Summary: We've made it to The Force Awakens. This is my take on Han's thoughts when he stumbles upon the two strays hiding on his beloved Falcon.
It was supposed to be a quick job. A livestock transaction, in and out before you know it. Then half of his crew abandoned ship once they found out said livestock was rathtars (Sure, the other half had the bad luck of getting eaten by Rathtars but at least they had the guts to follow their agreement). One word was all it took for them to run home to their mommy's skirts and he spent three unaccounted for days recruiting new crew-members. Stars, when did smugglers go from die-hard adrenaline junkies and devil-may care pirates to soft-hearted tauntauns? At that age he and Lando did stuff far more dangerous for the fun of it. The thought of his old partner in crime/war buddy saddens Han's thoughts as he remembers how distraught the man had been when Lando Calrissian Jr was stolen from his nursery, no doubt picturing his kid with a throat slashed and eyes showing the fright of his last hours. Such a lively child, so protective over his loved ones that Han'd made a joke saying Tendra must have cheated on Lando cause this kid wouldn't surrender his friends to Palpatine, much less Darth Vader. The former smuggler had laughed, happy in the life he'd carved out for his family. Blissfully unaware that they were living on borrowed time. Lando and Tendra's marriage crumbled after the loss of their only beloved son. Too much pain, too much guilt and not enough understanding. Ben and Poe had cried for days... Stop it, don't think about him now: you spent a decade searching high heaven for Ben and never found the kriffing Finalizer, Ben is lost to you evermore. I should have drugged and 'kidnapped' him, Luke, Chewie and Leia in the middle of the night, sold the ship and stranded ourselves in the middle of nowhere the moment after Red's funeral was finished. Far away from politics and dark-siders, tucked safely in our little corner of the galaxy as our legends turned into myth.
Chewie walks into the control room, informing Han that their ship's scanners picked up a YT-1300 light freighter in orbit. Scanners show the vessel's engines are in need of repairs and it raises his hopes more than he intended. The man he was thirty-four years ago would have jumped and shouted "What are we waiting for ?! Chewie: Let's go!" in a frenzy, hopped in an pod and boarded the ship that may or may not be his beloved Falcon. Now he responds calmly and requests Chewie to activate the tractor beam with a hint of caution his younger self would have called spineless. He takes out his blaster as the Eravana's tractor beam does its work and mentally utters a prayer to the Falcon's scent welcomes him and Chewie the moment they step inside the ship, like a beloved childhood blanket that's just a little worn at the sides but still gives an encouraging warmth. Oh baby I missed you. He checks the Falcon's cameras ( A modification directly caused by the presence of a hyperactive toddler who ran wild through everything.) to find the stowaways in his ship. The Falcon usually has a crew of 2-6 people on a nice day so they could have split up. With any luck that sleemo Gannis Ducain will be among them, he hopes so: that way he'll no qualms about ejecting him into open space. On second thought it's probably best to scratch luck out of the equation. Lady Luck's only smiled on him three times in his life: the day he met Chewie, the day he booked Old Kenobi and Luke for Alderaan & last but not least the day Leia accepted his marriage proposal. (He used to count four times: the day Ben was born. Back then his son was his pride and joy, now Ben is his greatest sorrow. He's tried to forget him, tried to leave him behind but he is always more faithful to the memory of his little boy's carefree smile whilst they manage the pilot's steering wheel together than he ever intended to be.) So yeah definitely not a great track record with the good type of luck as proven yet again by the now-damaged cameras.
Fortunately, while luck might send Han Solo to burn in the nine Corellian Hells his hearing's never failed him. A sudden noise coming from the secret compartments is all that's needed for him and Chewie to locate the stowaways. They lift the bars, ready to face the no-good, Hutt-kissing smugglers who stole his Falcon and sees kids wearing oxygen masks? What the Sith are two kids and a ball-shaped droid doing here? I'm getting too old for this...A quick interrogation reveals that the girl was flying (And really that's impressive: he wants to know who taught her to fly cause half of the Rebellion had trouble maneuvering his baby), that she speaks Shyriiwook and that her male companion's a kriffing moron. The kids get out of the hidden compartment, shortly after the girl elaborates on where the Falcon was (my poor Falcon all alone in that barren excuse of a planet), who they stole it from and the other people who stole the Falcon before them. His parental instincts start kicking in as the girl rambles on about the moof milker that put a compressor on his ship. Oh he likes this kid, she looks smart albeit a tad naïve for her age. Maybe if he teaches her the ropes she could be a decent smuggler, she walks just like Red... Oh no, he won't let himself go down that road. He tells Chewie to drop them in a pod because he is NOT going to replace Mara with this starry-kid girl who's more innocent than Red was ever allowed to be. Red definitely wouldn't have spoken to him or any man alive as if he was a knight in shining armor. Luke was the angelically pure one in comparison to her because she had no illusions of heroic figures or perpetually non-corrupt governments, among other reasons. He and Red were always aware that their chosen life-mates were far less flexible in morality, it was their job to make sure that unshakeable sense of virtue didn't get the Skywalker twins killed. There were many a night spent with a bottle of Corellian Whisky: one shot for every reckless, foolhardy but sweet action our spouses did this week. The corner of his eye catches her expression as she begs to get the ball to the Resistance and Han knows it will be impossible not to be reminded of Mara from now on because of how she gazes at him. Mara had ghosts in her eyes that never left, this girl has dreams laden with hope shining in her irises. But the muted yearning for love is the same in her eyes as it was in Red's, the unsaid "Life's taught me idealism's for losers: please prove that wrong" is practically a mirror.
Then idiot-face mentions a map to Luke Skywalker with a tone eerily similar to one of Luke's Jedi-ish buddies and the past hits him hard like a tidal wave on Kamino as he admits to these youths that he knew Luke. (Oh kid we failed you so terribly. You deserved so much better...) If you ask Han what they're demanding of Master Skywalker sets an unbeatable record on unfair: They want Luke to save the New Republic, the government that tortured him, vilified him and left him on crutches. Han, Wedge and Lando had barely recognized Luke when they were granted access to him shortly before the release: Luke's golden mane that Mara loved to play with was shaved, unable to hide the bruises in his scalp. His pale blue eyes bloodshot and never looking above his crème-colored robes tinged red all over as he twitched uncontrollably (Han beat the man who force-fed Luke feces to a pulp after Dr. Kalonia showed him and Wedge Luke's twitching was a side effect of anti-nausea medication administered in prison to stop people from vomiting after force feeding and the kid's bleeding gums were a tell-tale sign of the procedure. He only refrained himself from killing the man cause Poe told him Luke wouldn't want his best friend to commit murder on top of everything else. Baby Dameron was just like Shara, a freaking idealist.) It was disgusting that Luke left "Republic Custody" even more battered than Leia left Vader's torture, it was worse that the damned kid told Han that he forgave them cause it proved how none of them deserved him. The problem is that as bad as the Republic is, the First Order's even worse and with the Knights of Ren running rampant across the galaxy those Imperial sculags will win unless Luke comes back.
Age has taught Han Solo that war doesn't determine who's right: it determines who's left to write the story as they see fit and on most occasions the nice people are either dead, radicalized, too broken to fight or holding back the trauma when the war ends. The resistance is placing their faith on Luke Skywalker, the man who blew up the Death Star and saved the day because they need the exception to be remembered, not the rule. No one uses Jyn Erso, the brave woman who made Luke's heroics possible for propaganda: her whole team died, they recruit youngsters who want to live. Saw Gerrera had been a hero but his tactics made it all too easy for wimpy politicians to label him a terrorist, no young adult wants to become a "bloodthirsty old geezer" who spent over 30 years in guerrilla warfare, they want the Yavin 4 ceremony with pomp and recognition. But these two kids staring at Han with sheer wonder look like they're made of sterner stuff, as if they've been weaved on the grittier legends and not the flowery crap that passes for history on the Holonet. He doesn't think they'll ask for medals or flowers when their part to play is over but that makes it worse because that's how people with heroic destinies act and people with destinies don't die old in bed whilst dreaming peacefully. They die prematurely old and filled with regrets like Obi-Wan Kenobi or die young in a blaze of glory like Biggs Darklighter. Yep, best not to get involved in all this suicidal conflict. Chewie and me can just leave them with Maz and that'll be the end of things. Probably best not to think about that day in a Coruscanti hospital where Red confessed to an unconscious Luke that she wished she could be pure the way Luke was (Especially since that was a private conversation he overheard and Red just might come back as a ghost to whup him if she knows Han eavesdropped on her). Or the fact that the image he'd concocted of a naïve, less traumatized Mara is identical to this mysterious girl sans the red hair. Such thoughts are best left to the mental ramblings of an old man, not young folks that haven't lived yet. Wait there's clanking coming from outside the Falcon, the kids and Chewie hear it too so it's not my imagination. Honestly Ashla is it too much to ask for a break...
"Don't tell me the rathtars got loose."
Notes: Hands out tin cup: Comments please P.S: sorry if this is too much chapters at once but they've sitting in my laptop for two months