Deku Nuts at Link – and missing, due to the still considerable distance between them.

"I guess we're in for some aerial action, huh," Link said, burrowing inside the flower and blasting off upwards.

I'm getting the hang of this flying business, at least. Just don't look at the ground…

"Link! There! It's right below you!" Tatl stated, being Link's "eyes" and a good spying drone.

"Gotcha! Fire in the hole!" Link shouted, dropping a Deku Nut, which hit the Mad Scrub and did away with the poor beast.

"Bullseye!" Tatl cheered as Link, losing height and momentum, landed on the conquered flower.

"So, it's rinse and repeat from now, huh?" Link asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. This is kinda fun, actually!"

"I know, right?! It feels weird to be having actual fun in this hellhole of a journey, but…" …but what?

"Alright then, blast off in 3… 2…"

"1… GO!"

Link passed through both gardens via Deku Flower, bombarding every Mad Scrub along the way. Fortunately, since he couldn't look down out of fear, Link failed to notice that Tatl had pranked him – the other inner garden actually hosted a fairly large hoard of Rupees.

She laughed to herself as Link landed on a platform high up, and passed through a big door-like hole on the wall.