RWBY: A TALE OF TWO SCYTHES

Written by Christopher Rangel

CHAPTER 7: SQUIDWARD TENTACLE-HENTAI ~ A DAY IN THE LIFE

"I'm glad you're not wearing pants," Captain Buggy the Clown said with a smile. "That'll make it easier for me to fuck you up the butthole."

"Ooooh, up the butthole?" Squidward moaned.

"Up the butthole," said Buggy the Clown. "Buggy-balls deep."

"Buggy-balls deep?"

"Hell yeah, baby," said Buggy the Clown. He pulled down his pants, exposing his thicc, blue veined cock.

"It matches my skin tone," said Squidward the blue-ass squid. "That's fucking hot."

"You know it is, baby," said Buggy the Clown. "Now bend over so I can make my carpet match the drapes of your bootyhole."

"Yes captain," Squidward said with a blush. He bent over, allowing Captain Buggy to insert his pingus-azul into his behind.

"You like that, bitch?" Buggy the Clwon asked as he reamed Squidward's squidhole and slapped him on his wee little bum.

"Yeah, baby," Squidward sang. "Honk my nose while you impanus me."

"Yeah, I'll honk your fycjing nose," said Buggy the Clwon. He beng forward, impanusing Squidward even deeper as he did so, so that his hand could reach Squidward's big old honk-nose. He honked the honk-nose, giving the Squidward the honk with the moan, and they fooked very good like.

"Honk honk!" say Squidward pleasuredly as Buggy continue to impanus him.

"Ugh, I'm getting too close," said Buggy the fucking Clown, removing he pingus from le epic Squidhole. "I can't nut until I've shown you my ultimate technique of fuck!"

"Your ultimatate technique of fuck?!" said Squidward.

"Indeed!" Buggy said, standing before the squidman with peen erectus. "As a creature of the sea you must surely have heard of the mythical Devil Fruits!"

"I have. But they're just a myth!" said Squidward.

"No," said Buggy. "They are not. Fellatio me, squidman!"

"Alright," said Squidward, and he began to fellatio the Clown, sucing shaft as the fondling of the Buggy Balls occurred. The clownman cackled.

"It is the time for the DEEPTHROAT, Squidman!" exclaim the clown, and Squidwardman pressed the cack as far he could within the throat, then was shocked when it went even furtherer! He swallowed the peen whole and it travelled down his throat, allthewhile Buggyman was moaning harder than Squidward had heard anyone moan before.

"Oh dear," said Buggy's penis. "I appear to have ended up within the stomach of the Squidman! I hope that I am not dissolved by the acids of the stomach!"

"Worry not, clown-cock!" said the old bearded man who lived within Squidward's stomach.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked the penis.

"My name is not important," said Moses. "The important thing is that I shall grant you safe passage. Check this shit out!" He raised his hands and the seas of stomach acids parted. "Go, and fullful your quest!"

"Thank you, mysterious biblical man!" the penis said, and he went through the parted seas and began the descent through the dark, foreboding tunnels of the small and large intestines.

"I am very afraid," Buggy's Penis said to himself in the darkness. "It is very dark in here." He heard a squishy sound and felt the walls close in on him. "Oh Godchris, what was that?!"

"Do not be afraid," Buggy's voice echoed through the mind of Buggy's Penis. "You are almost there. Do you see a light?"

"Yes, I do," said Buggy's Penis. "I see a light at the end of the tunnel!"

"Go towards the light," came Buggy's voice. "Go to the light and fulfill your destiny!"

"I shall carry on!" said Buggy's Penis, and so he continued through the dark tunnel, the light growing brighter and brighter, hurting the approximation of what eyes would be if a penis could have eyes.

Imagine, for a second, what it would be like if penises had eyes. Perhaps they would be little, beady dots on the penishead, looking out and in. But then, what if the penis wasn't circumcised? Well, perhaps in a world where penises had eyes, circumcision would be a necessity, to let the little guys see clearly. Or maybe the foreskins would work like eyelids, for our eyes are not open all the time. We close them, we blink. Perhaps, in this world, the foreskin would work like a third eyelid, blinking and closing whenever those beady little bumps on the penishead needed moisturization. Flies would always be down, dicks always out. No one has eyes on the back of their head, but perhaps if someone had a member long enough, they could tuck it beneath the grundle and, in that manner, be able to see behind themselves. But I digress. Buggy's Penis did not have eyes in this manner, but could still see in some way that our minds cannot fully imagine, which does not rely on light particles traveling through a lens and into a neural receptor. In this way, Buggy's Penis saw the light grow brighter and brighter, larger and larger, until…

"Oh yeeeeeah," said Buggy. "Now turn that sweet ass around, Squidwhore,"

"Yes, daddy," said Squidward, and he turned around and bent forward. Captain Buggy the Clown got on his knees so that Squidward's spread asscheeks were right in his face.

"Ooooooh, I think I'm gonna shit!" Squidward exclaimed.

"Almost, but it won't be shit," Buggy said, clearly hanging on the edge. Suddenly, Buggy's bellend peeked out from within Squidwards supple anal cavity.

"Ooooh FUCK!" Captain Buggy exclaimed, and, in three strong blasts and a few afterthrobs, he came all over his own face with his own penis which was still lodged inside of Squidward's puckery anus.

"Fuck," Captain Buggy said. His penis came all the way out of Squidward's ass and reattached itself to his crotch. "That, my friend," he said, licking a thick, plump cumtrain from his lips, "Is the power of the Cut-Cut Fruit."

"Oh, daddy," Squidward said, collapsing onto the floor. "And what a power it is!"

"Heh!" said Captain Buggy. He stood up, put his clothes on, and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. "Here's your pay, baby," he said, making it rain cash onto Squidward's panting, erotically squidish form. The rise of his rear almost made Buggy erect again. "I'll see you next time," he said as he stepped out the door.

Squidward sat up, brushing the cash off of himself, then looked directly at the camera. "Hello," he said. "My name is Squidward Tentacle-Hentai. Now, you might be thinking I'm a pornstar. And, I guess, since this is a video tape, this IS a pornographic film, but in actuality I am a prostitute." He stood up and walked over to the counter, where there was a glass of water. He took a small sip, then resumed. "Now, you may be thinking, 'Prostitution is illegal, and this squid just taped himself in the act!' That… would be where you were wrong. You see, I was payed to have sex with that clown man, but, since I videotaped it for other people to enjoy, it is completely legal pornography, not completely illegal prostitution. If you think that's bullshit, you're right! And that's why we at sexworkisworkdotorg have put together this PSA, because it bullshit! If I didn't film that man's penis coming out of my angus, that would have been a very illegal reverse-penetration! So be sure to go to the polls and vote 'YES' on the query as to whether or not to legalize prostitution. And who knows; maybe you'll hire a squid like me some day!" Squidward winked at the camera and blew a tentacle kiss, then the tape ended.

"What the ever-loving fuck was that?!" Solidus Snake exclaimed.

HENTAIDOTCOM HQ, LONDON, ENGLAND

"That," began Mr. Krabs, "Is the PSA that the group I represent would like you to run on your website."

"Who the hell was that squidman?" asked Solidus Snake. "What was his name… Squidwhore?"

"Squidward," said Mr. Krabs. "Me client."

"Your… client," said Solidus Snake. "So, in other words, you're his pimp."

"Pimp?" said Mr. Krabs. "Oh, I wouldn't call meself that. I'm a priest, good sir. A priest and a shrewd businessman."

"Pimp and the Priest," muttered Solidus Snake. "Well, Mr. Krabs, that PSA was pretty fucking weird, but we've got the time if you've got the scratch."

"One million dollars," said Mr. Krabs.

Solidus Snake raised his eyebrows. "Sold."

Mr. Krabs bid Solidus farewell, then pulled out his cellphone in the hallway, dialed a number, and held the phone to his crab-ear.

"Squidward speaking," Squidward said on the other end.

"Hello, Mr. Squidward," said Mr. Krabs.

"Mr. Krabs," said Squidward. "How did it go?"

"It sold!" said Mr. Krabs. "One million dollars!"

"That's great!" said Squidward. "My poor blind cat will be so happy with the toys I'm going to buy her!"

"Aye, you should be able to get a toy or two for her for sure, Mr. Squidward."

"What do you mean by 'a toy or two'?" asked Squidward.

"Well, you'll only be getting a hundred dollars out of this, Mr. Squidward."

"What?!"

"Aye, I know that in our contract it was agreed that you'd get a third of the share, but that contract got a little burned to ashes, meaning it is no longer legally binding, meaning you're only getting a hundred dollars."

"Are you…"

"Look, Mr. Squidward, if your profession gets legalized, think of how much more money I'll, you'll, be making. Why, ye won't even miss the $332,900 that I cheated, erm, that the fire robbed you of. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a summit with the Pope later on today, and I needs not be late for that. I'll be back soon, Mr. Squidward."

Squidward hung up the phone, stare blank and in shock. "My poor blind cat," he said, falling to the floor, back against the wall. "I promised to get her so many toys. But now…" there was scratching at the door across the room from him. "Oh no…" he said. He started to cry. Then he got up and walked to the door, putting one tentacle to it. "Don't worry, sweet little kitten. I'll make sure I get every penny I was promised, so I can fulfill my promise to you." The scratching on the door continued as Squidward stepped through another door to the outside.

Squidward walked to his favorite diner, ordered himself coffee, eggs, and sausage, and enjoyed his breakfast, all the while eavesdropping on the conversation three girls were having behind him.

"Where do we start looking?" asked the first girl.

"I don't know," said the second. "Hey, is Qrow awake yet?"

"No, net yet. But I'm not sure this is connected to the Niplord anyways."

"Are you kidding?" said the third girl. "Of course Blake's disappearance is connected to the Niplord! We're hot on this guy's trail, and suddenly one of us goes missing?"

"Settle down," said the second girl. "We don't want to make a scene. The killer could be anywhere. Could be anyone!" The third girl grunted, and there was silence for a few moments.

"How's your omelet?" the second girl asked.

"It's good," said the third girl.

They seem to be looking for a lost friend, Squidward thought. I can sympathize with that. If I were ever to lose my poor, blind cat, I would be devastated. Squidward finished his breakfast, then went back outside.

"Hey, stranger," came a familiar, sultry voice. He turned and saw Cinder walking towards him. She stroked his chest over his chad-ass brown t-shirt, then gave his nose a honk. "Are you open tonight? Because if you are, I am VERY open."

"Oh I'm open tonight," said Squidward the fucking Squid. "You know the place. 69 minutes after midnight."

"I'll be there, and so will my asshole which is of perfect size for you to do whacky things with the suction cups of which are on your many tentacles," said Cinder.

"Oh, I love it when you talk like that," said Squidward, grabbing her asscheek and walking away. Squidward wears no pants, so his big old erection was just out in the open. And it was very, very impressive, causing many to run away in absolute terror.

Squidward walked to the small pet store around the corner and looked through the window with sadness in his eyes. On the top shelf of the display was a small, yarn, gold colored mouse, labelled as "THE ULTIMATE CAT TOY – GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR PUSSY PUR. $101." Squidward sighed and turned his face to the ground, walking forward.

Squidward walked to the local grocer, then headed straight for the seafood section. He looked at the tank of crabs, at the little crabs crawling around that replication of the ocean floor.

"I'll take that one," Squidward told the seafood man. The man grabbed a small plastic container, reached into the crab tank with a long pair of crab-tongs, removing the chosen one, binding it's claws, and putting it into the container, with a little water for company.

Squidward returned home later that evening. He set his crab on the counter and just watched it for a little while. Not much happened; it just kind of stared back at him. Occasionally it would try to click it's claws, but it couldn't because of the binding.

Squidward stood up with a grunt, then headed for the kitchen. He poured water into a pot, then set that pot to boil. Once the water was boiling, he returned to the crab. He picked up it's container and brought it into the kitchen. He turned the container towards the pot, so the crab would know where it was going, and opened the lid. Squidward grabbed the crab with a pair of crab-tongs and held it over the boiling water, looking into its eyes as he dropped it into the boiling abyss. Steam rose from the pot as his dinner cooked alive. Squidward reached back in with the crab tongs and pulled the crab (now deceased) from the water. He tore off one of its claws, then walked to the door where he kept his poor, blind cat. He unlocked and opened the door a crack, then tossed the claw into the room, shutting and locking the door again before the cat rammed into the door.

"Don't worry, my darling," said Squidward. "I'll fulfill my promise. I will, I promise!" Then he sat at his dining room table and ate the rest of the crab. When he was finished he went on his computer and started searching for giant, boiling vats of water on Amazon. When he found one he liked there was a knock on the door. He looked at the time in the corner of his computer screen. 12:69 o'clock. She was right on time.

Squidward opened the door. Cinder was standing there, a smirk on her face. Sqiudward noticed she had two boobs.

TO BE CONTINUED