Chapter 17: Leia II
Summary:
Happy New Year! As a gift have this chapter in which I explain how Leia Organa decided a scavenger with no field experience or personal ties to Luke Skywalker whatsoever could be the person most likely to bring her brother home.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
34 ABY, post Starkiller Base Victory
Outside her office/bedchamber the Resistance celebrates. Food and drink flow freely as her group of freedom fighters toast the destruction of Starkiller Base. The Corusca System has pledged support to their cause and formally apologized for the 'lapse in judgement' when they expelled General Organa from the Senate. It's a start, a very good start for a possible alliance between her small resistance and the remaining Republican worlds. And to make things even better R2-D2 woke up and gave them the map to Luke. Last week or even yesterday the news would have caused her to jump for joy but now all Princess Leia Organa; General of the Rebel Alliance, last of the Alderaainian royals wants to do is stay curled up in bed and weep disconsolately for her husband. My scruffy looking nerf herder gone at the hands of our son.
Leia knew that Ben wouldn't hesitate to kill her if the opportunity presented itself, the saddest part of it all is that she wouldn't blame him. If she hadn't been a mother why should he feel a son's compassion towards her? Hadn't she always sworn to kill Vader regardless of their blood link if someone handed her a time machine, force binders and a loaded blaster? A child is loyal foremost to the one who stays here, Breha Organa had told the young princess whilst braiding her hair in the balcony she'd never walk on again, the planet she couldn't set foot on until death returned her to the mountains of Aldera. She'd misinterpreted her mother's advice, thinking 'here' meant protecting his future, ensuring that he always had a home to come back to. Han who never met the last Queen of Alderaan understood it better than she ever did: they were supposed to Ben's home and if the way Ben's face lit up whenever Han was mentioned was anything to go by then her husband succeeded where she failed. That's why Leia never thought Ben would harm, much less kill his father: the parent who held him through the nightmares while she was ensuring the Banking Clans kept their no child labor policy intact for the first five years of his life, the parent who memorized all the names of his imaginary friends with Poe (What kind of person was she that it took seeing young Dameron light a candle over a hologram of Ben on his twenty-ninth birthday for her to connect the dots between her son's best friend and the hotshot pilot who reminded her so much of Luke it hurt to look at him sometimes? What did Poe referring to her brother and sister in law as 'uncle Luke' and 'aunt Mara' where she was 'General Organa' or 'Your Highness' until recently say about her?) the parent who turned down the position as Chief Of State (Oh how they'd fought over that, if Leia'd been offered that position she wouldn't have hesitated to take it) because the hours were unfit for new parents.
While everyone parties till their well-earned tomorrow Leia sits on the bed, shedding every tear held back over the decades. She didn't cry when Alderaan vanished to deny Tarkin the satisfaction, she didn't cry on Hoth because it was all too sudden to process and when Luke and Han left her there'd so much pain in such a short span of time that nothing seemed adequate enough for the situation except survival mode. Now she's tired of surviving, exhausted by the burden of command with a war brewing. That's probably why she doesn't give some sort of sassy comeback to Talon Karrde when the man shows up inside her triple-locked office with a password, silently handing her a tissue. Why doI even bother changing the locks for him?
"Do you think he's dead Talon?"
Talon doesn't need any explanations to know who she's talking about. Both of them have safeguarded the secret of Kylo Ren's identity from the beginning. Hell, if not for Talon burying the security tapes of that gruesome night then all the Galaxy would be aware of how 'yet another Skywalker went bad'. Everyone always compared Luke to Anakin and me to Padmé. Except aunt Sola who said Luke had her sister's loving gaze and old Captain Rex who swore I had General Skywalker's temper whereas Luke possessed General Kenobi's calm defiant nature and his ability to suffer in silence. Funny how the two people who knew our parents best came to a conclusion entirely different from everybody else. She retracts from her inner monologue in time to hear Talon's answer.
"His remaining shred of logic is probably gone but no I don't think he's dead."
"Part of me wishes the lie I tell everyone who asks was the truth. That he's been dead all along, waiting for our reunion in Heaven. I keep rewinding our last day together, trying to find my husband's murderer but all I see is the child we failed."
The last time she saw her son Ben was fifteen and reckless, the typical teenage boy who grew up in privilege. She'd managed to sneak in a free day in her horribly busy schedule and decided to surprise him at the Academy. Her son's careless grin was so calming, a balm to the soul after weeks on end of political bullshit and fighting with Han who wanted Ben to come home with them, completely unaware of the dark entity reaching towards their son's spirit in the shadows of his mind. There was a spring on his step and Leia could have sworn he was running. The effervescent joy faded once he caught sight of Leia, replaced by the strongest force shields she'd felt since Luke first mastered the camouflaging technique. He'd thought it was his father who had come an hour early, the ill-fitting orange flight suit Ben was wearing gave away their plans to test the new T-65 X-Wing fighter. Their conversation whilst waiting for Han was awkward, stilted and to make matters worse Ben put no effort into hiding his thoughts after Han called to say he'd arrive in a minute. She caught "Thank the Force Dad's coming. I'd rather be with someone who didn't regret having me since time immemorial" with her extremely limited training in the Force. How could he think that?! Didn't Ben know everything she'd done the last decade was for his sake?
She wasn't supposed to keep him. From the moments her pregnancy was diagnosed all the doctors told her it was too dangerous to bring this baby to full term. Vader's torture at Bespin had left her bone structure too frail, they told her with pitiful gazes that made her blood boil hotter than the Ewok's campfire. 'Princess Leia' was too valuable for the war effort to lose, especially now when Palpatine and Vader were dead, when they were so close to victory that its taste was on the tip of the tongue. Mon Mothma hadn't given Leia any of that 'we need you to abort' lip or pressured her to keep the baby either. The former Senator of Chandrilla/ Founder of The Rebellion had sat at the edge of Leia's bed, motherly to the core. Pain too deep for concealment laced the older woman's voice as she spoke about her son Jobin, the boy she'd conceived on her second marriage from a man 'who wasn't even a third of the man General Solo is' and how he was also a high risk pregnancy. Guilt filled Alderaan's princess for mostly remembering Major Jobin as the man who spit on Darth Vader before dying at the battle of Hoth* in that moment. (So many people lost to Vader's bloodlust... Seven planets and a lifetime afterwards she's still cleaning up his mess.)
Jobin was more than the recovered footage used by the Alliance to say 'the Rebellion will not be intimidated by Vader, Palpatine or anyone'. Few would recall the boy who hid with her and Winter in empty Senate chairs to catch a glimpse of their parents. The youth who taught Luke Coruscanti, who sang like a muse and composed a requiem for Alderaan which was first heard in an escape pod whilst evacuating from Yavin 4. Few would recall him but Leia knew from the way his mother spoke that Chandrilla's senator would have regretted purging him from her womb even more than it hurt to lose him. Han's giant smile when Leia informed him she was carrying their baby to full term was all the proof she needed to confirm this was the right thing to do. Ben Organa Solo fractured two of her left side ribs and bruised one on the right as a fetus. Nearly thirty years later Ben's finished the job by cracking Leia Organa's heart yet she still can't bring herself to think refusing Kylo Ren's abortion was the wrong choice.
No Ben I don't regret having you, even now that you've branded yourself a kinslayer but sometimes I desperately wish that Anakin Skywalker's sperm had only spilled deep enough for Luke's conception; stopped just after conceiving the twin that mattered. (If mother and father hadn't adopted her then Alderaan would still be the jewel of the galaxy. If she hadn't made Luke promise to keep Vader's parentage a secret then they wouldn't have interpreted his silence as consent to their sire's crimes. If she'd never married Han Solo then he'd be sailing across the stars instead of being murdered by the son she bore him.) She'd confessed it to none of her psychologists, fearful they might sell her secret to some soul-sucking holo-reporter that'd label 'suicidal' on her. Perhaps she is mad on some foreign scale no one's measured with: time and time again the galaxy she serves has turned against her but Leia Organa Solo keeps coming back for more. Isn't that insanity? To repeat the same action over and over expecting different results? If so Luke was the only 'sane' person among them, he'd sought to erase himself from the game as a whole in the end, not work to out think their opponents as she did or try to pick off where they left as Han and Chewie did.
Maybe Luke had the right idea when he knowingly wed a barren woman and never sired any children before or after Mara left his life. By remaining childless her twin denied Snoke what Leia handed to the First Order on a silver platter: a living weapon molded from a Skywalker uncertain of his place in their world or any world, failing to understand why mommy and daddy and uncle Luke didn't just run away so the galaxy could realize how much it needed them. HER SON had needed his mother but he never said anything, like her Ben required somebody to notice what was wrong and she'd been too involved in saving the galaxy to see past the surface until it was too late. Just as Vader failed to notice the full brunt of his actions in his wars so too did his biological daughter fail to see how the consequences of her actions separated their family. (Too much Vader in Ben, too much Vader in me. He damned us all since conception with his poisoned DNA.) How she hates the curse etched into her veins via Anakin Skywalker's malignant genes. Her sire mated with Padme Amidala and created a dysfunctional mess of a family: far too human for the messianic destinies thrust upon them, far too powerful to be of the world without creating some kind of impact but oh so desperate to belong in it. History will not produce a bloodline more cursed than the Skywalkers, that she is certain of.
Karrde's still here, for kriff's sake why can't he just tell me what he wants?
"Say whatever you need to say quickly."
"Who are you choosing to retrieve Skywalker?"
"Possible candidates: Ackbar if we can spare him, Wedge if he's still alive, maybe Winter. Luke might listen to them. Who do you have in mind?"
"Mara Jade Skywalker."
It's official: the last few days (or the last few years) have succeeded in rendering the old smuggler insane. That's why he's suggesting a pile of ashes retrieve her lost brother. It shouldn't surprise General Organa that Talon's chosen Mara as the focal point of his lunacy. Karrde was the one who found his surrogate daughter lying in a pool of blood and kept trying to wake her up, one of many images that will harrow Alderaan's princess for the rest of her days. Leia had to pry her sister in law's body off him and attempted to convince the poor man that Mara was in fact dead, it took Luke and Ben's mutual confirmation of her Force Signature disappearing for the smuggler to accept she was gone. Long-pending madness aside, Mara would have been the ideal choice to bring Luke home. The former Emperor's Hand had a sway over Luke, a subconscious connection neither of them could explain before or after they inevitably fell in love. If anything could get her twin to fight for the Republic again, it would be Mara and her serious arguments that managed to be no nonsense & deeply affectionate at the same time. Mara herself was a unforeseen beacon in the raging sea of the world, shining a light out of her hazel eyes that was completely different yet similar to the light held in her brother's cerulean orbs. They were a prefect duo: Mara was the flaming sword to his crucifix, the avenging angel determining the danger to Luke's angel of mercy keeping everyone at bay, crashed up against whatever enemy dared to threaten what they loved. The loss of her light was the start of Ben's undoing, the first twilight rays to the age of rebels.
Talon believes his surrogate daughter has been reincarnated within the girl that came in with Chewie and the recently named Finn, the young woman in whose company Han said it was impossible not to reminded of Mara. Rey, the name Han uttered as if it could somehow finally set all the long, silent years right. The girl whose hug told Leia I grieve with you, we move on and we remember all at once. Leia hadn't spoken to that girl afterwards, there was work to done and the youth's debriefing was better handled by somebody who wouldn't start sobbing hysterically at the slightest mention of her husband's death. Kaydel had filled in the role of interrogator well but it seems her protege underestimated the danger of leaving a haunted old smuggler with a orphaned, impressionable young woman that in all likelihood wants a father figure as badly as Leia wants her brother back. (Kaydel who doesn't know she's force- sensitive. Kaydel who says Ipa ton nit lozn mir* in her sleep but raised her brows in confusion when Leia brought a freed slave to speak the language exclusive to Luke's people. )
"It has to be her Leia. No one understands Luke the way Mara does just as no one understood you the way Han did."
"And how are you so sure that girl is Mara!? How are you so certain the impossible has happened?!"
She says it acidly, venom carelessly gushing through every word in the sentence because she wants to humiliate him, wants to shove common sense into his head by force if she has to. Leia expected better of him: the fate of the galaxy all but lies in their hands and the most logical among those who lived past the Galactic Civil War places weight on a fantasy, one that has no historical precedents save a few campfire legends that people like Lor San Tekka wrote and collected in rickety paper journals.
"Because Mara's a Skywalker and Skywalkers have a habit of redefining what is and isn't possible. Talk to her and you'll see as I see."
Stars, the old man truly believes this girl is her sister in law, she can see it in the supposedly stone-set eyes that brim with genuine emotion. He has laid himself bare for her, done the closest to pleading his unflinching nature will allow him. Talon Karrde might be insane but who among them isn't? And hasn't he given enough to her, to Luke and to the Resistance for her to warrant a leap of faith?
"Out of respect for you I'll speak to Rey but don't expect me to welcome her with open arms. There's still a chance I may decide you need a psychologist."
"There's also a chance that just this once the Force decided to return a loved one instead of taking them away indiscriminately."
Leia's not proud of herself for avoiding the girl: It's not Rey's fault that Han is dead, most of the events leading up to his murder happened when she was just a kid. The rest took place before she was even born. But it's so tempting to rage at someone, anyone and 'Anakin Skywalker's' ghost isn't available for her to unleash decades of pent up rage and frustration. (Typical, the one time she needs him to feel better he avoids her like a virus crawling away from a bacta patch.) Resolute in her quest to find Rey she searches the Mess Halls, the Training fields, the Hangars and even the men's dormitories at one point much to their embarrassment. Leia doesn't see the girl partake in the post-battle celebrations or chat with people her own age at the recreation area. At the second day after Starkiller Base she re-reads Kaydel's report to reassure herself this girl is real because she's no stranger to bereavement hallucinations and Han's death shook her deep for Leia to acknowledge the possibility.
On the third day after Starkiller Base is destroyed Leia suppreses the urge to slap Dr. Kalonia for failing to inform her General Wedge Antilles and Colonel Wes Janson had been found on Malastare hours after their victory but promptly reminds herself that if she didn't report it to her that means they're in perfect health. Luke always told her Outer Rim doctors had a different view on what their superiors needed to know, Harter Kalonia proved her brother's words to be a massive understatement. The woman showed up on Leia's doorstep with a measly 10 thousand New Republic credits to donate for the cause, a hand-me-down bantha leather suitcase filled with medical supplies and a steadfast determination to join the Resistance. She'd refused to let General Organa see her references but Wedge vouched for her so Leia didn't see the harm in accepting a recruit. Fifteen years later Dr. Kalonia had made herself indispensable by taking the worst surgeries with a scant amount of supplies, showing just how privileged medicine was in the Core Worlds. Her loyalty was unquestionable but sometimes Leia felt the doctor's gaze bearing down on her, screaming something very similar to 'you abandoned us' but the reason behind that frigid stare was and still is a mystery. She receives that icy glare yet again when she visits Wedge and Janson who are laughing beside the youth Leia's spent three days looking for.
She hears the childish voice say "Tell me another story please." And Talon says this is Mara? Does he think I don't remember her? Mara never liked asking for anything, especially things that discredit her persona of the woman built for war.
"Hey Rey: Did I tell you about the Ewok lieutenant in Rogue Squadron?"
"Janson: one more word and I'll murder you!"
"Rey sweetie don't worry: In Wedge tongue that means I love you and hate the idea of a galaxy without you in it buddy. You see Wedge-"
"Wishes you'd been blown into smithereens with the rest of Hosnian Prime so I wouldn't have to stop you poisoning the galaxy's youth!"
Rey taps General Antilles's shoulder to let him know they're being watched and leaves without saying a word. At the sight of Leia both men stand straight as church steeples, though Janson keeps the perennial look of amusement on his features. Wedge is quick to put Leia up to date on what happened and claims that neither he or Wes remember anything beyond the destruction of Hosnian Prime. They were burning to death on Hosnian Prime one moment and lying on Malastare the next. It's the truth or at least what they believe is the truth: Rogue squadron prides itself on the honesty of its members and even they weren't old rebels Antilles and Janson are her friends, Stars knows she barely uses that word for anybody. As Wedge falls asleep shortly after describing the fragments he gets about his missing hours Leia carefully checks her friend's force signature for any signs of manipulation. She expects a mind-block from Maz Kanata or Lor San Tekka's ghost to block traumatic memories, instead she finds remnants of her brother's force imprint on both of the old rogues.
Luke you saved them. Luke you brought Wedge and Wes back to me safe and sound but why didn't you return to me !? In that moment she hates Luke for staying away and erasing the minds of mutual friends to ensure he stayed hidden. Can't you see how much I need you Luke? Don't you realize Ben's fall was my fault, not yours? She feels the not so subtle call of the dark side, telling her to hate Luke for leaving her alone in this war. For saving Wedge and Wes but letting Han die and Ben brand himself a kin slayer. NO! Luke loves her, Luke will come back now once her chosen emissary arrives on his island. Doubt only leads to fear and fear is a stepping stone to the dark. She must reject all uncertainty, she must cling to belief, to faith. She is Leia Organa Solo, caretaker of Bail Organa and Padme Amidala's legacies and she will not fail her parents-
Leia's mantra is interrupted when the General senses a presence that no living being has felt for almost twenty years, leaving the darkness far behind. Mara? ...Mara! Time erases many things but force signatures are indelible once the person has familiarized himself/herself with the aura. They could cut off Leia's eyes, ears and nose yet she'd still recognize the presence she first searched thoroughly to watch out for signs of treason against her brother. (The irony of Leia later trusting no one with Luke's life more except Han is not lost to General Organa). Hoping beyond all rational hope Leia reaches for Mara's signature, her feet develop a mind of their own as the princess runs with a speed quicker than she believed age would her to run. Mara's not far, she's just behind this curtain. She opens the old drapes, unsure of what to say as the seemingly eternal instant in which they close the gap between her and Mara passes. Please don't disappear, please don't disappear. Leia expects a specter; she gets Rey standing over the defected storm trooper's bedside.
"General Organa. Is there something I can help you with?" There'll be no living with Talon Karrde after this.
"Rey...Hello. How's your friend recovering?"
"Doctor Kalonia says he'll make a full recovery. Thanks for asking, I appreciate it. Are you here to see Finn too?"
"No actually I'm here for you."
"Me?"
"Yes. I've consulted with the highest authority available and we all agree that you should be the one to bring Luke home."
The girl's face morphs into pure shock. How strange to see Mara's eyes so young, so openly expressive. Gleefully Leia muses that Luke's heart will probably burst with happiness upon seeing his beloved wife so unguarded. That he'll probably suppress a love-struck grin every time she does something shamelessly innocent until she's ready for the truth.
"With all due respect General, I don't think I'm qualified-"
"You were chosen nonetheless. Besides you're force sensitive, Luke will help you with your powers."
"Do you really think Master Skywalker would listen to me? I'm nobody, he's more likely to insult my efforts than hear anything I say." Oh sweet sister, you were spared a toxic idea of love but now you believe no one's ever loved you...
"What you fear is not in his nature. And I have no doubt you'll succeed in this task. Who knows? You might come back a padawan."
Mara (Rey, she reminds herself.. She's not ready to be called anything else.) hugs her again. This time it says thank you for believing in me.
Oh Mara Luke's going to be so happy once you two are reunited.
Notes:
*Don't know if Jobin Mothma is still Canon but at the very least the fact somebody spit on Darth Vader should be.
*Ipa ton nit lozn mir: Father don't leave me in Amatakka, native Tatooine language spoken in secret by the slaves and biological/adopted bloodline of said slaves. It was heavily based on the Sand People's language.
Hands out tin cup: comments please?