Chapter 5 -Best KP-Style Name and Best KP Original Character
The audience welcomed back Sharper as he approached the stage after the commercial break.
"And welcome back, everyone!" he said on the mic, "To present our first award for this evening, which is Best KP-Style Name is the inventor of the pink slimeball and former captive of Professor Dementor: Dr. Glopman!"
Dr. Glopman appeared on stage wearing a black 3-piece tuxedo. He was also carrying his collection of mold spores.
"Good evening, everyone!" the slime scientist said, introducing himself, "I have been invited here, not against my will, of course, to present the first award for tonight. Of course, most of the names within Kim's show are puns, so it is no different here in the world of KP fanfiction where some creative names are created, each with their own distict backgrounds and personalities. Here are tonight's nominees."
The lights dimmed down on cue as the video screen played them.
Rebecca Starlet from Nacos and a Movie by Sharper the Writer
Bonnie was driving her convertible down the highway, en route to the airport for her Junior. Yet, there was something else occupying her mind. Luckily, she had one of her new friends to share it with.
"Rebecca, I want you to be honest with me! Am I slipping off the Food Chain?" the Queen asked.
Rebecca scoffed and said, "No Bonnie! You're on top of it!"
"Well, if I am on top, then how am I getting my gossip thunder stolen?" Bonnie asked, telling her about what happened this morning.
"I don't know. Maybe it's because of the geeks?" Rebecca questioned.
"Geeks aren't supposed to know about breakups on the cheer squad!" Bonnie retorted, "They are second-to-lowest on the food chain to Stoppable!"
"They can't be all bad!" Rebecca replied, "My sis is dating one from Middleton U."
"Are you kidding me, R? They spend about 6 hours a day doing Ever-loser stuff or whatever!" Bonnie uttered.
"And K's cousin, Larry?" she then added before shuddering at the though of being seen with Larry and sharing a kiss.
Getting back to the plan,Bonnie said, "That's why I need your help to go through their computers and see what they've been up to! All my mind is focused on, right now, is meeting my Junior! And I will do all the talking! You're going to sit there and look pretty!"
Geneus from Dynamic Reversal by Emperor of Dreams
Kim didn't know how to answer that while remaining in character, so she just ignored it and focused on Geneus. "What were you doing with him?"
"Like I was explaining to these... people, before you so rudely interrupted, I was using him as a test subject for my recent project. He wasn't going to be harmed. I'm a scientist, not a murderer. I have standards."
"Then why do you call your goon squad 'Killer Clones'."
"I don't call them that; the sensationalist media calls them that. I just call them my combat clones. They are the finest muscle you'll ever find anywhere."
"Yeah, they were real impressive. With three-to-one edge they almost put up a fight."
"They are merely on the upper edge of human capability, not superhuman." Geneus looked towards Shego. "I must say, your performance was extraordinary, for a supposedly baseline human female. I could do great things with your genes."
Otto Bahn and Lynn Accurate from What's the Alma Mater by MrDrP
(Otto Bahn)
"It's over, Otto," Kim snapped as she completed her flip and landed in the flatbed of a truck that was resting precariously on top of the huge, ungainly pyramid.
"Kim Possible? How did you get up here?" the German asked, his Teutonic accent as improbably annoying as Dementor's. "It iz impossible!"
"Impossible? Check the name," she said dismissively.
"Vell, zen I am mistaken," he said, before he bowed. "Mein apologies."
"Accepted," Kim said, mildly surprised by Otto's courtesy. Still, she remained in the zone and with her arms now crossed, observed, "I've got to give you your props on your mess."
"You are zpeaking of Ze Trafficdammerung, no?" Otto reached into his pocket and withdrew a device the size of a smartphone. Then he threw open his arms and chortled. "It iz impressive, no?"
"Impressive, not so much. Over the top, most def."
and lastly, BattleSkaar from All Things Probable Book IV by Slyrr. Oooh...I don't like his name...sounds scary!
BattleSkaar stormed through the corridors of the ship. BattleF'yuri's troop shuttle had unloaded him and the other survivors onto one of the other capital ships in his flank, then quickly departed. He was just starting to reorganize, having assumed command from BludRiot. He would have to re-establish and coordinate communications with his other ships... Through the bustle on the bridge, one of the Spars shouted out. 'Incoming transmission from General Warhok!'
BattleSkaar grimaced. 'I will take it in my office.' he said, then heaved up and stumped into a side room. It had been BludRiot's ready room, but was quickly reamed out and vacated to make room for BattleSkaar. Equipment and materials were still scattered here and there. When the door had closed, BattleSkaar activated a large monitor screen on the far wall, and Warhok's angry face filled its entire surface.
'General.' said BattleSkaar, nodding. But Warhok wasted no time.
'Are the reports true?' he hissed. 'Your mission has failed? Your command ship was destroyed?'
BattleSkaar clenched his fists. 'Sir...' he began, but Warhok's rage broke over him.
'You were repelled and defeated by the humans! After all our care and preparations! There can be no excuse for this failure!'
'They utilized a weapon about which we knew nothing.' BattleSkaar said, but without any hope of placating his superior. 'Somehow it penetrated all of our defenses...'
'Enough!' Warhok bellowed. 'You have embarrassed this campaign for the last time. I should have you executed.' He took in a deep breath, composing himself and glaring into BattleSkaar's eyes. 'I am turning over control of the walker operations to BattleF'yuri.' he said. 'You and your entire flank will rotate your ships out and make place for his. You will join the other ships that are in the second assault wave, and await further orders. I will near no arguments - just do it!'
Then he announced the first winner of the evening.
"And the Golden Rufus for Best KP Style Name goes to...MrDrP for Otto Bahn and Lynn Accurate from What's the Alma Mater!"
After Glopman called out his name, the famed author was nowhere to be found in the audience.
Looking at Sharper, Glopman asked. "Where is he?"
Sharper was handed a piece of paper and said, "MrDrP had to use the john for a few minutes. He got into the chocolate fondue fountain...again."
"We'll accept the award on his behalf!" Kim and Ron Possible-Stoppable said from the audience.
Kim and Ron walked onto the stage. She was wearing a Sperlucci gown and he was wearing the black tux he'd been given by Janitor Joe, the gruff member of a super-secret Canadian spy organization.
"I don't get it KPS, what's so special about the Kim Possible-style namage?" Ron asked as they made their way to the podium, receiving a not-so-warm expression from her. "Not that your name isn't badical!" he quickly added.
"Thanks," she said, mollified, giving him a buss on the cheek. "Some people would suggest our names are based on puns that say something about us," she answered.
"What?! My name's Stoppable! Mr. Barkin said it gives the wrong impression!"
"No, it's Ron Stoppable – that makes me think of unstoppable," Kim reassured him. "Like you eating nacos or running on the football field or …" she leaned in and whispered into his ear. A huge, goofy grin spread on Ron's face.
"I guess that's Chauncey," he said.
"Glad you think so," she purred. "Now we've got an award to accept for MrDrP."
"Your dad?" Thinking of what Kim had just whispered to him, Ron panicked. "He's going to send me to a black hole!"
Kim rolled her eyes. "Not Daddy, the fan fiction author."
"Oh. Coolio!"
Kim looked at the audience and cocked an eyebrow. "We're pleased to accept this award on behalf of MrDrP, but here's the sitch: Don't believe a stinkin' thing Lynn Accurate tells you."
"And two words about Otto Bahn, KPS," Ron said. "Ghost car."
Kim shuddered recalling the driver's ed movie from her high school days, then gave a wave to the crowd as she and Ron hurried off the stage.
Glopman as well made his exit from the podium when Sharper returned.
"And to present our next award for the evening, this one for Best Original Character , please welcome yours truly, PossibleFan22 and Mr. Dewey to the stage!
Sharper was then joined by PF22 and Mr. Dewey, the new (albet he began his job 4 years after the alien invasion) head librarian of Middleton High after Miss Hatchet retired.
PF22 was wearing a purple sparkling evening gown with diamond stud earrings and an attention-getting pearl necklace.
As for Mr. Dewey, he only wore his regular work clothes because he worked at the library till 5pm, despite the obvious fact that it was summer.
"Hi, everyone!" PF22 said with a nervous smile on her face, "Welcome one and all! This is my first time here so please be easy on me!"
"Don't worry, PF." Sharper said confidently. "They won't be mean to ya!"
"Shhhhhh...can you please be quiet?" Mr. Dewey insisted in a hushed tone.
"Mr. Dewey, I'd hate to break it to you, but you exactly ain't in a high school library." Sharper countered, "You are in a theater with 2,000 people, so if you're going to speak, you'll have to talk in a loud voice.
"Forgive me, Sharper! This is my first time in such a monumental occcasion as this." Mr. Dewey replied nervously.
Sharper cleared his throat and said, "Original characters have been a part of the KP fandom in the past, be it Professor Moriarty from The Power of Ron by Whitem or Wayne Kingston from School of Life by our very own Captainkodak. They can either be minor or they can be powerful enough to change the course of a story, if written correctly."
"Tonight's nominees have characters that exemplified the above characteristics Sharper has made." PF22 addded.
And Dewey interjected, "So please, hold your applause until the winner has been called out."
"The nominees for Best Original Character are:
Sharper: Anna Stoppable from This Is Our Year: Sightseeing by F86Sabre53
Kim nodded, "alright, you can explore the country with us. But first, we gotta get you some fresh clothes and other stuff you need."
"Please do," Anna pleaded before sighing, "Even though I grabbed my backpack before evacuating my friend's house, the backpack later got stolen by a group of thieves. It had some of my clothes, hygiene stuff, and my Pandaroo in it. Everything else I've owned was destroyed during the alien attack. All that I have left are the clothes I have on now and money I have in my shoes."
"Money in your shoes?" Ron asked.
Anna turned to Ron, "a place where no one would think to look."
Kim nodded, "alright." She then remembered something Anna said and asked her, "Anna?"
Anna turned to Kim, "Yes?"
"Did you say you had a Pandaroo?"
Anna nodded, "I did, but it got stolen with my backpack. I had it for years and now it's gone. I use to have a Cuddle Buddy collection until my house was destroyed."
"I know how that feels," Kim admitted. "I lost my Pandaroo and entire Cuddle Buddy collection during the Lorwardian Invasion when a walker destroyed my house."
PF22: Otto Bahn and Lynn Accurate from What's the Alma Mater by MrDrP
(Lynn Accurate)
"Wait, are you saying she hit you?" Lynn interjected, her hopes rising for something juicy.
"No, though she threatened me, said she'd treat me like one of her villain foes."
Lynn nodded sympathetically. "You must have been scared."
"I don't know about that, but it was unnerving, though I have to wonder about all of her so-called heroics," Troy said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she has this website and she seems to be pretty media savvy. How much, really, do we know about what she does? I mean, it could all be a big put on," Troy offered, before he leaned in and suggested conspiratorially, "Or she could be working with the bad guys."
Sharper: Rebecca Starlet from Nacos and a Movie by Yours Truly
"You heard what the Naco loser said, Rebecca?" the brunette clucked, "Stoppable is..." She looked around for where Rebecca was.
Rebecca was about 20 feet away on her cell phone.
"Look, I don't care if you're still upset about the whole Steve Foley thing, Jessica! Stop whining like a little girl!" she exclaimed.
Impatiently, Bonnie snatched Rebecca's flip-phone the same way what Barkin did with hers.
"Hey!? That was uncalled for, Bonnie!" Rebecca protested.
"Would you please get off your flip-phone for one second and listen?" Bonnie insisted, her overalls now completely off her behind.
Rebecca folded her arms and asked, huffing, "Fine, Bonnie! What's your plan for getting that two-loser-couple in trouble?"
"We're going to ruin their little date on Saturday. At the same time, I will be on a glam date with Junior as well...well, before Barkin unfairly took my phone away!"
"But how are you going to do two things at one?" Rebecca wondered.
Bonnie took out a picture of the Tweebs from her handbag, "Leave that to me!"
Seeing the picture, Rebecca began to chuckle evily. Bonnie wringed her hands and began to chuckle as well.
PF22: Emmie & Jennie Gold from Possible's Pure Love Road by kmtdiccion
Emmie, on the other hand, rose her brow in question from her introduction "Now wait a minute, Why're you second in command, Jennie?" When she noticed the confusion on his face, she went back at him and smiled while pointing at the girl on top of her "Oh, yeah. Her real name is Jennie Gold. She's my twin sister."
Before he could utter his disbelief at her claim, Jennie muttered "Don't call me that. It's lame. My name is Lily! The Funeral Red Spider, Lily! Second in command of Food Chain after Bonnie. I'm the Midwest's Flower of the Burial!" Ron can't help but clap after her speech. He looks at her like he would usually do when he babysits his little sister Hana "You seem to have many names. I'm impressed."
"There you go again!" The bigger of the twins reacted again "The hell, Jennie!? Why're you saying you're second-in-command? I'm the strongest in all of Food Chain! And that means I should be the second highest-ranking member, let me tell ya!"
The smaller of the two just let out a smirk and said haughtily "'Cause I met Bonnie first. Not to mention I am stronger than you."
Mr. Dewey: I hope if I am saying this right, Cappuchino. Is that right? Sharper: Yes. Mr. Dewey: Cappuchino from RJ & Martin by Emersonian.
Martin groaned and rubbed his temples in frustration. "Unless you want to dust and clean my library shelves with a toothbrush..." He lifted his head when they all heard the door banging. Semifreddo was no longer in the chamber.
"Well he didn't wait long." RJ got off the bed and lifted the magazines away to a corner.
"Cappuccino, when were you planning on telling me that Vitello and Semifreddo were going against the chores that I assigned them?" Martin scowled at Cappuccino.
"Sorry, my job ain't to tattletale. That job belongs to Vitello. In case you forgot, my main job is to clean the laundry here." Cappuccino pulled out a pile of clean and a plush toy that instantly made Martin scream and jump off his seat.
"CAPPUCCINO! Why on earth do you have one of the plush monstrosities that the Hall clan worship?" He demanded.
RJ cleared her throat. "That would be my plush monstrosity called Pandaroo London Edition." She walked over and took the toy in her arms, placing it right on her pillow. "Thanks for cleaning it, Cappuccino." Behind her back, Martin gagged.
PF22: And lastly, Rhino from I'm Scared Too by Magic Flying Spud
"
The only person Kim trusts is Rhino. But he's just the driver. A gentle giant sort of type who always makes sure everyone buckles up.
Despite how quiet the night air is, Kim still chooses to risk her voice carrying over to some slumbering ninja and pulls out her walkie. "Hey Rhino, just checking in."
"Doin' good, KP," he replies almost immediately.
"Cool," she whispers. "We should be outta here in a half hour."
Rhino's cool. He's taken to coming up with new nicknames for Kim. Princess, Kimmie-cub, KP, Red, K, and all the other familiar places. Each name, unbeknownst to Rhino, reminds Kim of the loved ones she used to have. But she lets him settle on KP because she is tired.
Sharper took the winning envelope and blew into it and grabbed the piece of paper.
"And the winner of the Best Original Character award goes...again to MrDrP for Otto Bahn and Lynn Accurate from What's the Alma Mater.
MrDrP, now without the chocolate fondue on his face from licking the fountain and from using the bathroom, came onto the stage to accept his award. The audience was cheering for the longtime KP author.
He got out his acceptance speech and read it to the crowd.
"My thanks to you the readers for voting for Lynn Accurate and Otto Bahn as the best original characters in this year's Fannies. I know there was a lot of competition, and I appreciate the compliment.
"Lynn will continue to bring you the best of Fake News, assuming Hedda Lyne doesn't get there first. And, of course, there's always Adrenna Lynn. But she's more about the freaky, than the fake, isn't she?
"As for Otto Bahn, he's currently in Germany, racing his way to a certain Bavarian Strudel and Munitions Works. When he returns is anybody's guess …"
And with that being said, he returned to his seat.
"Looks like we're coming upon another commercial break. This time, it is sponsored by Nakasumi Toys. So stay tuned. We are going to present the awards for Minor Character, Villain, and Songfic when we come back!
Bette Middler's 'From a Distance' played on the speakers during the break.