Chapter 3 - Rules of Abandonment
.Pre-Series.
Sam = 17
Dean = 21
Sequel to 'Chapter 2 – Fall Too Far'.
Dean still remembers the day he wished he would forget. Especially now that Sam has completely changed around him. He doesn't like going in public without Dean, doesn't wanna be left alone. His fear of abandonment stretched further than anyone thought possible. He doesn't even let Dean go out on his own without having a panic attack.
And sometimes… he just loses himself to manic hysteria.
I guess it's one of the side-effects of being bought back to life by an angel in a trench coat.
This is how they worked, this is what they did. And some days were better than others, whereas other days were worse. But they're just days, and they've got way more where this came from.
"What're we watching?" Dean asked as he jumped down on the couch next to his Sammy, who had immediately clung onto him and lay his head in Dean's lap. Dean, being used to this, wrapped his right arm around Sam's stomach as comfort, whilst the left arm was hanging loosely over the arm of the sofa, holding a beer. It was one of the days where they didn't have to worry about a case, they could just sit down and chill out together.
"Nightmare on Elm Street, the first one." Sam responded, not taking his eyes off the TV, but found that he could now breathe easier, and that his heartrate was going down now that Dean was here.
"Of course, we'd be watching that. Say Sammy, why don't we change it to something less… Supernatural related. I mean, the ghost of Freddy Kruger, even we could do better than that." Dean chuckled, grabbing the remote, ready to change the channel. Of course, he wouldn't change the channel unless Sam agreed to it first.
"Sure." Sam murmured, he'd do anything to make sure Dean didn't walk off again. He had already spent half an hour on the phone to their Dad, talking about the case their father wanted them to do whilst he was working on another one. It wasn't the first time their Dad had left them so they could do two separate cases, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. In fact, Sam and Dean had recently just finished a case on a Werewolf. As Dean was flicking through the channels, trying to find something to watch, Sam came up with a conversation starter.
"So, what was the case Dad wanted us to do?" He asked, turning so he was lying on his back, but his head still in Dean's lap.
"Can we leave the new case for tomorrow?" Dean groaned, just wanting to relax right now. "I mean, sure Dad gives us a new case but it can wait." He added, looking down at his little brother.
"I just wanna know what we're hunting." Sam shrugged. "Then we can leave tomorrow." He added, smiling kindly, in his own innocent way.
"Fine, we're hunting a Vampire, or a nest of Vampires. Not sure, that's what research is for my Geeky little brother." Dean replied, sending a silent hint that Sam was gonna get started in research when they started the actual case itself.
He still remembered what happed two years ago. He had lost his brother because of his own choice of abandoning, for a dick that didn't even care about him or his family. A dick that was just using him for the way he was with girls. If only Dean had seen what Reece was doing before his little brother ran out of the house the day he died.
It was like a constant nightmare, still reoccurring to this day. Every time he closed his eyes he was still haunted by the very moment his brothers hand left his and fell lifelessly on the ground. So, no one could really blame him when he said that he didn't want to watch any 'horror' movies. No one could really blame him when he became patient, or accepting of Sam's overgrown fear of abandonment. No one could blame him for allowing his little brother to hold on, when the last time he let go, he wasn't going to come back.
But he did. By some miracle someone came and said that they needed his little brother alive. It wasn't just Dean that needed his Sammy, but it was something over-powering him as a human, something that had the ability to bring his little brother back to life. Sam kept on saying that he was an Angel. Sooner or later, Dean would start believing it too. In fact, he didn't know what to believe. Other than the fact that he almost lost his brother that day. Hell… he did lose his brother that day. But, after everything… his little brother Sammy came back to him.
"What about this?" Dean asked, flicking the channel onto a random show called 'Pawn Stars'.
"Sounds good to me." Sam replied, turning his body back so he could see the TV. Dean and Sam just sat, watching TV for a good while. Dean sipping on his beer, a little while later he went to take another sip. And realised it was empty. As Dean went to get up, all hell broke loose.
"Where are you going?" Sam asked in a rush, Dean could barely understand what he said, but knew to tread carefully, because this is how Sam got when his whole 'fear of abandonment' kicked in.
"I'm not going far. Just into the kitchen, I need another beer. It's okay Sammy, I'll be right back." Dean reassured, gently prying himself away from Sam.
"How long will that take?" Sam asked even faster than before, his eyes going wide at the knowledge that Dean was leaving, even if he was going to be in the other room. Sam didn't like it, not at all.
"Not long, just stay here." Dean ordered, but it all went unheard as Sam got up.
"I'm coming with you." He murmured, grabbing onto the sleeve of Dean's jacket.
"Don't you wanna stay and watch TV?" Dean asked, knowing that Sam was coming with him whether he gave him a reason to stay or not. Sam was in his 'fear' mode, and that meant that he would be clinging to Dean. Not that Dean cared, it was better than to have Sam here, then for him to still be dead.
"I'm. Coming. With. You." Sam told again, slower this time and looking directly up at Dean. Sam had hit a growth spurt over the past two years. But he was still a head smaller then Dean. But Dean knew this voice. Sam was scared. Borderline terrified. Going from normal to never wanting to leave Dean's side, it was a usual happening. And Dean was used to it by now.
"Okay, come on then." Dean smiled nicely, Sam let go of his jacket and followed him into the kitchen. As Dean went to get a beer, Sam went to go and answer the suddenly ringing phone.
"Hello." Sam greeted through the phone, not knowing who it was due to the private number.
"Hey Sam."
"Bobby!" Sam cheered excitedly, he was always super happy to hear from Bobby, ever since he had the realisation that Bobby was never going to abandon him, not like Dean would. Not like Dean still might, and that made him scared.
"How are ya Sammy?" Bobby asked, glad to hear the youngest Winchester's voice. He was always glad to hear his voice, even more so since he passed. Since the Angelic Creature bought him back to life.
"I'm good. It's good to hear ya Bobby." Sam smiled. Dean was always slightly jealous of how Sam would light up even when Bobby's name was mentioned in a conversation. But he also owed Bobby his life for being there for Sam when he hadn't been. It just resulted in Sam connecting himself with Bobby in a way he connects with Dean. Except Dean knows that their brother bond was much stronger, or Sam would be clinging onto Bobby instead of Dean.
"It's good to hear from you too Sam. Hey, is your brother around?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah, he's right here. Want me to put you on speaker?" Sam replied, looking towards Dean. Dean opened the beer bottle and looked at Sam with concern.
"No, this is something I have to discuss with your brother." Bobby commented. Sam immediately moved the phone and gave it to Dean. He didn't want to disappoint Bobby, but was still slightly upset that Bobby didn't call to talk to him, he called to speak with Dean instead.
"Hey Bobby." Dean spoke through the phone, watching as Sam sat down at the kitchen table of their latest no-named motel.
"Hey Dean, how's that brother of yours doing? Had any moments yet?" Bobby asked, concerned for the youngest.
"Almost had one before, but I fixed it. Like always." Dean replied, filling Bobby in without giving a hint to Sam that Dean was talking about him.
"Okay. And what about you, haven't snapped or anything yet?" Bobby wondered.
"How could I snap? After what happened? I feel better when he's having one of his moments, or when he's clingy. Let's me know that he'll always need me." Dean replied, by this point Sam had caught onto the conversation, and was giving Dean a look of confusion. Dean just gave Sam a thumbs up in response.
"I just called to see how you and Sam were doing. I know how excited that kid gets when I tune in." Bobby commented.
"Alrighty well. I should hand him the phone then. It was good to hear from you Bobby." Dean smiled, knowing that the old-Hunter couldn't see the smile. But it truly was good to hear from Bobby, after spending a while from not hearing him at all.
"You too Dean, take care of yourself okay." Bobby ordered.
"Will do." Dean replied before taking the phone from his ear and handing it back to Sam, a smile immediately coming back to his features after the muffled voice of Bobby began talking to him.
Sam looked back at Dean and snickered. "I will but you know how he is." Sam smiled, Dean knew they were talking about him, but he didn't care. Because as soon as Sam smiled, so did he. "Yep, sure thing Bobby. You too. Buh-bye." Sam finished up, before hanging up the phone. "I like it when he calls." Sam stated with a smile.
"Me too Sammy, me too." Dean agreed, just watching his little brother before setting how now empty beer on the counter. "Now, we better get some sleep, we've got a long drive and a big hunt tomorrow. Early start." Dean commented, moving around to exit the kitchen.
"Wait!" Sam called, Dean stopped right before he exited the doors, turning around to see Sam, wide eyed and scared. Sam stood up and walked to Dean. Stopping when he was right beside Dean. "Now go." He finished. And Dean realised that he was about to walk away from Sam.
-Stupid move Dean… stupid move.-
He shook the thought away and continued into the bedroom, discarding his jacket and jeans before getting into bed. Noticing Sammy doing the same.
"Goodnight Sam." Dean whispered.
"Goodnight Dean." Sam responded before the lights were turned off.
"I can't feel… anything."
"I'm dying."
"Love… you… De'n."
"SAM!"
"I was begging you not to leave me alone."
"I'm dying."
"I'm dying."
"I'm dying."
"SAM!"
"SAM!" Dean shot up in awakening, covered in sweat and shaking from the recent nightmare. The same nightmare that he still had to this day. All about the day two
years ago. TWO YEARS AGO! And he was still haunted by the events that took place. Looking to the side he noticed it was only 4:15AM, still needing to go back to sleep but not having the willpower to do so he looked over at Sam. Who himself, was having a nightmare.
Tossing and turning in his sleep, a frown on his face and his shoulders tense. Whimpering, whispering, pleading for Dean to stop. The word 'No, please' whimpering from his voice every now and again. And Dean knew that Sam was having his own series of nightmares from that day two bloody years ago. The same day they'd both never forget. And of course, with the Winchester luck, it just had to be on Sam's birthday.
Dean got out of his bed and walked towards Sam. Needing to wake his little brother up, needing for Sammy to just be okay. Yet not knowing the right words to say. Dean was never good at the whole chick-flick talks. Everyone knew that, it was usually Sam, in his own empathetic, sympathetic mind that people could find comfort in. They were told what they wanted to know by going to Sam for advice. When going to Dean, they were told the truth, no matter how much it hurt.
"Sammy." Dean whispered lightly, trying to gently awaken Sam, he sat on the edge of his bed, placing his right hand on Sam's cheek and the other on the bed to level himself up.
"Dean… please… no." Sam was crying. Begging Dean, he knew that Sam was begging for Dean not to leave him. They've played this same game way too many times to forget the rules.
"I'm not going anywhere Sammy. I'm staying right here." Dean whispered, lying down beside his brother and placing an arm over his torso to calm him. And like always, it worked. Sam's shoulders untensed, his frown disappeared, making him look much more peaceful. He stopped moving around and begging Dean not to go. Dean closed his eyes, calm with feeling the rhythm of Sam's beating heart. He closed his eyes and fell back to sleep.
Dean woke up, this time not in fear. But in full energy. Stretching his arm out to feel for the missing seventeen-year-old, but finding that Sam was no longer in bed. Dean shot up fearfully then. Looking around the room, if Sam wasn't in the bed then he had to be somewhere in the motel. Different thoughts running through Dean's mind. What if…? No, he couldn't think anything negative, there had to be a reasonable explanation for Sam's departure. And if not, then Dean would kick his ass. Sammy never left Dean's side, unless he was in his adventurous type mood, but that never lasted long. He never went too far, because of his fear of abandonment.
Dean got out of bed, walking out of the bedroom and into the living room, not seeing any sight that Sam had been in the living room, yet hearing the faint sound of tapping. Walking into the kitchen, following the tapping. He saw Sam on the laptop, sitting down beside him, Dean wondered what he was doing.
"What're we researching this time my Geeky little brother?" Dean breathed out in relief, knowing that his brother didn't leave. Sam, who was elated that he could now see Dean, and Dean was now talking to him. Grabbed hold of the shirt above Dean's chest. Making sure Dean couldn't leave him.
"Autophobia." Sam whispered, he always spoke in whispers when he was fearful. But spoke loudly when either working a hunt, or when he was reassured that Dean wasn't going anywhere.
"What's that? And when did we decide on using big words Geek-Boy?" Dean asked. Sam, in response turned the laptop so it was facing Dean, who decided to read out loud.
"Autophobia, fear of isolation. A dread of being alone or isolated. Sufferers need not be physically alone, but just to believe that they are being ignored or unloved. Why the hell are you researching this?" Dean asked, hiding his worry. It wasn't enough to know that Sam just had to be alone in a room to make his abandonment issues occur, but now they could happen when he believes he's being ignored or unloved, whether that be true or not was up to his own mind.
"Because I wanted to know what's wrong with me, but now that I know I'd rather not know. What if you don't leave me physically, but instead I think you're leaving me mentally Dean. Why is everything so messed up?" Sam responded with question, clearly upset and hating his phobia, it was one of the worst phobias to have. Given that they were hunters, and hunters needed to separate on cases every now and again. Hence why John had left for a completely different case, almost on the other side of the State.
"Well now we just have to be careful. And pack up because we got places to go and monsters to hunt." Dean smiled kindly. Shutting down the laptop and packing it into Sam's duffle. Sam stood from the chair and followed Dean into the bedroom, making sure to grab all of his essentials before packing them neatly into his duffle, whereas Dean just threw his belongings in without a care in the world.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, take a leak and pack what's in there, why don't you start packing your stuff into the Impala once you're done?" Dean asked, looking towards Sam who's eyes immediately widened at the thought of not being able to see Dean.
"Um… s-sure… yeah… okay. Can do…" Yet, Sam still wanted to prove that he wasn't Autophobic, that he was able to be by himself and do things on his own, that he wasn't completely useless for hunting. "Uhhh… pack the Impala… got it…" he mumbled, turning around and making sure everything was in his duffle.
-What're you doing?! Stop! Dean's gonna leave you alone! You can't be left alone!-
"It's okay…" Sam whispered, exiting the motel room and walking towards the Impala. "You're okay, everything's okay. Nothing's gonna happen. Dean's just in the bathroom." He continued to reassure himself that everything was fine. He couldn't let himself believe that everything was doomed now that he was alone and not in the safety of Dean's aura.
-Look around you! You're alone! Alone! Alone! Isolated!-
"Shut up… I'm fine… it's okay." Sam opened the trunk to the Impala, and placed his duffle, backpack and a few of the shared belongings inside. Now all that was needed was the toiletries backpack and Dean's duffle. Sam closed his eyes, leaning himself against the back of the Impala, just to make sure he didn't fall. Breathing in and out, slowly.
-ABANDONED!-
"No!" Sam gasped out, opening his eyes and looking around him fearfully. He couldn't be alone, refused to be left abandoned. "Dean!" Sam cried out, not able to move. Then, flashes of two years ago came back.
Flashback
"No!" I barked out, making him stop as he went to open the motel door. "I don't understand why you always ditch me whenever you get a change!" I snapped angrily, walking towards him and slamming the door close. He wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't letting him this time. I needed him to stay, and no matter how much I would deny admitting it, I needed my big brother to stay with me tonight. It sounded selfish but I really didn't care. "I don't care what you promise your friends. We're drifting further and further apart Dean. And I'm sick of the constant silence. You always find something better to do whenever we're together, you always make promise you can't keep! Just stay here for tonight and tomorrow and then I promise you can do whatever! Please!" I pleaded, just needing him to stay. He looked at me with wide eyes before looking at the door. He was going to leave.
"What could be so important that you have to choose Reece over your own brother!" I angrily raged out, I was angry… hell… I was furious, no matter what I said Dean just wasn't getting it. It wasn't clicking into his head that I just wanted him… needed him to stay tonight. I needed him to remember tomorrow. Or I'd just lose hope altogether.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that Sam! We are with each other all the time, it's not my fault that you're suddenly clingy and needy for attention! I've given up my entire life for you and I didn't have to. I am going out with my friends whether you like it or not!" I could tell he was angry, but I didn't seem to care. I didn't really seem to feel anything other than pain and sadness.
"Why do you always have to leave me?" I whispered sadly, he had turned around to walk out of the motel. And it was a good thing too, because if he was looking at me… he would've seen my tears.
"Because they're just better than you." Dean growled, leaving the motel. I was shocked, I couldn't even move. I couldn't even be bothered to wipe the tears from my eyes. The tears that just kept falling no matter what I thought or did. My feet were glued to the ground. It was like a Demon was holding me in place.
End of Flashback
"Sammy! Sam! Look at me!" Sam turned his eyes, facing the one calling him. He could barely hear above the ringing of his ears. Could barely see through the blurriness of his eyes. Yet even though it was all foggy, he just knew from the light pitter pattering on his face that it was Dean. It made him feel slightly comfortable, but it also made him realise that he couldn't breathe.
"De'… better… better th'n me…" Sam coughed, trying to breathe. But finding it incredibly difficult.
"I'm here Sammy, don't talk okay. Just breathe. Look, follow my breathing." Dean grabbed hold of Sam's hand and placed it on his heart. Hoping that by feeling his heartbeat, Sam would calm down. And eventually, Sam did calm down. "They're not better then you buddy." He murmured, knowing Sam couldn't hear him.
"Let's hall ass, I wanna put as many miles between us and this place as possible." Sam got to fully look at Dean, who was dressed differently and ready to go. A smile on his face.
"Didn't leave." Sam stated strongly, mostly talking to himself. Partly talking to Dean. Happy and relieved that his brother didn't leave him. That his brother didn't want to leave him.
"And leave you stranded here on your own. Please, have faith in me little brother." Dean chuckled, trying to make it seem like a joke. But just wanting to get in the car, just needing his little brother to get out of his Autophobic mood and go back to normal.
The drive there was quiet, not an awkward kinda quiet, but a peaceful kinda quiet. Everything that needed to be said was already spoken through the silence. Other than the low volumed voice of Metallica keeping things slightly less quiet. But no voice was spoken to break the silence. Both brothers were just… quiet.
Sam seemed to be doing better though, throughout the entire drive there he didn't really speak, but he didn't cling onto Dean either. And when they arrived at the town of their latest Vampire case, both getting out of the car and heading into the front desk to get themselves a motel room for however long they'd be there. Sam didn't immediately rush to Dean's side, he kept his cool. Telling both Dean and Sam that his Autophobic moments were over. For now, at least. But neither of them knew when it would spike up again.
"You check us in and I'll get start getting the bags from the trunk." Sam was the one to suggest the separation, it wasn't that surprising, usually when he was in 'Normal-Sam-Mode' he was… well… normal. Yet still, Dean continued to keep an eye on him, just making sure that the now known as Autophobia didn't arise.
Dean still couldn't believe that Sam's fear of abandonment was an actual fear that other people had, granted they probably didn't have it due to the same reasons Sam had it, because their brothers probably weren't complete idiotic, dipshits at the time. Yeah, Dean was totally getting the 'Best Brother of the Year' Award.
The brothers walked into the motel, dropping their bags on their usual beds, Dean with the one closest to the door, Sam with the one furthest away. Yet both knowing that they would end up in each other's beds during the night, stupid nightmares.
"I was thinking…" Dean began, knowing that Sam heard him whether his brother looked at him or not.
"That's never a good sign." Sam chuckled as he got out his laptop and went to the kitchen table to begin researching.
"Funny Geek-Boy. How about we go down to the bar tonight? Ask questions about the recent killings, might be able to get some information that you won't find on that device that you're so intrigued with." Back to the playful banter, knowing that his brother wasn't in a sensitive state, playful banter was always a good sign.
"I don't know. I have a feeling you're just gonna go off and either hustle pool until some chick comes up to you, or you're just gonna go find some chick instead." Sam smirked, knowing exactly what his brother had in mind, and it wasn't research.
"Oh, come on Sammy, a man has got needs." Dean pleaded, shutting the lid of the laptop playfully.
"Hey!" Sam grumbled, opening the laptop back up again, having to turn it on and find the part he was up to within his research, Dean rolled his eyes. The amount of research this kid could do in a matter of minutes was flawless and always seemed to amaze him. Although Dean was happy because it meant that he barely had to do any of the research. Sam looked towards Dean, seeing a bright smile on his face, not wanting to take that smile away Sam nodded his head and agreed. "Fine, we can make an appearance."
Yet Sam didn't know that this was a slight test. Dean was going to set it up so Sam was almost going to be alone all night, just to see how far gone his 'Autophobia', -bloody name- really was.
Dean cheered, fist pumping the air at the agreement of Sam, happy that his little brother hadn't caught on to his plans. "Yes!" Was the only excited response Dean could conjure up.
"But as soon as I see you flirt with some girl I'm gone, I know full well what you plan to do and you don't need me there for it." Sam chuckled, typing away on the computer he adored so much.
"Good enough for me Geek-Boy. Imma go shower, then unless you wanna shower we'll head off for dinner then the bar." Dean commented, walking towards the shower slowly, waiting for a response.
"I had a shower this morning, don't need another one. Go for it." Sam stated, not taking his eyes off his laptop, but still rolling them at the nickname Dean had.
"Geek." Dean murmured before grabbing a change of clothes, a towel and the toiletries bag to unpack in the bathroom. Hoping that Sam's Autophobia was long gone for at least this entire Vampire hunt.
"Right, I'm off to hustle. Get your Geek-Boy ass off your laptop and socialize with people Sammy. Have fun." Dean stated, ruffling his brother's hair before walking away before hearing a response, he stood at a pool table that gave him a perfect view of his little brother, not wanting to take his eyes off him in case Sam started to have one of his attacks.
"Ya play?" Some biker dude with some sorta weird, yet country like accent spoke beside Dean, who had looked towards him and raised his eyebrow at the competition.
"I used to play. But gave up because I just kept on loosing." Dean lied through his teeth, yet he didn't have to know that. Dean snuck a quick glance towards Sam, who was unsurprisingly still on his laptop. He rolled his eyes before turning back to face the biker dude.
"Names Raelyn." He commented, holding his hand out with a cheeky smile that Dean recognized as his own.
"How the hell do you spell that?" Dean asked with a chuckle. "Names Dean." He added unconsciously giving his real name. Oh well, what harm could it do?
"Nice ta meetcha Dean, names spelt R.A.E.L.Y.N. Different I know, but in my family different is better than the normal ya see 'round ya today." Raelyn chuckled.
"Amen to that Raelyn." Dean smirked.
"Wanna play? Betcha $300 for winners." Raelyn offered, Dean's eyes widened at the offer, jeez, even rich-ass people didn't go for that much on the first game. "I know I'm throwin' money 'round like no tomorrow, but I have a strong feelin' that imma win this." He added with a smirk.
"You're on Raelyn." Dean smiled, completely forgetting about keeping an eye on Sam as he began playing with his newfound friend.
Sam however, was still seated at his table, sneaking swift glances towards Dean to make sure he was okay, and seeing the biker didn't help relief his tension. Dean was gonna hustle that guy, and he wasn't gonna respond well to it.
"Hey, what're ya doin' in a bar? Ya look underage?" A girl came up to him and asked.
"So, throw me out." Sam stated, not paying attention, just watching the biker guy and making sure his brother wasn't in any trouble.
"I would. If I wasn't concerned, doesn't look like ya drinkin' anythin', just looks as if ya watchin' someone. Which one and what's his name?" The girl asked, taking a seat in front of him, Sam turned to look at her in confusion. So, she wasn't going to kick him out? She had long, scruffy red hair, bright blue eyes and freckles. She was pretty, but Sam knew that there was something off about her. As soon as anyone sane got note of an underage kid being in a bar they wouldn't risk it with the police, they'd kick him out straight away.
"One with the brownish worn out leather jacket, gold necklace. The biggest one of the two playing pool over there." Sam informed, what could go wrong with telling her? Even if there was something wrong. She would already know who they are. Because she hadn't kicked him out.
"What's his name? Why are ya staring at him like he's gonna disappear any moment?" She wondered, kindness in her eyes, she had a weird country accent, he hadn't heard it before. Should Sam tell her? Tell her his greatest weakness. It would do more harm than good, so he decided to keep quiet.
"His names Dean." Sam stated, and could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew now was an appropriate time to stop asking such personal questions about him. Because he wasn't giving her any answers anytime soon.
"He ya boyfriend or somethin'?" She wondered with a slight chuckle.
"EW! NO!" Sam laughed. "Dean's my brother." He continued to laugh, not really knowing why everyone thought they were in a relationship, it wasn't the first time someone had made a comment or asked a question like that. But it always made Sam laugh because he knew exactly the reaction they'd get from Dean.
"Of course, I can kinda see the resemblance." She smirked.
"You can?" Sam asked casually, he sure as hell couldn't see the resemblance between him and Dean.
"Yeah, I catch onto these things quickly kid." She winked playfully at him, not in a seductive way, just a playful way, like she was gonna cause trouble or something. Sam threw all his questions out the window; this girl was nice. He didn't know why he thought different, because she was just different. Maybe she just wanted a friend or something.
"My names Serena, the biker lookin' guy with ya brother, that's my boyfriend Raelyn. That's why I wanted to come over here, I figured since our two are talkin' we might as well get to know each other." Serena smiled.
"Sam." Sam introduced with a smile of his own before looking back towards Dean, not in worry of him being thrown against a wall and stabbed, but just making sure he was still there. And he was, this time sitting on a different table enjoying a drink with his newfound friend.
"How do you spell Ray-Lan?" he asked curiously, not knowing the name.
"Rare name huh? Spelt R.A.E.L.Y.N. And it suits him, he's a pretty rare person." Serena replied, noticing that Sam kept his eyes on his brother.
"So, why're you lookin' at him like ya scared he'll leave or somethin'?" she wondered curiously. What harm would it do to tell her? She obviously just wanted to be his friend. Just like Raelyn wanted to be Dean's.
"I have this weird thing. I've had it since I turned fifteen, in fact it kinda came up on my birthday. Autophobia. But it's incredibly bad. I'm alright now, but I just have these days where it gets the better of me." Sam informed.
"I know what Autophobia is. My little sister had it." Serena looked down sadly.
"Had? What happened?" Sam asked, immediately regretting the question. "Sorry! Didn't mean to pry or anything." Sam whispered after seeing how depressed her expression got.
"It's okay Sam. She's in a better place where she no longer has Autophobia. She was killed in a feud between our parents. Our Dad killed her all because she relied too much on me to keep her safe." Serena whispered sadly, yet slightly in anger. Sam gasped in shock, he couldn't even imagine his father killing him because of his fear of abandonment. In fact, throughout the timespan he's had it, John has been much more careful and considerate around him.
"Well, Autophobia or not. I'm glad I've met you." Sam smiled, lightening up the mood. He held out his hand for her to shake.
"Glad I metcha too Sam." She smiled kindly, shaking his hand in response. Yet Sam felt something at the touch, and his complete mood changed to alert. She felt… cold. And when he touched her… he saw… darkness. It reminded him of…. Death.
Oh shit. He looked towards Dean, only realising that Dean wasn't there.
"I-I have to go." Sam stuttered, shutting his laptop and getting up from his seat.
"What's wrong Sam?" Serena asked, she looked concern. But Sam didn't know what she was really thinking. He didn't know how he saw, or what he saw, but he trusted it to tell him that she wasn't natural.
"N-nothing. I've just gotta go. Dean's probably on his way to the motel or something." Shit! He just gave away where they were.
-Shut up Sam. Shut up. Just stop talking.-
"Don't worry about Dean, he's probably out with Raelyn." Serena reassured with a slight chuckle, now that Sam knew what he knew, the chuckle sent shivers down his spine. She wasn't good. And he had stupidly told her too much.
"I'm too young to be here anyway. I gotta go." Sam stuttered, quickly turning around and walking out. She didn't follow him, which was a really, really good sign. Or so he thought.
As soon as Sam got back to the motel he called out Dean's name. Yet, Dean wasn't there.
"No! No, he hasn't. He's been kidnapped. That's all, I'll find him." Sam promised himself, placing the laptop on his bed. He refused to have one of his Autophobic moments, he refused to let Dean down when he could be in trouble.
He wrestled through his pocket to get his phone, even if he wanted to hide his panic, he couldn't. He was scared, hell… he was terrified. Dean had to pick up.
Ring… ring… ring… ring… He wasn't answering, he had to answer. They couldn't have caught them both of guard. They couldn't have gotten his brother. Ring… ring… ring… "Please Dean, answer your phone." Ring… ring… "No, no. Dean answer me you dick!" Ring… "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." "Dean pick up your phone, you always answer. Please call me. We gotta talk about something."
Soon, Sam snapped. Dean always answered his phone, never left it off and never left the battery to die. Especially if they were parting ways. What if something happened? What if Dean was dead? What if Dean wasn't coming back?
-What if he left?-
Sam grabbed the table lamp from the coffee table in front of the sofa and threw it across the room. He was angry, he was worried. And he didn't know how to control it. This wasn't Sam worried about abandonment… okay, maybe it was… a little bit. This was Sam worried that something had happened, and he had been to careless to keep an eye on him.
So, he tried again. Ring… ring… ring… ring… "Why aren't you answering your phone." Ring… ring… ring… What if something happened? What could happen? What if they kidnapped him? What if they were torturing him? Draining him of his blood. Ring… ring… It was obvious that they were Vampires. But Dean could handle himself… right? Ring… "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." "Dean if you don't answer your phone… if you don't call me back. I will bring you back here and kill you myself. Raelyn is evil okay. I met his girlfriend or 'mate' or whatever. They're the Vampire's Dean!" Sam ordered angrily. In fact, he was furious. "Call me back."
Maybe he should try waiting for a bit? Maybe Dean was okay? Maybe he was just out with Raelyn? Maybe he really was fine? Bullshit. They were all 'maybe's'. Sam knew that in their line of work, Dean was more dead than alive right now. But he made himself wait. Ordered himself to stay still and wait for Dean to return, or at least let him know he was safe.
Sam grabbed a pillow from his bed and threw it across the room, realising it didn't satisfy him, he grabbed a glass cup and threw that instead. Soon realising that he was destroying the entire room, flipping the tables and chairs, smashing everything. Breaking it all. This wasn't Sam in panic mode, this was Sam in a manic mode. Soon reaching manic hysteria mode. And it wasn't looking good.
Half an hour past, or, if you asked Sam. He'd say hours passed. The room was completely messed. And Dean had yet to answer. Sam looked towards the alarm clock, realising he'd broken that too, so he checked his watch instead. 11:43PM. If he was with a girl he'd at least call, or leave his phone on. Sam tried calling again, figuring he left it long enough.
Ring… ring… ring… ring… "DEAN!" Ring… ring… ring… "ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!" Ring… ring… "YOU HAVE A PHONE FOR A REASON YOU JERK!" Ring… "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." "Please… Dean. I-… I'm scared. Just… just let me know you're okay. At least let me know you're okay. Love you."
Sam was done being nice. He was done trying to hold it all in. So, rage immediately filled his mind. Spreading through him like wildfire. If the motel room wasn't completely destroyed before, it sure was now.
A little while of destruction, and Sam in between both freaking out, mental rage and losing his mind completely. Dean decided it was an appropriate time to walk through the door, smiling and laughing like nothing was wrong. Once turning around, his smile dropped and his eyes widened at the mess. Nothing in the room was the same. It was all destroyed. Except his things. His bed, his duffle bag, his backpack. Everything that belonged to Dean was fine. The rest on the other hand, was… everywhere. There were even holes in the damn walls. And Sam wasn't anywhere in sight.
"Sam!" Dean called. Looking around the mess, stepping over clusters of wood, glass, paper, material. Everything was a mess. And it made Dean realise that this was a complete new side of Sam's mania. If this was Sam at all. It could've been something else. Something looking for him or his brother. And that freaked Dean out.
"SAM!" Dean called again, not seeing any sign of forced entry, or blood, just signs of forced anger. Maybe this was Sam. It sure didn't look like something his brother would do.
"Where were you?" Dean shot around and saw his brother. Seated on the ground in between the beds, just staring off into nowhere.
"I was out with Raelyn, he's-…" Dean was cut off.
"I know who he is Dean. If you had answered your phone, or even checked your messages. You'd realise who he really was too." Sam growled, his voice dangerously low. He wasn't angry, Dean knew that. He was just in a form of mania that Dean had never even seen before. Mainly because he never let it get this far. But, now that it has. Dean didn't know how to control it. He didn't know how to get his usual Sammy back.
"You didn't leave a-…" He was cut off again.
"Check your phone." Sam ordered, standing up and looking, accusingly at Dean. Who in response, got out his phone and turned it on. 3 missed calls. All from Sam. Shit. He screwed up. To see if it would help, he played the messages, placing the phone on loudspeaker.
"Message One." - "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." - "Dean pick up your phone, you always answer. Please call me. We gotta talk about something." Okay, so this was normal Sam… When did it turn into this Sam?
"Message Two." - "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." - "Dean if you don't answer your phone… if you don't call me back. I will bring you back here and kill you myself. Raelyn is evil okay. I met his girlfriend or 'mate' or whatever. They're the Vampire's Dean! ... … …. … Call me back." Damn… okay partially angry Sam. But not enough to cause this. Lucky last… right?
"Message Three." – "You've reached Dean. Leave a message." - "Please… Dean. I-… I'm scared. Just… just let me know you're okay. At least let me know you're okay. Love you." Oh shit… breaking point. When was it sent? Eleven PM, what time is it now? Three PM! Oh Hell, breaking point. Definitely.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realise-…" he was cut off by a cluster of hysterical laughter. Okay, manic hysteria. This was the Sam that Dean could deal with.
"You didn't-… You didn't realise." Sam laughed. "Please. Don't feed me your bullshit." He growled. "I was sitting here, all night basically begging for you to be okay. Wondering whether you were dead." Back to laughing. This was the Sam that Dean knew what to do with. "I was… I was terrified that I'd never see you again. I tried to-…" Dean cut off, Sam was in rambling mode. He was winding down. All Dean needed to do was reassure and listen. Make sure that Sam knew he was now here. His little brother was falling again. And after two years of nothing but staying up, making sure his that Sam was up with him. Dean couldn't let him fall back to what he was on the day he died. Sam was going to bolt, and Dean could see it. So, before he bolted, before he got himself killed… again… he had to do something.
"Sam. I'm sorry." Dean whispered, pulling Sam in for a hug. Knowing full well that Sam would resist at first, and then break down. This part… this part wasn't part of his plan. Leaving Sam to hang with a Vampire. That wasn't the plan either. Leaving Sam to worry this much… damn. Nothing went to plan. And that's why Sam was in this state. Because Dean didn't even know his phone was ringing. He was having too much fun. With a damn Vampire. But he had some helpful things to say, his girlfriend Serena, her sister had Autophobia. And Dean got some helpful advice. Advice Raelyn called Rules of Abandonment. And Dean was right. Sam did try to resist. Until he couldn't anymore, and instead of trying to push Dean away, the small, seventeen-year-old grabbed hold of Dean's shirt and cried.
"I was scared. Shit, I was so scared. Please don't leave me. Please. I don't want to be alone. Why did you leave me alone?" Sam sobbed. Not letting go, not even giving Dean a hint that he was letting go.
-Because they're just better than you.-
"I didn't leave you alone Sammy. I'm right here." Dean's voice was a mere whisper to Sam, who had barely heard it.
"No. No, no. They can't be better! They're Vampires!" Sam panicked, trying to push Dean away again.
"They aren't better." Dean reassured, going along with the workings of his little brothers twisted up mind. Trying to untie the knots. "They aren't better then you. No one is better than you." That's when he came up with the idea. Saying what he said two years ago, saying what he still remembered to this day. And luckily. It worked.
"Love you Sammy. Hold onto that. Don't let anyone, or anything tell you otherwise. And when you can, you come back to me. I'll wait… always and forever… little brother." Sam calmed down after that. Listening to his brother's words, his heartbeat, his breathing. He calmed down. Turning back into the Sam he was at the bar, before all this mess occurred. Yet still a bit fragile. Not that any of the Winchester's would admit it.
"Now what do you say to getting the hell outta here. You go wait in the car and I'll pack your things. Can't let management know what's happened to their room." Dean smirked, kissing his little brothers head before moving away from him slightly, making sure Sam was okay with the distance before setting into action.
"Okay. I'll take your things and put them in the Impala." Sam whispered, moving away and picking up all of Dean's stuff. Dean made sure Sam was okay with leaving the motel room before springing to action and picking up all of Sam's belongings, moving into the kitchen and bathroom for the toiletries and the shared belongings. Packing them all away.
A brief time later Dean had exited the motel room packed the stuff and went to check out, making sure Sam was alright as he went. But by the time he came back, he realised Sam was no longer in, nor around the car.
"Sam!" He called out, worried. "SAM!" he called again after receiving no response. He turned back around to face the car, seeing a figure behind him. Before he could spring to action and defend himself. He felt a sharp pain, and blacked out.
"Welcome to the land of the living." They uncovered his eyes, blinking furiously to try and get used to the light surrounding him, his head hurting, he looked around. Where was he.
"De'n." he croaked, trying to locate wherever his brother was. "DEAN!" he screamed again, realising that Dean wasn't with him.
"Enough. This one's mine." Sam recognized that voice. Serena.
"Dean." Sam whispered again, freaking out as he tried to release his arms.
"Come on Serena… just one taste." A gruff voice growled, pleading. He wanted to eat Sam. And Sam wanted to see Dean.
"Please." Sam begged. "Where's my brother?" he whispered, needing to know the answer. He didn't beg often, but when it came to Dean, rules change.
"Probably drained out. Serena doesn't have the same rules with Deanie Beanie as she does with you." The deep voice chuckled. Causing Sam's panic to flare.
"No! Dean!" He screamed, tears pooling in his eyes.
-He's probably dead.-
-He's probably broken free and left you here to die.-
"No! No, please! Where's Dean? No!" Sam panicked.
"You moron! Why the hell would you go and say that for!?" Serena barked. "Get out of my sight before I throw you to the dogs!" She ordered, Sam saw everyone run out of the room with undeniable speed. "Don't worry Sam, I didn't let anyone touch your brother. You both remind me of my sister and I." she chuckled. "Before I killed her." Serena laughed as panic was shown on Sam's face again.
"I-… I thought you said." Sam stuttered, scared.
"Do you always listen to what a Vampire tells you Sam? No wonder it was easy to locate you and your brother." Serena smirked. "I suppose I should let Dean go. He'd be thrilled to abandon you." Serena giggled. Knowing the word 'abandon' would make the small boy snap.
"NO!" Was all Dean could hear when he woke up. Knowing immediately that it was Sam's voice. He sounded terrified, yet angry. But Dean recognised a part of his voice, it sounded… abandoned.
"Sam? Where am I? What have you done to my brother?" Dean asked, turning to face… Raelyn? "Sam knew it was you." Dean growled. Trying to release himself from the captive hold of the rope.
"The youngest Hunter is a smart one. But there's something else about him. I recognise April in him. Must be the Autophobia." Raelyn sighed.
"You leave Sam out of this. Because he isn't gonna die because of some sorta messed up feud you've got going on with their parents or whatever." Dean snapped.
"Is that really what you believe? Serena killed April because she eventually got sick of April's demanding nature. April just got worse and worse, so Serena killed her. The feud started after that, everyone's been hunting Serena down since." Raelyn snapped right back, accusingly. Basically, mad at Dean for believing that anyone other than Serena killed April.
"You loved April?" Dean saw the look, he knew it well.
"Yeah. I did. And to get revenge I've had to pretend to adore Serena. She killed the only Mate I could ever have. Vampires Mate for life, and mine was April. I was like you, I didn't care about her Autophobia. I was there for her more than Serena was. But still, April only needed Serena to make her feel like she wasn't abandoned. And Serena used it against her." Raelyn exclaimed angrily.
"Then why are you helping her. Let me go and see my brother. Please. He's probably terrified right now. He needs me!" Dean snapped, needing to convince Raelyn to let him go. Raelyn wasn't bad, he was just vengeful.
"No. Because I also see a part of Serena in you. She didn't care about anyone, at first, she didn't care about anyone other than April, then that all changed, she started to become distant. Not care about anyone other than herself. That's when she killed April. I am not going to let you kill that kid, I'll protect him with my life if I have to." Raelyn growled.
"And what do you think Serena is going to do to him once they're both alone. If she killed April she's gonna torture Sammy. Please. I'm not going to kill him, I would rather chop off all my limbs and sell my soul to the devil. Please, let me go." Dean ordered, trying to get out of the hold the ropes still had on him.
Raelyn's eyes widened at the thought of Serena hurting the kid. He couldn't let another one like them die because of Serena. Couldn't let another Psychic die at the hands of that… monster.
He rushed and ripped the ropes off Dean, who straight away ran out of the dark room. "Lead the way." He ordered Raelyn, not knowing where to go. Then he heard it. Sam's screams. Panic, torture, anger. Dean was terrified himself, although he'd never admit it.
"Sam!" Dean called, as both he and Raelyn barged through the room Sam's voice was coming from. Seeing Sam on the ground, above a clearly dead Serena, beheaded, yet he was still crushing her head with his fists every time he punched her. There was nothing around to be able to decapitate her with.
"He ripped her head off. That's not possible." Raelyn whispered, talking more to himself then to Dean, who heard him anyway. Even if he didn't want to hear what Raelyn had to say, he was way more focused on Sam at the moment anyways. "He's the exact same as April was. When they're manic angered. Nothing can stop them but the one they rely on the most."
"Sammy." Dean whispered, rushing to Sam and pulling him off Serena's dead corpse. He was coated in blood. And Dean didn't care that the stains were getting on him, he had to be with his brother. "I'm right here Sammy. Not going anywhere little brother." Dean whispered.
"Gone… gone… no! Don't leave!" Sam screamed.
"Mine!" Dean heard a voice from behind him, noticing it was Raelyn. Dean turned to look, his eyes a darker shade of their natural colour. Dean knew that Raelyn was confusing Sam with April. But Dean also knew that Raelyn was going to kill him. He lowered him and Sam to the ground, not being able to let Sam go, he covered him below him instead.
"Love you Sammy. Hold onto that. Don't let anyone, or anything tell you otherwise. And when you can, you come back to me. I'll wait… always and forever… little brother." Dean whispered, knowing it would calm Sam down, and not expecting to survive the wrath of Raelyn.
"Love you Dean." Sam whispered back, not expecting anything to go wrong. Instead of Dean feeling the attack, he felt a burning sensation, but not enough to injure or fully burn him. Turning around he saw a blue-eyed man in a trench coat. And Raelyn on the ground, eyes melted and clearly dead. He recognized the man. The same one that saved Sammy.
"You are still needed Dean Winchester. You will protect Sam, and you will save the world." He spoke. Smiling slightly before disappearing into thin air. Dean then believed, that Angels were real.
He turned back and held his brother, knowing deep down that the Angel in the trench coat world take care of the rest of the vampires. Dean held his brother, both calming down after the recent events. Both as relieved to still be alive and in each other's arms.
This is how they worked, this is what they did. And some days were better than others, whereas other days were worse. But they're just days, and they've got way more where this came from. It was going to be okay, not because they were brothers. But because it was them against the world. And throughout all the Rules of Abandonment, they've realised that as long as they are together, no longer will they ever Fall Too Far.