Chapter Nineteen - Mad Woman
Disclaimer - I don't own anything Twilight-related, that all belongs to one Stephanie Meyer
Every time you call me crazy
I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry
I get more angry
Mad Woman, Taylor Swift
"Hey… hey!" Bella clicked her fingers in front of my face.
I blinked, looking up. "Hm? Sorry, what did you say?"
She chuckled slightly, nodding down at my sketchbook. "You look as though you're about to rip a hole through the page. What's up?"
What's up?
Stupid, gorgeous Jasper Hale, that's what's up.
He was avoiding me. He never made an appearance the rest of the day before, and when I was working with Esme again today, he flew right past me, ignoring my greeting when he, Alice and Rosalie had returned from school. Emmett and Edward had left the night before to go hunting during the weekend, so there were two fewer presences in the house.
I wanted to ask Alice what Jasper's deal was, but she was just as sulky. She was by no means ignoring me, but she was huffing due to my decision to go on a date, yet she refused to tell me why. (Though she wanted to.) Any further attempts at conversations were shut down by Jasper. He had gone back to his usual cold self. And it kind of hurt.
Rose on the other hand was in great spirits, seeming to enjoy the annoyance of her siblings.
I missed Emmett and his easy-going vibes.
The thing that infuriated me the most about the whole situation was the way that I was reacting. I was so cross with myself for caring so much about what stupid Jasper thought. Why should he care so much about me going on a date with a boy? Since when did he care about silly mortal things.
Why is someone who can control emotions so awful at expressing his own!
Of course, I didn't say any of this to Bella. Instead, I grimaced and said, "My nose is just sore, that's all."
She seemed to buy it and smiled amused, "I still can't believe you managed that. Sounds like something I would do."'
I decided to bail from the Cullen's house early, the confusing atmosphere too much to deal with, and instead, came to hang out with Bella. We sat in her room, propped up against her pillows. It had been a comfortable silence, with Bella doing her homework and me continuing some sketches for Esme.
Or at least it was nice until my thoughts started to wander and I began drawing a bit too hard.
"How's your work with Esme going anyways?" Bella asked though I could tell she was building up to ask me something else.
"Uh yeah… it's good. I'm actually really enjoying it. Still taking me time to learn the ropes, but Esme is pretty chilled out so I'm not worried.
"Oh, that's good!" She nodded, "... you do spend a lot of time at the Cullen's these days."
"Yeah I know… guess Esme just keeps me busy."
"But surely that's not all you do when you're there?" She was probing, "You're there all day sometimes."
"Well, I guess I stay for dinner sometimes…-"
"Is that all? They all seem to be on good terms with you…"
Not at the moment apparently.
"I suppose seeing them a lot means I end up talking to everyone," I laughed awkwardly, "I don't know if I would say we're all close or on good terms or whatever. They're just teenagers right."
They most certainly were not teenagers in the usual sense, but I was grasping.
"Hmm…" She smiled, "That doesn't stop you from hanging out with me though."
"Absolutely, you're my favourite teenager by far."
We laughed, but I could see the cogs still turning in her head, so I decided to take charge of the conversation, and bring up the topic she was just dying to discuss.
"So Edward was talking about you yesterday."
That got her attention.
"He was? What did he say?" She sat up straight and then seemed to realise how her movement looked, a light blush growing on her cheeks.
"Well, the annoying little boy refused to tell me why he left you home early from school, so I'm hoping you will fill me in as to what was going on between you two." I wiggled my eyebrows, laughing at her embarrassment.
"There's nothing- I mean…" She spluttered, then let out a breath, "He insisted on taking me home, I didn't ask him."
"Well, why did you need taking home in the first place?"
"Ugh, it was nothing. We were in biology and the smell of blood just… made me lightheaded."
"Edward was in a class about blood?" I was alarmed. Bella looked at me strangely and I realised my mistake, "Uh, I mean, he doesn't seem like the type to… like… blood." I trailed off awkwardly, quickly moving the conversation on. "Anyway, what happened then? Were you okay?"
"Yeah, he took me to the nurse and I was fine, then he insisted on driving me home…" She was fiddling with her book and I bit my lip to suppress a grin.
"So you two are friends now?"
She huffed, shrugging, "Who knows, he gives me whiplash with his changing moods."
I snorted, "And they say women are the overly emotional ones."
She smiled.
"You know," I continued, "Edward is pretty cute. For a teenager I mean."
She looked at me with an eyebrow raised, but she couldn't keep the blush off her face. "Is he? I hadn't noticed?"
"Uh-huh."
"Shut up."
I giggled, falling back against the pillows. I sighed, "They are an abnormally attractive family aren't they?"
I said it to include them all, but I was only thinking of one in particular.
"... Tell me about it," She flopped down beside me, "It's pretty infuriating."
"Oh yeah, definitely," We sat in silence, picking at the fabric of the bedding.
"Do you think my dad and your mom are ever going to address the fact that they're dating?" Bella asked.
I gagged, "It sounds weird to say old people are dating."
"Old?" Bella laughed, "you're not long far off middle age right?"
"How dare you! I am a spring chicken…" I thought for a moment, "I'm sure they will eventually, and when they do they'll tell us as if we don't already know."
"They are both a bit awkward." She hesitated before asking, "Do you not feel a bit… weird. With your mom moving on after what happened… with your dad? If that's not overstepping or-" She added hastily.
"It's fine," I smiled reassuringly, "I don't mind, if anything I think it's a good thing. It was really hard after my dad died, I think my mom lost herself slightly, hence why she came back to Forks. She'll always love my dad, but that doesn't mean she can't love anyone else ever again. Life is a bit too hard to go through on your own, so if the time is right for her, then I'm happy." I looked at her, "Plus, I like Charlie, he has a pretty cool daughter too."
"I don't think anyone has ever called me cool." She rolled her eyes.
"Well someone just did. Not as cool as me of course, but no one ever could be… You're okay with it too aren't you?"
"Oh yeah," She nodded unbothered, "I mean my mom has remarried, and my parents split when I was a baby so… honestly, knowing my dad isn't going to be stuck in this house all by himself all the time is nice." She smiled awkwardly.
"I know exactly what you mean."
"Oh by the way, are you doing anything tomorrow?"
"Uh, no don't think so, why?"
"Well, a bunch of my friends from school are going to the First Beach tomorrow. You should come."
"Do you think a bunch of teenagers would be happy if I crashed the gathering?"
She rolled her eyes, "I don't think they'd care, but you could always invite your own friends if you want? It would… be nice for you to be there."
I smiled, "Yeah, okay. Why not. Would be nice to do something different."
Not long after Charlie came to let us know dinner was ready, and as we gathered around the dinner table (my mother included), I truly felt like this was the beginning of a dysfunctional and broken, but happy family.
Oh. My. God
The SUN.
It exists here in Forks! Granted, it was also windy, but still, at least there was light.
The perfect day for the beach.
I drove along the roads, enjoying the rays hitting me through the windows. Pulling into the driveway I hit the brake hard, winding the windows down.
"Hello, ladies! And Aaron."
"Heeeeeyyyy!" Kate danced over to me, followed closely by Grace who wore large sunglasses.
"Grace, I don't think the sun is good enough for that."
"Shh, let me live."
Both she and Kate climbed into the back seat, and Aaron, after locking up the house, jumped in the front seat beside me.
"Hello you," he said closing the door, "Haven't seen you since well…"
"The night you vomited and then fell asleep on the curb." Kate finished for him grinning.
"Yep. thanks, Kate. I almost banished that from my mind.
"Mwah," she leant in and kissed my cheek. "I loved it, you are an icon, Clara."
"Not sure my mother would equate my behaviour to being iconic, but thanks."
"So are we picking up what's-her-name?" Kate asked as I drove out onto the road once more.
"Her name is Bella, Kate, you've been told this multiple times." Grace rolled her eyes amused.
"Whatever."
"No," I answered, fighting with Aaron as he attempted to take control of the radio. "She's coming with her friends, we'll meet her there. Thought it might be a bit weird for us to hang out with the teenagers all day."
"Oh?" Kate started, "I thought that was your favourite thing to do these days?"
I shot her a look through the rearview mirror, ignoring Aaron's sniggering beside me. "That is not by choice."
"Uh-huh. Sure. Listen, if I got to hang out with the rich, pretty people of the town, in their cool mysterious house, I would be best friends with all the teenagers."
"You would be friends with anyone Kate if it meant you could get free food." Aaron turned to look at her.
"Hence why I tolerate you!" Kate smiled at him sweetly.
"It's sad that the others couldn't join us." Grace mused.
"Are you kidding?" Aaron laughed, "Do you know how much fun it will be teasing Addy later on? I'm sure she's giving Joe a sore head at work already, she was so cross."
The mention of Joe's name made me embarrassed, the knowledge of our impending date on my mind. I shook my head, throwing the thoughts away.
"Careful," Kate smirked, "we wouldn't want 'Lara to get all flustered at the mere mention of Joseph."
"Oh yeah, what is the plan, Clara? You haven't told us yet."
"Yeah Clara tell us everything, give us the who, what, where, when and why."
"Eh? Sorry?" I turned the radio up loud, feigning ignorance, "I can't quite hear you! Sorry!"
They all laughed and thankfully dropped it. I knew they were only teasing and it was strangely nice to have friends joking with me over a boy.
I enjoyed the views as we drove to La Push, a full fifteen miles of dense greenery, and the winding Quillayute River. Grace had the window down, her tight dark curls blowing gently in the wind.
First Beach was beautiful, the air salty and cool, waves blowing in and out from the shore. It was the first time I had been to this part of the area, sometimes the small community of Forks feels as though it was the centre of the world, you forget there are some beautiful sights so close by.
I stretched as I jumped from the driver's seat and out into the ocean breeze.
"I haven't been to the beach in ages," Aaron said, a hand raised to shade his eyes as he scoped the area. "Hey, is that who we are looking for?"
"Where?" Kate hopped up on a wall beside him. We all looked out to the large group on the beach sitting on a ring of driftwood logs, a fire blazing in the middle. "Ew, teenagers."
"I told you there were teenagers."
Kate turned to look at me, an arm resting on Aaron's head. "I know, but seeing them in person really grosses me out."
"Don't want to shock you, Kate," Said Grace, who hopped over the wall, "But you too, were once a teenager."
"Don't be silly, I was born a fully grown adult."
We made our way down the beach, and I was glad I took Grace's advice and wore some solid shoes, the pebbles beneath my feet making for an uneven surface. There was a discussion going on ahead of us, some of the teens separating into different groups.
"Bella," I called to her as we drew close to the group, and their chatter came to a halt as they all turned to see who the newcomers were.
"Oh no, are you all leaving?" Kate said, "Such a shame-"
Aaron elbowed her in the side.
"Clara!" Bella stood from one of the logs, and hurried toward me, her smile warming my heart. "Have you seen the sun?"
"Of course, I thought I was dreaming when I first looked out my window."
She laughed, then looked around me to the three standing behind me.
I followed her gaze, "Bella, this is Grace, Kate and Aaron."
Aaron gave a quick 'hello', Grace waved and smiled, and Kate simply saluted.
Bella nodded, "Hey." She looked back to her group, "Everyone, this is Clara. Clara this is, well… everyone."
"Hi." I tried to smile as friendly as possible.
"I didn't know you were bringing extra people Bella." A Cornsilk haired girl spoke, and not in a very nice tone.
Bella coughed awkwardly, "I had mentioned…" She mumbled.
"Don't worry," There was a bite in Kate's tone. She really didn't like teenagers, "I'm sure there's plenty of room for all of us. If not, you know where the exit is."
"Hey, it's no big deal, the more the merrier, " A blonde-haired boy cleared his throat stepping forward, "We were just going to hike to the tide pools, you're welcome to come if you like? You too, Bella?" He looked at her like a puppy.
I couldn't keep the amused surprise off of my face. Bella never mentioned this. And from the way she cringed at his attention, I could see why.
Such a popular girl.
Oh, I wonder what Edward thinks of this.
"Oh yeah, let's go to the tide pools!" Grace clapped, "I used to love them as a kid!"
"Well, I'm not going. There's no way I'm hiking, my shoes would be ruined." It was that girl again, her nose upturned. Most of the other girls agreed, opting for staying on the beach.
I shot Bella a look, to which she mouthed 'Lauren' back at me in response.
I presumed Lauren was the name of the girl.
"Damn," Kate piped up again, "If only you knew you were coming to the beach today, then you could have dressed appropriately. Oh well, if you must stay behind what can we do?" Kate shrugged, ignoring Lauren's taken aback spluttering.
Kate marched forward, heading in what I assumed was the direction of the pools, "Shall we?" She took the lead and slowly the group in favour of a hike took off after her.
I shared a look with Grace and Aaron laughing. Bella walked along beside me, seeming at ease.
"I like her." She nodded toward Kate who seemed to have enthralled the teenage boys.
"She sure does know how to get everyone's attention. Who was that 'Lauren' anyway?"
Bella rolled her eyes, "Just some girl from school, she doesn't exactly like me."
"Yeah, I could tell. Want me to fight her for you? I'm sure I could take her."
She laughed, "Don't tempt me."
"Who's the golden retriever?" I nodded to the boy ahead who I had noticed continually glancing back at us.
"That's Mike, a friend."
"Are you sure you're just friends? He keeps looking at you as though you might disappear." I laughed at Bella's cringing expression, "Ah, not the one you're interested in then, prefer boys who are a lot more emotionally unavailable?"
She shoved me, "Shut up!" She was glancing around to make sure no one heard as I laughed. She soon joined in, shaking her head at me. "You're unbelievable."
"I try."
A few moments of peaceful walking later, two girls approached us smiling.
"Hi," One said, "I'm Jessica."
The other waved, "Angela."
"More friends? Goodness me Bella where have you been hiding all of these people."
It was a nice insight into Bella's life outside of Charlie's house. I felt like a proud sister to see her have her group of friends, activities and interests in this little corner of the world. Sometimes Bella felt like she acted older than me, it was good to see her seem a bit more at ease lately.
I enjoyed chatting with the girls, laughing at Bella's embarrassment of being the centre of the conversation.
"... And if you couldn't tell it seems like all the boys are falling over their feet trying to charm Bella," Jessica said. I could hear the rueful tone and saw the flickering eyes ahead to Mike.
Ah… to be young and in the middle of awkward teen romances.
"Oh? I hadn't noticed. Why Bella why didn't you mention it."
Bella rolled her eyes, knowing I was teasing, mumbling a "Shut up."
"And of course, she doesn't care about any of that, apparently the only guy she has any interest in thinks he's too good for the rest of us."
Angela answered my unvoiced question, "She means Edward Cullen."
"Ah."
It wasn't a super long hike, and we got lost in the shade of the trees. I looked up as I walked, admiring the canopy, the different colours of greens vivid in the sunlight which peeked through the branches. Grace, Aaron, Bella and I fell behind the group slightly, Bella trying really hard not to fall over a branch or root.
I would be worried about Kate, but she seemed to have taken to leading the pack.
Once we broke through the trees, we caught up with the others who were already gathering around the little rock pools hopping from one spot to another, tempting fate whilst hanging precariously over the edge. Bella sat in the safest spot possible, enjoying the view in front of her. I joined Kate, and we ended up in a pushing match, desperately trying to avoid falling into the pools, giggling loudly. Grace and Aaron sat on the edge of one of the bigger pools on their knees, Grace enthusiastically pointing to the starfish, chattering away, whilst Aaron seemed content just listening to her voice.
Aaron soon pulled out a digital camera he had brought with him and started taking photos of the different groups of people. I made sure to get one of Bella and me, despite how much she might have hated getting her photo taken. That should keep the parents happy.
Soon, once the boys expressed their dire need for some food so we began our journey back to the beach. I had to link arms with Bella after she fell over several times in an attempt to keep up with the group.
"Oh great," Kate said with disgust, "Even more teenagers."
"Hey, we aren't all that bad right?" One of the boys winked at her.
I followed Kate's gaze to see that the group we had left behind had expanded, and as we grew closer, I was pleasantly surprised to see that some of the teens from the reservation had come to join the gathering.
As we joined the group, Kate and Aaron made a beeline to the food which was already being passed around.
"It isn't even our food, yet they're right in there." Grace quipped.
Introductions were being swapped amongst the groups, but with all the names being said I quickly tuned it out. There was no way I would remember them all so I would rather focus on picking a sandwich. I joined Kate, Aaron and Grace sitting together at the edge of the group, letting Bella sit with Angela, and enjoy her friend's company.
The teens began to break off into small groups, going to do their own things while we stayed put. Someone had brought a CD player, the music filling the otherwise peaceful air. We took a few photos and enjoyed the warmth of the fire, the
Grace sighed, "There goes the sun." She was looking up at the sky, watching as the clouds covered what rays there were, casting shadows across the beach.
"I'm sure it'll come back…one day." Kate watched the clouds ruefully.
"You're all so dramatic…" I slapped Aaron's hand, "Get your own sandwich."
Aaron pouted, "There aren't any left."
We were in the middle of playing a game of cards when Lauren's voice rang out "You know Bella, Jacob?"
We all turned to see what was about to happen, a strange atmosphere of protection for Bella filling the air. I got a look at this Jacob, I had never seen him before, yet Bella and he must have been having a conversation. Did he know Bella?
My tension eased a bit when he smiled at Bella and laughed, "We've sort of known each other since I was born."
"Why do I feel like we're missing some weird teenager tension?" Kate whispered to me as Lauren answered Jacob with an icy "how nice."
"...Because I think we are," I responded.
"Want to go to the shop?" Grace asked Aaron, the two of them not interested in the petty teenage drama, and honestly, I couldn't blame them. The two of them walked together up to the village as the conversation continued, both Kate and I watching with a hawk-like gaze.
"Bella." Lauren called again, "I was just saying to Tyler that it was too bad none of the Cullens could come out today." I felt my body tense up at the mention of the Cullens, but no one noticed, Lauren was too focused on watching Bella's expression, "Didn't anyone think to invite them?" Her tone and expression of concern were clearly false.
Kate piped up from beside me before Bella had a chance to respond, "yes, clearly even you didn't think to invite them, how must the poor Cullen's feel to miss out on an invitation from you."
Kate leaned her arm on my shoulder, and we both smirked at the furious look on Lauren's face.
"How old are you anyway?" She hissed, "Hanging around with a bunch of teenagers-"
"Are you talking about Dr Carlisle Cullen's Family?" A boy who was older than the rest had asked the question and I didn't like the tone.
"Why?" I asked somewhat defensively, without meaning to. I could feel Kate looking at me, confused at my bite.
"Yes." Lauren said condescendingly, "do you know them?"
"The Cullens don't come here," he said in a tone that ended the subject. He briefly met my eyes, my defensiveness noticed by him. He turned to look at the forest behind us.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. What did that mean? He didn't say it like the Cullens simply hated the beach, it was more like they weren't allowed to come here. But he couldn't possibly…?
My eyes flickered over to Bella and I could see the cogs turning in her head.
"What was that about?" Kate asked, thoroughly confused.
I turned to her, "I was going to ask you that."
Soon Bella got up and left to walk with Jacob, and I watched as she went, a nervous feeling in my gut. I felt uneasy now and I didn't know why. Part of me felt as though I shouldn't be here if I was associating with Cullens.
"Hey, guys." Aaron and Grace had returned, "Wanna go for a walk?"
We wandered down the beach hoods up against the cold sea air, but any chatter and laughing from my friends was drowned out by the thoughts spinning in my head.
Once the inevitable rain started we hurried back to the car. Grace, Kate and Aaron pilled into the back, with Bella and I upfront, and the contrast between the two groups was apparent. The back seat was like a party, enjoying the radio, laughing and chatting the whole way back to Forks. Bella and I were quiet, and I was quite certain we were thinking similar things.
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was staring out the window at the wet greenery, and her brow was furrowed, concerned, perhaps even annoyed?
Why did I feel like a certain conversation was going to happen that I would prefer not to happen?
I dropped the others off, and we continued back in silence.
"Bella?"
"Hm?" She snapped her eyes to me, coming back to reality.
"We're back," I smiled softly, watching her carefully.
"Oh god, I didn't even realise."
"Hey… Are you okay?" She looked at me again, "You've just been really quiet since we left the Beach."
She bit her lip, and I thought for a moment she was going to brush it off. But I was wrong.
She looked at me almost accusatory, "Have the Cullens ever mentioned why they can't go to First Beach?"
"Uh… No? I don't know what that guy was talking about."
"Are you sure? Because with all the time you've spent with them I'd have thought you'd know them better than most."
"I already told you that I'm there for Esme-"
"Yeah, well I don't believe you."
Uh oh…
I had never seen Bella so sure.
"Bella.." I didn't know what to say.
"Why are you lying to me? To everyone? What do you know?"
"I'm not-" the words died in my throat, I couldn't do it, not with the way she was looking at me. How do I not lie while also keeping the Cullens secret?
"Edward stopped the van! The van that almost killed me! He pushed it away with his hand, he had been across the parking lot yet somehow got to me in a second. And you don't even look shocked at what I'm saying, it's like you already knew all of that!"
Shit.
Probably should have feigned some shock. Good job Clara.
"And they all look weirdly similar, yet half of them aren't even related! They all have the same weird eye colour and live in the middle of nowhere. They barely associate with anyone outside of their group. Except you."
I swallowed hard, and I could hear my heart thumping in my ears, "Bella…"
"What are they?" She said it so desperately, "I feel like I'm going crazy! No one else seems to question anything about them, but there is something off with Edward, with the whole family! The only ones who seem to know something are the ones in La Push, that guy Sam, he knows something, they think they're Cold ones."
"Cold ones-?"
"And you know! Clara, please, tell me I'm not being crazy."
What do I say? My loyalties were swaying back and forth, my palms sweaty. If I tell her… how would she react? Is this how it's supposed to happen? It seems like the inevitable end, but what if I'm not supposed to tell her? What if this sets off some events that end with vampires being exposed? Or some humans getting hurt... Or killed- or… My brain ran with all of the worst-case scenarios, and with the way, things were with Alice and Jasper at the moment I was worried I wouldn't get to talk to them before something went wrong.
Bella could see the defeat on my face. She could see that she wasn't going to get what she wanted.
"Fine…" She opened the door and jumped from the car.
"Bella!" I called desperately, stopping her from closing the door, "It's just… not my business to tell."
She looked at me for a moment and then slammed the door hard.
I cringed leaning back against the car seat. The guilt dug down deep inside me and I ran a hand through my hair. My honeymoon phase with the Cullens seemed to be over now. Who the Hell knows what's going to happen from here, because I sure don't.
Well… Shit.