Felinis: I'm gonna be brutally honest. Right now, this is the closest thing I have to socializing. I just don't have any friends at my college and I'm way to terrified and full of anxiety to leave my room longer than I absolutely have to. Yeah, I'm really pathetic. These notes are like my diary entries.

"Hanna." Lowell bit his lip as he stood next to the human he'd fallen for. "I'm not human." He was looking out from the chilly mountain air down below. His hair fluttering behind in the breeze.

Hanna laughed and jabbed him in the elbow. "Of course, not. You're Krytian, after all." Her silver eyes lost their mirth when she saw his downtrodden face. Lowell always smiled. Even in hardship, he smiled. Even with tears, he smiled. "Lowell?"

"I'm not a Krytian. Although, we are related." He sighed and his wine eyes looked down solemnly. He was tired of secrets. "I- I'm…" He swallowed hard and tried to think what he could say to her. That he was a monster? That the everything was a lie? No, Lowell had told her the truth many times, but he doubted she'd see it that way. There was nothing he could say and so he stayed silent and stepped back a bit.

Hanna saw the flash of light and then a monster stared down at her with glinting horns. Hanna reached for the sword at her side and ran in fear towards the creature. This was a monster. Or maybe this was a dream? Yes, it must be, because Lowell could never be a monster. Lowell was always joking and teasing Damuron. He was always playing around with kids in the towns. He was kind and sweet. He could be naïve, yet wise. He wasn't Lowell. But, then eyes. The monster had such sad eyes. She dropped the sword and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around as much as she could. Hanna looked at his face and smiled. His body was soft and she chuckled to herself. "This form is actually kind of cute."

"You think so?" Lowell's voice rang in her head and Hanna did her best to hide her surprise. She didn't think he could speak.

"Yes, you're very fluffy." The familiar light blinded her and Lowell's arms were now enveloping her. She could still fear his tears. "I'm still afraid." She muttered and he tensed. "I'm afraid, but that's still you. That's still you, isn't it?"

His voice shook. "Yes."

Hanna cupped his face. "Then I'll just have to face my fear." She kissed him again. This time more passionately.

The days when Flynn would consider scamming someone out of their coin or had it in him to steal food ended by the time they were seventeen. The guy straightened up and became more of the perfect good guy that people saw in the commandant. Yuri was annoyed by the whole thing. Flynn was so uptight that Yuri found it frustrating.

Then there was the mother-henning he kept doing because apparently, Yuri's conditions made the halfer delicate. He had horns growing out his head it wasn't like he had the plague. Hell, he couldn't catch plague even if he tried. And, Yuri had simply to see if could. He was always questioned on whether he was okay or not, but Yuri was fine. His condition hadn't acted up in almost a year. Mostly, because Yuri figured out the triggers through testing.

Rule 1. Interact with blastia as little as possible

Yeah, he'd learned that being around cores made him act up. Something about the humming sound they gave off messed him up. Although, Flynn swore he was exaggerating how loud the devices were. Yuri could hear it though. It wasn't a bad sound. It made him nostalgic in a sense. Almost, as if he was hearing a once familiar melody. He'd been working on a tolerance because apparently, every time Yuri started to listen to the humming he started speaking in a series of garbled nonsense. Which, was as Flynn put it was creepy. So, from time to time Yuri would sit by the fountain and listen to the blastia core. The more he listened the easier it was to tune out the noise. It was relaxing and it made him feel oddly normal for a few brief relief.

Rule 2. Don't look at the sky

Moonless nights had a strange effect on him. It took a while for him to notice. On the days when he lost himself, he usually remembered looking up at the moon at one point. Flynn was the one who figured out that new moons caused the greatest triggers. It seemed that when he looked to the sky though, they were more likely to occur so Yuri kept his eyes down. If he didn't have to look up, then the flares probably wouldn't happen and his horns wouldn't regrow. Though, sometimes when food was tight he'd 'accidentally' slip up. He missed the stars. Sometimes, he'd look up just for that.

Rule 3. Avoid animals

That was more of a personal rule than something he really needed to follow. Yuri avoided animals because he could understand them. It was more than just a little creepy. If he'd been a kid when it started happening, then Yuri would probably be gung-ho about the whole thing. But, as a teen… As a teen who just wanted to fit in; waking up and realizing that the yelling coming down the street wasn't a neighbor, but a noisy dog was disturbing. He didn't tell Flynn about it. Just stated he wasn't a fan of pets. He didn't like being able to know what an animal was saying. And it's not like they had anything worth mentioning. It usually came down to food.

Rule 4. Don't get too close to people

…Yuri couldn't explain it, but there was something in the way humans smelled. He'd had that problem even as a little kid. He got kicked out of one home because he told the woman living there that she smelled of rotten fruit. Yuri learned the hard way that humans didn't smell things like Yuri could. He could tell a good egg from a rotten one with a whiff. Everything had a smell to it. Often, the scents in the Lower Quarter were unpleasant. Which was why Flynn was odd. The only time didn't smell sugary was when he was sick. When that happened, the smell would start to turn acidic. Yuri didn't like admitting it, but cuddling Flynn was really nice. His smell was comforting and his body was warm. Yuri figured that his powerful senses wouldn't do anything, but sometimes when snuggling up to Flynn his horns would grow and he'd wake up with blood on his hands. It was an accident, but they were always accidents. Yuri took this as a sign that he needed to stay away from physical contact. He didn't want to hurt Flynn again or worse.

The claws were annoying but manageable. They didn't retract so they needed to be clipped which wasn't a big deal. Even if he laxed nobody noticed long nails.

At dinner that night they had another talk. Flynn would constantly bring up how they were almost adults and that they could join the knights soon. Tonight though, he started talking about how dangerous it would be for Yuri.

"Flynn, I've got myself under control. I can join the Knights." Yuri rolled his eyes as he spooned another mouthful of the watery soup. "Plus, it's not like I'd be alone."

Flynn huffed. "I can't always watch out for you." He stirred his spoon in the soup bitterly. "If you have an episode what will you do?"

"I said, I can take care of myself!" Yuri pushed the bowl aside no longer hungry. A part of him felt he should be ashamed of himself for wasting the food, but he couldn't find it him to care. "I don't need you to babysit me for my whole life."

Flynn dropped the spoon into the soup. "You think I want to babysit your ass all the time?" He kicked Yuri from under the table because there were no rules on kicking. "My whole life feels like it's centered around your problem. I can't go one minute without thinking about it!"

Yuri kicked back. "Oh, so your life is fucked up by this? I'm sorry. I didn't ask to have, fucking, horns growing out of my head!" He stood up. "If I'm such pain in the ass, then maybe I should just leave so you can be a big shiny knight by yourself."

Flynn got up and stood by the window. "Fine by me. That be the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Great!" Yuri slammed the door and disappeared.

Flynn grimaced. "Oh, dear." He ran a hand through his hair. That might have worked a little too well. Fuck. IF he chased after Yuri things would just get worse. He couldn't believe what he'd said. He hadn't meant any of it. He loved Yuri, even the halfer didn't know. Shouldn't know. If Yuri did he'd be forced to hear his answer and… Yuri had told him once that he couldn't grasp the concept of wanting to have sex with a person of any gender. Nor did he understand what romance was and how one felt love towards other humans. Yuri knew affection, but love was a foreign concept. Flynn dug through the cabinets and pulled out a bottle of merlot. It was never too early.

Yuri took his anger out on crates on the side of the road. Fuck Flynn. Yuri climbed inside the church window with practiced ease. Once inside, he plopped on one of the pews and crossed his arms. Yuri came to the church to think from time to time. Most people didn't bother him and at night it was empty. He smelled the stench of her from afar and sighed. This was the one downside of coming here.

Rancid grapes and stale mud. She used to smell like herbs and fresh turned earth.

Her wiry hair hung in a long braid and the familiar holy symbol on her neck glinted under the faint candlelight. "I thought it was ya." Her voice hissed. Yuri wondered why he'd ever been afraid of her. When he looked at her closely she was nothing but a frail old woman. These days she resembled more a walking skeleton than a human being. "Ya and that friend have a fight?"

Yuri stayed silent, but Merlwe shambled over with heavy steps to another empty pew and sat. The candlelight flickered and Yuri felt sad. She had once looked so strong. So, imposing. Time just withers people away. He no longer felt anything for her but pity. They were silent, but he eventually spoke. "What's it to you?"

Merlwe made a laugh that was coarse like sand. "Ya only come here when there's been a fight. So, what's got ya soiling my church this time?"

Yuri leaned back at the stained-glass the only valuable part of the church. Olive had loved that window. She'd polish it often, but after she died no matter how much they cleaned it there was never any shine. Many things had died with Olive, even Merlwe. The woman sitting next to him was a ghost that had yet to pass. "He's making a big deal about me joining the knights. I can handle myself, but he's taking the halfer thing too hard."

"I see." Yuri could practically hear the crunch of her joints as she turned her head towards him. Her eyes still looking at him like he was a plague. "Ya friend is right. A monster like ya does not belong in the empire's sheath."

Yuri wasn't surprised by her words. "Of course, you'd say that. After all, I'm descended from a race of monsters walking in human skin, right? So, if I joined I'd ruin the holiness of it all." You know, when he was a kid the insults were just terrible words, but now that they had a ring of truth it stung with sharp irony.

Merlwe slowly lets out a sigh. "Ya are a monster. The Krytians are a race that should have never been." Silence took the air for another long minute. "But, that's not what makes him right. Ya are a halfer and society will never accept ya. If ya tried to join the Knights they'd either reject ya or send ya to a nowhere outpost and never speak of ya." She laughed darkly as if finding the idea amusing.

"Then I'll hide it." He smirked.

"Ya can't. Olivia would have done so if she could." Merlwe said bitterly. She always spoke of Olive with bitterness. "Ya cursed eyes can't be changed."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "This again? I don't even get what's weird about my eyes. They look just like everyone else's."

"No! They're not!" Her voice cuts darkness and Yuri locked with her gaze. "Ya have the eyes of a monster. Even as babe ya had that look. Like ya could see things." She trembled and tore from it. "Like to ya, everything was different." She was right there. Yuri didn't see normally. He never mentioned to anyone, because up till a few years ago, he didn't realize it was strange. He thought all people could see the colors emanating from things like smoke. Nobody talked about it, but that didn't mean they didn't see it. He also figured they saw the netting in the stars or the green bubbles that welled up from the ground. But, he let it slip and now he knew better. He didn't even see the world like a human.

"Even if I do see things differently if I prove I'm a good knight then it doesn't matter."

"Ya'll never go anywhere."

Yuri smirked. "That's up for me to decide."

"Fool."

The fight blew over once Yuri came home and calmed an intoxicated Flynn. His friend wasn't the best of drunks. They argued in the morning, but forgot the matter, because there were more important things. When recruitment came around Yuri stayed behind long enough for Flynn not to see him tagging behind. They made a promise and they had a dream. One he wanted to keep.