June 13th, 2003
Black.
Meghan's vision was encompassed with dulled, hazy, black.
The only sound she could discern amongst the jumbled mess of nerves was her blood pounding against her eardrums.
With great effort, she pried her eyes open, desperately searching for anything that could explain what had gone on.
Her head sluggishly rolled along her shoulder, bloodshot eyes leveling an empty stare at the left side of her car.
Broken glass. Jagged metal. Bent, fractured plastic.
What the hell happened-
A new sound assaulted her ears – sirens. Muffled voices surrounded her, concern and terror seeping into each word.
All at once, the floodgate opened and threatened to hold Meghan's head under with a force she wasn't sure she could top – she'd been hit by a car.
She groaned, blunted senses making it impossible for her to tell just how bad the situation was.
Meghan made an effort to pull her torso up, before the tangle of wires making up her nervous system sparked together, a complete circuit being present for the first time since the accident. A scream tore from her throat, muscles and bones shrieking in agonizing pain at the disconnected nature they now possessed.
The car awkwardly melded with hers rolled backwards, glass fragments crunching underneath its tires. A huge set of metal jaws forcibly separated the door of Meghan's car from the frame, before falling clean from it to the ground.
She continued to scream, tears mixing with dirt and blood as it ran down her face. Through the noise, faint sounds of words directed at her registered in her brain.
"-going to be OK-"
"-try not to move-"
Meghan felt herself being removed from the car, the ceiling of an ambulance being the last thing she saw before blacking out.
Slow, rhythmic beeps.
That was the sound Meghan woke up to. For the second time that day, she struggled to open her eyes.
And, again, not for the first time that day, the voices around her were not immediately clear.
"-sure there isn't any chance that she…"
The first two figures, with their backs to Meghan, had their hands over their mouths. The third, facing Meghan, shook his head, somber expression painted on his face.
"No, it was just too severe. I cannot, in good conscience, allow her to continue—", he paused, noticing Meghan looking in their direction.
The man, wrapped in a white coat, approached her bed and knelt down. The other two turned, and the pain-stricken faces of Sean and McKenzie stared back at her.
"Hello Meghan. How are you feeling?"
She blinked slowly, and found that her mouth was too dry to speak. What came forth, instead, was a raspy scratch followed by a hacking cough. The doctor handed her a cup of water.
Meghan's parents walked to her other side, and McKenzie took her hand, running her thumb over Meghan's knuckles. "Hi Angel…" Her voice wavered, and Meghan swallowed painfully upon seeing the tear marks on her cheeks.
"What- happened?"
Sean looked to the doctor, cocking his chin in the man's direction.
"You were hit by a drunk driver, Meghan. He ran a red light, and hit your driver's side door. You suffered a number of lacerations and bruising, internal and external. Nothing's irreparable, but you'll be down for a while."
He sucked in air, "Your arm was pinned between the door and your body, and at a very bad angle. You have two fractures in your humerus. The first is comminuted, and what that means is that part of the bone broke into several fragments."
Meghan stared up at the doctor with enlarged eyes, chest tightening.
"This is a serious injury, and can take months to fully heal. Now… The other break is longitudinal, meaning that it runs down the length of the bone, rather than across it. This one is worse, and it could take up to a year to get back to normal function."
The doctor heaved a nervous sigh, folding his hands and looking to the floor before looking into her eyes.
"Your father tells me that you're a very talented swimmer, with sights set on the Olympics."
Tears leaked from her eyes as the tightness in her chest snaked its way into her throat, "Please…"
He pulled his lips together and placed a hand on her shoulder. "As a medical professional, I must tell you, as much as I really don't want to, that at this point, you should not try for this. The rigors that competitive swimming put on your body will almost certainly lead to more extensive damage."
She released a single, choked up sob. "But- but this is my passion, this is my life! Swimming means everything to me, I don't know what I would do without it!"
"I'm sorry, Meghan. Everyone in your life, myself included, would feel terrible if you hurt yourself even worse somehow-"
"This isn't fair!" She felt her mother's forehead fall against her shoulder, but continued to yell at the doctor. "Why did it have to go like this!? What am I supposed to do without my sport, my team… what am I supposed to tell my coach-"
"I want nothing more than for you to be safe, Meg."
Meghan's eyes snapped to the door, her mouth hanging open. Coach Jackson stood in the door frame, hands in his pockets, bags pulling at his reddened eyes. She covered her face with her hands, openly sobbing into them.
The others in the room said nothing, but Jackson pointed to his wrist, and nodded as they got up to leave. Sean and McKenzie each shared a hug with the coach in the door, and Jackson spoke softly to Sean.
"I am so sorry, both of you."
Sean spoke. "Me too, Kyle. Me too…" He pulled back, glancing at his daughter on the bed. "She needs to hear from you right now. I don't know how much we'll be able to do."
Jackson looked back, "I'll do my best. Go get some rest, Sean, you've had a long night. And Kenzie," He pulled a five dollar bill from his pocket, "Get a coffee. You need a break."
"I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to work after this," She swiped at the tears running down her face. "But I'll try. Thank you for coming, Kyle."
"Of course. Now go, I'll come get you on my way out."
Meghan's parents hugged him again, before leaving the room.
Jackson walked to Meghan's bedside, pulling a chair up to the mattress. Meghan seemed to shrink, almost ashamed of her current status. Her cries grew quieter, but no less pronounced.
Jackson put a hand on her shoulder. "It's gonna be alright, champ. We all still love you, and you're still here. The same can't be said for the other guy, and that alone makes this situation bearable."
"I'm so sorry…" Her voice cracked, causing her to wince at the perceived weakness.
"You're sorry? Aww man- Meghan, if anyone should be sorry, it's me. If it wasn't for my plan, you wouldn't be in this situation. But, it's neither here nor there; it isn't a fault on either one of us. You are still here."
She didn't respond right away, still holding her face in her wet hands.
"What- what am I gonna do, coach? Everything I've worked for, everything I've overcome since I was a kid, all of it, gone. Where do I go from here…?"
He sighed. "I can't answer that for you, Meg. Beyond being your swimming coach, there isn't much I can do for you that someone else couldn't do better. My job has been to help mold your passion, your unmatched energy, into an Olympic athlete. Now, you're going to have to direct that energy elsewhere."
Meghan pulled her hands away, bloodshot eyes locking onto the coach's. "But I don't know what else I can do, coach, this has been my life… I don't have the same drive for anything else. I don't want to bottom out now, or end up teaching someone else how to be great because I can't do it myself-"
She stopped. "I- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"
"It's OK. I know you didn't mean anything by it, and I understand where you're coming from. Meg, for what it's worth, this doesn't have to be an ending to your pool life. You can still come see me whenever, and I know your teammates would love to keep seeing you. Hell, in a bit you can even use the pool for recreational swimming."
Again she chose not to speak immediately, staring dejectedly into the sheets.
"The team is here, out in the lobby. Do you want to see them?"
"I guess." She squeaked.
It broke Jackson's heart to see Meghan like this – so broken, so defeated. He had to throw her a line, had to be a lighthouse in the storm.
"Meghan, can you look at me one more time before I go?"
She complied, but still said nothing.
"Whatever happens next, I know you can do anything you set your mind to. You are the strongest girl I have ever known. But you cannot let this injury define you. Don't let it ruin another dream, beat it until it isn't an issue anymore. You are a fighter, and you do everything in your power to make your dreams, and those of the people close to you, succeed. This is not the end, Meghan. Stay strong, just like you always have been."
Coach Jackson stood, and headed for the door. He threw one last look over his shoulder, "'He has heart who knows fear, but vanquishes it; who sees the abyss, but with pride.'"
With that, he turned and left. He wasn't sure if his words would take, but he did know that it was all he could do. Even if it took everything she had, she would overcome this.
She had to.