AN: My chapters are finally getting longer haha. Anyway I know the story is kinda Donna-centered so far..but we will get some insights on Harvey's feelings soon. Like I said I am on vacation for two more weeks, so I am probably going to upload the next chapter around august 25th. I am really thankful for everybody who takes the time to read and review!
January 7th, 2019
Donna is just on her way out - half of her mind already at home in her bathtub - when she notices a tail of red hair disappear into the library. After having worked at the firm for more than a decade, she knows pretty much everyone. Scratch that. She is Donna and she knows everyone and that person is unknown and at the same time, oddly familiar to her.
"I am sorry, but if you are looking for an attorney, I would suggest you come back in the morning." Donna says, when she follows the woman into the firm's library.
"Oh.." the girl says, a little startled, when she turns around to face Donna. She obviously didn't expect to run into somebody, at least not here in the library.
"Jennifer? What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be at home?" Donna asks, as she recognizes the face of the girl.
"I am sorry..I uhm-" she mumbles, trying to explain what she is still doing here after 10pm, when almost everyone already left.
"Are you okay?" Donna asks, when she notices Jennifer's teary eyes.
"Uhm..I guess not." Jennifer answers honestly and let's herself fall onto one of the rather comfortable chairs.
"You wanna talk about it?" Donna asks carefully. She doesn't really wants to admit it to herself, but in that moment her mother instincts' got the best of her. After all she barely knows the girl, she is just another intern.
"You wanna hear about my drama?" Jennifer asks in return and Donna's lips curl up slightly. She likes this girl.
"Like I told you, if you need anything or have any questions..you can always come to me." Donna replies, trying to keep it professional whilst encouraging the girl to open up to her with a soft smile.
"Okay uhm..it's my boyfriend. He just doesn't get me. I told him something personal about my family a few weeks ago and he barely listened to me. And then a few days ago..with this client.." Jennifer starts talking and to her surprise, talking to the firms' COO, whom she barely knows, doesn't feel weird at all. She watches the woman sit down on a chair opposite to her.
"Avery cracked the case, I know." Donna finishes her sentence.
"How do you..?" Jennifer asks a little surprised.
"I am Donna, I know." the woman replies and Jennifer understands. Mike must have told her about that, probably because he was really impressed by Avery, even more so since it worked out.
"I mean I love Avery, she is great and she deserves this..but it just leaves me.." Jennifer continues, but stops mid-sentence, because she doesn't know how to express the way she feels in words.
"With that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach?" Donna finishes her sentence yet again and the girl nods vehemently.
"Okay, listen very carefully, because I am only gonna tell you this once. I used to work as a secretary..and even though I was damn good at that and liked doing it, I saw everyone else - and by that I mean people that I care deeply about - around me getting promoted. It felt like I was stuck..whilst everyone else was moving forward." Donna says and Jennifer nods slowly. Of course it isn't excatly the same, but Jennifer can see the similarity.
"And now, look at me. I am the firm's COO, which means that I am one of the most powerful women of Specter Litt. What I am trying to say is that some things just take time..and hard work. It's all going to work out somehow, you know?" Donna adds and Jennifer is quiet for a while, trying to take in all the new information.
"Thank you." the girl says after a while.
"For what?" Donna asks politely, even though she knows the answer.
"For not telling me that I am only fourteen and shouldn't worry about that yet..because I do." Jennifer replies, she has always been a little ahead of her age, "And for listening to me."
Donna nods and a soft smile appears on Jennifer's face and for a second there she thinks that she has seen that smile before. Donna shakes her head slightly in an attempt to push that thought into the back of her head. It's probably just her mind playing tricks on her, again.
"But that's not the biggest part of why you are sad." Donna states.
"No.." Jennifer agrees slowly. Normally the thing with Avery cracking the case wouldn't have bothered her too much, but when you are already feeling a little down and insecure, situations like that just hit you a hundred times harder.
"So..about that boyfriend of yours..if he doesn't find the time or the will to listen to you when it comes to important personal problems, leave him behind. You seem like a good person and I am sure there are a lot of guys out there who would be very willing to treat you better." Donna mumbles.
"You are right, but-" Jennifer starts talking and leaves the sentence unfinished.
"But it's so much more complicated than that. Yeah, I know." Donna adds and for a few seconds Jennifer could spot a hint of sadness in the COO's eyes. They both lose themselves in their own thoughts for a few moments, until the famous beep coming from Jennifer's phone brings them back to reality.
"My dad's here to pick me up." Jennifer states plainly and gets up, "Thank you, Ms Paulsen."
"It's Donna." the woman replies with a warm smile.
"Good night, Donna." the girl says with a happy smile on her face. When she walked into the library she had merely searched for a room to be alone, but instead she talked to a really inspiring woman, who even got her to smile again.
"Night." Donna whispers and stares into the blank, where the other redhead sat just a few seconds ago. Her smile disappears as fast as it came and she can feel her eyes tear up. Talking things through like that is just one of the many things she would have loved to do with her daughter. A part of her knows that she made the right decision back then, but that didn't and still doesn't make it much easier.
She slowly gets up, not allowing herself to start crying here. She closes her eyes for a few seconds and "swallows" the tears before making her way to the elevators.
"Donna? Donna, hey!" a very familiar voice pulls her out of her thoughts.
"Oh..Rachel, hi." Donna mumbles. She had hoped to not run into any familiar faces this evening. It's not like she doesn't love her friends, quite the opposite actually, but she just isn't in the mood to talk to anybody this evening.
"Are you okay?" her concerned friend asks. Mike told her about his worries concerning Harvey and she has to admit that she is a little worried about her, them, too.
"Yeah." Donna says, probably trying to convince herself just as much as Rachel.
"You wanna talk about it?" Rachel asks, knowing that Donna isn't 100% honest with her.
"I don't wanna talk about it, because there is nothing to talk about." Donna answers, which isn't even a complete lie. She never talked about Ava with anyone aside from Harvey, it always seemed easier to keep it that way. And what exactly is there to talk about, anyway? It's not like she can go back and undo it.
"You sure? You know..talking helps." Rachel argues.
"I appreciate that, but I just wanna go home, take a bath and go to sleep." Donna says, suddenly remembering that she had plans to take a hot bath.
"Okay, but you know you can always talk to me, right?" Rachel asks and Donna smiles weakly.
"I do, Rach. See you tomorrow." Donna replies and disappears into one of the six elevators that just opened. She loves Rachel and her advice, but she just feels like a hot bath can do her more good this evening.
.
January 8th, 2019
Even though Donna didn't sleep much last night, mostly because she took a long and hot bath, but also because her thoughts kept her awake and made her toss and turn more times than she liked, she is in a surprisingly good mood when she arrives at the firm the next morning. She decides to stop by Harvey's office, since she has to hand over some files anyway and
"Ross and Rachel are just made for each other, they always were endgame." she hears Jennifer say, when she is passing by the glass walls of his office.
"No. Joey and Rachel should have been endgame!" Avery replies and Donna can't help but chuckle. She would have loved to hear the beginning of that conversation. The girls' turn their heads slightly and look at Harvey with big eyes, probably expecting him to settle their conflict once and for all.
"Oh geez.." she hears Harvey sign, "You are not going to leave me alone with this, huh?"
They shake their heads no and Donna chooses to watch the scenario happening right in front of her eyes, even though she already knows the answer.
"Team Roschel." Harvey mumbles under his breath and Jennifer exclaims a loud yes, whilst Avery makes a face. Donna decides that that's the right moment to interrupt their conversation.
"Well, I hate to be the one to burst your little friends bubble, but here are the files you wanted." Donna says, when she finally enters his office. His hand brushes over hers when he takes the files from her and their eyes lock for a few seconds. It's their way of communicating silently and they both notice immediately that there is something on both of their minds. Avery and Jennifer decide to give them some time to talk and start chatting - as quiet as possible - about something else, which soon escalates in heavy giggling and eventually pulls Donna and Harvey out of their little staring contest or silent conversation - however you wanna call it.
"Thank you." he mumbles and clears his throat.
"No problem.." Donna says quietly, "Well, I gotta head back to work."
"Yeah.." he whispers and for a moment he thinks he saw a hint of sadness in Donna's eyes and all he wants to do is stand up and hug her. Wants to tell her that he understands, because he has been feeling the same. But this is not the right moment. It never is. With a last glance over his office - more specifically over him and the interns' - she disappears. And he lets her go yet again.
When Donna woke up this morning, she felt surprisingly well. But now her chest just feels heavy again. Seeing those girls', in this case discussing one of his and her all time favorite show with him, just presses some buttons. When she feels her eyes well up again, she decides that taking a quick stop at the bathroom might not be the worst idea.
Donna doesn't even check, whether she is alone or not. She disappears into one of the cabins, shutting the door behind herself, before sitting down on the toilet lid. She feels the tears rolling down her cheeks and has to cover her mouth to not make any sound. This whole chapter of her life has been eating away at her lately and she doesn't know how to fix it, how to fix herself. She grabs a tissue to wipe her nose, her sight is still a little blurry from the tears. And that's when she decides that talking to a friend about everything might not be the worst idea.