Aila helped me finish washing off, massaging my scalp soothingly-she used her quirk to try and help me keep calm-and I almost fell asleep. She used her conditioner on my hair, saying it would make it fluffy and soft. As if I could object to her saying or doing anything to me anyway.

She was gentle, and it helped me feel better. Not about myself, that loathing and guilt was still there, but I was calm. I wasn't so afraid about being taken by them again.

By that disgusting man.

Even though he was still out there. Even though he could still be raping other little girls. Ones like me.

Dad told me they got him, when I returned back home from Na-Chan's after those 6 months, but I discovered he was lying. He said it to keep me calm.

He still doesn't know that I knew he lied that day.

He might soon, though. If Aila told him what happened, he might come out of the closet.

Tears leaked from my eyes again and I sniffed, wiping my face before returning my arm back to where it was, crossed over my chest.

"Do you want some food or tea? I can make you some," she asked me gently as she brushed my hair with her fingers.

I shook my head, then stopped. "Something minty maybe?" I requested.

"Sure thing, hun. Let's get you dressed, then I'll make some for you. Do you wanna be on the couch or in your room?"

I paused. I wasn't sure.

"I don't want to be alone," I said meekly.

I hated how I sounded. How pathetic I was.

"Okay. We'll get you some blankets and stuff and have you on the couch."

I heard the door to the apartment open and close.

"That sounds like your dad," Aila said. "Let's get you dressed and in the living room, then I'll talk to him for a minute, okay?"

I nodded.

I stood up after she finished rinsing me off and I snagged a towel from the shelf and wrapped myself in it like a tiny cocoon. I walked into my room and moisturized my body, throwing on my comfiest clothes at the moment, which consisted of one of my dad's old sweaters and my large sweatpants.

I then walked into my living room and wrapped myself in a blanket.

Oh yeah. I need something to catch the blood dripping from my lady bits.

Dad seemed to read my mind-he was in the kitchen with Aila-and raised his voice to carry over into the living room.

"I wasn't sure what to get you, so I got both pads and tampons…which do you want?"

I paused before answering. "Pads," I responded a little too quickly, even after the hesitation.

"Okay. I'll toss them to you."

"Okay. I won't catch them."

Aila scoffed a bit, and I heard a package rumple behind me.

I got up with said package and trudged into my room.

My aunt called after me. "Do you need help-"

"I can look it up."

"Okay."

I walked back into the humid bathroom, keeping the door open because I really didn't care. I looked up the shortest video online of how to apply a pad as I sat on the toilet and opened the package.

Okay…simple enough, apparently.

So….I opened it…ripped it off the thing ...put it on my underwear, and flip the wings over onto the other side so it stays…

Okay.

"That wasn't so hard," I muttered to myself.

I stood up and walked back to my spot on the couch, wrapping myself in the blankets. I didn't want anything except the blanket and my clothes touching me. I still felt ashamed, hurt, hateful towards myself, nervous, jumpy.

I could barely stand the smell of the tea that I had asked for.

I hated everything

I tried to scroll on the news, politics, my murder mystery, anything to keep my mind off everything. I tried to keep my mind off it for a really long time.

And it still didn't work.

I heard Aila and Dad whispering in the kitchen, and I could tell she was telling him what happened. Could have been an hour or more while they were talking, while she spilled everything that happened in the bath, right after he left.

I was so horrible.

Why couldn't I keep myself together?

The talking went quiet. I put my emotionless face on and waited for my dad to come over and talk to me. Ask if I was okay. Ask if I need anything. Waited for him to tell me I was going to therapy.

Which was fine. I probably needed it, after all this time.

What I had a problem with was that I couldn't lie. I would have to admit that I hated myself if he asked the right question. And I didn't want to do that.

I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to be helpless. I didn't want to be this person I was.

The person I'd been forced to become.

I heard my dad's gentle footsteps. I forced myself to keep it together.

"Hey, honey," he said gently.

"Hi," I said quietly, hunkering down into my blankets.

"Are you doing okay?"

Damnit.

My eyes welled with tears, again, and I sniffed. I shook my head no. If I spoke, my voice would fail me, and I would hate myself even more.

I hated this feeling. Of hating myself.

It sucked.

Dad swallowed. "What are you feeling?"

So Aila told him what I said. Wonderful.

"Sick," I said honestly. "Uhm…tired, and…guilty," I admitted after some internal wrestling.

"Why guilty?"

I shrugged. I didn't respond, not for a while. I didn't look up at him.

He waited for me to gather my thoughts.

That's how we worked. We were patient, especially with one another. We waited to hear each other out, didn't drown out the other's thoughts with our own, didn't take each other's word for it that 'it was fine,' or, 'i don't know'- you'd figure it out in a second or two if you let the other person think.

So he let me think.

"I…I'm guilty for…letting them break in," I said finally. "And…and not doing anything when they came for me. I…it's so stupid, but, I feel like they told me who I was, and I feel guilty that…I let them do that…." my voice faded, so I stopped talking.

I sniffed again.

"Can I touch you?" he asked next. Aila must have told him about that too.

I took a deep breath and then nodded. I mentally scolded myself when I still flinched abnormally hard upon contact.

He rubbed my arm and shoulder tenderly, his other hand slowly reaching up to pat my head, cup my face. I let a sob escape me.

"You know…what happened to you wasn't your fault," he said.

I nodded.

I did not expect him to continue his sentence the way he did.

"It was mine."

My eyes snapped up to meet his, and for the first time in a very long time I saw that they were wet.

Tear filled.

Not with the fake tears he used for his dry eye, real, salty, human-body made tears.

I all but froze.

"Dad-" I choked out.

"When I left for so long, it was my responsibility to ensure your safety from villains and other potential threats. Not only as a hero, but as your father, and…And when I needed to the most, I ignored the feeling in my gut and didn't. I left you, alone, vulnerable, and they took advantage of that, and of you. As villains would.

"Sami," he said my name in a tone that made my heart break a billion times over. I didn't wipe my tears away when they fell. "Sami, I'm so sorry…I'm sorry you have to be the one to pay for the mistakes that I made…" he trailed off when his voice cracked, "when I knew better than to leave you alone in that apartment. I put too much trust in the integrity of people-other than you-and in turn, you got hurt.

I wanted so desperately to reach out and wipe his tear away when it fell, but I was held still by my shock.

"You have no right to blame anyone for this except for me." he said firmly, his thumb swiping my tears off my cheek.

I reached up and held his hand, which I could feel was shaking.

"Dad, I-" I couldn't speak.

"I love you, Samiko," Dad said, "so, so much. I don't have the words to express to you how sorry I am that you have to suffer for this."

We sat like that for a while, just holding each other from a respectful enough distance while we both shed tears.

I realized…in a way, he was right. He should have known better than to trust people, than to trust the system, and trust that I would be okay simply because I was me. He put me in that situation where I got raped, where i was duct taped to that couch and stripped and fucked to the point where I couldn't remember any of it-until now that is-and it was here to catch up to me….

Because of him.

After all, I wouldn't even exist if it weren't for him and my mom deciding to be stupid for one day.

They couldn't keep it in their pants and have none of this happen in the first place?

It would have been a lot better for everyone, I think. Maybe my mom would still be alive. Maybe Aila wouldn't have become a hero and messed up her leg. Maybe my dad wouldn't have to make this apology. Maybe people wouldn't have to be afraid of me trying to steal their secrets without their permission. Maybe life could be better.

I guess we'll never know.

I should be angry with him. It was his fault all of this happened. He said so himself. It was his fault I was alive.

I clenched my jaw. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as more tears fell from my eyes.

I should be angry. I should hate him. He was right. He was to blame.

"Dad?" I said after a few long moments, my jaw was still stiff and clenched as I tried to control my emotions into one sole focus.

He looked up at me, his eyes red, but not from dry-eye for once.

I reached up and touched the stubble on his chin, and wiped his tears with the back of my hand.

"I forgive you," I whispered.

His face crumbled as he blinked and pursed his lips, taking my hand still on his face and kissing it gently.

"Thank you, Samiko," he breathed. "I love you. I'm here for you."

I nodded. I didn't know if I could say anything else at the moment.

So I leaned forward, tentatively, and hugged him.

I was nervous, and the feel of him holding me at first was strange. It made my skin crawl, but not because it was him holding me, it was because of what those men did to me.

After all, they were really the ones to blame. Dad made a mistake, yes, but haven't we all?

Isn't he worth letting go of the anger? Of the pain that I suffered? He was, to me. He was worth me growing up and taking the burden off of him, and letting myself be free of hating him for the mistake he made in creating me.

After all…life wasn't really that bad.

I slowly eased into the hug, falling into trust with my father, probably the only man I would allow to hold me like this.

It made me upset that I couldn't enjoy life like everyone else, just for one thing that happened to me.

But for now…I didn't think I needed to.