A/N: Aww, Surfrider, I'm so happy you remember Gone! And yes, you might see some elements that cross into pieces of other stories, it's bound to happen with the amount there are now. But, I promise this story is very different in lots of ways. It was an idea that struck me before Christmas that I bugged Blitz with and eventually it became a fine tuned plot.

So, don't give up on it yet! It isn't a repeat. And I had lots of different influences to create it.

Till I've faded out of sight, all my days are nights, you never leave my mind...

The Paper Kites "Holes"

Alex watched in a state of shock as the truck barreled into Casey's door causing an onslaught of airbags to deploy around them. Sounds of shattering glass and twisting metal mixed with her own screams filled the SUV as it careened into traffic. How they managed to not get hit again she didn't know.

Feeling as if her head would pop at any moment, she forced her eyes open, looking to Casey's side of the car. The redhead appeared lifeless, like a rag doll draped against the steering wheel, blood streaming down her face. She couldn't even tell if she was alive.

"Casey," she choked out. "Wake up. Please-" The last thing she remembered was trying to free herself from her seat as she lost consciousness.

When she came to, she was on a gurney being moved towards an ambulance. "My wife, where's my wife?"

"Ma'am, I need you to stay calm, the firefighters and other EMT's are getting her out now, but we need to get you to the hospital. How far along are you?"

Remembering the baby, Alex instinctively placed her hand against her stomach, "7 months. Is the baby okay?"

"We are going to take you right now to get checked. Can you tell me your name?"

"Alexandra Cabot. My wife is Casey Novak."

"Okay, Alexandra, I'm Olivia Benson. Let's get you to the hospital," the short haired brunette said as she turned the gurney towards the ambulance.

It was in that moment that she was able to see the state of their new SUV, and saw Casey's limp seemingly lifeless figure being pulled from the wreckage. Her screams again filled the night air as the EMT again pleaded with her to try to calm as they moved her into the transport. But all she could remember were her last words to Casey being I want a divorce.

She wasn't sure if she lost consciousness the next time, or if they gave her something en route to the hospital, but when she came to she was at the hospital.

"Alexandra, I'm Dr. Montgomery, can you hear me?" A friendly redhead spoke as she looked her over.

"Yes," Alex mumbled through the bright lights and noises. She hurt all over, the pain was merciless, but she only had two concerns, Casey and the baby. "Is my wife alive?"

"She's here, but with another group of surgeons, I can get an update, but Alexandra I have to worry about you and the baby right now. Your baby is in distress and your blood pressure is really unstable. We are afraid your placenta might have torn or detached. So, we are taking you to the operating room."

It was only then that Alex realized she was on another gurney that they were moving with speed through the hospital. "Is the baby okay?"

"That's what I'm trying to make sure of," the doctor assured as they reached the OR. "I will see you in a few."

As she was wheeled into the OR she could only cry. She had no one else to blame for this mess. Only herself. They left dinner because of her. They were in the car because of her. She might lose her child and wife in the same night because of her choices.

"Have you sedated her yet?" A familiar voice cut through the OR.

"I just put the mask on her," the anesthesiologist replied.

She knew the voice, and something told her the baby would be safe because he was here. It was only as she began to drift away, she saw the face of her brother-in-law. Owen was here.

The next time she awoke her mother was there along with Kim. Before they even spoke she knew things were bad. Their faces said everything.

She immediately started crying in response. She wanted to ask questions, but her body wouldn't seem to allow her. Words worked through her mind, they just wouldn't exit.

"Alex, the baby is fine," Kim began, "He's small, and has to stay in the NICU till he gets bigger and stronger, but he's perfectly fine. They said he is a healthy 31 weeker - 3 pounds 4 ounces."

It was a boy. The baby was a boy and he was okay. Finding some calm in the storm, she looked to her still silent mother, "And Casey?"

Christine Cabot didn't answer her daughter. She didn't want to lie and say her daughter-in-law would be fine. She very well could pass at any moment from the trauma.

"Casey is hurt very badly," Kim took over with a scowl. "She suffered a major brain bleed. They had to perform surgery to stop it, and relieve pressure. The neurologist said she could suffer lasting problems if she ever wakes up."

"If?" Was all she could respond. Her whole world felt as if it was being ripped to shreds. All she wanted was to rewind back to dinner. But before she could focus much more on it all she fell back to sleep.

Kim watched her sister-in-law slip back to sleep before looking towards Big Chris. The older blonde looked defeated, and she could understand why. She felt the same way. "I'm going to check on Casey."

"Check the baby too. She'll need something-" Christine's voice broke as she moved to the window.

Kim knew what she meant. Alex would need something to live for in the end. "I will," was all she whispered as she left the room.

Walking the hallways, she finally made it to Casey's ICU room. Standing in the doorway, she found her scrub clad husband reading his sister's chart and checking her vitals. It was moments like this that she was thankful he was a trauma surgeon. Next to the bed sat her mother-in-law, Diane, talking to Casey's almost dead looking figure about her new baby and how she thought he looked like her. In that moment, the world seemed so cruel.

The usually vibrant redhead seemed almost translucent in the light. How she even still had a heartbeat, Kim didn't know. She knew they'd shaved part of her hair to operate, but seeing her head wrapped in gauze and a ventilator tube exiting her mouth made her want to scream at how unfair this all was...and now, her best friend, her sister-in-law might not ever wake up to see her child. She might not ever be Casey again.

"Hi," Kim finally whispered.

Owen closed the chart and walked towards his wife, kissing her cheek gently to say hello. "How's Alex?"

Yet, she didn't reply, she just shook her head in a 'no,' fashion to say she wasn't ready to talk about it. He simply pursed his lips and pulled her into a hug, resting his head against hers in a way she welcomed. She needed to feel safe in his arms. She needed to know that despite everything that had happened in the last few hours that something was alright. Only feeling him close, his safe embrace, just reminded her that her best friend, his sister, was potentially dying right next to them.

A wracking sob escaped her, she couldn't control her emotions. She felt so helpless. "Tell me you can fix this?" She pleaded.

"We just have to wait and see," he confirmed what she already knew. "The good news is her vitals are improving which is a positive."

Pulling back, she looked at the ghost like figure, unable to see what was positive about her condition. "Is it possible for her to wake up and be completely fine?"

"It's all a wait and see," a voice surprised her from behind. It was a dark haired woman with bright blue eyes, that Kim knew as Dr. Amelia Shepherd. She watched the woman move to her sister-in-law's bedside while she and Owen joined to observe her check-up.

As Amelia looked at Casey's eyes and checked reflexes, she continued her explanation, "The brain is a complex being all in itself, only time will tell."

"Will she wake up?" Diane questioned as she still clutched her daughter's hand.

Amelia looked from Diane to Owen, giving a knowing nod that told Kim there was more than they were letting on. "Mrs. Novak, your daughter was very fortunate in a lot of ways in the accident. She managed to escape it without massive internal injuries and broken bones, unfortunately all her trauma was contained to her head. When the truck hit her car..."

"Mom," Owen interjected saving Amelia from having to give the worst of the information, "Casey's head in a way, bounced around like a pinball. It hit the truck, it smacked the steering wheel, the chair...it's amazing she even had a pulse when they got to her."

With this information, Kim sat down. She could barely feel her legs. She didn't know how to listen anymore, but she knew she had to.

"The good news is she had a pulse," Amelia assured, "She had a pulse and she was breathing. We located the bleed and fixed it, she's on meds to reduce the brain swelling and once it's manageable we will remove the ventilator and wait for her to wake up. Right now, we have to count our positives, she made it out of the wreck, she made it out of the OR, now we just need her to pull through the next day or two. Within a few days, we should know the extent of damage."

Kim knew doctor speak. She knew they were saying Casey would either live or die in the next 48 hours, and that was just the beginning. She just didn't know how to wait for answers.

Unfamiliar sounds stirred the achy blonde awake. She wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed, or what exactly was happening. Her brain was still muddled thick with sleep and full of blurry bad dreams. What she did remember clearly was Casey leaving her at the table again and an argument in the car.

Taking a deep breath in, she moved her hand to her belly, only to find a void. Opening her eyes quickly, she attempted to sit up only to be reminded that her patchy nightmares were real. Her baby was in the NICU, Casey in the ICU, and she was here.

Looking for her glasses, she noticed a blurry figured in a chair nearby. The white blonde hair indicating it was her mother. "Mom," she rasped.

The older woman woke with a start, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, where are my glasses?" She demanded.

"Serena is bringing a new pair to the hospital in the morning, yours were lost in the accident."

Falling back against the pillows, Alex felt her heart rate triple. She was blind without them. If only she'd gotten the LASIK like Abbie had suggested a few years back.

"I want to see my baby and Casey."

Her mother moved to her bedside, "You'll have to wait till morning. Dr. Montgomery has to clear you. You lost a lot of blood."

Confusion filled her mind. She knew they did a c-section, but she honestly didn't know why. And it hadn't even occurred to her to ask. Her mind just didn't seem to work right. She was crazy emotional and super tired.

As if her mother could read her face, she explained, "The impact caused a placental abruption. You had a lot of internal bleeding in your uterus because of it. They got the baby out and were able to stop the bleeding, but you still needed a blood transfusion. So, until she clears you to move you have to stay in this bed."

"Then go get her," Alex stated, "Because I'm leaving this bed."

"Alexandra," her mother sighed, "now is not the time to be difficult. You need to care for yourself so you can care for your family."

She was so furious she could feel her head start to spin again, "Mother, you don't even understand."

"I think I do," Christine snapped, "I've been in this hospital for two days now with you coming in and out."

"Two days..." Alex whispered in disbelief.

"Yes, two days."

"Is Casey any better?" Finally what she really wanted to know escaped her. She already knew that the baby would be okay, and as much as she wanted to see him, she knew he was safe.

Christine swallowed thickly, not wanting to give too much false hope. "Casey is stable currently. I'm not going to sugar coat things though, her injury was all sustained in her brain. They are taking her off the ventilator today to see if her body can sustain breathing on its own."

"If she can't?"

"Just pray," Christine affirmed, "that's all we can do."

Alex sat in silence, tears streaming down her cheeks at the knowledge of what might come her way. Guilt and anger overwhelmed her. "I told her I wanted a divorce..." she finally confessed.

"What?" Her mother questioned as she moved next to her. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I am tired of her constant working, and her neglect. It never changes," she snapped.

"Alexandra, your view of the world is a little off. Your father worked just as hard as Casey does-"

"And I never saw him!"

Taking her daughter's hand, Christine squeezed, "He worked hard to make sure we were taken care of, Casey was only doing the same."

"And I want better for my family. I want a whole family." She deadpanned.

Sensing there was more to this confession the older Cabot prodded, "When did you ask for the divorce?"

And there it was, the part that killed her inside. "Right before-" she paused as she felt a new round of tears escape her eyes. "She looked so crushed - so defeated. She told me she loved me as if that should be enough and then we were hit. I wanted a divorce, not to lose her forever."

"What do you think a divorce would achieve?" Her mother's expression was a tormented one. All she could do was shake her head, as she stood and moved to the doorway. "So, do you really want a divorce or were you just angry?"

"I don't know," Alex whispered feeling the empty space in her stomach.

Christine sighed at her daughter's ambivalence as she pulled her phone from her purse. She knew Alex would prefer to see him in person the first time, but right now she was stuck. She figured maybe seeing the baby would help. Unlocking it she sat on the bed, "This is the baby. He's got medical equipment to help him so don't be alarmed."

Alex wiped tears from her eyes as she saw her child for the first time. This wasn't how she wanted to see him. She wanted to see their baby by him being placed in her arms, healthy and full term. Taking the phone in hand she looked at the small little guy that she'd failed to protect. Overwhelmed with grief and guilt she asked, "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Christine tried to soothe, "You were angry with your wife, and during a fight you all got hit by another driver. It happens. You couldn't have prevented any of this-"

"Yes, I could have," Alex blurted. "I made us leave the restaurant early because I was angry. She took us the way she did to show me something. She kept saying it would explain things. I don't even know where...I just need her to wake up and be okay. I need our baby to be okay. I need my family so I can figure the rest out."

Her tears seemed endless as she stared at their son that didn't even have a name. She couldn't even really tell who he looked like through the medical equipment. He seemed so small and fragile. What was worse is she imagined that if Casey had been fine after the accident that she probably wouldn't even want to be around Alex. The look of pain on her face at Alex's words forever burned on her mind.

And the worse part was she still thought she wanted the divorce.

Three days later, Alex sat across from her wife from the stability of a wheelchair. Casey was fully breathing on her own, and now off sedation. However, the waiting for the swelling of the brain to subside enough for her to wake seemed endless. Until that occurred they didn't know the full extent of damage.

Sighing, Alex stretched her legs. She was allowed to walk short distances, but not the varying hallways needed to reach the ICU. She was fairly convinced the hospital staff felt pity for her and that was the only reason she had such permissions.

Her routine now circled around visiting the baby. She'd visit him in the mornings, kangaroo holding him for a few hours till he needed his quiet time. Then she'd circle to sit with Casey for a few hours before returning to her room to nap. Then she'd spend time with the baby in the evening till he needed more quiet, one hour sitting at Casey's bedside, then back to her room for bed.

Dr. Montgomery was worried she wasn't getting enough rest, but she didn't care. She needed to know that everyone was cared for, she at least had the comfort that Little Chris and Conner were being spoiled rotten by her mother. She just hoped that she didn't eventually have to take bad news home to them regarding her wife's condition.

"Wake up, Casey," she muttered towards her still sleeping wife.

"Do I have to?" A groggy voice responded, "I have a bitching headache."

"Oh my god," Alex half laughed, half cried, "You are you."

"Last I checked," she replied turning her head to look at the blonde, "What happened?"

"We were in a car accident."

"Was it my fault?" She questioned as she tried to focus on the differences in Alex. Something was fundamentally different.

"No," She answered, "A guy in a truck suffered a massive heart attack. He hit us by pure chance. You were really injured. Let me go tell the nurses you are awake. I know Owen will be relieved."

Casey watched as Alex left the room. She'd clearly been hurt herself, but was being her usual strong self. Only when the blonde returned did she start to question to what extent.

"Why did they cut your hair?" She asked.

Alex frowned, "They cut your hair, not mine." She was surprised that Casey was more interested in her hair than the baby, but she figured it must be a side effect.

Casey closed her eyes trying to think things through. She couldn't remember the accident, but she could remember everything prior. Opening them again, she stared at Alex. "No, your hair is so short now. I don't think I've ever seen it shoulder length on you."

"Casey, I haven't had long hair in probably 6 years."

Looking her over, Casey noticed the hospital bands and the wheelchair, "How badly injured were you?"

Now, Alex could tell something was really wrong. Casey wasn't making any sense. "Case-"

"Hey, Short-Stop," Owen interrupted as he entered with a smile, "I'm glad to see you feeling better. I know the kiddos will be thrilled."

With his remark, Casey snorted as a silly smile fell on her face, "I didn't realize they'd miss their Aunt Casey that much. How long was I out of it?"

"I mean your kids," he laughed, as his sister frowned in confusion looking between him and Alex.

"What kids?"

Alex closed her eyes as she swallowed hard looking up to the ceiling, "Owen, something's wrong," she could feel tears starting to form in her eyes again but forced them back, "something's really wrong."

"What?" Casey questioned meekly. Fear beginning to creep in, "What happened?"

"Casey, what year is it?" He questioned.

"It's 2010," she whispered as she looked to Alex for answers, "What is wrong?"

"It's 2018," She said quietly. "You've lost 8 years of our life..."