Four years later

It was one of those afternoons that beckoned with promise, the carpet of sun-kissed grass just begging to be laid upon, where a dreamer could easily spend hours musing beneath the trees. Mordivai burst out of the library, letting the heavy door bang against the outer wall, and bounded down the steps. He'd aced Master Nilston's exam on Tythonian history, he was sure of it, and was filled with the glow of a job well done. After three hours spent in the silence and solitude of the EduCorps library, it felt good to stretch his limbs again. He was due for a practice session with Master Gatten in an hour, but that gave him enough time for his own pursuits.

A friendly voice accosted him from behind. "Hey Mord!"

Mordivai turned and spotted Zayla, a human he recognized from one of his classes, running to catch up with him.

He tried to sound casual. "Hey, where you headed?"

"Going to the ruins to scan some inscriptions." She fell into step beside him, and briefly her elbow brushed against his arm. "Want to come keep me company?"

His mother had always told him that emotions energized and fueled a Sith's power. At this moment, Mordivai could understand that very well. His legs felt jumpy and skittish, and his heart skipped in his chest. It was Master Gatten's voice that he heard in his head, however, advising him to seek peace and center himself before his emotions got away from him.

His mouth opened before his brain could stop it. "Sure."

He barely noticed where he was going as he followed her off the path to cut across a wide swath of grass, which became less maintained and more wild the farther they went. Eventually they reached a line of trees, and Zayla pushed aside a low hanging branch to reveal a faint trail leading into the woods.

"Have you ever been here? It's really great. Tons of inscriptions, broken statues...this place is just full of history!" Zayla chatted away with enthusiasm and Mordivai made agreeable noises every now and then to keep her talking. When she stopped in front of a weed choked hill, Mordivai almost barreled into her.

"Here it is!"

He looked around but could see nothing but a mess of thorny brush and some jumbled rocks. Zayla parted some leaves and Mordivai realized that the rocks were all that was left of a steep stone staircase leading up the front of the hill. He looked up and saw a human face made of stone gazing out from the among the branches of a tree, the figure's arm outstretched, though the hand was now missing. Zayla began climbing and Mordivai tried not to stare too openly at her backside as she ascended. He had to climb using both his hands and feet in order to find enough purchase to make it to the top.

He stood and looked around. Grass, weeds, and even trees had sprouted through the chipped stone flooring, the bigger trunks heaving aside the huge stone slabs and tilting them at crazy angles. Above, the trees stretched over the crumbled walls like a green canopy, dappling the walls with moving shadows of sun and shade. A cool breeze drifted through the ruin, carrying with it the scents of mulch, moss and flowers.

"This is amazing." The stone statues reminded him of holos he'd seen of the ancient Sith tombs on Korriban. He had never been allowed him to explore them in person, but he had always hoped to someday, and had contented himself with listening to his mother's stories of what was inside instead. The memory brought with it a pang of sadness. At least there were no vengeful spirits here in this Jedi ruin, waiting to terrorize the minds of the weak.

"Isn't it? Check out the view from this spot." Zayla scurried up a fallen tree trunk buried in the midst of one of the stone walls. She teetered at the top for a moment, then hopped onto what had once been a second story. Mordivai followed her, careful to watch where he put his feet along the rotting trunk. He jumped to the landing and saw Zayla beckoning to him from a break in the wall farther away.

"Look through here!"

She stepped aside and he peered through the gap. Outside the wall, the ground abruptly dropped away, opening up a view across the far valley. In the distance, a river wound through groves and fields, and far beyond the sun perched along the edge of a distant mountain range.

"Oh, wow."

"I've always wanted to share this view with someone." She turned and gave him a shy smile. "Thanks for coming Mordivai. Hey, what are you doing?"

Mordivai had squeezed through the gap and was balancing carefully along the edge, gripping the stone wall from the outside.

"Have you seen this? There's a big ledge over here. Come on!" He held out his hand.

She leaned out and peered over his shoulder, causing her hair to fall forward and tickle his cheek. Then her hand slipped into his and squeezed tight. He held his arm steady while she climbed through. Just a quick shuffle along the wall, then a final hop, and he was there. He turned to grin at Zayla.

"See?"

She followed and then leapt onto the ledge, bumping against him as she caught her balance. He slung his arms around her and caught her, holding on for just a split second longer than was really necessary. The breath from her laugh so close to his ear caused a row of bumps to appear along his arms.

She settled next to him on the ledge, swinging her legs and beaming. "This is just beautiful!"

The view was breathtaking, but Mordivai found that he preferred to steal glances at Zayla instead. "It is beautiful." He caught her eye and she looked away quickly, her cheeks turning pink.

For a while, the inscriptions that they had come to collect were forgotten. She was happy to chat with him, sharing stories of other ruins she had explored, and cautiously offering up how she had been commended for her skills in linguistics, careful to phrase her admission with humble caveats, Mordivai noticed. Why were the Jedi so quick to condemn the recognition of one's accomplishments? Why should there be shame in celebrating strength? Mordivai expressed admiration and watched as her face lit up, her smile unfurling like a new blossom. She grew subdued and wistful however upon admitting to having dreams of joining the ExplorCorps in order to travel the galaxy.

"I hope you get to do that someday, Zayla."

"Are you interested in history, Mordivai?"

Mordivai muttered a vague affirmation, but his mind was drifting back to thoughts of Korriban again. When he had been little, he had dreamed of being a treasure hunter like his mother's friend Vette, not for the glory and riches though, but for the secrets. Sith lore was filled with so much forgotten knowledge, knowledge that the Jedi would most certainly forbid him to study. It was dangerous, Master Gatten said, and even destructive enough to make people go mad. But Master Gatten had also said that knowledge was a Jedi's best weapon, so why would he deny him one of his most powerful tools? Mordivai suspected that the real reason was that the Jedi were afraid.

There was a lull in the conversation. Mordivai had not offered anything about himself, and a change in topics could open up the expectation that it would be his turn to share. He was reluctant to talk about his history to other Jedi. He hated their pity. Many of the Masters saw him as something to be "fixed", the students here at the Service Corps were frequently distant and cautious, and the few initiates he had met came across as cold and unfeeling. He did not want to grow up and be like them, no more emotional than a droid. Yet he did like the Jedi talk about defending the powerless. Sith were never regaled as heroes. They inspired fear, not admiration. Yet the Jedi were held up as exemplars, celebrated and showered with honors and thanks.

"The sun is starting to set. I guess you should get to scanning your inscriptions, huh?"

"Oh!" Zayla leapt to her feet. "We need to get back before dark."

They returned back through the hole in the wall and Zayla ran ahead, calling over her shoulder, "The inscriptions are over here. I'm going to see if I can translate them back at the library."

Mordivai followed and turned a corner to find Zayla kneeling in front of one of the broken walls. She was already running the scanner's light up and down over a long inscription so damaged by time that it was a wonder that anyone could make out the letters at all. She leaned forward and studied it, frowning and biting her lip.

"I can read some of it, but gosh, this is going to be a tricky one."

She casually pushed her blonde hair back over her shoulder and Mordivai watched as it slowly slid back into place across the side of her face again. She flipped it back absentmindedly. He had the thought of offering to gather it up and hold it out of her face for her, but that felt like too obvious a ploy to touch her. He sighed and abandoned the idea.

"Maybe you should have brought some homework with you or something. So you're not bored waiting around for me."

"No, I'm not bored!" Mordivai said quickly. "That's not it. I just…" He paused. Zayla had never been unkind to him and he felt himself longing for a confidant. "...for a moment I was thinking of home."

Zayla sat back on her haunches and peered up at him. Her voice was hushed and her eyes sympathetic. "You mean Korriban?"

"Korriban, yes, and Kaas City too. I had family in both places."

Zayla got to her feet and took a step towards him. "Your parents were Sith?"

"Is," Mordivai corrected. "My mother is a Sith."

"Oh." Zayla licked her lips. "So it really is true."

"What's true?"

"I mean, I heard that, you know...about how you survived an Imperial shipwreck and that Master Gatten found you and brought you to Tython because you were Force-sensitive."

Mordivai nodded, conscious of the flutters of nerves that were making the rounds inside his stomach. "Is there anything else that you heard?"

"I heard that the reason you are here instead of at the Jedi Academy is because you have too much of the dark side in you to let you train with the others."

"I see." It always came down to this. Having a Pureblood mother would have been a source of pride if he had grown up in the Empire. But here, it was viewed as a taint, something dangerous and unwanted, something that needed to be cured. What did they know about his family? About what it meant to be Sith?

Mordivai took a step closer, studying Zayla's face. "Do you think I have the dark side in me?"

Zayla giggled and shook her head. "I think you're nice."

She reached up and gently pushed her fingers through his hair, then slid her hand down to cup his burned cheek.

"That's how you got your scars then. In the shipwreck?"

He nodded. "I can't...I can't feel you though, when you touch me. That side of my face is numb."

"That's too bad."

"I can feel this though." He took her hand and lifted it from his scarred cheek, placing it against the opposite side of his face. Zayla traced his cheekbone with the pad of her thumb and her eyes, so deep and brown, met his.

Mordivai swallowed, and when he spoke his voice sounded strained. "Being here alone with me might not be the best idea."

"They are not as strict here in the Service Corps as they are at the Academy."

"So, does that mean that I can kiss you?"

He drifted closer, and their noses bumped. She released a breathy laugh and met him the rest of the way, and he closed his lips over hers. Oh stars, a delicious heat was pouring into his loins, making Mordivai light-headed and giddy. Through the Force, he felt Zayla's own desire sparking to life in answer to his, and here, surrounded by the untamed forest, Mordivai felt united with the life around him. He was alive.

Zayla pulled away suddenly and her eyes snapped open.

"We're not alone, Mord. Can you feel it?"

"An animal, perhaps."

"It's a big animal then."

Mordivai stepped back and drew his vibroblade. It hummed to life in his hand, sounding unusually loud now in the quiet of the forest.

"We need to get out of here. I don't feel right about this." Zayla backed away and slipped through a break in one of the crumbling walls, heading for the hillside where they had first arrived. Mordivai turned slowly, reaching out with his senses, trying to pinpoint the source of the disturbance. He felt something - a flicker - and moved in the opposite direction, hurrying to catch up with Zayla.

She had reached the broken stone steps and was carefully picking her way down. Mordivai was surprised to notice how much the light had faded in the time since they'd been talking. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the stairs before him were shadowy and treacherous. The breeze had picked up, tossing the gnarled arms of the trees and chilling the air. Mordivai slowed down to watch his footing.

There was a rustle to his right and a large, dark shape streaked by in front of him. A scream tore through the air, a sound that was too feral to be human. It was followed by another cry, this one only too familiar, and there was such a note of terror in it that the sound ripped down Mordivai's spine, striking fear into his heart.

"Zayla!"

He bounded down the stairs, brandishing his vibrosword. Where was Zayla? Oh stars, was she underneath that creature? Mordivai let out a yell, throwing all of his control of the Force into it, as he had seen his mother do, surprising even himself when he heard his own voice echoing back at him from the distant valley. The creature jerked and froze, gripping the ground with claws the size of butcher's knives, turning its head and letting out an angry hiss. In the faint light, its eyes flashed green, like two glowing lights in the dark, and Mordivai saw a set of large, curved fangs protruding from its jaws.

Manka cat, he realized. Center yourself. Focus. Don't panic.

He swung his blade at it, but his aim was wild and shaky, and it only nicked the cat's ear. He leapt forward and jabbed hard in the direction of the creature's belly, and this time he scored a hit, although only a grazing one. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Zayla crawling away, or trying to anyway. Oh damn, oh damn, what is that hanging off of her? The ground was stained dark with blood, and too much of it. Mordivai felt a surge of nausea in his gut.

Competing voices warred in his head. Master Gatten's lessons came first, telling him to reach inward, to touch the Force and harness it, to keep his legs steady and his eyes alert. But another voice was goading him to anger, urging him to tap into his fear and indignation and throw it back at the beast with the double the intensity.

The cat drew back on its haunches and sprung into the air, aiming a swipe of one of its huge paws at Mordivai's head. The Force moved through Mordivai, feeding him with power, and he leapt out of the cat's reach, landing on a nearby boulder. The cat growled and then just as suddenly, it turned away from him and threw itself instead towards Zayla.

She kicked furiously at the cat's huge head, flailing and yelling, and managed to get a few impressive hits in, her boot meeting the cat's face with a thud. Mordivai jumped into the air, putting all the might of his fall into the blow, and drove his vibroblade deep into the cat's back. It let out a horrific yowl, but when Mordivai yanked the blade free, the cat spun on him, its viciousness increased, and for a moment, all Mordivai saw was a huge set of teeth closing in on his face. He threw up his blade, blocking the attack, but just barely. He felt the teeth rip into his scalp, skidding against bone. That attack was meant for my jugular. He stumbled and was driven to his knees. The beast was on him again, knocking him back onto the ground, its huge body crushing him and forcing the air from his lungs. Mordivai saw spots spinning in the corners of his vision.

I will not die here to a Manka cat. He pulled into himself, gathering power, and then threw it outward with everything he had. The cat flew backwards into the air, landing awkwardly on its back. Mordivai sprung to his feet and lunged at the cat, thrashing his blade wildly, hacking at the cat's body with indiscriminate blows. The Force lent him strength that he otherwise might not have had, adding a ferocity to his strikes.

"Die!" Mordivai screamed.

His blade lodged into the cat's rib cage, and Mordivai's hand slipped as he tried to yank it out. He kept screaming, both power and panic surging through him, and threw out his hands towards the cat. There was a flash and a sizzle, and something, a spark like a flame but brighter and whiter, streaked from his fingertips. The cat's body jerked, its fur scorched by threads of pure Force power. Mordivai stared at it, his voice going hoarse, fear and shame and confusion clashing within him.

He looked down at his hands which tingled and stung. His fingers were slick with blood.

Zayla.

He pushed aside his feelings and ran to her side. There was so much blood, oh stars, so much. She was covered in it, her clothes saturated, her arms and face nearly unrecognizable. He gathered her in his arms, and lurched to his feet. He stumbled down the forest trail, using the Force to guide him through the darkness. Still, he fell twice, each time sobbing apologies to Zayla, hoping he hadn't increased the severity of her injuries. At last he broke out into the open.

"Somebody help!" he yelled. There were figures running towards him, silhouettes in the lamplight from the buildings beyond. Hands swarmed over him, lifting Zayla from his arms. Someone shined a light in his face.

"Get to the med center!"

He was half pushed, half carried the rest of the way there, where he was quickly led away from Zayla and towards a cot.

"Is she alright? Is she going to be ok?" No one was answering him.

Voices spoke soothingly , hands gently reclining him onto the cot, a Jedi standing over him, her face serene, a faint glow pulsing from her hands.

"Peace, youngling," she said. And Mordivai knew no more.

00o00

Mordivai stood with his hands clasped before him, his head bowed, waiting for Master Gatten to acknowledge him.

"Zayla is severely injured, Mordivai," Master Gatten said, his voice grave and slow. "The Jedi healers worked on her through the night, and she is in a Kolto tank now, where she will probably stay for weeks."

Mordivai looked up. Master Gatten had his fingers steepled on his desk and his eyes fixed hard on Mordivai's face. They bored into him with such intensity that Mordivai felt stripped bare, his heart and soul laid out like a map, and he felt a moment of fear, wondering how much Gatten knew. Had he seen the singe marks on the creature's fur? How much did he suspect? The battle was a blur now in his memory, but Mordivai knew that it was not the Light side that had been the primary fuel of his power that day. Confusion and shame filled him. He had never been so frightened as he was when he saw that Manka cat tearing into Zayla like she was nothing but a hunk of meat. Fear and anger had ruled his actions, true, but it had also earned him the victory.

"I saw the cat and the site of the battle," Master Gatten continued. "It was a brutal kill."

Mordivai bristled. He was still reeling from the attack, worried about Zayla, and amazed that he had stood against a Manka cat at all.

He balled his hands into fists. "I saved her life!"

Master Gatten got to his feet, his voice a growl. "No! You put her life in jeopardy! You think you are some hero? Both of you never should have been out there after dusk. All students have been warned of this. And then there is the matter of what you were doing out there alone with her in the first place."

Mordivai felt his cheeks heating up, and he broke away from meeting Master Gatten's gaze to stare at the floor.

"Your actions put both yourself and another student in danger. This is what we mean when we speak of the hazards of unchecked desires, of hedonism, and of selfishness. This," Gatten threw out his hand for emphasis, "is that we mean."

"I'm sorry, Master."

"I'm terribly sorry that another student had to suffer for you to learn this lesson." He sat back down, adjusting his robe and sighing. When he spoke again, his voice had resumed its usual soft-spoken tone.

"You did show bravery last night, Mordivai. You were forced to act quickly in an unpredictable situation, and in the heat of the moment you reached inside yourself for strength. I know what you found there. Your roots in the dark side go deep, in your family, in your upbringing. I understand and I am not angry with you about that part of last night's events."

"I used it for good." Mordivai knew his voice sounded pleading, but he didn't care. "Does the dark side always have to be evil?"

"If Zayla had grown up in the Empire, she would have been sent to Korriban due to her Force sensitivity. But she cannot manipulate the Force like you can, and she is a scholar not a warrior. She would have been slaughtered, most likely by another student." Gatten paused. "By someone like you."

"No," Mordivai protested. "I would never...that's-"

"Wouldn't you? You would if you wanted to live." Gatten stood up again and walked around to the front of his desk. "The dark side, taken to its logical conclusion, is all about valuing prowess over weakness, pitting power against power. Mordivai," Gatten leaned forward, and his yellow eyes again caught Mordivai's. "Do you want to be a Jedi?"

Mordivai swallowed, searching to find his voice. "Yes."

"Then you must seek the light. It will be your shield and your fountain of strength. Deliberation, rationality, compassion, patience. These are the virtues you must espouse." Gatten crossed his arms, studying Mordivai with a look that was more curious now than reprimanding. "I may have made a mistake bringing you here instead of to the Academy." He turned away. "Pack your things."

"What?"

"Be ready to leave tomorrow morning."

Mordivai opened his mouth to say more, but decided better of it. "Yes, Master."

He left Master Gatten's office and shuffled through the halls in a daze. He paused when he neared the med center. He wandered in, nodding politely to the attendant on duty.

"I would like to see Zayla."

"Brought in last night?" The Mirialan sitting at the desk typed into her console and turned back to face him again. "She's in bad shape. She's only been in the tank for a few hours, but you can see her. She's in tank four."

"Thank you."

Mordivai stepped into the Kolto tank room. The air hummed around him, and the entire room swam in flickering blue light, giving the illusion of walking into a giant aquarium. He found tank four before he had even checked the number.

Zayla was there, her long blonde hair floating around her head like a halo. The part of her face was not hidden by the mask was covered instead with bandages. Mordivai looked over the rest of her, and his stomach lurched. Zayla's right arm was missing at the elbow, the stump wrapped tightly in gauze. Everywhere her skin was riddled with stitches, and there was a particularly large gash along her right thigh.

"By the Force, I'm so sorry," Mordivai whispered to her. Would he ever see her again to tell her in person? He could see his own face reflected in the glass, the ugly shaved patch on his head where the bandage soaked in Kolto worked to heal the wound left by the Manka cat's fangs, but that was nothing compared to what Zayla had suffered. My fault, he thought. If I had declined to go with her, if I had not kept her engaged in such a long conversation, if I had not kissed her…

He turned away, unable to look at her any longer, and went back to his room to pack his few belongings.