Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Seven – A Star Is Born!
Wonder Woman was in her dressing room getting all dressed and ready for her concert. She hummed the 70s Wonder Woman theme song as a Warm Up as she took one last look at herself in the mirror. Shed slipped out of her familiar battle armor and into an attractive all-American schoolgirl princess outfit blazed all over with the Stars and Stripes that emphasized innocence youth and naivety.
"I had this custom made with my last three paychecks juts for Garfield. I hope he likes it." Wonder Woman nervously confided in her assistant a fat woman named Etta Candy.
"I'm sure he will now get out ther and knock their socks off." Said Etta Candy with reassurances as she gobbled down her eighth Snickers bar of the minute.
"Okay I am ready for this." Said Wonder Woman as she pumped herself up to ease away the last of her stage fright doubs.
Outside Garfield was in front row seat at a jampacked Madison Square Garden with stage set for concert.
"Action is what I live for but even a hero like myself can appreciate one small break for his lady." Said Garfield anticipatedly as he leaned back in his seat with a lasagna cigarette in his mouth, a lasagna sub in one hand and a lasagna rum cocktail in the other.
Announcer Funky Flashman then took the stage to hype up the crowds.
"Excelsior, True Believers! We are all seated here for this historic occasion The First Ever Concert of A Rising Star in the Music Scene. Wonder Woman is here to perform several marvelous songs from her new album "Wonder Woman 1984" the follow-up to her collector's item debut album "Wonder Woman!"" Said Funky Flashman as the crowds cheered and chanted Wonder Woman's name.
With a flash of smoke and fireworks Wonder Woman then descended from the skies above onto the stage.
Wonder Woman then did singing as she did superbly choreographed dance routines as cheery pop music played.
The audiences cheered like baseball fans seeing team score endless grand slams but what motivated Wonder Woman most of all to sing and dance her best was catching Garfield's approving thumbs ups and nods of silence as she shook like a swan and spun like fresh snow gently descending from the leaves in a wind.
All was going well until Wonder Woman got to her last song and suddenly something exploded from the roof and landed on the stage. A woman all geared up in Kryptonian battle armor dusted herself up. It was Faora-Ul!
"What is the meaning of this intrusion?" Said Wonder Woman with anger as she stormed up to the feminine intruder and instantly the two woman begin to size each other up like jealous vipers.
"Oh my Stars and Garters! Has the Distinguished Competition come to crash the party?" Funky Flashman asked the crowd causing oohs and hushed chatter throughout.
"My name is Faora-Ul! And I have come to remake the Great Planet of Krypton by conquering this dirt pit of Earth and enslaving your great champion Garfield to sire my heirs to create new super race!" Announced Faora-Ul with tyrannical intentions as she pointed finger at the amused Garfield in the audience.
"Tie me up all you like but at the end its always you at my mercy." Garfield winked and sipped his lasagna cocktail.
"Wonder Woman I see that you are the harlot Garfield has chosen as his preferred mate! I challenge you to a Death Match for his affections!" Faora-Ul hissed like a randy alley cat as she got up into Wonder Womans face and so close to her their breasts squashed together.
"I refuse! Because any woman can be a fighter but only the best can be a star!" Wonder Woman slapped Faora-Ul and shoved her back. "So I decline your challenge and instead I challenge you to IDOL SHOWDOWN!"
"Very well! I have come prepared for such an occassion!" Faora-Ul then ripped off her battle armor to reveal that she was wearing underneath a all-black frilly gothic Lolita cowgirl maid outfit of naughty dark leather and lace. Faora-Ul was such dazzling sight that half the crowd turned on Wonder Woman and began cheering her on for looks alone!
"As the Man of the Hour, I will be judging this duel of the sirens with help of my two hand-picked and completely unbiased assistants." Garfield said with a knowing wink to Wonder Woman as he set up a judges table. As Garfield took a seat his two assistants an attractive blackhaired woman in a stage magicians get up and a shifty looking blonde Englishman in trenchcoat smoking a Silk Cut cigarette joined him. It was Zatanna and John Constantine!
Wonder Woman was up to perform first.
"Why bother, Wonder Trollop? Quit and concede I am superior specimen of womanhood before I utterly humiliate you with my moves and grooves!" Faora-Ul taunted her as she stepped back.
"Faora-Ul you spacecase I am not afraid of you or any army! I will show you why it's a Wonder Woman World for Garfield!" Wonder Woman said with confidence as she took center stage and a spotlight fell on her.
Wonder Woman's special band took stage behind her. It was Donna Troy on guitar, Cassie Sandsmark on saxphone, Artemis on drums, and her mother Hippolyta on the synthesizer. They launched into incredible symphony as Wonder Woman snapped her fingers composing an intensely rhythmic retro beat made of hardcore electric guitar riffs and funky synthesizer beats with lots and lots of saxphone solos.
With adorable wink, Wonder Woman leapt right into action. Without missing a single step or beat, Wonder Woman transfixed the audience with her smooth moves and the voice of an angel as her entire being seemed to glow.
Faora-Uls jaw dropped as she realized in sweating fear that this is what she would compete with soon.
Wonder Woman sang a song about loving Garfield's manhood being yourself while you are young and free and world peace that left everyone in the audience spellbound and on the verge of admiration tears.
As Wonder Woman's song ended and her dance winded down, she topped things off with stylish and sexy curtsy to the audience. The crowd went wild with applause and chanted her name totally starstruck.
"Your move sister." Was all Wonder Woman said to suddenly nervous Faora-Ul as her turn came up.
Faora-Ul took the stage and as the spotlight fell on her suddenly all her confidence dropped like sack of pennies from the top of Empire State Building.
Faora-Ul gulped with nervously as her backup band made of Supermans c-list villains Parasite Metallo Mongul and Atomic Skull shambled onto stage like twenty car pile ups and their music playing was just as catastrophic.
When Faora-Ul tried singing a song that covered all of Wonder Woman's songs themes in a much lamer and cheapter uninspired fashion her voice came out not as that of an angels but like drunken offkey Austrian goatfarmer if someone kicked him in the groin after he lost his voice. Her moves were without grace or inspiration as she flopped about like a ballooning beach humpback whale.
Very soon the entire audience was hissing and jeering. Everyone in audience began throwing bottles and rocks at Faora-Ul and soon the boos grew too much to bear. Faora-Ul then took a look at Garfield. Where he had been totally into Wonder Woman with clapping along to the beat Garfield wasn't even paying attention to her big moment as the only attention he had to give was on the lasagna he was eating.
(This is a partial reference to classic music drama film of Eastern German cinema Solo Sunny)
Because of this before she even finished her song Faora-Ul ran off the stage crying while Wonder Woman blew raspberries at her. The cheers that audience gave were ones of the relief that the embarrassment was over. The stage lights then fell off and crushed Faora-Uls band to death
"Ha ha I don't think we even need to question who won that!" Funky Flashman joked as the crowd cheered for Wonder Woman as she leapt up and down in joy and accepted trophies for her victory. Confetti fell down on Wonder Woman as lights of cameras shuttered from everywhere and Wodner Woman smiled because she knew this was the proudest moment ever of her life.
Later Garfield was walking to Wonder Woman's dressing room backstage with Zatanna and John Constantine.
"Thanks for casting hex to turn Faora-Ul's dancing schemes topsy-turvy." Said Garfield with thanks to Zatanna and John Constantine because they were actually magic magicians.
"No problem Garfield. Anything for a mate." John Constantine said suavely as he lit a cigarette for Garfield.
"Garfield I know one way you can thank me. I love it when you do that Hocus Pocus to me." Said Zatanna with longing for Garfields touch wichch had the power to heal and his look which was almost unreal.
"Sorry fishnets I'd normally love to get all caught up in you but there's only one woman on my mind right now. But don't fret next time I'm in Vegas I'll be sure to look you up." Garfield said with promise as he smoked his cigarette. With nod Zatanna and John Constantine opened up a magic portal to San Francisco and disappeared for more adventuers of their own.
As Garfield turned a corner he was suddenly ambushed by a Faora-Ul in despairing heat. Sobbing she tried to force herself on Garfield.
"What is the meaning of this, female?" Asked Garfield as he kicked Faora-Ul off him.
"Can you see nothing from my perspective? I was born and bred to serve Krypton at any cost! And all those years I spent trapped in Phantom Zone were like eternity and all I could think of was you! A Warrior Born of Earth who somehow exceeded the powers of General Zod the finiest Warrior Krytpon ever produced!" Faora-Ul implored Garfield as she got on her knees with puppy dog eyes.
"If Pathetic Zod was the best Krypton could produce I'd hate to see their worst." Said Garfield dismissively.
"That is not the point Garfield. What I am saying si that you are the manliest most wantable man I have ever seen. I want to mate with you even more than I am wanting to serve Krypton." Begged Faora-Ul.
"Hmm I do have some minutes before I am to meet with Wonder Woman." Garfield said as he looked at his watch.
"Oh Garfield when you are done with me Wonder Woman will be forgotten used tampon in the back of your minds." Said Faora-Ul with promises as she got undressed in front of Garfield.
Garfield lead her into a janitors closet and kicked out all the janitors stuff. Garfield rolled out a luxury Arabian silk rug and laid Faora-Ul down on it. Garfield then pulled out a jukebox and put it down before selecting Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones to set the romantic mood.
Garfield and Faora-Ul then embraced each other romantically and snuggled in nudity.
"Toucha-a touch-a touch me Garfield I wanna feel dirty." Said Faora-Ul with desires as Garfield rubbed his gentle but firm lovers hands all over her behind and breasts.
"Ready yourself for the impact of METEORS." Warned Garfield as he spread Faora-Uls legs apart and without warning impacted and penetrated her like a guided missile.
"Oh Great Rao! I am ready to blow like Krypton!" Faora-Ul moaned helplessly as she could only wrap around Garfield like the anaconda as he thrusted into her like a master samurai practicing katana moves on helpless training dummy.
"Yo ho Garfield you are just perfection! BREAK MY NECK MY BACK AND MY ENTIRE BEING WITH ALL YOUR LOVING!" Shrieked Faora-Ul as her eyes rolled back as her entire body gave itself up and washed over with pleasure from Garfields loving.
Garfield then got dressed as he left Faora-Ul agonized on the ground from his loving.
"Don't leave Garfield. Don't tell me we just did what we did and already you have forgotten me for your shallow Amazonian call girl." Faora-Ul hissed with jealousy. "Have I not proven that I am superior lover woman despite our history of violence together?"
Hearing that Garfield looked back at Faora-Ul with justice blazing in his eyes.
"If it had been just me that you had committed trespasses against perhaps I would give some consideration to your harpy tongue. But when you made First Contact in Smallville, USA, Earth six years ago you did not just threaten me with your evil but America as well. And an enemy of America is something I can never forgive good pony ride or no. I'd pay your cab fare to hell but you aren't worth a cent to me." Said Garfield with the judgment of justice. He tossed Faora-Ul a noose and a stool and bleakly she nodded for she knew his words were truth and final and she knew just what to do with his parting gifts.
Meanwhile Wonder Woman was in her dressing room in high good spirits. She had vanquished a rival for Garfields affections and she knew she had proved just how much of a worthy lover she was for the Greatest Man There Ever Was.
There was a knock at the door and Wonder Woman expected it was Garfield.
"Just a second!" Wonder Woman said as she got to the door and opened it. But it was not Garfield!
"Hello Angel. Did you miss me?" It was Wonder Woman's first ever lover, Chris Pine! And he looked just as young as he was the day he died despite the decades of years that had passed!
"Chris Pine! But you are supposed to be dead!" Said Wonder Woman with disbelief.
"I was but remember the man who brought you back my picture? Now he has brought me back so we can be together again." Chris Pine said mysteriously. He held his arms out for tender embrace but Wonder Woman shied away.
Chris Pine walked in and closed the door behind him.
"Chris Pine you do not understand! I have moved on and found new love with Garfield." Wonder Woman insisted as Chris Pine closed in.
"Come on Angel. You know Garfield is just a phase of your confused grief. But I am back now and together we can be happy forever." Said Chris Pine as he cornered Wonder Woman and leaned in for a kiss. Wonder Woman whimpered unable to escape.
"NOT ON MY WATCH." Said Garfield with rescue just in time as he kicked down the door.
"Prepare To Die Garfield She Is Mine!" Chris Pine yelled with delusions as he sprang towards Garfield with killing hands.
"Find love in the scrapheap." Said Garfield to Chris Pine as he whipped out his two Desert Eagles and blasted Chris Pine full of holes like a woodpecker.
"Ugh-A. I am dead again." Said Chris Pine as he fell over and died. Garfield and Wonder Womans realized that Chris Pines blood was not red like a normal human but it was white instead!
"Just as I suspected! A Weyland-Yutani Android!" Deduced Garfield with recognition.
"A what now?" Asked Wonder Woman clueless because she did not keep up with technology.
"Top of the line android robotics almost indistinguishable from a human. But they are not supposed to be invented for many more centuries!" Said Garfield of the future sensing that a mystery was afood. And he could guess who was responsible.
"Wonder Woman I am sorry. It seems thatever Boss Dark Side has planned hes putting it into motion. I had big celebration for your big night planned but I am going to have to postpone it." Apologized Garfield as he got ready to do a runner for duty.
"It is okay Garfield. Because I know that I love you and I am loved." Said Wonder Woman with understanding. "And I hope that you know I would never have left you the golden man of my present for a phantom of my past."
"It was never a doubt my Angel of the Eternity." Waved Garfield with a dashing farewell.
Meanwhile back in Kahndaq Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman were coming to.
"Ugh my head feels like its been kicked by a thousand Rockettes." Grumbled Billy Batson with a headache.
"Where the blazes are we Billy Batson? And it seems Black Adam hit us with such force he knocked us out of our Shazam forms!" Freddy Freeman realized out of the haze.
Freddy Freeman was answered with a dozen soldiers with rifles pointed at him.
"Hands up American scum! You are under arrest for trespassing with your imperialist presence in our top secret military zone!" Said Kahndaq Military Leader with hate.
"Wait we are here just by accident! This is big misunderstanding!" Said Billy Batson trying to defuse things.
"I do not care! You think that I will not hesitate to wipe American filth from the face of Earth just because you are children?" Said the Kahndaq Military Leader with scoffing.
"Oh no Billy Batson we will not be able to say Shazam in time before the bullets cut us up!" Realized Freddy Freeman with direness.
"Your seconds are all up! Ready yourselves to join your Great Satan in Hell Americans!" Laughed the Kahndaq Military Leader as he gave order to kill the two young heroes.
But suddenly their weapons jammed on them and then flew out of their hands with an invisible force!
"What in the" The Kahndaq Military Leader began but he could never finish because their rifles then opened fire on him and his soldiers killing them all.
"We are saved! But by whom?" Billy Batson said never counting chickens before they hatch.
An imposing man in a red helmet and cape then floated down from above. He removed his helmet to reveal he was played by Michael Fassbender.
"I am Magneto Master of Magnet! I am a superhero from another multiverse of existence separate to yorus!" Said Magneto in British accent with totally truth.
"Wow Superheroes from Other Dimensions of Existence!" Freddy Freeman said amazed.
"Boss Dark Side destroyed my world with the power of Dark Phoenix and he will do the same to yours! Come with me I have secret project that can help you superheroes protect your existence!" Magneto said with totally genuine wholesome intents.
"Cmon Billy Batson he needs our help lets go!" Said Freddy Freeman as he dragged Billy Batson with him as he followed after Magneto into a innocuous white van.
Moments later after Magneto drove off in his van the Justice League of Americas airplane arrived at the scene of destruction.
"Damn we are too late! Where have Shazam and Blue Shazam gone?" Said Superman as he looked around.
"Hmm let me use my Detective Skills!" Said Nightwing as he examing the surroundings and deduced things. When he finished he told Superman and Cyborg everything that just happened.
"Magneto Master of Magnet? I have never heard of him. And a wholly separate multiverse to our own?" Superman rubbed his chin suspicious of the whole thing.
"I am scanning all residual heat signatures and other evidence left behind!" Said Cyborg as he poked a red laser everywhere. "I am not picking up any foreign multiverse dna which any foreigner to our reality would have left but I am picking up something weird! I am picking up traces of tech that will not be invented until far in our future!"
"Time travel huh this is getting bad." Nightwing began but then he heard something. "Hey do you guys hear some"
The Batmobile came out of nowhere blaring Eurobeat music and collided into Nightwing sending him flipping into the hair like a burger patty.
Nightwing came up in the crosshairs of The Huntress who was perched on some ruins pillars nearby, holding a sniper crossbow.
"Seems a shame to waste your ass, Nightwing Onii-Chan. But what Daddy says I do." The Huntress licked her lips and fired.
Nightwing came crashed down to Earth with a bolt stuck in his head. Cyborg rushed over with concern while Superman tried to explode the Batmobile with his heat vision but the Batmobile dodged it all with expert drifting.
"Nightwing hold still! I will fix you up!" Cyborg promised as he did quick improvised surgery as he ran through the entire Internet in his mind to learn how to do it.
"I got you old buddy! Are you still good to fight?" Cyborg said as he saved Nightwing but something was wrong. Nightwing took a look at Cyborg then pulled a knife out of his pocket and shaved his head.
"Oh no Cyborg I have the amnesia! I don't remember anything besides my name being Dick which I do not like. I much prefer the sound of Ric Grayson." Said Nightwing with horrific revelation as he took off domino mask and threw it away.
"No Nightwing we need you!" Cyborg begged.
"Shut up tin man. Nightwing sucks and being a superhero is stupid." Said Nightwing as he accepted his new fate of Ric Grayson and abandoned his friends. Ric Grayson flagged a cab and took off to parts unknown.
Caught up in the despair of losing his longtime friend Nightwing, Cyborg collapsed in grief and did not notice the Batmobile bearing down on him.
"Nooooooo!" Superman cried out in rage as the Batmobile ran over Cyborg and crushed him into nuts and bolts.
"Step out of your Hot Wheel and face me Batman you coward!" Superman issued ultimatum to his old enemy. "Or do I have to tell Martha on you?" Superman added with a wink to the camera.
"You say that name as if it means anything to me anymore. Regardless I shall accepting your challenge. But know that Krypton will soon have no sons to call her last. You can't kill me but I can kill you Superman." Batman threatened as he opened up the Batmobiles cockpit.
"I swore I would never take another mans life again. But you Batman have become something less than a man! A monster! And if I must I shall slay monsters!" Said Superman with no regrets. Superman got ready to fire his heat vision but then something funny happened.
"Wait what has happened?" Superman asked with sudden disorientation as before him the Batmobile was now a blazing wreck like he had fired upon the Batmobile with his heat vision but Superman had no recollection of doing so.
"You'll see." Batman laughed and Superman spied Batman at the bottom of a pillar. There were so many questions Superman had about Batman like how was he alive again and why was he younger and his skin sparkling in the sun. But the evil had to be stopped first.
"No it has happened again!" Superman realized as he suddenly found himself in front of the pillar, it now looking like Superman had smashed it in with fist. Superman realized that Batman was somehow now erasing time and skipping everyone forward!
Batman then appeared behind Superman and with quick moves injected a needle containing pure liquid kryptonite directly into Superman's neck.
"Aagh!" Said Superman with pain for Kryptonite was one of his few weakneses. With direct injection of kryptonite coursing through his veins Superman was soon to weak too do anything and he fell down.
"Do you savor this fear you now feel Man of Steel? It is sobering reminder that despite your gifts you are nothing. Just another rat like the rest of the superstitious and cowardly lot that shall soon kneel before me. You may see a man's soul with your xray vision but I can see the very fabric of destiny itself. And destiny is mine to do with as I please!" Batman said with evil speech.
"Ugh Batman even if I fall Garfield will stop you." Superman said through gritted teeth as he struggled to his feet determined not to give up despite all odds against him.
"Ha ha ha with this power I now possess even Garfield cannot stop me! You and Garfield dare threaten my everlasting climax. You will both be destroyed for that!" Batman said as he stabbed Superman through the back with a spear with a tip forged from pure red suns.
"Damn it red suns are also another weakness of mine!" Superman swore and tried to fight back but it was too late and he felt it all going to darkness.
Supermans last thought before the darkness overcame him as he saw Batman triumphant standing over him was "Lois Lane."
Back in New York City Garfield was perched atop the Empire State Building holding his cell. To his dismay all the numbers he called for superhero meet-up were not calling back or suddenly disconnected.
Could it be possobole? That the Justice League of America had fallen? Garfield clenched his fist and did leap of faith off the Empire State Building into the depths of the Big Apple in search of answers and justice.
To be continued…