Tikaani of the Northern Water Tribe

West of Kreanartak Bay, 96 AG

You've stalled long enough. You're twenty one, darling, and Ulva's parents won't wait forever. Now that you're back, you will get married. We'll start arranging the celebration.

The words echo in my head. I punch the pillar of ice again before I let myself fall down to sit in the snow, panting. After a moment, I let myself flop backwards, listening to the crunch of snow compacting under my weight and staring at the horizon.

I wish Lady Tui took vows like the one Ming made to Agni.

Actually, the Lady would probably take any vow I made her. I wish my parents and my people would understand the vow.

I sigh. I wish, I wish won't get anything done, and the sweat I'd worked up in my furs was cooling unpleasantly against my skin, making me start to shiver despite the insulation. I grimace as I sit up and idly brush snow off the back of my parka.

I should get back. I shouldn't have come out here alone in the first place, especially not without telling anyone, so now that I'm done, I should get back.

I push myself up into a standing position, pausing to rest a mitten fondly on the ice pillar I'd been punching before I pull my parka closer and turn around. Snow crunches beneath my boots as I walk back.

Master Pakku is known for taking on anyone who challenges him to a Pai Sho match during his free time, from little kids whose parents need a little time to themselves, to other masters from all over the North Pole.

It's easy to find him, and luckily for me, he's free. He glances up from the bamboo scroll he'd been reading as I settled down in front of him, and he sets it aside. "Are you here for a game?" Master Pakku asks, indicating the Pai Sho board.

"Yes, Master."

He goes first. Only, he's actually playing Pai Sho. I bite my lips when the first couple moves aren't the ones I was shown.

I've played Pai Sho before, against him even, and I recognise the opening that he used. But . . . what I'm going for requires a very specific series of moves. I keep placing the tiles, even as each of my pieces are moved into positions more favorable for Master Pakku.

Eventually, Master Pakku wins.

"Another game?" he asks once we've cleared the board, an odd look in his eyes.

"If you would."

I set down the first tile this time, and Master Pakku follows the sequence exactly as it had been shown to me. When we're done placing the tiles, the lotus is clear on the board, and Master Pakku sits back - not smiling, but - looking a little less grumpy.

"The White Lotus gambit," Master Pakku says. His eye liger on my throat, on the necklace I'm wearing in a parody of a betrothal necklace. My parents hadn't noticed it, or had dismissed it as a souvenir. I'm not entirely sure Yazhu noticed it, or the time Ming had spent finding an earthbender to make it. "I thought I'd seen that last round. Now, where did you learn that? It's not exactly common up here."

"It's not exactly needed up here either, is it?"

Master Pakku doesn't reply to that, just glancing up at the sun. He sighs and begins the task of clearing the board. "Come back here tomorrow if you're serious. I have lessons to attend to now."

Ulva and her parents are there when I get home.

Ulva is . . .

She's . . .

Maybe if I hadn't had Yazhu and Ming, I could have liked her. Maybe if our parents hadn't forced us together and then chaperoned every meeting, we could have found something in common. Ulva's a bender - my parents wouldn't accept any less - so maybe I could have convinced her to teach me how to heal.

I can feel my lips twist at the thought as my parents pull me over to sit down with them.

If I'd known how to heal, I could have helped. Maybe not much, but the waterbender in Yazhu's rescue operation needed to help all of the people that the Fire Nation injured, and that took time, and maybe I could have . . .

As for the marriage itself - we don't do big ceremonies like the one I've heard Yazhu talk about or humbler ones like the ones Ming's described. In fact, we don't really have a ceremony at all, at least for the actual confirmation of marriage. By that time, the spirits have been consulted, gifts have been exchanged, the house built, appropriate parties quietly notified.

There is no party, no feast, no announcement. Just a couple who were engaged emerging from the same igloo one morning.

And after dinner with our parents, I'm alone with Ulva for the first time.

And Ulva is . . . without the watching eyes on us, Ulva is vibrant. There's a defiant look in her eyes across the table as the silence settles.

And there's me. My fingers go to my necklace. I'd been afraid -

I still have my own sleeping roll. My parents had packed it with the rest of my things. I stand, not looking in Ulva's direction, and move to scoop up my pack. I walk to the second, smaller bedroom that's meant for our children, and pause in pushing the curtain to the side, turning slightly so Ulva can hear me.

"Please," I say, "sleep well."

I let the curtain fall back into place behind me, and the empty wedding bed for my bride.

Master Pakku looks vaguely surprised to see me when I settle across him at the Pai Sho board, but he doesn't do anything as . . . I don't know where I'm going with that. He doesn't say, "I didn't expect you to come back."

Instead, he glances up at the sun, then gets to his feet. "Come on."

As we approach the canal nearest to his study, he frowns back at me. "Are you a bender?"

"Yes, Master Pakku," I say.

"Good," he grunts as he lowers himself into his boat and waves me forwards. "Take us out of the city."

I set myself on the bending platform at the back of the boat and, at his impatient nod, start to move us through the city.

It's an odd experience when we get to the gates and every guard on the way out recognises him and waves him through without asking for credentials. Some of them do it solemnly, with a simple, "Master Pakku", others ask him about his students, calling "Is Iluq still giving you problems old man?" and "Master Pakku, how's my little brother?". Master Pakku always replies - sounding gruff and impatient perhaps, but he always replies.

I've been through often enough that some of the guards recognise me, but they still ask me for my family seal as I head out.

Master Pakku directs me west along the coast once we're beyond the city walls, and the city falls behind us before long. We pass the small village that's an hour out eventually, but Master Pakku gestures for me to keep going. About two hours out, he directs me to a stream rushing out of a canyon between two glaciers. It takes us about an hour inland before we see the village.

I'd been starting to wonder if we were going to go somewhere deserted so we could talk without fear of being overheard. I glance around the village curiously as he leads me through the igloos and tents.

I've been here before, and it had always seemed a bit odd. For one, despite the abundance of waterbenders, they're using igloos and tents instead of more regular buildings. And for two, they seem less like a cohesive people, and more like the clashing cultures I sometimes see when Yazhu dreams of ports. There are different types of hair styles, beyond normal variation, and different animals are painted on the tents in the various sectors - there are sectors in a small village. And sometimes people talk a little odd, but they all do it slightly differently.

(I'm also fairly sure that I once saw some girls learning how to fight with their waterbending before the teacher noticed me and hurried them away.)

"Nori!"

The old man sitting by the fire, stirring the pot looks up, and a smile splits his face. "Pakku!" he calls, twisting in place to open his arms.

I gawk at the pair of them as Master Pakku doesn't even hesitate to accept the hug, wrapping his arms around Elder Nori in return. Master Pakku pulls back after a moment, and one of Elder Nori's arms stays around his wrist as he turns back towards me. Master Pakku's frown has, for once, softened.

"Who's this?" Elder Nori asks, glancing over me dismissively, then turning to look up at Master Pakku. "Have you got yourself another protege? He looks a bit old to be your latest."

"No, not a student. He's from the Order of the White Lotus. He's- hm . . ."

"Pakku," Elder Nori says, visibly fighting a grin. "Did you forget-"

"Yes, Nori," Master Pakku snaps, "I forgot to ask - what's your name?"

"Tikaani," I say, glancing between the two of them. It's odd to see Master Pakku so close to someone. The closest I've ever seen him to someone was when Yugoda was bugging him about eating more, talking about how her husband was never that skinny as she pinches his wrist.

"Taangagim and Uskaanax's son?" Master Pakku sounds alarmed.

I wince. I guess I should have realized that Master Pakku would recognise the child of the most prominent proponent for keeping the North Water Tribe isolated, but I'd been focusing more on how I could help people after meeting up with Ming and Yazhu.

"How did you learn about the Order of the White Lotus?" Master Pakku demands.

I look down at the ice, suddenly interested in the scuff marks, even though I know Master Pakku's stance on isolation. I reach up to touch the necklace Ming made for me. "You know my parents, I'm sure you've heard about my disappearing acts. I started sneaking onto the merchant's boats headed south when I was like six, and I . . . well, I only stopped when I figured out how to get out of here on my own. I'm not really up here much, and . . ." I fight the grimace pulling at my lips. "My parents don't exactly approve."

I don't expect the laughter. I look up to find Elder Nori absolutely howling, clutching at Master Pakku to keep his balance.

"The one person," he gasps, waving one arm at someone who'd come over with a worried look, "in your entire city, least likely to be a member of the Order of the White Lotus, and he comes to find you!"

Master Pakku's frown softens ever so slightly more as he wraps an arm around Elder Nori's shoulders and pulls him back into a sitting position, shifting his legs in the process. I catch one glimpse of empty space before I turn my eyes determinately back to Elder Nori's face.

"Now, now," Master Pakku says, pulling Elder Nori a bit closer as he keeps laughing, "you've had your laugh. What do you think?"

Elder Nori sobers a bit, and while the grin doesn't leave his face as he regards me, his eyes go as opaque as Ming's thick pottery.

"How would you convince me?" Elder Nori asks me, something odd about the way he pronounces his words. There'd been something slightly off the whole time, and -

And I can't concentrate on the actual words he said, the way he shapes them suddenly demanding my attention.

We're speaking North Water.

When I'm with Yazhu and Ming, we rarely confine ourselves to one language. But sometimes we practice each other's languages and customs just in case, and sometimes we have fun with accents and -

And I recognize the way he's speaking, the shape of his vowels, and before I can think, I blurt out - "You speak Fire?"

Elder Nori blinks at me. His grin drops, and a furrow forms between his eyebrows.

And he says something back to me, the sharp litting tone so familiar, but-

I can't understand a word he says, and I step back involuntarily, feeling like a rubber band is squeezing my lungs. The nonsense syllables seem to echo in my head as I turn them over and over, trying to make sense of them. I try to remember-

Are there spirits who twist words like that?

"Huh. Not the right language after all," Elder Nori says in North Water, and I blink, the words not registering as much as the fact that I can understand him again. Then-

"What do you mean, wrong language?" I demand.

"Later." Elder Nori turns to Master Pakku. "If he travels enough - cares enough - to have picked up another language, he'll do fine."

"Did you not recognize the language?"

"No, I think I do," Elder Nori says thoughtfully, still not looking at me. "How much time do you have?"

Master Pakku glances up at the sun, shading his eyes as he leans further into Elder Nori. "About an hour before we need to head back. I've got a class."

"Good." Elder Nori raises his voice. "Hey! Haunani!"

He gestures at one of the people passing us closer.

The woman who approaches is . . .

If Ming hadn't taught me not to make comparisons between individuals, I would have said that she was no Ulva.

Maybe I still would, since I'm thinking it, but the contrasts are bright in my mind. Where Ulva is vibrant, emotion underscoring her every move, Haunani is flat, her face blank. Where Ulva still has baby fat clinging to her cheeks, Haunani's face is thin. And where Ulva walks slightly unbalanced, like I can tip her over with barely a push, Haunani walks like she would barely move even if I shoved her.

She walks confidently, like she knows how to use the spear that hits the ground in time with her stride, a spear the Northern Water Tribe would never let Ulva hold, let alone learn how to use.

Master Pakku doesn't look surprised.

"Elder Nori," Haunani says, dipping her head slightly as she comes to a stop in front of him. "Is there something you would like assistance with?"

There's something about her accent too, though it's not as familiar as Elder Nori's.

"If you have time, would you mind escorting Master Pakku's student around?"

Haunani glances at me, no emotion passing across her face, before she dips her head again. "I would not mind. Is he . . . ?"

Elder Nori smiles at her. There's a sharp edge to it. "We don't need to hide from him."

For the first time, a flicker of emotion passes over Haunani's face, like a cloud over the moon, and just as chilling. She looks almost happy.

"Come," she tells me, and she turns.

I don't look back at Master Pakku for permission as I jog a little to catch up.

There's a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as Haunani shows me around the village.

I'm remembering Yazhu's family. I'm remembering that they've managed to hide their own airbenders and waterbenders and even the occasional earthbender behind their facade of a respectable Fire merchant family.

Haunani shows me around the village. She brings me to every sector, and in most of them, there's another elder sitting by their own fire. She tells them they don't need to hide from me, and generally they nod and look like they don't believe her a bit.

Sometimes I'll catch a little of their voices as we're leaving, and I don't understand them at all.

I think about what Ming said about all the little languages in the Earth Kingdoms, about how the unified Earth only really spread during the reign of Chin the Conqueror.

The North Water Tribe has only one language. But then, how would I know that? I'm an elite who travels to other places, it's not like I've really explored my home. I never thought I needed to.

Still. I think about Yazhu's family. If waterbenders could hide in Fire, their opposing element, how about Earth?

Some of the elders Haunani introduces me to aren't really elders. Some of them are barely older than I am, and they seem even more cautious than the others, meeting us at the entrance to their sectors, shifting to block my view of anyone inside whenever they notice me looking.

There are other women casually wearing weapons, I notice as we move, though it's not because they have to be constantly ready to attack, not with all the groups of children running past freely.

"And this way-" Haunani says as she leads me to the next little sector, only . . .

My attention is taken up by the symbol painted on the side of the tent. The others were usually animals - arctic fox cats, polar bear dogs, and so on. Instead, the symbol on the tent is a leaf. A familiar, stylized leaf that's been sewn onto all of Yazhu's clothes, though the color is a jarring shade of dark purple rather than the red I'm more familiar with. Their family's crest. The Nakano family crest.

"Wait, Haunani," I call.

Haunani stops and looks back at me, just as flat as she's been this whole time.

"Can I- can I go first?"

There's a flicker of something in her eyes before she nods as gracefully as she had to Nori and steps back.

I take a deep breath and reach up to touch my necklace, fingers tracing the slightly raised outline of a leaf. Then I step forwards, between the tents and into the circular space they surround. I don't recognise the person in front of the fire, but I hadn't expected to.

They glance up as I approach, a furrow forming between their eyebrows. I can see a couple other people watching from the entrances of tents and igloos, but no one seems inclined to come out.

"Would you-" I pause, trying to scramble together a coherent sentence from the confusion and understanding and denial clamoring for attention in my head. The sharpness of Fire feels right on my tounge, like it's cutting though to give me just one moment where something is clear. "Do you- do you know Riko? Of The Sunset?"

They look at me for a moment before they twist the other way. "Hey! Any of you lot hear of Riko of The Sunset!"

"I do!" someone calls, and I turn to see a boy as he comes running up to me with a stubborn look of his face as he pokes my leg. "That's my Aunt. How do you know her?"

"Your Aunt?" I blink down at him, searching my memory. Then I blink. "Wait, Youta? I thought you were sent to the east Earth Kingdoms so you were safe."

"Nope," Youta says, shaking his head. Around us, people are emerging from the tents. "Not the Earth Kingdoms. The Fire Nation hasn't managed to defeat the Northern Water Tribe, so Mommy decided I was safer here. Have you seen my mom? Is she alright? She was so sad when I left, and I think she was scared that I'd turn out like Daddy. Is she happier now? No one will tell me anything about her!"

I bite my lip and glance up at the elder. I know why no one will tell Youta about his mom - if they know. Not long after he was sent away, she went on a rampaging suicide run, trying her level best to kill every guard in the prison her partner died in. Yazhu was so blank when they told Ming and me about it. Youta's parents, before his father was captured for being a waterbender, were the ones who'd really taken care of Yazhu after Riko found them on Honoiro. The elder holds my eyes, then shakes their head slowly.

"Ah, no, I haven't seen your mother," I say glancing back down at Youta. "She, um, transferred away from The Sunset not long after she sent you to safety."

"What's your name?" the elder calls as Youta droops at the information.

"I'm-" I jump as a hand comes down on my shoulder, and I glance back to see Haunani standing behind me. "I'm Tikaani."

"Nori says we don't need to hide from him," Hanani says in North Water, and I wince at the dissonance that I usually manage to suppress when I'm in the North Water Tribe. The Nakano family understands being neither woman or man. I'll have to tell them.

"Why would we need to worry about that?" the elder asks, sharp eyes only leaving my face to flicker down to my necklace. "They're one of us."

I have to leave eventually, of course. By that time, most of the Nakanos have talked to me. I don't know everyone's family, but I can name a good majority, and tell stories to about a third more, slipping between Fire and Earth and North Water when one or the other has a better word. It's nice to have people who can keep up with me when I do that, though I sometimes have to go back and explain a word in Earth when they can't quite catch Water.

They follow me back to the canoe and wave Master Pakku and me goodbye.

"You know the Nakano family then."

I keep moving, bending the boat forwards and forwards and forwards, away from the little pocket of familiarity that felt more like home than the place I'm returning to.

"I do."

"Met them while you were traveling did you." It's not a question.

"I did."

"Looked like you knew them a bit more than that. You know Fire."

"Easier to pass unnoticed in the Fire Nation that way. Less suspicion."

"Hmm." Master Pakku settles himself backa bit, getting comfortable. "You figure out what was going on?"

"Yes."

There's a long silence as I try to work out how to word my question.

"Why . . . why haven't they gone home? The Fire Nation's cracking down on earthbenders now, following the Avatar's cycle."

Master Pakku is silent for a long while as well.

"You probably haven't heard, but a couple years back, the Fire Nation got word that there was a waterbender among the Wolf Fox Tribe, down South."

I wince.

"We have people here who think they know who the bender was. From the description of the woman killed, we don't think they did kill the bender, but we don't know. And no one wants to chance that or bring attention back to the South. They're safe here. Even if the North Water Tribe is taken down, they're isolated enough, and talked about rarely enough that they should have time to escape before they're found."

"Oh."

Ulva is waiting for me when I arrive home. She has dinner ready, a thick stew.

It's a little early for dinner honestly, but she's got the embers banked low enough beneath the covered pot that it likely would be ready for hours to come.

"You're back early," Ulva says, her tone carefully neutral. She doesn't look up from her sewing as I tug the curtain into place in front of the doorway, making sure there are no gaps for cold air to get in.

I pause, fingers smoothing the fur uselessly before I turn around.

"I apologize. I should have informed you how long I expected to be gone before I left," I say, the words coming out more formal than I expected them to as I dip my head in a slight bow. As I raise, I let my eyes linger on the pot over the fire in performance, more for myself than anyone else as Ulva stays turned away. "You made dinner."

"You did not inform me how long you expected to be gone," Ulva echoes, finally setting down her sewing, though she doesn't look at me as she gets up, "nor whether you would expect a meal when you returned. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," I say, and I bite down the words that want to come out, telling her that she didn't need to make dinner - that I'd just been planning to grab something from the Chief's table with my parents like I usually did. The bowl of stew she serves me is . . . well. I can't exactly say it's bland. For the Northern Water Tribe, it's positively flavorful. It's warm and thick and hearty and it tastes almost nothing like the food I ate with Yazhu and Ming on The Sunset.

Ulva sits down across from me with her own bowl. When she's done, she picks up her sewing again, though she doesn't actually work on it, just picking at the threads as I finish my own bowl.

"We need to-"

Both of us cut ourselves off, blinking at each other. After a moment, I motion for Ulva to go first.

"We need to talk," she says.

"Okay-"

"I need to know - what do you want?" Ulva barrels on over me. "I know what our parents wanted - mine wanted the prestige of marrying into your family, and yours wanted to make sure that you were married to a waterbender of sufficiently high status - everyone says that benders aren't treated better, but everyone knows that's a lie - but you've never said what you want. And I know there wasn't really any opportunity, but you can tell me now Tikaani. What do you want? What are you getting out of this marriage? What are you expecting? What do you want?"

"I don't want to be here!" The words burst out of me, and once I've started, I can't stop. "Look, I know that I have responsibilities here, but I hate it. Everyone's always referring to me as a guy, and I hate the food and I hate the isolationist policies! I get that they're to keep us safe, but everywhere else, the world is burning, and no one leaves the pole long enough to learn about it! I have a life outside of here! The people I love-"

I snap my mouth shut abruptly, my hand flying to my necklace. I shouldn't have said that. Not to-

I'm married now. We don't exactly have formal vows like they do in the Fire Nation, or paperwork like in the Earth Kingdoms, but some degree of fidelity is expected. I can't-

"So it is a betrothal necklace," Ulva says, mirroring me, her hand over the stone that I'd carved for her.

I hesitate, then let my hand drop. No point hiding it now.

"Maybe it would have been. Maybe it could have been," I admit. "But it's not." I hesitate for a moment before I continue, finishing the train of thought. "The people I love don't live here, and I'm tired of sitting around and doing nothing while they suffer. And what about you? What do you want Ulva?"

"The ones you love," she repeats distantly, her fingers running over her necklace.

"The ones I love," I repeat, "and will not be with so long as I am yours. What do you want?"

"So long as you are mine?" Ulva repeats, focusing this time. "Most men- . . . most people in our tribe don't see it that way. They'd say it was the other way around."

"Perhaps my time in other places had worn off on me. What do you want?"

Ulva lets her hand drop from her necklace.

"I don't want to be married. I'll cook and clean and keep the house and stand by you in the eyes of the tribe, but I don't want to be married," she says, chin up. Then her eyes soften a little. "You don't need to stay, and you won't be mine."

". . . why?" I ask. And- I want to ask out of morbid curiosity - is there someone she does want? But then, I think I would sound like the jealous spouse in a play accusing her.

"There's someone who- we don't- she . . . we're not like siblings. But we do not want to make love either," the confidence Ulva had earlier is gone, though she's not nervous enough to pick at her sewing like she was when she started this talk.

It takes me a long moment to put things together, but then I smile. "I understand."

"You do?" Ulva asks. "But - what about the people you love? You seemed to want to . . ."

"I guess I should say not that I understand, but that you're not alone," I reply. "One of those I love is like that."

"You don't think it's . . . wrong?"

"Of course not. If anything, you are like Lord Inari who takes no partner. Would anyone dare say Inari is wrong?"

"No." Ulva draws a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Right." I glance down at my bowl, then at the light filtering through the ice around us. It's summer now, and the time of the midnight sun, but I don't feel tired quite yet. "I'll just wash this and go out for a while. Thank you for making it."

It's still odd to be the first one to - fall asleep? Wake up? Dream, I guess.

The dreamscape feels almost formless when I open my eyes, the surface beneath me not hard or soft or lumpy or smooth, just . . . there. Then I blink, and it's solid enough, but I can feel the way it's ready to slip to another place without someone else's perceptions to hold onto it.

I'm laying on Ming's small bed, in the small room they'd managed to claim for themself by right of being the eldest sibling. I turn my head so that my face is buried in the pillow and breathe deeply. Here, in the dream, it still smells like them - like hair and rice and dirt and the incense they burn every morning to Lady Kun - though I know that in the real world their room would have been given over to their sister, who had been eyeing the private room for a while.

Then I sit up and push back the covers. I shake out the blanket, then fold it and the beton mattress and put them against the wall.

The house feels too quiet now, without anyone else. Everytime I visit, I have to marvel at just how many people managed to pack in. Even during the night, it wasn't quiet with people snoring and breathing, and occasionally some of the teenage girls murmuring gossip and giggling with each other. Still, even quiet like this, I feel more at home than I do at the North Pole, spotting the places where I'd helped them renovate a little, the places on the walls that led to closets where the kids who slept out in the main room kept their clothes, the decorations on papers pinned to the walls - and sometimes on the walls - that little kids had made over the years.

I stop at the door, staring out across the clearing in front of the house to the trees across the way. Leaning against the doorway, I remember what Ming told me about the forests here. Every once in a while, they burn.

And the dream, only loosely anchored by one mind takes the thought and runs with it. The world shifts, the lighting going orange and the sky dark with clouds and there are flames clinging to the trees and I can feel the heat from across the clearing-

"Tikaani!"

The flames are abruptly gone, replaced by a heavy rain that drenches me, soaking through my clothing in seconds, freezing against my overheated skin and a stark contrast to the arms pulling me back into a hug.

"Tikaani, what were you doing?" Ming demands, turning me around after a moment so that we're face to face. "I know this is only a dream, but I told you how dangerous forest fires were - and you were running towards it!"

I was?

I reevaluate my position; I am no longer in the doorway, but halfway across the clearing.

"I just- it seemed-"

Then another pair of arms slide around me as another body settles behind me. "Tikaani, what's wrong? You don't normally make it rain like this."

I twist in their arms, one hand coming up to clutch Ming's robes, the other coming to cup Yazhu's cheek as I lean in to let my forehead rest against Yazhu's.

"What- Tikaani?" This close, I can see that Yazhu's dark eyes are green, not brown. I follow them as they take a step back, my hand dropping from their cheek to their shoulder to keep them from getting father. "What about Ulva? We always said-"

"She said I'm not hers," I breathe. "She said - she'll cook and clean and stand with me, but we don't have to be married - aren't married."

Behind me, Ming takes a step forward, their hands settling on my hips. I let go of them, turning more fully towards Yazhu and reaching out with my now free hand. "She said I'm not hers - she said -"

Yazhu doesn't look happy. They look like Ulva had at dinner last night: trapped and scared. My hands drop like I was burned, and I step away from Ming, pivoting so I'm facing away from both of them.

"Yazhu . . ." I say, searching for words. "Yazhu, what do you want? You don't- you don't have to . . ."

There's a long silence, only filled by the sound of the rain against the ground. I feel a flash of guilt about the rain. I'm used to the cold, but with my robes soaked through I can feel my heat seeping away. If it's this bad for me, it must be far worse for Yazhu, who's used to the warmth of the equator. I can't do anything about it now though. With both Ming and Yazhu here, the dream is as solid as the real world.

Then a hand rests on my shoulder, gently tugging me back around to face Yazhu again.

"Tikaani, you . . ." Yazhu trails off, then they make a face and reach up to cradle my face in two hands. They step forwards and lean closer slowly until our foreheads are pressed together again. Ming steps forwards too, letting their hands settle on my hips again.

Then, slowly, giving me enough time to pull away, Yazhu leans in the last bit.

"-and I need to talk more with Master Pakku about what I can do up here," I say, twitching a finger at the water heating up around Ming's hands so that it spreads out more evenly in the pool. "I'm not entirely sure what I would be doing given that they seem to be managing well enough on their own, but it's something."

"Good," Yazhu says, bobbing up slightly so their mouth is out of the water. "I'm glad that helped you. And I'm glad to hear that Youta's alright. We don't exactly get regular contact from the people we send away, but he was so young . . ."

"As for what your job will be," Ming says, the water around their hand stilling as they lower them and relax, the tub finally up to their standards of warmth and almost too hot for me to bear, "just acting as their liaison would probably be enough. If there are new people, you might be called upon to escort them over, but there's no way your Master Pakku did much. From what you said, they seem capable, they probably don't need someone butting in and telling them what to do."

"Then what's the point?" I ask, reaching for Ming's hand now that the water around it won't burn me and entwining out fingers. "What's the point of staying in the North Pole? Yazhu gave me the White Lotus code so that I might find something to do, but that's just another dead end. There is no way there aren't other members of the White Lotus who can watch the other Southern waterbenders. I'm going to go insane up here alone."

"What about Ulva-"

"I think she can take care of herself."

"That's not what you've been saying all these years," Ming says patiently, though they squeeze my fingers. "You could have run away years ago, and her engagement would have been rearranged without any harm. Why do you want to leave now, when it will? Whether or not you are married in the eyes of the spirits, you are in the eyes of your tribe. Ulva could take care of herself, maybe get some help from that person she mentioned, but she'll be treated much better if you're there."

"You're not there anymore!" I catch Yazhu's wide eyes above the water and turn away from both them and Ming, biting my lip. "I get that I was lucky to have you, lucky that I could see you when Yazhu didn't get to meet either of us forever. But I overestimated how hard it would be to have someone else in my space all the time. I've only been back for two days and I was barely home the whole time but it's driving me crazy. I can't just - sleep somewhere else, that would be too noticeable. And much as I liked traveling what I could reach of the Earth Kingdoms, they're just as bad in their own way. The only safe places I had were with you and my place, and they're both gone."

And Ming says, "Come here."

They tug my hand by our entwined fingers, pulling me across the massive tub, then down to sit on their lap, both of us uncaring of the miles of naked skin. They pull me back so that my back is pressed against their chest and hook their chin over my shoulder.

Yazhu had swum closer as I let Ming arrange me to their liking, and they press in close, resting their head on my shoulder. Yazhu and Ming are always warmer than me, but right now they feel almost feverish, and combined with the warmth of the bath, I'm starting to feel a little dizzy. I take deep breaths and focus on the wall across from me, tracing the wood grain in the candle light.

"Tikaani," Yazhu sighs, turning slightly to press a kiss to my collar bone. "You just said that you still need to ask Master Pakku what you can do. Just because the Southern waterbenders seem to need no help doesn't mean that there isn't something else you can do for the Order of the White Lotus. As for where you sleep - you told us that you're not sleeping in the same room as Ulva, how is that any different from sleeping in a different room in your parent's house? What's wrong?"

"I don't-" My breath catches, but I don't dare curl inwards like I want to, not wanting to make Yazhu pull away. I pause, and really think over what Yazhu had said, trying to let myself relax back into Ming's hold on me.

It isn't really anything I haven't told myself before, but Yazhu saying it, laying it out so clearly without any room for interpretation settles me in a way that I hadn't been able to do on my own.

"I don't know," I say. "I just - I don't feel like I'm helping. Don't feel like I can help."

"You don't have to," Yazhu says. Their eyes flicker briefly, but they barely pause as they roll right over what had been an unspoken boundary for years. "I mean, look at me. Look at what I did for years."

"And look what you did the moment you couldn't stop ignoring it."

"And look what I'm doing now," Yazhu counters. "Off to Honoiro - I'm going to be dealing more with the trade part of my family's operations now and less with the rescue part."

"Yeah, but-" I cut myself off, biting my lip.

"I can pretty safely say that I haven't done anything," Ming says, their arms tightening around me for a moment. "In fact, I got kidnapped."

"I think the kidnapping excludes you from needing to," I say. I take a deep breath. "Alright. I'll try to keep that in mind. I'll talk to Pakku and see what I can do."

"You don't have to be useful to live," Ming tells me.

"I know," I say. I lift one arm slightly to rest my hand on the arms around my waist, and twist the other in Yazhu's grasp until our fingers are tangled together. And I keep breathing.

Hey! I hope you guys like this chapter! Sorry it took so long, I think some of Tikaani's existential crisis seeped into my own life. Tell me what you guys think about Tikaani! What do you think about the Souther waterbenders?