I apologize for not updating in a while, I really do.

Reviewer thank-yous:

i lovedifferentmixesup, I'm glad you liked the last chapter. It's one of my favorites.

fanfictionfan1990, finally someone commented on Neville's letter. I'm so glad!

hillstar, I'm really happy you liked the poems they wrote. As for more unpleasant aunt, personally I would take my chances with Bellatrix. Maybe I'll consider exploring that.

And Dragon MoonX, thank you so much for reviewing your way through this story. I really appreciate it, as well as the fact that you like it so much. I'd say more, but that might take a while.

Reviewers get reviewed and this chapter is for Antioch Peverell. Unfortunately, writing with Harry Potter characters does not mean I own Harry Potter.

Shortly after the winter holidays, Harry received a letter from Yaxley. Seeing as it was written on Christmas paper, Harry figured it was supposed to be sent earlier, but Yaxley forgot about it. He thought this was rude. Harry sent Yaxley his gift three days in advance.

Dear Harry,

Happy Christmas, dear boy! Please find enclosed your gift. I hope you like it, because I had to miss a meeting and the Dark Lord tortured me for forty-five minutes.

I got your gift. How did you know I liked beef jerky? And thank you for getting me the hat. I'll go put it on the Dark Lord when he's not angry anymore.

I don't know what you look like, but I'm sure you're flattered your cousin likes to mimic you.

You know that guy named Aberforth? At the Hog's Head? He wouldn't lend me any goat polish, so I had to Vanish his kneecaps.

I think the Dark Lord is in love. He told Bellatrix she doesn't have to pay taxes anymore. I don't know if I want to let them know I approve or sabotage them.

Lucius wants me to read to him, so I'd better go before he starts crying and saying I'm a big meanie. Bye!

Your Yaxleyness Yaxley.

PS: I meant to send this earlier, but I forgot about it.

Harry made a mental note to announce the Lucius news to the entire school the next time Draco was mean to him.

Ron was away with Lavender, Neville had gotten a new set of friends that didn't write to Death Eaters, Ginny was off playing croquet, and Luna was trying to bribe Snape to give her an Acceptable on her latest essay, so Harry was alone. He decided to just mud-wrestle with Dean Thomas.

Meanwhile, Voldemort had called a meeting to decide which Death Eater got to kill the Muggle standing outside. When he'd asked, everyone other than Hermione had raised their hands.

"And why do each of you feel you should get to do this deed?" asked the darkest wizard of all time.

"I exist only to eradicate Muggles, my Lord." said Yaxley. He felt he existed only to eat barbecued chicken, but the Dark Lord didn't need to know that.

"I just got my hair done." said Lucius, more to the other Death Eaters than their leader. Hermione made herself a mental note to cut his hair and blame it on Santa Claus. She was originally going to blame it on Narcissa, but she'd started baking Hermione cookies every week, so she changed her plans.

Voldemort thought about them both. "Anyone else?"

"Ooh! Me! Me! Me!" shouted Bellatrix, jumping into the air and waving her hands in the air like she was in kindergarten and wanted to go first at show-and-tell.

"Why do you feel that I should choose you?" Voldemort said calmly.

"Because, well, sometimes when I'm alone I close my eyes and pretend I'm a turtle." Hermione, who had walked in on this more than once, looked at her best friend as though she were insane.

Voldemort, who had also walked in on this, sighed deeply. "Go ahead. But take Granger with you."

While the other Death Eaters helped Voldemort come up with a new anti-Mudblood AHEM Muggle-born poster for his bedroom wall, Hermione and Bellatrix walked down the stairs to go end the life of that Muggle. Well, Hermione walked. Bellatrix slid down the banister, which the Malfoys never let her do.

Once they got outside, Bellatrix cast a silent Killing Curse and the Muggle was gone. "Well, shall we go back indoors then?" asked Hermione.

"NO!" shouted Bellatrix. Startled birds fled, and bunnies and Weasleys returned to their burrows.

"Why not?" For the second time in a month, Hermione felt like she was Bellatrix's therapist. Maybe the Dark Lord had only branded her with his mark so he wouldn't have to get her one.

Bellatrix gave Hermione a look that made her feel she was staring into her soul. "Will you always be my best friend?"

"I'll always be your best friend." said Hermione.

On that note, Bellatrix jumped onto Hermione's back and insisted she give her a piggyback ride. Hermione just sighed and wondered how she was ever going to get up the stairs.

Later, after Hermione had convinced Bellatrix to let Dolohov pull her up the stairs in a toboggan, and Voldemort had given Hermione three graham crackers and Bellatrix five minutes of snuggling, the two were sitting in a living room Hermione had never seen before playing a cross between Pictionary and Quidditch. Bellatrix was winning for most of the game, but when Hermione finally pulled ahead, Rodolphus popped out of one of the couch cushions and shouted, "Stupefy!" at her.

Bellatrix, who had sworn never to talk to Rodolphus again, ran out of the room to talk the Dark Lord into letting her push a handful of blood-traitors out the window. When she was gone, Rodolphus placed a sticky note onto Hermione's forehead saying, "Now we're even."

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

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