Chapter 67.
Dean found Sam at the map table, staring at his tablet in a way that suggested he was trying a little too hard to distract himself. "Inventory?" said Dean. Random admin tasks were to Sam what animated porn was to him.
"Yeah, just checking there's nothing we need." said Sam.
"So you're not worrying about what Eileen's doing?"
Sam gave him a look that suggested he should back off on that topic. "I know what Eileen's doing. I don't fall apart the moment she leaves my side. We actually lead very independent lives."
"I know you do, but maybe when she's picking out the clothes for the biggest day of your life ... I dunno. Maybe that could get you a little stressed and that would be normal."
"When have any of us ever been normal?" said Sam. His lips refused to give in to the smile that was appearing in his eyes.
"True." said Dean. He sat a few seats away, at the head of the table. "I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I just know that if it were me, about to get married, I'd be feeling weird about the whole thing."
"Well, I'm not. Eileen's gonna have a great day with good friends and pick out the dress she likes best. I told her I'll wear anything she wants me to wear, so I'm not worried about that and she's promised not to dress me up like a Ken doll. So I'm fine. I'm really fine."
"And doing inventory when you just did it last week."
"I'm thorough." said Sam.
Dean nodded and said nothing. He wiped a smear off the table and straightened the chair beside him. He carefully avoided watching his brother.
After a long silence, Sam said quietly, "I should be working on my vows."
"You're writing your own?" said Dean.
"Yeah, supposed to be. We can't exactly use the standard ones, knowing what we know. I mean, 'Til death do us part' is hardly the binding oath it is for most people. That might happen next Tuesday."
"So, what have you got so far?"
"Nothing much." said Sam, "It's words and words are not a Winchester strength."
"You're kidding, right?" said Dean, "You win every verbal argument. Why do you think I always have to beat you down?"
"I'm serious." said Sam, "Our lives would have been very different if either o us knew how to express our feelings in words." He looked at the screen of the tablet as if it held the words he needed. "And this matters. This one time, I have to get it right." He continued to stare at the screen, purely to avoid making eye contact.
Suddenly, Dean wished he had the ability to put words to his feelings, to express how he admired and sometimes envied Sam's easy eloquence and the courage he had to speak his mind. Had anyone else come to him with these worries, he would have sent them to Sam for guidance.
He opened his mouth to speak and Sam raised a hand to stop him. "No, don't. It's fine. I just need to spend some time on it. It's not your problem."
"Because you think I can't help or because you think I can't handle another problem?" said Dean. It seemed likely that it could be both.
"Because I need to do this by myself." said Sam.
That felt like the absolute truth and he understood it. He respected it. The vows had to be Sam's, straight from that giant heart.
"You do." said Dean, "Has to be the right words, said the right way and they're words the two of you will remember forever."
Sam looked up from the tablet. "I thought you'd be pissed."
"Well, then you misjudged me. I'm actually pretty proud. Of course this is hard, especially after everything you two have been through, but you're determined to get it right and you know something? You will. You always do. You always know what to say."
"Half our fights have been because I said the wrong thing."
"No, you mostly said the right thing and I wasn't ready to hear it, but she is, because the thing you're telling her is that you love her and you'll stick with her, even when things get bad and you'll never give up on her or stop loving her. And whatever vows she comes up with will be exactly what you wanna hear and those words combined will be the bedrock on which you two build your future. It all has to be right. It will all be right."
"I hope so." said Sam.
"When you write them, write them alone and only for her. Don't think about what I or Jack or Cas or anyone else will think of them. Just write the words you need to say to her and if you need anyone's input, get hers."
Sam nodded. "Thanks. That's good advice."
"I only give good advice. Of course, most of the time you don't listen, so you don't know that."
"I almost always listen. I just don't always agree."
"Well, that means you're not listening very well." said Dean. They smirked at each other, the once-painful sibling quarrels now a part of an everlasting bond between them. He had no words for what he wanted to say, although he hoped to put together something in time for the actual wedding, but the old back and forth of long-rehearsed arguments said something about the permanence of their brotherhood, their mutual respect and Dean's need to see Sam find the perfect happiness he deserved.
Sam stood. "I should ... " He nodded in the direction of the library, where the Wards and Lydia were researching the witch lore available.
"Yeah, make sure they're doing okay." said Dean.
Sam started to walk away and Dean decided there was one thing he should say. "Don't stress too much about the words." he said, "Remember when you asked her to marry you?"
"Yeah?" said Sam.
"The words came easily then, didn't they? Like they'd been just waiting for you to say them?"
"How do you know that?" said Sam.
"Because Dad always said that's how it was with Mom." said Dean, "Just like he'd been holding back those words for a long time."
Sam smiled. "And you say I always know the right thing to say. You're not too bad at that yourself."
"I just fire off a load of words and hope a few hit the target." said Dean.
"What are you gonna do now?" said Sam.
"Work on Jack's car some more." said Dean. The work was almost finished, but he felt at peace when he worked on any of the family's cars. Sam nodded and left the room.