A/N: I haven't abandoned you all. I never could. Hell, if anything this last month has only caused more story ideas to flood my mind! Although, there might already be a line-up I have to focus on. So, I guess I'm trying to say, you at least have 5 more stories coming from me in the next months! I just have been grading an insane amount of essays, while helping my parents move and running after kids. In short, I've been tired and brain dead. But I think you'll enjoy the updates coming your way! ive had a blast planning them. :)
Standing at one end of the large mid century modern conference table of her wife's firm, Alex displayed the newest atrium designs to the four benefactors. It was the final change Casey had made before the accident, and everything depended on them liking this design.
With bated breath she stated, "As you can see, Casey added the extra glass features you desired here, here, and here."
"I can see that, Ms. Cabot, but I still think..."
"Somethings missing."
"It just seems rushed and not..."
"Elegant."
The four benefactors pieced their displeasure with the designs together as her heart sank with the information. She could pitch designs, but she wasn't an architect. Furthermore, Casey's minions couldn't take this project over, these four black suits paid for an authentic Novak design.
"When will Ms. Novak be back?"
"Is she able to make some edits to the project?"
"I just don't think it looks...like her best work."
"I'd like to see something that screams the sky is coming straight in, but with that look she sort of did for Seattle Grace, but blends the metal framework from the old atrium in somehow."
Alex smirked at the irony behind the last statement from the hellacious quartet. If only they realized how often she'd caught Casey over the last week examining that exact spot from her wheelchair in the hospital. It was as if the redhead was working out some problem mathematically in her head.
"Ms. Cabot," the elder benefactor snapped.
"Yes," she tuned back into the Alice-in-Wonderland-like four.
"When will Ms. Novak be available? No one in this office has given us an answer yet. Her construction managers have already begun working on the furthest designs. We would hope to have a clear vision by our end of two month deadline. Yet, you all keep asking for a longer continuation due to the car accident. We don't mean to seem insincere, but we hope to have it hammered out within the next few weeks."
Nodding, she began speaking, but was caught by surprise with her own words, "I will take all the feedback to her and see what she can possibly envision. I have an inkling that she might be in the exact right place mentally."
Casey lay in her hospital bed flipping through, 10,000 pictures and 300 plus videos. It was a desperate effort, but she needed to know something about her life. She needed something, to feel something. Her release was imminent, and she was beginning to feel terrible anxiety.
However, while venturing down memory lane she discovered a couple of things. One, their kids were adorable. Little Christine should have been named Little Alex. She looked just like her wife, blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She didn't doubt those eyes could speak volumes just like her wife's.
Two, Conner looked like pure mischief. Most solo pictures she had of him were silly. Her favorite was the one of him covered in what appeared to be finger paint. It was accompanied by a video of him arguing with what sounded like Alex trying to persuade him to take a bath. He was clearly displeased with the notion. Continuously stating, "No, Mommy. Mean Mommy."
And third, Alex was serious when she said her hair had been short for a long time. It had. And what amused Casey most was finding a favorite picture folder where she'd evidently stored a few pictures of Alex with her long feathery layers. The best one must have been from their wedding. Alex wore a striking white dress while standing greenery blurred like a Monet behind her. Her hair golden and so inviting, and her eyes were more captivating than ever, shining an almost marine blue. She was breathtaking, and made Casey fall in love with her all over again.
And yet, it was after finding that folder that she noticed the most shocking aspect. Her wife's smile. It seemed to have changed over the years. It went from being genuine to almost forced...at least forced in particular pictures and that's what was most disturbing.
It was pictures of them.
"Knock, knock," the jubilant voice of Dr. Amelia Shepherd crossed the doorway.
Looking her way, Casey smiled weakly. She knew her sentence was coming. She just wished she was more excited. But, she would rather stay here and cuddle with Gabriel until her memory returned. He couldn't judge her for what she didn't know. In a way, they were both new here.
"Are you ready to go home?" The brunette questioned.
"Is it wrong if I say no?" Casey replied meekly.
Amelia frowned at the statement. "Are you feeling dizzy again?"
"No," she sighed as she sat up, "I feel like a stranger to this world. How am I suppose to return home...to a home I don't even know...to kids I don't know...to a job that I can't even remember what I've done!"
"Whoa," Amelia soothed as she sat on the edge of the bed, "Take a breath."
Following the simple breathing exercises they'd been working on, she watched the brunette check her vitals.
"Well the good news is your blood pressure isn't affecting your brain any longer. In other words, you are healed," Amelia smiled, "Now, as for your memory, you do know your home, kids, and accomplishments. You just don't remember them right now, but as you return to that amazing life of yours it might start to come back."
"And if it doesn't? When it gets out, my job will be toast. No one will want to hire me to design their projects any longer. Everyone wants an original, not a repeat," Casey sighed.
"I get that," Amelia sympathized, "but you should give yourself a little slack, more than likely bits and pieces will return. And I'm sure you have copies of blueprints from your projects. Take some time off work and look through them all. Remind yourself of what you did. This might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes we forget to be creative when we get so stuck in our work. This might be your refresh button."
"Maybe," Casey sighed, "I'm just scared. My kids look cute as hell, but I don't know them. They know me, and I'm sure they are probably expecting their mother to return home and play the same games and know all their likes and dislikes, but I'm going to show up. A ghost of what they used to know."
Letting out a long sigh of her own, Amelia shook her head, "Okay, I don't normally offer so much of my personal life up in cases, but you are clearly a unique case."
Casey have her doctor a confusing look, not sure what to think by the confession.
"So," Amelia began, "My father was killed when I was five. If he had returned home and not remembered a thing about me, but have been open to being with me, I would have loved it. It's not about remembering things, it's about being present."
"You think?"
"I know," Amelia said squeezing Casey's hand, "Plus, your oldest is what six?"
"I've been told five," Casey smirked.
"Then she will at least understand that you hit your head. So use it as a lesson for her needing to always wear a helmet!"
With that Casey laughed. She was thankful to have a caring doctor like Amelia Shepherd. To be honest, she would miss her company when she went home.
She just hoped she was right about resuming her life...
Sitting in the light gray office, as the rain outside splattered the old window panes, Alex curled her long legs under her. Staring into the hazel eyes of her marriage counselor, she tried to gauge the woman's thoughts.
Alex did not like guessing what people were thinking.
"So what do you think? Should I tell her?" she nervously asked.
"What do you expect to gain from telling her?" her counselor, Violet Turner, questioned.
"The truth. I don't want to lie and keep things hidden."
"Are you sure that's what you are trying to gain?"
Alex frowned. She didn't know if she understood the question exactly as it was intended. "Can you elaborate?"
Violet sighed, as she straightened herself in the armchair. She'd been working with Alex and her wife for the last year and a half. It had been the same merri-go-round with each appointment. Alex felt that Casey worked too much, and Casey would always admit she did, but that she couldn't live without her work. Inevitably, it would always end the same, with her asking Casey what she really wanted in life. The redhead's response was always Alex and work.
"What I'm asking is, are you trying to absolve your guilt of asking for a divorce now that you know what Casey's intentions really were?"
The question left Alex speechless. It was something she hadn't really thought about. After a moment of thought she replied, "Maybe?"
Violet nodded, "That is what I fear. And it's not Casey's job to absolve you of said guilt, especially in her current state of mind. If her memory returns you can address it then, in the meantime focus on her, and your new baby."
"What if her memory returns and she gets upset?"
"You will cross that bridge at that time," she replied taking in the anxiety filled blonde, "Let me ask you this, what was your plan when you asked for the divorce?"
"I didn't have a plan," Alex admitted weakly, "At the time, I was hurting and upset. I'd been toying with the idea for weeks, and that night I was so angry. She'd invited me to our favorite restaurant for a romantic dinner, and as usual left me for 30 minutes to take a work call. I felt rejected. She'd never hinted at her plans, and I guess I can't even be sure now if she'd go through with those plans..."
"So, then why are you so afraid of the future?"
Finally, Alex looked up at her with confidence, "Because now I know how close I came to really losing her. I'd rather have pieces of her always than a lifetime without her."
"So, asking for a divorce was what?"
"I guess a scare tactic as immature as that sounds," Alex said as she rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness, "I just wanted her to know that I was done with being put on the back burner all the time, and not just for me, but our kids too. Hell, she was the whole reason we started down the path to have children, then she left everything to me..."
Violet could see the same frustrations beginning to build below the surface. "And what do you plan to do if she stays same old Casey? Right now you say you are taking comfort in the fact that she is still herself even if she's lost 8 years. That means she's still a workaholic."
"Just love her. It's all I can do," Alex softly admitted, "The difference now is I know exactly what the kids and me mean to her. That's what was missing. I just needed to know that she loved us."
As she finished her words she looked into Violet's eyes. "And now you feel that you understand. You needed the full confirmation."
"Yes," Alex nodded.
"Okay," Violet began as she straightened herself, "I want you to really hear what I'm about to say."
Alex frowned, she felt like she was about to have a come to Jesus, "Okay..."
"Casey's a workaholic, a workaholic that loves her wife and kids," the therapist began, "So, you are fully recognizing that even with her love being deep and pure that she will most likely always fail to meet your expectations of putting work on the back burner."
Placing her head on a hand, she scowled at the doctor, "It sucks, but I think it's my wounds from childhood that need to heal. Casey was always work obsessed."
"Good," Violet said, "Now you can make progress in marriage counseling."
Staring at the curly haired woman, Alex sat up, "Can I enjoy the fact though that she doesn't take work calls currently while we eat dinner?"
Chuckling at the request, the brunette nodded, "Absolutely, and that is one thing that when it starts up again we can work through."
"Good," Alex admitted.
She was ready to get Casey home and feel at peace in life. And this was what she needed, to work out all her feelings. To not feel like an evil harpy for asking for a divorce when she was hormonal and weak. To let go of all her guilt. And now she felt like she had a compass to help her through the fog.
Late that afternoon, Casey found herself staring at the outside of Seattle Grace from Alex's Volvo station wagon. Touching the glass of the window, she mouthed a silent goodbye to their son, as her wife pulled out into traffic. She was taking Casey home, even if the redhead didn't know where that exactly was anymore.
"When did you trade for the wagon over your sporty sedan?" Casey attempted small talk.
"When we got pregnant with Christine," Alex answered easily, "You kept your sedan, until recently..."
"Really, what did I get?"
Alex pursed her lips, "You traded up for an SUV. So, we could cart our family of five. But we will have to go pick out a new one soon..."
"Why?" Casey asked only to hold a hand up to stop the forthcoming reminder, "Never mind, I know that answer."
"Yeah," Alex sighed. Attempting to change conversation she transitioned, "Are you ready to go home?"
"I don't even know where home is..."
"Want me to tell you about it?"
"Sure," Casey mumbled as she watched the city pass by the window.
"Well, it's a penthouse condo that overlooks the city and bay. Huge expansive windows that you love standing in, always looking for your next project. It's architecture is very modern...and this insanely sexy architect built it..."
As she finished and pulled to a stop light she looked to her overwhelmed wife, "You built it, Casey."
"I don't remember," Casey stated flatly as she looked to the blonde, "How will I work if I can't remember what I've done?"
"I'm going to help you until you have the hang of things," she assured, "Until you are comfortable in handling things on your own. Plus, it turns out you just have to fix one project, then you have a year off. So, you can spend time relearning your work if need be."
"Why would I take a year off?" Casey scoffed, "Career suicide much."
Alex felt a familiar knot twist in her gut but she pushed it down trying to remember Violet's words, "Because the current project you have taken on is a major one. It requires a lot of time and effort. And I'd love for you to look over some blueprints when you feel up to it."
Seeing a large building come into view, Casey lost track of their conversation. It was modern, sleek, with green spaces built in at varying levels. It looked just like something she'd dreamt of building for years. Always a thought, never an actual building. "That's it, isn't it," she more stated than questioned.
"Yes," Alex confirmed as she led them into the parking garage.
As they found their designated space and vacated the car, Casey was silent. It was like watching a dream come to life with every step. And no, it wasn't a memory returning, just watching a long term fantasy come to life.
Following Alex quietly, she let her wife take her to the elevator, leading her up to their penthouse. It seemed to be quicker than she would have imagined, yet as the lift slowed to a stop, she grasped her wife's hand. Nerves began to overtake her. This wasn't an exploration into a project any longer, it was becoming real.
With the doors opening, she let Alexandra lead her off the elevator and down the hallway to their home. Examining the door, she frowned, "I wouldn't have imagined such a stately door for this building...was that the developers request?"
"Mine," Alex admitted. "Since the penthouses don't share floor access you were able to slide it through."
"Now that would make sense," Casey nodded as the door opened, immediately letting her into their most private lives.
Swallowing thickly, she crossed the threshold, instantly met with squeals from children expecting her arrival. A little blonde haired girl came rushing around the corner to give her a big hug, as a little chunk of a red haired boy followed behind her. They each took a leg of hers as she patted their heads not fully sure how to react.
Seeing her mother and Big Christine come around the corner, she smiled at familiarity, as she forced out a, "Hey guys, I missed you all too. Have you been having fun with your grandmothers?"
"Yes!" Little Chris exclaimed before pouncing on a more in depth chance of questioning as Conner pulled at her hands begging to be picked up.
"One second, Christine," Casey paused as she looked down into her son's eyes, instantly caving she picked him up, letting him envelop her in a hug as he played with her long red curls. He was warm, and real in her arms. He was part of her, and she could feel herself almost instantly fall in love with him as she had Gabriel.
Looking to her daughter, she gave the little one her attention again, "Okay, what was your question."
"Mommy, said you bumped your head in the accident. She said you can't wemember things."
Catching the lack of 'r,' Casey smiled at the young girl. "Yes, Mommy is right, I can't remember things. But she told me that you might be able to help me find my way. Is that true?"
"Yes," Little Chris beamed, "Want me to show you our house?"
"Sure," Casey replied giving Alex wide eyes.
"Chris, take Mama to see your rooms first. I'm going to get her things from the car," Alex told the little one as Casey followed their daughter.
Passing by her mother, Casey paused to give her and Big Chris a hug. "Do you want us to take him?" Diane asked.
Looking into her son's pleading eyes, Casey shook her head no, "Do you want to go with your sis and me, Connie Boy?"
"Yes," he whispered as he laid his head back against her chest gripping her hair in his chunky hands.
"Casey," her mother pried, "Are you remembering things?"
"What do you mean?" She questioned.
"You called him Connie Boy," Big Christine stated.
"Oh," Casey shrugged, "I don't know, it just seemed normal. My grandmother called my dad that."
"Mama," Little Chris sighed, "I want to show you around."
Looking to her daughter she beamed, "And you are just as impatient as your Mommy. Okay, my love, show me around."
Following her daughter from room to room, she began seeing what her architecture style had become, as well as their messy lives. It was very modern, sleek and full of light and views, and kids toys. Perfect for the emerald city and them.
As the little blonde led her into the living room and away from the children's area, she was met full on with Alex's design style. Elegant and tasteful, very Cabot neat. One wall had been trimmed in wood, and on it countless family pictures had been hung. It was a stunning array of their lives together.
"And this is where you sleep, Mama," Little Chris explained as she walked to a door off another hall. Yet, Casey's eyes were drawn to another door, one off the living room.
"Hey, what's behind that door?" Casey asked.
"That's where you work, but I can't go in there."
"Why?" Casey questioned as she walked towards that door instead.
"Mama, I'm taking you here!" The young girl rebuffed.
"Christine," Diane corrected having kept a watchful eye for Casey's sake, "If your mother wants to look through that door, go with her."
"I'm not allowed," the little blonde said looking crushed.
The sight of her distraught child, pulled at Casey's heart. "Hey kiddo," Casey said with her hand on the door knob, "Whose rules were those?"
"Your's," she said looking into her mother's eyes.
"Well, I don't remember them, so lead the way," with that she pushed the door open and waited on her daughter to lead the way.
The little girl didn't need to be asked twice, she quickly bolted to the forbidden space. A room that caused Casey to set her son down to examine all its worldly contents. Blueprints in tubes, architect books, magazines, a magnificent table. She couldn't have dreamt up a better space to work. And on the table lay a huge blueprint of what appeared to be an atrium of some sort, covered in post-it's full of complaints on the design.
"I see you found your favorite room," Alex's voice crossed the space. "You two munchkins know you aren't supposed to be in here."
"Mama said," Conner asserted as he pointed his hand towards his grown accomplice.
"I gave them permission," Casey waved a hand as she looked at the notes and picked her work apart like a giant mental puzzle. "Is this what you wanted me to look at?"
"Yes," Alex sighed, "But let's get you comfortable and fed before you start working."
Looking the last post-it over, Casey stuck it down on the map. Examining the design one last time before turning to her wife who was now holding Christine. "Okay, what's for dinner?"
The two look alike blonde's stared at her in shock. Shaking her head slightly, Alex answered, "Your mother made chicken and dumplings, if you'd like something lighter it can be arranged though."
"Hell no," Casey snorted, "That's my favorite."
"That's what I expected you to say," Alex laughed, as she walked to her wife and kissed her lightly, "I'm so happy to have you home."
"Me too," Little Chris exclaimed as she transferred herself from Alex's arms to Casey's.
Holding her daughter, Casey examined the bookshelves as she vacated the home office and finally headed to her bedroom. Placing the small girl down, she instructed, "Okay, show me my room."
The smile on her daughter's face was worth every moment of the tour. She no doubt had fallen for all three of their children.
That evening after the mothers had left, kids had been put to bed, and it was just the two of them awake in their bedroom, they settled into normal existence. Casey watching television in bed while Alex took a bath. Yet, soon the redhead found herself longing for more, standing in the doorway of their bathroom, watching her wife reading in the tub.
It seemed like just yesterday that she watched this same woman reading in a tub in a completely different home. Same left leg splayed on the tub wall as she lay immersed in bubbles and warm water, so engrossed in what she was reading that she didn't hear Casey's arrival. This had been the normal in their lives. This was comforting.
Removing her clothes, Casey moved to the tub, suddenly gaining her wife's attention. Tossing the book to the bathroom floor, Alex scooted back in the water, giving Casey room to join her.
"This is a welcome surprise," she purred as Casey slipped into the water, "You don't normally do baths."
"I wanted to be with you," the redhead admitted, as she moved into her wife's arms kissing her gently.
Turning her wife against her, Alex wrapped her arms across Casey's chest holding her, feeling her heartbeat, as she watched the redhead play with the faucet with her toes. Both of their stitches were gone, they were healed so to speak, but she still felt as if Casey could vanish at any moment. It was an overwhelming fear.
Flashes of firefighters pulling a limp Casey from the wreckage, caused her to grip her wife tighter as a sob escaped her lips. She didn't want to cry, her tears from the accident had long since dried up as the hormones dissipated, but she felt as if she couldn't control them. In an instant, Casey had turned in her arms, kissing tears away and attempting to soothe wounds she didn't understand.
"What is it, Lex, tell me," she questioned.
"I thought you were...when they pulled you out..." she couldn't say the words, they were too painful, "then there was no guarantee...and yet, here you are with me..."
Nodding in some sort of understanding, Casey wiped the tears from the blonde's eyes. "I'll be here with you always," she answered as she placed another kiss to her wife's lips, running her tongue along Alex's bottom one asking for more, sighing into her mouth when it was granted.
She loved to feel her wife against her. She loved the desperation that she felt in her touch. All of it combined made her want her even closer. Breaking the kiss, she saw the same desire in those piercing blue eyes.
Standing she stepped from the tub, holding a hand out to Alex who took it without a second thought. Leading her to their bed, she guided her down onto the fine linens. Neither woman cared about their tub soaked frames. They needed this moment.
Climbing on top of her warm perfect body, Casey relished the sharp inhale of the blonde. Kissing her lips, she took pleasure in feeling her Alex's hands pulling her closer. She felt like it had been forever since she'd touched her wife, and she was ready to make up for lost time.
Kissing her way down Alex's neck, she felt herself growing hotter with every whimper that escaped her. Kissing her way down across her chest she took a taut nipple in her mouth. Rolling her tongue over it, relishing the feeling of Alex writhing under her. She loved to draw their lovemaking out even if it drove the blonde wild. Yet, it didn't take long for Alex to take charge, flipping them over, as she moved to straddle the redhead.
Watching her wife bite her lip in anticipation, Casey drank her stunning figure up, gasping as Alex ground lightly over her stomach letting her see how turned on she already was, "That was quick."
"It's been a long time," Alex admitted sheepishly.
"Well," Casey said as she grasped the back of Alex's thighs and began pulling her forward, "That ends tonight."
Watching as Casey positioned her over her mouth, Alex gasped as she felt that familiar hot bubblegum tongue move with deft precision through her slick folds. Ever so slowly moving to where she needed her most. Casey knew exactly how to tease her to the edge and pull back, repeating the process until she would beg for release. She just prayed for mercy tonight.
"Casey, please," she gasped trying to speed her release along.
The redhead laughed against her most sensitive flesh, as she continued her lazy ascent to Alex's throbbing bud. She had no intentions of going quick, yet as she lightly ran the tip of her tongue over the throbbing marble the hiss that escaped her wife's lips followed by her throwing her head back in pleasure told her it was a loss cause. This woman needed her now.
Sucking her clit into her mouth, Casey ran her tongue over it in massaging pressure filled circles until she felt Alex press into her mouth as small gasps turned to desperate pants. It was her tell-tale sign that she was nearing the edge, and the moment Casey would usually break contact to draw the process out, yet she took pity on the blonde and switched to fast flicks over the bundle of nerves knowing that was exactly what the blonde needed for release. In mere seconds, she felt Alex's muscles contract against her mouth, as moans escaped the gorgeous woman perched over her. She only slowed when Alex began to quiet, letting her down gently.
Watching as the blonde fell softly to the bed, Casey laughed, "You weren't kidding about the time. You came in under five minutes."
"Yeah, yeah," Alex hummed as she pulled Casey up to her lap, "let's talk about our past sex life later."
"Gladly," she replied as she kissed her passionately, loving how Alex was always quick to want to reciprocate. Feeling her wife's hands slip between them and to her own throbbing center, Casey couldn't help but grind against them.
Breaking lip contact, Alex hummed, "What do you want?"
"You," was all she replied as she moved back, having Alex move to a seated position, before turning around and laying in her arms.
The blonde wasted no time in recapturing Casey's lips as her hands moved to play with her nipples. She loved how responsive the redhead was to having them toyed with and relished the gasps of pleasure into her mouth. Keeping one hand busy, she let her right one slide down the redhead's toned abdomen to her glistening center, letting her fingers brush right over Casey's swollen clit and straight into wet slick heat.
The moan that exploded against her lips was enough to almost make her come again. They hadn't made love like this in a long time, and now she was wondering why they'd ever stopped. Feeling Casey readjust in her arms to give her more access, she wasted no time finding that spot inside that drove the redhead wild. Moving her fingers against it, pressing into it, enjoying the sensation of her walls tightening as she gasped against her lips.
Feeling Casey tremble wildly in her arms, as incoherent words and sounds began to escape her mouth, Alex hooked her fingers feeling the redhead clench against them, as she begged for release. Pumping her fingers faster, Alex took in the vision of her wife coming undone. A slur of words indicating her pleasure as she spasmed against her fingers. It was a beautiful sight, something only she was allowed to witness, and only when her orgasm fully passed did Alex slowly move her hands away to hold her wife.
They lay there in silent reverie for awhile. Just listening to each other breathe, letting themselves come back down to earth. No words needed to be spoken, the love between them was enough. They'd needed this closeness, this moment to rejuvenate and feel whole together again.
Only when sleep began to steal the night, did they get cleaned up. Changing, and quickly returning to their bed. Alex took pleasure and security in feeling Casey move under the covers to take her back into her arms.
"I have a confession," she breathed.
Casey hummed, "What's that?"
"I'm really liking this version of you," she chuckled.
"Am I better in bed?" The sleepy redhead joked.
"You are just less distracted and more attentive." Alex admitted in a soft but honest tone. "And I wouldn't mind more sex like tonight."
"Well, I will work to keep all of the above in mind," Casey replied. "By the way," she yawned, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For giving me three beautiful children. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel something for them, but I can honestly say I'm in love with all three."
Alex didn't respond, she just shook her head in understanding. Loving how her wife pulled her even closer.
"Oh, and remind me to show you the changes I made to the blueprints in the morning," she said as she snuggled in deeper, "I hope you don't mind. I marked them up based on the post-it's while you were bathing the kids. I hope they are what you all were looking for," she paused with another long yawn, "It just seemed to be right there, so I corrected it all."
And there it was...Casey and her work. Yet, this time it caused Alex to smile, because at least now she had her wife and kids, while her wife also worked. She didn't mind having it all. She just hoped in someways that the old workaholic Casey might never return...