A/N: I hope you are all hanging in there for this one...I think its going to be a great one by the time ita finished!
Alex sighed as the elevator in her modern high-rise condominium building came to a stop. She was home, but it felt so wrong. It didn't seem right coming back here without Casey and Gabriel.
"It will be okay," her mother soothed sensing her fears, "the kids will be ecstatic to see you."
"I know," she mumbled as she stepped off the lift and out into the hallway. "It's just when I left here that night I didn't think I'd be returning without them."
Her mother frowned at the comment as they made the short walk to the door, "You have to stop blaming yourself, Alexandra. Bad things happen in life," she only paused to stick the key in the lock, "Good news is everyone survived. You should have seen your SUV. I can't believe either of you left it alive."
Opening the door, her mother comforted, "You are home now. Just try healing some, I can always keep the kids at my house if you aren't emotionally ready yet."
Alex took in her surroundings as she entered the big open foyer. The floor to ceiling windows that looked over Elliot Bay always looked picturesque. It felt surreal to be here, and not see Casey plastered to them scanning the city. She was always looking for the next big project.
This was Casey's second landmark project after the hospital. This penthouse condo was part of her payment. It had had never fully been Alex's style even despite her interior design efforts. Although, it made sense for them to take it. Casey had hit it big in the architecture world, and having a high profile address to host parties and invite clients made sense.
But now standing here, Alex found herself feeling destroyed. They'd gone through so much in this space together as a family. Their life had blossomed within these walls, but Casey didn't remember any of it. Now, Casey sat in the hospital the last eight years a blank slate, leaving Alex wondering if any of her Casey remained.
Everywhere she went in this city she would be surrounded by Casey. Always touched by their memories, and her projects. And in that moment Alex knew one thing for sure, she would rather have Casey glued to that window planning her next big accomplishment versus the empty pane overlooking the bay.
Walking through the entry way into the large vast living room, Alex noticed drawings and crayons scattered about the coffee table and floor, but an ever present silence. "Where are the children?"
"I asked Abbie to take them to the park while you settled in," Christine explained, "I figured you might need to process some before seeing them."
"You are probably right," she muttered as she noticed their wall of family photos. Not wanting to fall apart, she looked away quickly and back to her mother, "I'm going to get cleaned up a bit."
"I'll make some tea," the older Cabot replied as she headed towards their kitchen, "By the way, Melanie Aponte called again this morning. I know that's the last name you want to hear right now, but she said it is urgent that you call her back today."
"Do you know why?" Alex huffed as she stood at her bedroom door as her mother stood at the entrance to the kitchen giving her that 'perturbed mother' look.
"No, but honey, you can't pretend that your wife isn't a prominent architect forever. You'd hate yourself if you were the reason her firm fell apart. You knew when you married her what her hopes and dreams were."
"Fine, I'll call her as soon as I get changed," she conceded as she opened her door only to be met with overwhelming emotions.
Slipping inside quickly, she shut it behind her letting herself fall against the wooden frame. Looking around the space, she felt small and insecure. It was a brutal reminder of what she'd lost that night. The wife she'd built this home with was essentially gone. Only her face remained.
Walking to where Casey had discarded her work clothes on a chair next to their closet, she picked them up smelling her signature scent. Chance by Chanel. A gift Alex had given her for Christmas the year Little Chris was born. Another memory lost.
She knew she needed to let the mourning go, to instead celebrate the fact Casey survived, but she was struggling terribly. She wasn't dumb, she knew the reason. It was the fact that she'd toyed for weeks with the idea of asking for a divorce because she was hurt by her wife's actions, and then when she did the accident happened. Maybe she'd been hoping that asking for it would make Casey truly change, but instead that part of her died. That part of her Casey died. The part that was her wife gone forever, and the last thing she said to her was, 'I want a divorce.'
It was guilt. She was overwhelmed with guilt. And now she had to pretend it never happened.
Needing a distraction, she changed quickly into fleece lined leggings and Casey's old long sleeved softball tee, relishing the fact that it smelled like her wife. Finally, sitting on the edge of her bed, she fished her cellphone from her purse, navigating to one name she resented. Melanie Aponte.
Hitting the blue phone button, she laid back on her wife's side of the bed. Listening to each ring, she prayed for it to go to voicemail. Yet, by the fourth, the chipper brunette answered, "Thank God you finally called me back! We are at total DEFCON 1 over here."
"What is the issue?" Alex huffed, she was never impressed by her wife's assistant. Everything was always a 911 emergency in her eyes.
"Well, I got the museum to give us a huge extension on the atrium blueprints by explaining that you all had been involved in a major car accident, but now they want to know what her condition is...and I don't know it!"
Alex could feel her heart rate triple. With everything going on she hadn't begun to think of what Casey's amnesia could actually cost her career. Suddenly, she realized it was her responsibility to protect it now. "Her condition is no one's business. Do you understand me? You don't talk about it with anyone."
"Yes, but what is her condition?"
Hesitating for a moment, Alex sighed and stated as calmly as possible, "Casey suffered serious brain trauma during the collision. As a result, she has retrograde amnesia."
"So, what," Melanie stumbled struggling to comprehend, "She can't remember the accident?"
"More like, she can't remember the last eight years..."
The crash on the other end of the line told Alex that her message finally connected. Now they were really in DEFCON 1. How would she keep her wife's company afloat till she could take back over? And would she ever be able to?
Suddenly an explosion of little feet could be heard mixed with excited giggles. The children were home. This would have to wait. "Melanie, the kids just got home and I haven't seen them in a week. Don't tell anyone what I just told you. Come over this evening and we can hammer out a plan?"
A meek, "Okay," crossed the line followed by, "in the meantime, see if you can locate a blue jump drive for me. Casey had her new plans on it," was the only response she received before the line disconnected.
Yet, Alex barely had a moment to think about her instructions before two tiny beings found her in the room. Their happy smiling faces instantly erasing all the bad.
The blue jump drive didn't bounce back into Alex's memory until she'd put Little Chris to bed. It was only when she kissed her daughter goodnight, and spotted a picture of Casey in a blue jacket on the child's nightstand that it resurfaced. Quickly standing, she carried her sore frame back out into the living space finding her mother nose deep in a book waiting by the gas fireplace.
"What time is it?" She asked as she crossed the room heading towards Casey's home office.
"Almost, eight," Big Chris responded, "Didn't you say that Melanie was coming over?"
"Yes," she replied as she opened the door, "When she gets here, send her my way. I have to find something."
Entering the space, she was taken back by the mess that her wife loved to work through. At one point they'd shared the space, and back in those days it was much more organized. Yet, now, it was covered in architecture books, design magazines, and cluttered with blueprints. How Casey ever found a thing she would never know...
As a matter of a fact, it was the organized chaos that kept Alex out of this room altogether. She had completely stopped coming in to attempt to clean, letting Casey handle the vacuuming and dusting in here herself. So, finding one small jump-drive was destined to be difficult.
Stepping over papers and prints, Alex moved to the most logical place first, Casey's desk. Yet, there were numerous drawers below with nooks and crannies. Scanning the surface, and carefully moving things aside, she examined the area, not finding anything but random notes and prints labeled AC project.
It was the high-profile side client Casey had been working on. The one that she was going to refer Alex to after it was finished. Frowning, she continued her search until she heard a light knock at the door.
Looking up, she spotted the petite brunette, Melanie Aponte. "Did you find the drive?"
"Not yet," Alex sighed, "Come surf through the mess with me."
Looking over the room, Melanie shook her head, "She keeps her office at work just as messy. We have a fake office setup for clients to visit."
"I know," Alex spouted without making eye contact, "That was my idea."
"Right," the younger woman folded, as she moved to organize the large custom built design desk. "This table is fantastic. Where did she buy it?"
Dropping a file on the table, Alex looked up her blue eyes going dark with misdirected frustration, "I had it custom built for her."
"I'm sorry," Melanie said holding her hands up, "I didn't mean to offend."
Closing her eyes, Alex pinched the bridge of her nose, "No, I'm sorry. I'm just dealing with a lot. And honestly, I wish Case spent more time at home."
"I know, and I get it," she replied as she began looking through drawers. "We just have to find that disk."
"If we can't, are we able to just let the deal fold and have Casey start a new project? That might be easier for her current state of mind anyway," Alex offered.
But, Melanie was quick to shoot it down, "We can't Alex. It would involve a whole new bid process and once this deal was signed Casey dismissed the other offers. This project was supposed to cover the next year and a half. Essentially-"
"Giving her a year off," the blonde finished as realization hit. It was what Alex had been begging her for the last year. Casey had already put it in motion.
"She wanted to be home with you and the kids. It was her top priority from the moment you got pregnant again."
"I had no idea," Alex sighed as she looked to a family picture of them on the wall. It was taken before she'd gotten pregnant. They seemed so happy.
"She wanted it to be kind of like a present for you when you delivered," Melanie explained, "We can still fix this though, where is her safe? I know she keeps important stuff in there."
"Ha," Alex mumbled, "I don't know why I didn't start there."
Moving to the cabinets, she went to the built in fireproof box. Although, as she punched the numbers in to unlock it, Melanie grabbed her hand. "I better look."
"Excuse me?" Alex scowled at the assistant, "It's my safe."
"Actually, it's your wife's, and I know what I'm looking for," the younger woman countered.
Jerking her hands free, Alex snapped, "Back off. Casey is my wife, and this is my house. I will look through our safe."
Closing her eyes in defeat, Melanie moved to the windows overlooking the beautiful harbor. She'd tried to stop what was about to happen. And she had no one to blame for the eventual discovery but herself.
As Alex pulled papers from the dark metal enclosure, she came across something she hadn't expected to find. A deed to a house. A house in Casey's name only. A house she knew nothing about.
Feeling her hands begin shake, she looked up at the young woman, "What is this?"
"Something you shouldn't be looking at," Melanie said as she turned to face the blonde, "I'm really sorry."
"I don't understand," Alex asked as emotion filled her, "Why did she buy a house without me?"
Seeing another wave of confusion crash over her boss's wife, Melanie jumped in, "It was a surprise you. She wanted to take you there for your anniversary next month. I'm sorry because I ruined it, that's all."
Letting herself fall to the floor, Alex looked the deed over and over, as Melanie moved to the safe, "Ugh, where would she have put it!"
Although, Alex couldn't focus on the disk any longer. She was curious about the house. "Where is this place?"
"Alex, really, it's not my surprise to show. Casey, would be crushed to know that you even found out. She's been keeping it secret since this summer."
"Oh my God," Alex said quietly as she let her head hit the cabinets behind her, "This is the AC project isn't it."
Melanie sighed realizing this was a losing battle, "Yes."
"That's why I get to design the inside," Alex scoffed figuring it would be another situation like the condo, "because it's our house."
"Yes," Melanie replied sitting on the floor next to the blonde, "But Casey had a plan, she'd been working with major magazines and design industries, her plan was to have it showcased afterwards to relaunch your career."
The information was crushing. Her wife had done all of this for her. Everything had been with their family in mind. And yet, she'd been blind to it all.
"What do we do now?" She asked as she rolled her head to face the brunette.
"We need Casey," Melanie replied, "Maybe she can figure this mess out."
"Fine," Alex conceded, "I will see how her mind is tomorrow. And get an ETA on when she can come home," she said as she moved to stand, "but, I want to see this house sooner than later."
"Fine," Melanie scowled, "But, before I take you out there I want to get it to the point Casey wanted it."
The next afternoon, Casey found herself curled up in her hospital bed talking to her mother and sister-in-law. They'd been chatting for awhile, filling her in on her life and work. It sounded like it had become everything she'd wanted, which confused her as to why Alex would have said their dreams hadn't come true.
"Tell me something," she pried, "How have Alex and I been over the years?"
"Fine," her mother replied with a frown of concern, "Why do you ask?"
"She just seems different," Casey sighed as she lay back against the pillows.
Kim moved to the chair near the bed sensing the redhead was getting tired, "What do you mean?"
"She's close to me and loving one second, then aloof the next. I felt like it improved when we saw Gabriel together, but now I haven't heard from her since she went home. It's just concerning, and she just doesn't seem like my Alex."
Kim thought her statements over, "Right now she could be busy with the kids. She went home to where Christine, Abbie and Serena have been watching them. It might have been chaotic. I'm sure she will be here soon."
"Maybe I will call her," Casey began only to scowl, "I'm just ready to go home. I want to figure this shit out."
"Time will heal these wounds," Diane stressed as she squeezed her daughter's foot. "And at least you get to see Gabriel as much as you want to."
"You are right," she replied, "I spent the morning snuggling with him. I guess I should find some peace in the fact that Alex and I clearly are in love and have a family."
"It's probably just postpartum hormones coupled with the emotional turmoil of the accident," Kim assured. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm sure if something had been wrong you would have told me."
"That's true," Casey smiled at her childhood friend. "I'm so happy our silly teenage plans of you marrying my brother panned out."
"So, am I," she laughed, "Now, when do we get to go see this tiny one?"
"The nurses said I could come back at 3, so 40 minutes."
"Hey, babe," Alex's smooth voice cut through Casey's thoughts.
Rolling her head to the direction of the door, she spotted the blonde she loved most of all. And something seemed different in her wife suddenly. A look that seemed to dissolve her earlier fears.
"You look rested," Casey murmured as she moved to sit up in bed, "where've you been all day?"
"I've been working to organize your home office. You are very good at hiding things. Melanie and I have been tearing the whole place up looking for things," Alex explained as she sat on the bed next to her. Taking her wife's hand, she softened, "The children miss you. I miss you. I'm ready to find out when I can bust you out of this joint."
Feeling as if her apprehensions were unfounded, Casey smiled weakly, "I don't think Dr. Shepherd plans to free me until the dizziness is gone. Plus, who'd care for Gabriel?"
"I am happy that you were with him this morning," she said, before looking at her in laws, "and I'm happy you both could be here with Casey. I wanted to come so much earlier. Oh," she laughed, "I almost forgot," opening her purse, she pulled out a cell phone, "my mother located our car and was able to find your cellphone. Mine had to be replaced this morning, but now you and I can talk easier."
Taking the device from her wife, she flipped it over in her hands. "Wow, Apple has improved. FaceID? Oh."
Unlocking the device, Casey saw what she figured were her children on her sailboat with Alex. Everyone seemed happy, life seemed perfect. The little girl had Alex's blonde hair and looked like a mini version of her wife. Their son looked like Owen as a child, bright blue eyes and red hair.
Smiling at the gift, Casey softly said, "Thank you."
"Your welcome," Alex replied as she leaned in and kissed her wife gently. "I wanted you to have something to connect you to the world. Plus, you generally suck at deleting photos, so you should have a good two years worth of pictures on there."
"I'll be sure to check them out."
"Now," her wife changed course and addressed not only Casey, but her in-laws as well, "I need some help. Your assistant and I have been tearing the house apart looking for a jump drive that you keep blueprints on. Where would you keep it?"
"That's easy," Casey laughed. "Before I tell her do either of you have a guess?"
"Not a clue," Kim snorted, "Your desk?"
"Nope, it has been completely torn apart and put back together again," Alex answered as she looked to Diane, "Your guess?"
"I don't even know what a jump drive is!" Diane chuckled.
Casey smirked, "I'm glad to know that I'm not that predictable. The answer to your riddle, saying I still have it, in my leather attaché. There is a small pocket on the inside it's practically invisible so look closely. I keep all my jump drives there. Normally they are color coded," smirking at Alex she whispered, "Important ones are blue for your blue eyes."
Alex blushed as she chuckled, "My sweet unpredictable Casey. You absolutely still have your bag. It's in our bedroom on the chair. I can't believe I didn't check it."
And it was in that moment, looking at the smallest sign of happiness illuminate Casey's face that Alex realized the world would be okay. Her wife may have lost eight years of her memory, but deep down it was still her Casey in there. And all that mattered was their love.