Chapter 13: Rey V
Summary:
The direct continuation of chapter twelve in which I chronicle Rey's interpretation of the events transpired at Starkiller Base. Or alternatively titled: How a scavenger who thought the Force was a myth less than a week ago could beat an aptly trained Force-practitioner in mind interrogation & light-saber dueling.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"NO!"
It can't be true, this has to be some horrid nightmare. But she was always alone in the dreams, regardless of what she did or witnessed. Solitude was her expiation in Hell, her sanctuary in Heaven. This time there is no fading away of the horrors spread, no certainty the danger is of little matter, no kindly seraphim to send forth a wave of peaceful hope towards a weeping girl who was both old and young in spirit. Only the harsh blow of the wind and the trickle of ruby light which had shone upon the father-son reunion, now a lurid flood of scarlet dominating the ambiance. Right now Finn is standing at her side, his gaze equally disbelieving as they mourn night's arrival to the age of heroes. Chewbacca's cry of vengeful anguish is far too raw for a clouded fantasy she'll hardly remember come morning. Wise men are quick to claim a legend's immortality, they forget to say one must depart from the physical world first so the story can reach its end. In that moment Rey sheds the weeping five-year-old she's clung to all this time, abandons the self-deceit carried on for over a decade. No more lying to herself they'll come back, no more wasted tears for what never came to pass and no more denying reality is indeed cruel enough to let a good man die so pointlessly.
Han is dead and you couldn't save him, Han came back for you and now he's dead, Han is dead...
What kind of malevolent creature is Kylo Ren? He has to be some sort of underworld demon sent to destroy all that is good and bright in the galaxy, no living soul could possibly kill his own flesh and blood in such a heartless manner. He has committed kin-slaying: foulest of all murders in the galaxy. Butchered his family, the very thing which held the fabric of her dreams for nearly two decades. There was a time Rey would have given her life for whoever her father is/was to direct a kind word towards the scavenger. Back when the wall on her AT-AT was only half full and hope that her family was coming back still held a shred of logic (From her point of view at least). As the years passed she'd wanted more: a hug, a kiss on the forehead, an apology followed by a promise to never leave again. She'd received nothing save the blurred cry that refused to leave her memory, even as everything else turned to sand and portions and Lor San Tekka's fairytales. But Rey doesn't hate her family for abandoning her in a planet considered worse than five Corellian Hells. She cannot bring herself to hate them, she will never hate them. And for that reason Kylo Ren's actions are completely inexcusable.
Chewie's crossbow pierces the beast Captain Solo called 'Ben' in a sorrowful tone, acknowledging a veiled desperation that made her heart ache for a reason she couldn't explain as he walked towards the man who'd kidnapped her but had shown a measure of kindness. She'd known what to expect from 'interrogation' by the masked horror who saw BB-8's map within her brain, her imaginary self had never shied away from that gruesome ordeal. Kylo Ren acted in a manner that was almost decent, nothing like the horrid torture sessions the shadow so enjoyed. He seemed reluctant to cause her pain during his sole effort to pry information, as if the thought of her suffering mattered to the youth bearing an elder's eyes. Don't be afraid: I feel it too. Small wonder most people fail to understand Force-Sensitives, if Kylo Ren is anything to go by they redefine 'complicated'. The dream-like powers Lor San Tekka had spoken of turned nightmarish as he pried further into her brain, searching for the map to Luke Skywalker. (Luke: the man whose name Han Solo uttered like a benediction he didn't deserve, the same name that served as a clarion call to the soul ever since she heard it under the light of burning campfire.) His unnatural ability gave him leave to unearth things she'd never admitted to anyone, every unwilling confession making her blood boil. The no-longer masked creature? mentioned how lonely she'd been all these years, she could tolerate that. It wasn't some big secret that she had nobody, that nothing was really hers except mister Rebel Dolly. (Oh stars please don't let him mention how I miss my doll. I'd die of embarrassment on the spot) It was logical to assume a child-scavenger was desperate to sleep if the day offered no wonders to be found. So what if he saw her cry, they were tears of defiance. A symbol to her determination to break free of him, even though she couldn't budge.
I see it - I see the island... And Han Solo. You feel like he's the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.That was all she could stand: this wanna-be Sith would not insult Han Solo and get away with it, he would not taint her Island, and he would definitely NOT reach any position which enabled him to hurt the angel. She pushed all her most valuable memories into the back of her mind, leaving everything but the fight buried deep within. Rey's tear-stricken face betrayed the agony of her plight as she struggled to resist, a mantra running through her head all the while. As long as I'm fighting I'm not dying. As long as I'm fighting I'm not dying. As long as I'm fighting I'm not- Then suddenly a new, mysterious sense took over her. It was like an invisible hand, crossing oceans of time and space to find her. A hand that was kind and intimate and tasted of glory and grief all at once. It was the ripples of sorrow that allowed Rey to identify the source of this otherworldly sensation: it had to be the angel, no one else could connect with her in a transcendental manner. The angel was helping her! The angel acknowledged their bond! And if a being so incredible could care about her,could wager so much on her potential and strength then perhaps anything is possible. Her mental declaration proved true as she somehow did the unthinkable and entered his head, amazement she doesn't allow to fully surface soon replaced with focus towards her adversary. All confidence left him that moment as the oh so fearsome interrogator's gaze shifted from a smirking wraith to a rattled child, her darker instincts relishing this unexpected form of payback. Enjoyed how the arrogant prick squirmed under her strange ability, how his seemingly ancient eyes shook as she uncovered the weight of his desires. (Rey had pitied him afterwards, she won't make the same mistake twice.)
The angel's hand left shortly afterwards, Rey waits for the emptiness that comes whenever she leaves the island. For the recurring pangs of incompletion, yearning, hopelessness. Instead she feels liberated, as if some unknown cage has imploded and set the dormant part of her soul free. She can't explain it otherwise, not with words anyway but it was this new-found liberty that encouraged her to try the Jedi-mind trick. But nothing topped the sight of Han Solo, Chewie and Finn, the last's quick reply left her speechless. With those five words he ensured her permanent loyalty to all three of them. Had any of them asked for help in burying a body, robbing a bank or overthrowing a government she'd have given aid thoughtlessly because they'd come back for herand that was all she'd ever wanted anyone to do. She hadn't asked for reassurance, it seemed foolhardy to request for it since the original conditions of her wish had been kept. That Finn hugged her anyway sent a wave of sheer wonder coursing through her body, gifting her with a moment she'd treasure until the days of her days. (Han's "Escape now. Hug later" is too laden with what should have been for her to cherish it without crying hysterically right now.)
When Han's body falls into the gaping pit Rey loses her grasp on reality. Pain wraps its savage coils around the young scavenger to the point her eidetic memory fails to register how Kylo Ren is weakened by his actions, how Chewbacca shoots the figure he'd once called 'Baby Ben' with a gooey expression the Solo-Organa household made fun of, how the same heart-broken Wookie pressed the button that caused the walls to cave in. She's pretty sure the old lady from Nimaa Outpost would reprimand her for mourning a man she'd only known a week but Rey can't help it. Silly as it sounds Han and her connected in a way she'd never dared to dream of. Almost like they'd always been friends on some unconscious level. Her 'gift' told Rey that Han's offer of a job meant he welcomed that bond, that he'd include her in his life even if she refused the proposition. And for the first time she can remember a human being truly, deeply wanted her. In that precious eternal moment Han Solo was undoubtedly hers. And it had nothing to do with hero worship or adventure thrills or childish fantasies and everything to do with the fact he was Han. Not General Solo, not the Captain of the Millennium Falcon, just Han in all his rogue and unapologetic splendor. His death tore that bond to shreds, and she cries not for the legend but for the father and human and friend.
The murderous glint in Kylo Ren's eyes (The shape of the kinslayer's eyes belongs to Han but they lack the easy-going air the Corellian smuggler always carried in them.) jolts her back to the present. Her shots are more self-preservation instinct coupled with the need to diffuse her rage than duty to the Resistance. Perhaps her aim would have improved if she'd imagined the storm-troopers were Kylo Ren, after all it's certain from now on she'll kill him every night in her dreams. Finn drags her past the visibly technological part of 'Death Star 3' as she's labeled it in her head, reaching the point where nature still dominates the shape of the planet. Another contradiction: that life could exist inside a monstrosity designed to blast star systems out of the sky. Yet another fantasy of Rey's is fulfilled as she witnesses snow for the first time and the beautiful flakes of solid water chill her skin to the bone. Adrenaline prevents her and Finn from submitting to the cold, the sharp gusts rendered null at the urgency to escape. Going back to Jakku now is futile, as Maz Kanata said nothing waits for her there and even if it did she's no longer the girl who waits for destiny. Yesterday's person is gone and so she and Finn must move forward. With luck the Resistance might grant some purpose to her life, the way abandoning the First Order emancipated Finn. Providence however, does not seem inclined to benevolence as proven by the still figure standing at the edge of the forest, opaque robes contrasting with the white spread of the land. His demonic blade ignites, its three jagged beams glowing sinisterly. Resembling outfalls of blood amidst the frost-bound currents of wind and snow. Coincidentally the man is bleeding, shame Chewie didn't shoot him in the occipital lobe.I'm not afraid of you. The shadow makes you look like a wimp and I've survived him every night for over a decade. There's nothing you can do to me that I haven't already seen or commited at his behest or endured.
"We're not done yet."
"You're a monster!"
"It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you."
For reasons she can't explain part of Rey believes that Kylo Ren's warning is directed unto himself more than her or Finn. Why? Kylo Ren hated his father more than anything in the world, he must have loathed Han unconditionally to kill him off so quickly. People hurt and kill that which they despise, not that which they love beyond measure. So why would he want to be saved by someone he clearly despised? The man's whole existence is a tribute to paradoxes: a villain who shared the blood of heroes, Darth Vader's acolyte who abhorred torture, a wounded enforcer looking half a corpse and half a god of war. Screw this emotionally deficient, whiny brat and double screw the voice in her head whispering in a not-so-subtle tone for her to cast logic aside and convince this bastard to come home. (Didn't her imaginary self learn anything from Han's death? What's next: a command to drink tea and cakes with Darth Malak's ghost?) This time she does the opposite of what her imaginary self requests and moves to fire at Han's murderer. Her hands reach for the blaster at her belt, planning to finish what Chewbacca started when Kylo Ren lifts her up and slams her into a tree. She wakes up to the sight of Finn struck down in the cold. Kylo Ren extends a gloved hand to the fallen light-saber. The mythic sword moves at his behest. (Let me meld with you her imaginary self asks. Rey doesn't reply, this is something she's never thought of before. She'd believed the proposed offer was out of the question. You control the brain and I'll land the blows. Permit this and justice shall be done. That statement is what persuades Rey to grant the request. The scavenger is no slouch but she's fully aware that Kylo Ren is well above her level of expertise. She cannot defeat alone him unless someone straps a force-suppressing chain but with the combined strength of her other half, the half that fought and suffered and bled for the sake of one godless man is more than a worthy match.)
Revenge takes on a sacramental disposition as she surrenders herself in order to ensure the time of reckoning is here and now. Astonishment rises quick as the blade that belonged to Luke Skywalker and his father before zooms past Kylo Ren and lands at the hilt of her palm. This is where legends and cowards part ways, this is the hour I validate my existence. Kylo Ren's face is equally stunned at the turn of events, albeit for other reasons. A maelstrom of anger, fascination and bafflement invades the man for a moment before settling back to the battle-ready expression he'd worn. It doesn't stop Rey from sensing a thrum of something far too similar to joy for her comfort lurking within Kylo Ren as his lips move to say It is you*.Soon after igniting the azure blade her decision to entrust the Emperor's Hand with movement turns out to be a life-saver because she has no idea how to use a light-saber. This is nothing like my staff, the weight and balance of this weapon couldn't be more different. Force I want my staff back. The Shadow's Hand fights more aggressively than Rey, there's a chance she would have killed Finn if their roles were switched. Sadly, her prowess is stilted by the dysfunctional link between her and the Hand. The Hand is unacquainted with Rey's body and Rey is unaccustomed to such a relentless form of combat, the end result is a thread-bare technique that Rey calls basic and the Hand calls sloppy with a tone suggesting she very much wants Rey to perfect her skills. Of course everything would be simpler if Kylo Ren didn't fight better than any man hit by an explosive bow-caster and stabbed in the shoulder has a right to. Why can't he just keel over from blood-loss like somebody normal? He keep coming at her, hacking away at the trees as Rey tries to run so she can get Finn to safety. Eventually he pushes her back by using the planet's imminent destruction to his advantage, forcing her to the weaker spots of the deconstructing surface. Rey genuinely thinks she's going to die as a large chunk of the forest collapses behind her. The rubicund blade's heat threatens to slice her face in half. Ashla, if I perish to atone for past sins then that's fine with me but please let Finn, Chewie and the Resistance live another day.
You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force.It made sense now that Kylo Ren hadn't aimed for any vital organs during their battle. His strikes were intended to disorient her, not kill her. The dark acolyte wanted to take her alive, probably in compliance to whoever taught him the worst side of the Force. The man should have offered that before he pierced Han Solo's chest from front to back. Of course, even if he had Rey wouldn't want it. The young scavenger may not possess relatives, wealth or prestige but she is free to carve her own path. She's witnessed first-hand the 'instruction' he offers and it always ends in suffering. The Sith are selfish in the stories and Kylo Ren's done nothing to dissuade that conclusion, they serve only themselves when they were supposed to obey the will of the Force. The Force..."A Jedi would say that is only by finding balance within chaos and harmony that we become immortal in the Force" Lor San Tekka had claimed. But the Jedi are all but extinct, their exploits considered myth more than history. And those who believe in them are branded idiots or sentimental fools, as if it was logical to cast aside a centuries-old truth on the word of hypocrites that slaughter planets per whim. No, the Jedi might be gone but what they stood for remains and if the warriors of olden can't defend the light anymore then perhaps it's time for people to be their own Jedi. Concentrate Rey, let every cell in your body rise against this foolhardy dark-sider. Rey closes her eyes for a long beat, placing her trust in the Force. When Rey opens them, she is centered, fortified and most importantly linked to both halves of her soul. The scavenger exerted no control over the Hand. In turn the Hand did not feed off the immediate surge of power within the scavenger. Both of them merge perfectly as the Force delighted upon their alignment, sang whilst the two acted as one.
What Rey felt ran deeper than anger, it was hatred in its purest sense. She lunges at him in all her life-consuming fury, bent on his defeat. (Later she finds out her stab at him was in the same spot he hurt Finn, the revelation is bittersweet. ) Kylo Ren falls gracelessly to the floor, all his supremacy vanished as he desperately reaches for his saber. He lifts himself and stares at her, his severed face expressing a mixture of fear & reverence as he struggles to move upwards. And she wants to cut off all his limbs one by one to leave him wallowing in freakish misery as this world falls apart at the seams. An honor less death, befitting the pernicious leech he is.Now join your precious Darth Vader in Sith Hell. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) The bond snaps with that ear-shattering scream, leaving Rey alone to realize she stands on a threshold more dangerous than any cliff- the edge of the dark. Lor preferred the term "seduced" than "fallen" to the dark side of the Force in his stories, now she understands why. Seduction is not a merciless act barring consent or emotional bonds. Temptation is beautiful, and offers you thine heart's desire in whispered airs. Like a siren, beckoning you to ruinous shore. No more, if she turns to the dark then everything the Rebellion and its successor fought for is rendered null.
The earth splits, leaving Kylo Ren on the far side of the land as the recently-formed gully sends both adversaries miles away from one another. It's over, she's won. The monster is vanquished and evil has lost. Victory is hers yet all Rey feels is hollowness. Beating him didn't take away the pain of losing Han, it just exposed her to the Dark side of the Force. The murderous drive is gone, replaced by the urgent need to find Finn. It would take a miracle for Chewie to find them and if miracles aren't likely on Jakku they're unheard of in Starkiller Base. She can't fly him away from the corroding station/planet but she can ensure he doesn't die alone. At the very least he deserves that supposedly miniscule boon. Rey hastens her pace through the woods and mentally promises her friend she won't abandon him like her parents did to the little girl she once was.
Notes:
*Taken from The Force Awakens novelization.
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