Chapter 2 - Fall Too Far

.Pre-Series.

Sam = Age 14 - 15

Dean = Age 19

John has a hunt that he doesn't want to involve Sam and Dean in. So, he leaves them in the most recent motel. Dean and Sam drift apart, Dean has better things that don't involve Sam. Sam has troubles that he doesn't want to involve Dean in. Then Sam starts breaking, and relies on an old friend. Yet when Dean forgets something important… and Sam suddenly falls. It all goes downhill. Literally.

'I don't mean to make Dean sound so cruel, but I had to do it to be able to get the story progressing. And because Imma Devil like that.'

Sam

Three weeks. Three weeks since Dad left us in this sad excuse for a town. Three weeks since Dean made new friends, friends who hate me. Three weeks since I was declared an outcast of the school. Three weeks since the world wanted me dead. I've tried talking about it all, only to be shot down. I've tried ringing Dad, only to reach his voicemail. I've tried talking to Dean, only to receive a glare. He wanted me to leave him alone, that's what I was doing.

I sat in the living room of this no-name motel, watching some random child's cartoon on the small ugly box television, it was the only thing on this television that didn't contain something I really didn't want to see. I held the knife in my hand, moving it around with ease. Dean was in the bedroom, on the phone with one of his newest friends. Reece, I think his name is. I'm not too sure, I stopped paying attention to what he said to me these days, it wouldn't be a first. Being that he didn't want to listen to me either.

I took a deep breathe in, not finding enough oxygen supporting my lungs, before softly breathing out again. A continuous problem, breathing patterns. Sometimes I forgot how to breathe, only when I needed my breath the most though, other times I just couldn't be bothered breathing. Sometimes I just couldn't breathe, yet when I could, I just didn't want to. Call be depressed, call me suicidal, I don't care. Wouldn't be the worst thing I've been called.

The nightmares are the worst, constant dreams that I know don't mean anything, that I know aren't real, but it doesn't stop me from having them anyway. Doesn't stop me from fearing that they are going to become true, because shit… they feel so real.

"Where are you going?" I asked, noticing that Dean was getting his jacket and keys, it's not like I cared anyway, he always seemed to be leaving me these days.

"Out, Reece called and he wants me to-…" I tuned out after that, not needing to hear the rest of his conversation, hoping that he at least remembered tomorrow. I knew deep down that he would forget, I mean, it's not like it's any important anymore. It's not like I care, but a part of me is still holding on to the fact that maybe he wouldn't. But who am I kidding, I can see it in his eyes. He's already forgotten.

"Did you remember your promise, you made two of them. And one of them was that you would hang out with me tonight." I whispered sadly, placing the knife on the table in front of me as I stood up to look at him, folding my arms to make myself seem bigger and stronger then I feel.

"Yeah, I know. But I figured you wouldn't mind, and I promised Reece I'd be at his party tonight. He's been trying to-…" I stopped listening once again, knowing that Dean was going into a ramble, I rolled my eyes. Not wanting to hear what he was going to say. "You understand, right?" Dean had asked, snapping me back into the conversation. He ruffled my hair lightly, before turning around to the door.

"No!" I barked out, making him stop as he went to open the motel door. "I don't understand why you always ditch me whenever you get a change!" I snapped angrily, walking towards him and slamming the door close. He wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't letting him this time. I needed him to stay, and no matter how much I would deny admitting it, I needed my big brother to stay with me tonight. It sounded selfish but I really didn't care. "I don't care what you promise your friends. We're drifting further and further apart Dean. And I'm sick of the constant silence. You always find something better to do whenever we're together, you always make promise you can't keep! Just stay here for tonight and tomorrow and then I promise you can do whatever! Please!" I pleaded, just needing him to stay. He looked at me with wide eyes before looking at the door. He was going to leave.

"What could be so important that you have to choose Reece over your own brother!" I angrily raged out, I was angry… hell… I was furious, no matter what I said Dean just wasn't getting it. It wasn't clicking into his head that I just wanted him… needed him to stay tonight. I needed him to remember tomorrow. Or I'd just lose hope altogether.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that Sam! We are with each other all the time, it's not my fault that you're suddenly clingy and needy for attention! I've given up my entire life for you and I didn't have to. I am going out with my friends whether you like it or not!" I could tell he was angry, but I didn't seem to care. I didn't really seem to feel anything other than pain and sadness.

"Why do you always have to leave me?" I whispered sadly, he had turned around to walk out of the motel. And it was a good thing too, because if he was looking at me… he would've seen my tears.

"Because they're just better then you." Dean growled, leaving the motel. I was shocked, I couldn't even move. I couldn't even be bothered to wipe the tears from my eyes. The tears that just kept falling no matter what I thought or did. My feet were glued to the ground. It was like a Demon was holding me in place. I just wanted to talk to someone, I began to move. Slowly, ever so slowly. I picked up my phone and called Dad, not to bitch about Dean or anything. But because I just needed someone to talk to right now.

Ring… ring… ring… ring. I was scared that I would get his voicemail. Ring… ring… ring. I was terrified that he wouldn't pick up. Ring… ring. That I would be left along. Ring… … …

"Hello." His deep and gruff voice greeted through the phone, for a moment I couldn't speak. I closed my eyes in relief, it felt so good to hear a familiar voice again. "Hello." He growled, deeper this time. Demanding, ordering an answer. I opened my eyes, and for the first time in a while. I found myself smiling. Maybe there was hope.

"Dad…" I greeted, ever so happily.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked, I could hear his concern, and his confusion. I couldn't explain in words how I felt.

"Nothing's wrong, I just needed to talk to someone that's all." I informed.

"Well, I can't talk right now Sam. Where's your brother?" Dad asked, he sounded like he was about to hang up. The hope I thought to be there left, and as fast as my happiness, my smile came. The faster it left me.

"Dad please! Don't hang up, Dean went out to hang with some of his friends. I don't want to be alone.

"I'm working on a hunt Sam, I don't have time for chit-chat." Dad growled, hanging up the phone, for some reason, for some bizarre reason, my mind interpreted what he had said. Maybe it's what he really meant. 'I don't have time for you.' Because that's all I heard before he had hung up the phone.

I dropped the phone, I dropped to my knees. I just dropped everything. And I cried, I hated feeling alone, I hated the feeling of abandonment. Because that's how I felt, I felt abandoned, no one wanted to be around me. And I was desperate for something, anything. I didn't care if a Demon was torturing me, because at least I wouldn't be alone. I didn't care if a bully was spouting hateful words, because at least they were talking to me. I felt that alone, that I didn't care what happened. I was so desperate for something, anything. That I called the one person I hadn't spoken too in years, because of my Dad's stupidity and rules.

"Who in the world is calling me at this hour." His old-stuffy, slightly accented voice spoke through the phone. He had been sleeping, that much I could tell. I didn't want to speak, it wasn't that I couldn't. It was because I didn't want to. I was scared that he too would hang up the phone, and then I'd really be alone. He already sounded so angry, one word was all it would take for him to hang up. I breathed in, but when I breathed out, it came out shakily. My breathing hitched, and I hiccupped, and that was enough for me to burst out into tears. "Hello." He greeted again, much softer, much kinder. I didn't realise how much I missed hearing his voice.

"P-please don't hang up. I… I don't want to be left alone." I completely broke down. I couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Couldn't feel anything but pain.

-It's not my fault that you're suddenly clingy and needy for attention.-

But he was right. I was clingy. I was needy for attention. And if he hung up now. I don't know what I would do. I would be totally and truthfully left alone.

-Why do you always have to leave me?-

-Because they're just better then you.-

"I… I know you were s…sleeping. But just please… don't leave me alone." I pleaded, it was the only thing I could do. The only way I begged for him to stay.

"Sam?" He asked, trying to guess that it was me, he guessed right. I guess I really was clingy and needy.

"Yeah." I whispered, sniffling and hiccupping. My breathing scratchy from crying.

"Sammy, you listen to me, you are not alone. I'm not leaving until you want me to kiddo." Bobby informed sternly, I slightly felt better knowing that there was someone that wouldn't leave me. "I want you to stop crying Sam. Because I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen. And then, we'll reverse it. Where you'll talk, and I'll listen. Understand?" Bobby ordered softly, not meaning it as an order, or a demand. But just wanting to make me feel better, and my heart soared through the pain at the thought that someone was willing to help me out of this depression.

"I understand." I responded, a small smile showing above my current sadness. I sniffled, wiping my eyes. Bobby was the only one that wanted to talk to me, he was the only one that found time to stay on the phone. And you know what…

He was the only one I wanted to talk to anymore.

"Get out of bed Sam! It's up time!" I shot up in awakening. My eyes probably puffy from all the crying. I immediately remembered the conversation with Bobby, how he listened to what I had to say. How he didn't judge me, and how he stayed with me no matter what I said or did. Showing more affection and consideration in the past few hours then I've been showed throughout the entire three weeks of being in this no-named motel. He promised he'd call me today.

But didn't Dean promise to spend time with me today. Although he promised the same thing yesterday. But today was more important. Because today I turned fifteen. May 2nd everyone. My birthday, and the only person other than me that seemed to remember was Bobby. I'm hoping I get a call from Dad, wishing me happy birthday. I'm hoping that for once Dean will keep a promise he made. But I doubt it all, the only thing I haven't lost hope in, the only person that hasn't let me down. Is Bobby. Why can't I just go live with him? It's already been proven that I'm not needed here anymore. And yet, I can help Bobby with so many things. I can help him with the cars he repairs, with the phones because he has so many. He can teach me more things in the next few years then I'll ever learn from being abandoned by my 'family'.

I walked out of the room, glancing at Dean who was on the phone, he looked like he was in a heated conversation. Probably with one of his friends. I didn't really care though. He could do whatever he wanted, now that I've got Bobby to make sure that I'm not alone.

I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and sat at the table, staring off into nothing, not really thinking about anything. It was all a rush inside my head, countless events leading up to where I am now. I was thinking that is… until Dean came into the room.

"Hey little brother." He greeted, grabbing his steaming coffee from the counter and sitting across from me. Maybe I was wrong, maybe he did remember.

"What's wrong?" I asked, noticing his angry expression. Don't bite the Lion, he'll bite back.

"Just Reece. He's being a prick after last night. I helped him with a girl-…" He went off ranting again, and I couldn't be bothered to hear it. I was too tired. Thank god it was Saturday, I was not dealing with school on top of everything else today. I couldn't be bothered working on the homework I had, nor the assignment that I knew was due Monday. I didn't really care. I just wanted to be buried in a grave, never too be seen again. Depression… HA! Wasn't that an understatement. Try damn near suicidal.

"What's your plan for today?" I asked, after noticing that Dean had shut up. I hoped that he did remember, but I also had my doubts. He more than likely didn't. And I stopped caring whether he did. If he didn't, well, at least Bobby would remember.

"Well, I did promise to hang out with my little brother, unfortunately I broke that promise yesterday." What? He thinks he can just pull me in as a backup. A second choice. Bullshit. I was low, sure. But I wasn't that low.

-Why do you always have to leave me?-

-Because they're just better then you.-

I wasn't going to take it. Hell… no.

"So, what? I'm a backup now. Someone you only hang with once everyone else is out of the picture. Hell, no Dean. I'm not anyone's second choice!" I raged out angrily, standing up to make myself look stronger, once again feeling weaker than I was. But at least his eyes widened at my sudden snap.

"Who said anything about you being a second choice?!" Dean barked out, standing up, to face me. Silently challenging my anger. To see how far I could go. How far could I go? The answer… very far. You don't mess with a suicidally depressed person, because they've just got nothing to lose.

"What is today Dean? There's an important event, it's the reason why you made a promise for today in the first place. What is today?" I asked calmly, I could see the frustration in his eyes, the debate. The confusion. He was thinking about it… he had forgotten. Why am I not surprised? "What. Is. Today?" I growled out, demanding he tell me. I knew he forgot. But a part of me wished, prayed to whomever cared that Dean didn't forget, that he was just acting, pranking me. That he'd jump up and yell surprise. Whilst confetti flew everywhere and balloons appeared out of nowhere. A big 'Happy Birthday Sammy!' Sign hanging above us both. But that wasn't the case, instead… he just sat there, in debate, trying to harshly remember what he had forgotten.

"I give up… I don't remember. What's today?" Dean whispered, shrinking back into his chair, was it really that easy to forget? Was it really that hard not to remember? Was I really that worthless.

"Today is-…" I never got to finish my sentence. Because Dean's phone started to ring.

"That's Reece. We'll continue this conversation later okay." Dean sighed, he got up to walk away, but I couldn't let that happen. He needed to know what today was, I needed him to feel guilty. To apologise and for everything to go back to the way it was before we were dropped off here by Dad Three weeks ago… sorry… Four weeks now. It's Saturday. The same day we were dropped off. I wish he'd finish the hunt already. I wish he'd come back and pick us up.

"Hey Reece…" Dean greeted, he had almost exited the door when-…

"No!" I called out, rushing up to him and grabbing the sleeve of his jacket. "You can't leave me again. Not today. You promised me you'd stay. You would stay for today and then leave tomorrow. You promised damnit. You can't leave. Don't leave me again." I rambled. More and more words that wouldn't have made sense in anyone else's head but mine. Because I didn't forget what today was. I didn't forget how important this day was to me. I didn't forget how much I feared being abandoned. But he did.

"Sorry Reece. That's just my pestering little brother…. Yeah, I know. Give me a moment. Gotta get rid of him." Dean spoke through the phone before lowering it from his year and putting it on hold. "Get off me and go find something to do. I've gotta fix a friendship." Dean growled, pushing me away from him as I crashed on the ground.

"You've gotta fix a friendship. Oh, that's alright then. Because clearly the friendship means more to you then family. Blood before water dick." I growled from the ground, tears in my eyes.

"Are you crying again. Yeah, I've gotta fix a friendship. And I don't want some whiny brat in the way of it. Back off a little and find something to do." Dean sighed, turning around to face me. Looking down as I still hadn't moved from my position on the ground.

"Yeah! I am crying again! Because that's what people with depression and fear of abandonment do when people are abandoning them Dean!" I yelled angrily, looking up at him with pure rage.

"Abandonment? Depression? Someone's getting overdramatic. You're not depressed Sam, your just needy. And you're not being abandoned… you're just clingy." Dean growled, clicking the phone off hold and walking out of the room. There he goes again… needy and clingy.

-It's not my fault that you're suddenly clingy and needy for attention.-

Clingy and needy huh? Is that was my big brother really thought of me?

-Why do you always have to leave me?-

-Because they're just better then you.-

I guess so. But right now I just needed to talk to Bobby. Now. But I couldn't bring myself to. I just had to run, I had to leave and never come back. I was sick of feeling this way. He was going to leave me again. So, why not leave him instead.

I stood up, knowing what I was going to do. But not knowing where I was going to go. I could go to Bobby's, he knew everything, I'd just go and he'd let me stay. I knew he would. I would have to go somewhere else first for a while. Bobby's was just too far away from this no-name motel.

I picked up my phone from the table, not caring about anything else before running out of the kitchen, I passed Dean who was in the living room, still on the phone. Instead of a heated conversation this time, I noticed a smile on his face. At least he'd be happier with me gone. I grabbed my jacket and threw it on, placing my phone in the pocket and zipping it up.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked, putting the phone away from his ear. He looked at me with anger, and confusion.

"Probably Pastor Jim's first, maybe Caleb. Going to Bobby's eventually. Just don't wanna be here anymore. Wanna be with one of them instead." I replied, looking around the room and taking my wallet with me. I had a few bucks in there that I had saved up for a bit. I'd be able to get food or something.

"Why?" Dean asked, walking towards me, he was going to stop me. He had concern plastered on his face, it made me want to stay. But I knew if I stayed, he'd just hate me more. He didn't get it, he didn't understand me. No one did. That's a lie… Because Bobby did. Bobby understood, he was the only person willing to talk to me. And that meant something to me. I wanted to hurt Dean, I wanted him to feel the same way I felt. Because I was angry, and I was hurt. I had to say this. I had to throw back the same words he threw at me. So, mustering all the courage I could, I placed my hand on the door handle, turned to look at him and said…

"Because they're just better then you." I turned and ran out the door. Leaving no room for argument, I didn't even know where I was running too. But I did run towards a massive nature reserve. Dean had promised he'd take me hiking there today, for my birthday. I guess I am going hiking. Just not with Dean. And not for sightseeing. Yet, right before I entered the forest I heard a heartbreaking call. It made me stop running. Made me want to turn back.

"SAM!" It was Dean, I could he the crack in his voice. He was hurt. And for some sick reason, that made me happy. I didn't have any hope left for him, or Dad. I didn't wanna talk to him, I didn't trust him anymore. I was just done. With everything. And I knew that there would come a time, soon. That I wouldn't want to be on the Earth anymore. That made me more depressed then I'd care to admit. I turned around, just in time to see Dean running towards me, he was still a fare distance away, but if I didn't start running soon, he'd gain on me. And quick. So, I high-tailed and bolted into the forest. "Sam!" I heard Dean's voice echo again, yet chose to ignore it. The farther I got into the nature reserve, the more his voice echoed through the trees. And the more the mocking birds learnt my name and started chiming it themselves. Making me feel that much more terrified of what was about to come. "Sam. Sam. Sam." The birds. "Sam! Come back!" Dean. Repeating as a mantra in my head. Non-stop. I was running from my brother, looking everywhere but where I was stepping. And that's when I fell. I fell down the steep ditch. "SAM! NO!" I heard Dean's cries. But it was all blacked out to me.

I used my arms to cover my face as I rolled down. Feeling my leg snap in an awkward angle, white hot pain soon catching up. It was burning, and god it hurt so badly. I cried out, noticing every time I landed on a part of my leg, it killed, and it levered up. Which only meant one thing, the bone was showing out of my leg. I retreated one of my arms and held it on my leg. My wrist snapped suddenly. And my head collided with a sharp rock. And soon I was flying. Before crashing into the ground. Feeling a snap in my collar bone. The birds mocking me by calling my name in their awful high-pitched tones. "Sam. Sam. Sam." It was too much.

I can't remember how long I was just lying in pain. Everything hurt. In and out, one moment I could see blurry images. The next it was just blank. I heard something, rustling. Leaves and twigs being crunched down. Before something… or someone cut off my blinding view from the sun. "Sam…. Something…. …. Sammy… god…. Bleeding everywhere." I only got parts of the worried voice, my ears were ringing too loudly to notice anything else. Then the ringing settled, and I could see clearly without blurriness. But I couldn't move, I couldn't move anything. It was peaceful, I was numb.

"Dean." I whispered, looking far beyond him. Why did I sound so small? Why was my voice so quiet? Why couldn't I get it any louder.

"Sammy, shit man. You're gonna be okay." I felt splashes of something hitting my face. I thought it was rain at first, but when I managed to look at Dean, with a heavy head I noticed that he was crying. Bawling his eyes out above me, I'd never seen him cry this much.

"I'm sorry. God Sammy I'm so sorry. You aren't depressed because I'm here now. You aren't abandoned because I'm never going to leave you again. I remembered, I remembered what today was. And I promised we'd go hiking in this forest didn't I little brother?" Dean sobbed. The almighty, powerful Dean was crying above me.

"You kept your promise." I whispered, unmoving. Barely seeing anymore. "I can't feel… anything." I murmured, coughing up whatever was pooling inside my throat. I thought it was flehm. Then I noticed the metallic taste, and the way Dean's eyes widened. "Fuck. No, no, no. I gotta move you little brother. Gotta get you to the hospital. You're going to be okay. Just don't leave me alone." Dean cried, looking all over me, trying to find something to help him. He noticed something on the side, picking it up and brushing dirt off it. My phone. He dialled a number, and relayed information. Ambulance. Guess he realised that he couldn't move me. I couldn't even move me.

"The irony…" I whispered, laughing. I don't know whether it was a laugh or a cough, maybe both. But I knew I cleared more blood from my throat.

"Don't talk Sammy. Please, God I'm so sorry. Just don't you leave me alone okay?" Dean begged hanging up the phone and just lightly placing a hand to my chest. There wasn't much else he could do. I don't understand why, sure it hurt. But I barely felt anything anymore. Physically and emotionally.

"Last night… and this morning. I was begging you not to leave me alone. And now look at how the tables have turned." I laughed, or did I cough. I can't even tell anymore, my head hurt too much to concentrate.

"I'm not leaving anymore Sammy. I'm staying right here. So, don't you go leaving me. Cause where you go I go. Deal?" Dean whispered, kissing my forehead.

"You haven't called me Sammy in four weeks." I stated randomly. "Where's Bobby?" I asked, needing to talk to him. "I was gonna go see him. Called him yesterday when everyone else left me. He… where's Bobby?" I asked, pleading for Dean to get Bobby for me. I looked towards Dean. Who was looking down, in his legs as they were bought up to his chest, crying harder than I've ever seen him cry. Then I realised that he was the exact same as me. Fearing abandonment. I placed all the strength I could, all the strength I had left. And I placed my non-broken wrist on the hand that was placed on my chest. Right above my heart. It hurt like hell too move. But I didn't care. I coughed once more. Feeling my throat clog up with the metallic tasting blood.

"Sammy please… I'll call Bobby for you once we're at the hospital. Please Sammy, be okay." This time he wasn't saying that I was okay. He just wanted me to be okay. And that's when I knew exactly what was happening. I didn't know what it looked like, I knew how it felt. At it felt quite peaceful.

"I'm dying." I stated. Because it was a statement. One that made Dean scream out my name, a plea for help. A plea for someone to make it all better.

"What's taking the ambulance so long?" Dean angrily demanded. I wrapped my fingers around Dean's hand. Lightly squeezing. I needed him to look at me. And it worked, because he looked at me.

"Dean… am I going to Heaven?" I whispered.

"No!" He shouted, in denial. "You are staying right here Sammy. I will not let you leave me." He growled. I needed to know where I was going when I died.

"I've done terrible things" I started rambling uncontrollably. Is this another sign that I'm dying? "I've lied, I've hunted and killed things. Thou shall not murder. I guess I might be going to Hell. After all, all hunters go to Hell. I don't wanna go to Hell. Don't wanna see the Devil." I pleaded, squeezing Dean's hand in fear.

"You're not going to Hell Sammy. You are way too good, kind, smart. You are way too you to go to Hell. You're gonna go see Mom Sammy. And you're gonna watch over me and Dad and make sure we don't get ourselves killed." Dean laughed, it wasn't a happy laugh. It was a sad one that bought more tears. "They aren't better than you. You are better than anyone else I've ever met. I need you to know that." Dean whispered. Leaning down and kissing my forehead, I suddenly felt a wave of pain, my vision going blurry, my ears began ringing.

"Love… you… De'n." I stumbled over my words, painfully coughing up what felt like a gallon of blood, pain etched into my expression. I noticed him crying more. Yet no matter what was happening, no matter how much I couldn't hear. I still managed to hear his voice, echoing in my head… loud and clear.

"Love you too Sammy. Hold onto that. Don't let anyone, or anything tell you otherwise. And when you can, you come back to me. I'll wait… always and forever… little brother." His voice drowned out into silence. And after a while I heard him humming. I recognized this song. Metallica… Mama Said.

I let go of his hand, my arm dropping onto the cold and scratchy ground, immediately feeling numb, and my vision finally going black. I was at peace.

"SAM!"

Dean…

"I apologize for your loss." He stated from the corner of the room, watching as all three men stood up, he glanced once at the small child lying in the bed. Machines no longer connected. The boy, dead.

"Who are you?" The older brother growled, not caring that the youngest was no longer in his body, his spirit gone. But blocking the stranger from attacking him anyway. The oldest of the three, the short man from the Salvage Yard. South Dakota. Grabbed a gun. They were in a motel room, mourning over the youngest's fall from the world.

"I must do this. Samuel Winchester is still needed within this world. His kindness and loyalty is still needed. He will save the world, be rid of the Devil himself. And he will become a legend. Both of good and bad authority. Samuel Winchester, must live." Was all he said before teleporting in front of the youngest, placing a hand on his chest to heal him, bring him back to life. And a hand on his head to awaken him.

Sam shot up, gasping for as much air as he could. Immediately turning to look at the figure who saved him. A blue-eyed man in a trench coat.

"Samuel Winchester, for as long as I am around. Never again… will you Fall Too Far."