Time to thank those amazing people who reviewed:

Dragon MoonX, I am really glad that you are liking this so much. Honestly, all the things you pointed out were my favorites to write. And you also inspired part, okay a lot, of this chapter.

hillstar, I really never thought about their different views on hygiene until I saw your review. And serious questions are boring.

fanfictionfan1990, I'm glad you liked their letters.

This chapter is for Ginny Weasley, reviewers will be reviewed, and if I owned HP it would have ended a lot differently.

Pretty much every Death Eater knew that Voldemort had only gotten married because he had read in a magazine that any respectable Dark Lord should have a wife. There were times this was a good thing, as he could do things like have Bellatrix make him his favorite snack, lime and bacon sandwiches, or attempt to make him a nose, and all he had to do was put up with five minutes of uncomfortable snuggling afterwards.

But sometimes it wasn't such a good thing, like when he went to get into the shower and saw a note stating his wife had eloped with a house-elf.

Now being Voldemort and the most evil wizard who had ever lived, he screamed, punched his Death Eaters, and set an entire Muggle town on fire. What was her problem? He had allowed her to call him Voldemort two times a month. He had actually snuggled with her, and he was the Dark Lord and did not snuggle.

Meanwhile, Harry had a free period and was writing to Yaxley:

Dear Yaxley,

I'm sorry we couldn't go to that water park. I couldn't get tickets.

There's a hat shop in Hogsmeade. Maybe if I bought it you could get him to wear it?

I only had time to lipstick him a little bit. Sorry.

I'm glad you liked the birth announcement. When I left she looked just like me, but without the glasses.

Maybe over the winter holidays I could help you polish your goat.

Please find enclosed two Knuts for your Jelly of the Month club,

Harry J. Potter

After all, why do Transfiguration homework when you can write to a Death Eater?

"Who are you writing to?" asked Ron, who had come up behind Harry.

"Yaxley. Why?"

"You know we don't have to write to them anymore, right? I don't write to Macnair anymore."

"I know. I wrote to Yaxley all summer and I'm going to keep writing to him until I don't feel like it anymore."

Ron gave Harry an odd look and left. Harry went to the Owlery and handed Yaxley's letter to Hedwig.

Meanwhile Voldemort had sent Hermione, Lucius, and the Carrows to go find Bellatrix and bring her back. They went to the only place any of them could think of: 12 Grimmauld Place, and were arguing over who should knock on the door.

"I should. She's my sister-in-law." said Lucius, who usually did whatever he could to deny that fact.

"No, I should. I came here once." contributed Alecto. "I forget what happened next, but I woke up in a lot of pain."

"Quit bickering, all of you!" Hermione yelled, and without warning knocked on the door.

It opened to reveal Sirius standing in the doorway begging Kreacher for something.

"Hello Hermione. I heard about your, ah, unfortunate little switch. Please tell me the password, Kreacher!"

"Kreacher did not set the password. Master is always demanding things of Kreacher that Kreacher does not know."

"Please do come in. Bring your friends. Then who did set the password?"

Hermione beckoned everyone forward and, when no one else did, handed out assignments, "I'll check Kreacher's cupboard. Someone can go check upstairs, and everyone else can check the main floor."

Lucius lost their game of rock-paper-scissors, so he had to hike up the stairs and look in all the bathtubs. And by all the bathtubs, we refer to every single one of the six upstairs bathtubs.

"Why does anyone need this many bathtubs on one floor?" he thought on several different occasions.

Meanwhile Sirius was wondering why the Carrows were destroying his kitchen. Like a normal person in his situation, he asked, "Why are you destroying my kitchen? And do either of you know the password to the safe I bought last week?"

"Why would we know that?"

"We're looking for Bellatrix."

"Well, you won't find her in there." Sirius had Alecto drop the loose floorboard she was holding. "Didn't anyone check Kreacher's cupboard? She came in here a few days ago saying she'd eloped with Kreacher and has been living in his cupboard since then."

Meanwhile, Hermione had already figured this out and was trying to talk some sense into her best friend.

"Okay, so you eloped with a house-elf. Do you feel any better now that you've done that?" Hermione felt like a therapist.

"No, I'm cold and I'm tired and I'm hungry and I want to go home."

"Then let's go!"

"We can't."

"Well, why not?"

"We just can't, Hermione. The goblins."

Hermione knew from Harry that Sirius sprayed goblin spray every summer, so there wouldn't be any this soon. "What goblins?"

"The goblins that want to take over my mind in exchange for cat hair."

"Well, where are the goblins coming from?" asked Hermione, feeling like she was talking to a three-year-old.

"The Ministry." Bellatrix whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" asked Hermione, who now really felt like she was talking to a three-year-old.

"The half-bloods. They don't deserve to hear my words."

"Well, I happen to know that the Dark Lord will gladly get rid of the goblins and the half-bloods." Hermione knew nothing of the kind, but this was her first-ever mission as a Death Eater and she couldn't afford to mess it up.

She probably should have just said that in the beginning, because thirty seconds later she was rounding up the other Death Eaters and Side-Along Apparating back to headquarters.

That night, after Harry had bought a hat from a mail-order hat catalog, Yaxley had watched cartoons all day, Ron had read Neville a bedtime story, and the Death Eaters (except Hermione, who was in the shower) had been tortured for no reason whatsoever, Voldemort was interrupted from his meditating by a sharp knock at the door.

"Who are you? Please state your first name, date of birth, blood type, blood status, shoe size, favorite wizarding song, favorite Muggle song, middle name, eye color, and enclose a color photograph of yourself taken in the last six months."

"Well, my first name is Bellatrix-"

That was all the Dark Lord needed to know. "No, Bella, we are not going to snuggle!"

Well, that was longer than I meant for it to be.

I pretty much covered everything up at the top, so all I'll say is that Neville would want you to use that little box saying "type your review for this chapter here".