And so the two lovers finally have at it.

It had been far too long since Adella had been able to breath for a moment. But now that the hunter exam was over, she could finally take a break and reevaluate what had happened.

First off, Gon, the boy she'd met during this exam and promptly formed a bond with, was off to fight battles he shouldn't have to with a broken arm. Thankfully, he had Kurapika and Leorio to help.

Second, Killua, the other boy she'd become attached to, was a Zoldyck, and probably back home suffering for it. She wished she could help, but knowing Netero, he would probably ask her to do something for him now he knew why she had taken a leave of absence from work.

And finally, Illumi had…

Adella places her head in her hands. Illumi had broken her trust, doing the one thing he had promised never to do. He had used a needle on her without consent.

Could she have handled the conversation prior to the fight better? Yes. But that did not excuse what he had done.

The door to her room opens, slamming into the wall with the force of the push. "We need to talk."

She looks up, glaring at Illumi as he closes the door, locking it for privacy. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Oh really? Because you had plenty to say on the boat."

Adella snarls, rising from the bed. If he wanted a fight, he would get one. "And you wouldn't let me say any of it. How much of a coward are you? You have to use pins to talk to the woman you claim to love?"

She pauses, as if she's just figured something out. "Or do you even love me? Is that it? I was just a game, and now I've become too much of a hassle?"

Illumi stiffens, clearly shocked by the notion, but he doesn't deny it. "Shut up."

Adella laughs, furious and hurt. "The big, bad Zoldyck can't even break it off with the woman he's been stringing along this entire time."

"Shut. Up."

"I bet you can't even feel emotion. Well, except for anger and disgust." She folds her arms, rage burning in her eyes as she stares him down. "Is that why? Do I disgust you, Illu?"

"Do not call me that!"

She hurts. Her words, even though he has not confirmed them, ring true to her ears. Had she really been so blind? Upset and feeling self-destructive, she moves in for the final strike.

"Did it even matter you were my first? Or is the stupid little virgin just…"

Unwilling to hear more, Illumi lunges, grabbing for her face. Adella reacts, ready to bite the hand that reaches for her mouth, but instead, Illumi slants his lips over hers.

The kiss is angry, more battle than embrace, but it is what they need. Illumi's hand follows the curves of her body, sliding around back to pull her closer. Not to be outdone, Adella claws at his shoulders, pulling herself up so she can wrap her legs around his waist.

With his free hand, Illumi reaches up, tugging on Adella's hair, making her cry out to force her mouth open. He much rather prefers this method of arguing to whatever they've been doing. His missed her, missed this, and her assertions that he didn't care made him all the angrier.

He did care, that's why he did this. Couldn't she understand that? He didn't know why he cared, nor did he know how he had fallen so far so fast when it came to this woman. All he knew was he had to live with the decisions he had made.

Angry at both himself and her, Illumi throws her towards the bed. Thankfully, it seemed he hadn't underestimated the distance, and she lands safely. He doesn't dwell on the relief he feels.

"You are acting like a brat, have been acting like one since the boat." He leans over her, caging her in beneath him. "Do I need to remind you of who's in charge?"

Before he even realizes what's happened, she twines her legs with his and twists, switching them. She is now on top, looming over him, hands at his wrists to hold him down.

"Do I need to remind you? You aren't the only one who can fight, Illu."

He snarls, hating the nickname Hisoka had given him. It sounds wrong coming from her. He wasn't Illu, he was Lumi.

Despite both of them being furious with one another, it seems the tone has shifted, and Adella leans down to meet his lips again. She hates this man for what he has done to her, just as he hates what she has done to him. But both are far past fixing.

Illumi allows her control for a moment, letting his hand, free now from her grip, find the edge of her shirt and slip under it. She moans as his cool hand finds her heated skin. Illumi always ran too cold.

He lets her have her victory for a few minutes, allowing her to pull her own shirt off and taking the opportunity to remove his as well.

He can see her look to his arm where Gon had broken it. He had used pins to manipulate it back into a decent shape. It gives her pause for only a second, far too interested in what they had started to care about some broken bones on an assassin. As soon as she is distracted, once again kissing him, he flips them once more.

"Much better." Adella struggles a little, unwilling to go down without a fight, but Illumi expects nothing less. Still, this struggling was rather counter-productive to his plan for them.

"You have mentioned wanting me to use the needles before." Of course, he knows she didn't mean outside of the bedroom, and he knows he's overstepped slightly, but they are in the bedroom now.

She struggles against him as he reaches for one. "Don't you dare. I'll chop your dick off."

Illumi chuckles, using the hand without the needle to grip her neck. Her hands come to grasp his wrist, trying to pull him off as he presses the needle lightly to the side of her neck.

"Not if I never take it out."

Adella goes rigid under him, ceasing to struggle. Her eyes are wide, unsure if he means it.

"I could, of course. You would be such a good little wife for me, wouldn't you, dear?" He leans down, pressing his forehead to hers. "You'd do everything I asked of you. You'd be such a good mother. Our children would be stronger than any before them."

He leans down, ready to continue this game, when Adella pushes against him. Illumi is caught off guard by the force with which she pushes him away. Hadn't they been…

She rises from the bed, leaning down to pick up her shirt. Her aura has completely changed, and Illumi found himself shut off from her. What was going on?

He watches as she redresses, reaching for her the Hunter license on the dresser. As she turns back to him, his face betrays how confused he is. He, the man who never showed emotion suddenly couldn't control his.

"I'm done."

Two words. Two words and his world came crashing down around him.

"I... wh… what are you…"

Adella turns, heading for the door. "It's over. I'm through."

As she reaches to unlock the door, and her intention to leave him becomes clear, Illumi throws himself towards her. "No, wait!"

It takes all of his power to push himself between her and the door. Adella moves back, refusing to touch him. "Move, Illumi."

He shakes his head, reaching for her, but she moves further away, keeping out of range. "No, talk to me. What happened?"

Adella sighs, refusing to look him in the eyes. "I'm not doing this anymore. I…"

"Talk to me!" Illumi strikes quickly, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. He would not, could not, let her go without telling him what was wrong. Done? No. They would be done when their bones had finally rotted beneath the soil, and still they'd be entwined together in the stars.

He feels out of breath from the past few minutes. First, they'd been fighting, then kissing, then he'd been speaking thoughts he had never even dared entertain. His wife, their children- his wildest fantasies had sprung from his mouth like an overflowing fountain. The pain in his chest that he had been ignoring, convinced it was merely because he needed food or drink or even was sick, hit its inevitable crescendo. Everything had suddenly made sense.

He loved her. Gods above, he loved her, more than his own life, or those of his family. He would die and kill in her name; couldn't she understand that?

She will not look up at him, even despite all the shaking. "I refuse to be the pawn of a man who is a pawn himself. I will not be silenced and made to be a puppet whose strings can be pulled and cut at will. Now move."

He shakes his head, confused and panicked. She couldn't leave, not now when he finally understood. "Adella, please, tell me what's wrong!"

"You! You are what's wrong!" Adella cries out, pulling away from him as if burned. She swipes at her eyes, hot tears burning down her cheeks as the anger and frustration from the past few weeks spill over. "You! You can't even fathom what it means to feel! Look at what you did to Killua today! Not to mention me! Illumi, you broke my trust! I know you aren't like everyone else; I accept that! The one thing I requested was for you to never use a needle on me unless I asked! And you broke that promise! How can I ever trust you?"

She turns from him, wiping at her cheeks, her sobs catching in her throat and making it hard to breathe. Illumi reaches for her, hesitating just before he touches her. Deciding it will be better to ask for forgiveness, he lets his hand find her arm.

"No! You…" Adella continues to sob, turning to punch at his chest. Illumi allows it, understanding now why she is so upset. Yes, he had agreed not to use a needle on her, and yes, he had in fact broken that rule.

What he hadn't understood, at least until she'd shouted at him, was how deeply it had hurt her. She was right, he had broken her trust. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know, I know." He lets his arms wrap around her shoulders, holding her closer as she breaks down, continuing to pound at his chest.

He lets his head rest on top of hers, continuing to whisper apologies as she slowly comes to a stop, tired and resigned. "I apologize; I shouldn't have done it. I do not think properly around you. If you got hurt, I would not be able to bear it."

Her arms finally come to wrap around his waist, holding him close. "I can't. I want to trust you so badly, but you hurt me. You hurt me, and I love you so much I couldn't even betray you. I'm so scared I'll fall too far and never find a way out, even when you leave."

Illumi feels his own eyes begin to water. He holds her tighter, not letting her look up at him. "I won't leave. I can't. Not you, not ever. I… Adella, I…" He curses. Why can't he say it?

"You can't promise that. A mission, a hit, your family- all of these are reasons to leave and never look back. I'm what will give when something must go."

He shakes his head, finally letting the tears fall. "No. No, I will not let you give. I… I've never loved anything more than you. I cannot let you go."

Adella lets out another strangled sob, and for a second, Illumi thinks he has done something wrong. Instead, she pushes away from his chest, blindly searching for his lips with hers.

He allows them to meet, the kiss salty from both of their tears. It hurt, and yet, Illumi had never felt lighter. It felt good to say it, to admit it not only to himself, but to her. He finds himself mumbling it again and again as he maneuvers her away from the door, back to the bed.

The earlier anger and passion have dissipated, leaving open wounds and aching hearts in its place. But as he lays beside her and watches her slowly slip into unconsciousness, Illumi feels something he's never felt before.

Peace.

This may feel a bit ooc for Illumi, but it's fanfic so he is subject to how I imagine he would be when in love. I do think that were Adella not as stubborn as she is, he would be a bit more yandere and overbearing, but I also love the idea of Illumi being incredibly respectful of the person he falls in love with to the point he wants them to choose him. And she does, even if he annoys her.

I'll be honest, the hardest part of writing the rest of this is trying to not have Adella forgive him too quickly. These two have a lot of healing to do, and who's to say Illumi will actually stick to his good behavior. (He won't. At least, not completely.)