"Ah," John sighed, as he stood in the back of Echo 216, gazing out upon the sapphire blue ocean water extending into the distance, briefly interspersed by the occasional island. "Another bright, sunny day on Halo. The birds are chirping, the fish are splashing, and the sky's alive with the sounds of screams and plasma fire."
"Heh, you always take me to such nice places." The Weapon smiled.
"I really do, don't I?" John somewhat egotistically replied. "Course, I prefer my beaches with less possibility of space zombies… I'll take you to an actual beach planet when we're done."
The comm channel sprung to life, filling John's ears.
"The Covenant believe that what they call the 'Silent Cartographer,'" Cortana began, no doubt outlining it to the Chief as well, "Is somewhere under this island. The Cartographer is a map room that will show us the location of Halo's control center. The island had multiple structures and installations, one of them contains the map room."
"We're approaching the LZ-it's gonna be hot! Get set to come out swinging!" Foehammer radioed as the pelicans swayed, coming to a quick stop over a beach. The Covenant troops on the ground scrambled, opening fire as the two Pelicans came in for a landing. "Touchdown-hit it, Marines!"
"ALL RIGHT, APES, WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER!?" John hollered, going full-throttle on the assault rifle as he jumped out of the rear troop bay. From the other Pelican across the way, the Chief came running out onto the beach as well, leading another squad of Marines. He tossed a grenade, sending an Elite flying through the air, as the Marines ducked, dodged, and weaved around the plasma and needle fire. "Landing in broad daylight on a beach, god this reminds me of D-Day!" He remarked as they pushed up the beachhead, through the Covenant supply crates and rocks dispersed like shrubbery, under a metal support structure. "It was broad daylight when the Normandy landings happened too! Then again, they had an excuse though. The Nazis had expected the Allies to come during high tide when it was dark, and they thought that the offensive was gonna happen somewhere else! Operation Mincemeat, hell of a tactic… It's kind of a shame we can't get away with things like that now though, intelligence networks being what they are." He remarked as the last two Elites dropped.
"Area secure-all hostiles have been eliminated." One of the Marines reported over the comm channel.
"Affirmative." Foehammer replied as John turned his head skyward, and frowned. "Echo 419 inbound. Somebody order a Warthog?" They didn't go into battle with the hogs, so… how'd Foehammer get one so quickly?
"Hey, I didn't know you made house calls, Foehammer!" Sergeant Stacker poked back, as Foehammer maneuvered into position slightly closer to the shore.
"You know our motto: We deliver!" Foehammer teased in response, as the warthog was dropped onto the sand.
"Ooh, shotgun!" John called, running over to the driver's seat and climbing up.
"We can't argue with you on this, can we?" Cortana asked on behalf of the Chief.
"You know it, honey!" John replied, as the Chief shook his head, and climbed on the turret, as a Marine took the passenger seat. "Hmm…" He looked around, before gunning it, spinning the wheel around so they were facing back the way they had came.
"Wait, where are you going?" The Weapon inquired. "The data from the first go-around shows that the map room is in the other direction."
"I've got a plan, don't worry about my plan." John replied, as he continued going back. "Now, what was I talking about? …oh, yeah, Operation Mincemeat. The British took the corpse of a homeless man, gave him a whole fucking fake backstory with doctored photos and a rank and all, planted fake orders on his corpse, then dumped him in the ocean for the Nazis to find. Come to think of it, we should do something like that with the Covenant. Dump a derelict in Covenant space, do it up to look like an important ship, fill it with faulty navigational data, and the next thing they know, they jump into the gravity well of a black hole. I should be a strategist." He commented as they came across a small cluster of trees, Jackals and Grunts within.
The Chief opened fire, mowing them down as John kept the Warthog moving, running down a few of the aliens.
"It looks like there's a path heading into the interior of the island." Cortana curiously hummed, spotting the passageway.
"Really?" The Weapon huffed. "You couldn't tell that from the topography scans?"
"No, because you still haven't shared them."
"…oh, right." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Sorry!"
"All right, kids, out!" John ordered, walking around a large tree blocking the warthog from entering, leading the way through the passage, shooting the grunts in the way. "Oh wait, I just realized something about the Operation Space Mincemeat plan. It's all kind of contingent on the fact that the Covenant doesn't have safety protocols built into their borers, which I think they do. The Arbiter mentioned that to me when I said we had no idea where the Ark portal led to, and it could dump us into a supernova."
"Do you know who and what he's talking about?" Cortana quietly asked of her spartan as they moved up the heal.
The Chief raised an eyebrow, and Cortana quickly corrected herself. "Of course not, right."
"Whoop, hold on. I know what happens next." John hummed as he grappled up to the top of the sharp rock wall nearby. He nonchalantly took one of his pistols off the magnetic holster, and aimed it at the back of the patrolling Hunters. With two shots, they went down, into a heap of scrap. "You know, it's a sad, sad day when what are supposed to be the heavy infantry can go down with one well-placed shot. Then again, these pistols are ridiculously overpowered, firing high-explosive .50-caliber rounds… The UNSC, everyone! We're so boss, we chamber our pistols in rifle ammunition. And rifled pistols are standard issue. God damn I love modern technology, even if it hasn't changed largely over the past… three-hundred years." He hopped down, following the Chief side-by-side through the heart of the island, through another Covenant squad, now at the structure they had passed earlier. "Actually, a lot of things haven't changed over the past three-hundred years. I know I said change for the sake of change was stupid, but we haven't had to worry about thrust-to-weight ratios since we invented the space elevators, so why the fuck do we not allow more than two firearms per soldier? It's ridiculous!"
The Chief did agree, it was inconvenient, especially in fight-or-die situations.
John led the way, with two pistols guns akimbo-style, down the ramp into the Forerunner structure. Two Hunters came running out, easily taken down with two shots to their bellies as they wound up to strike with their shields. "Yeah, see? They just dropped like a sack of rocks! Not that I'm complaining with these Covenant being way stronger than they should." He frowned, reloading both guns. "Hey… come to think of it, why are the Covenant here so much stronger?" He wondered as he walked up to the security terminal. "I mean, they weren't a picnic the first time around, but I'd rate them about as hard as the Banished, and the Banished are easy! I've been mowing these guys down like grass!" He shook his head as he inched a hand to the holopanel, and touched it. The system flashed, and the hologram changed.
"What did that do?" The Chief questioned immediately.
"It looks like it forced a complete shutdown of the island's security systems." Cortana commented. "Clever, going after this first… now the Covenant can't lock the doors on us."
"Which is why I did it," John huffed, turning to lead the way back out, "You would not believe how much time it would've saved the first go-around. Come to think of it, we could just go right to the control room and skip right to the punch. Or we could just blow up the Autumn now… save everyone the trouble…" A flash of blue overtook his vision, and he blinked. "Huh? Did you say something, Fun Cortana?" He shook his head, moving on without trouble. "I must've hit my head or something… synesthesia is not a party I want to be jumping in on."
"Mayday, mayday!" The radio crackled to life. "Dropship Bravo 022 taking enemy fire! Repeat! We are under heavy fire and are losing altitude!"
"Wait, what?" John blinked, frowning. "That's not… we only just moved in here, and you already called for heavy weapons? After seeing me kill four of the fuckers without a scratch getting on me?"
"Hey, don't look at me." Cortana deflected.
"…you mentioned you wanted a rocket launcher, and the Hunters gave us a perfect excuse, so I thought…" The Weapon meekly trailed off, "Oops?"
John sighed, shaking his head. "Well, I can't say you were being neglectful, but-" He saw a shimmer of light, "Oh, hang on a second, we've got voyeurs." He said, before beginning to wildly wave his assault rifle around. The Chief spotted the idle glow of plasma weapons as well, and followed John's lead, taking them down, revealing no less than six Elites having gotten in with camo. "And now it's just us again. Huh… We weren't in there for that long, these guys must've been hiding better the first time. Or they came in right after us… Seriously, where'd these guys come from?" He wondered, frowning as they walked back up the ramp out of the security room. "I know we call them Elites for a reason, but we would've noticed six of them running behind us like ducklings cloaked or not." They emerged from the door, and John spotted five grunts standing at the top of a rocky pillar down on the beach. Quickly, he took them out at range, before spotting Bravo 022 crashed on the beach below. "Well, it crashed in the same place, that's good… but it does give me some mild bit of concern, now." He peeked over the edge, shrugging. "Oh, hell, I can make this, easy." He glanced at the Chief, looking him up and down. "You might not be able to…"
The Chief silently looked around, spotting an overshield. He smashed the glass box, allowing the sphere of alien energies to wash over him, boosting his shields. He tossed the other to John, and the crazy Spartan took it as well, before jumping over without a care in the world.
The Chief shook his head, picking up the third, and last, overshield, before jumping down as well, only in his case, the act completely stripped the protective overcharge from him. He broke the box again, and reclaimed the shield, ready to move on.
A grenade rumbled the ground, followed by the bodies of three Jackals, before John walked down the beach toward the crashed Pelican.
"Well…" He looked at the two dead Marines with a sigh, shaking his head, "At least not a lot of people died… but that's scraping the bottom of the barrel. This is bullshit! I keep telling people listen to me, and everything will go to plan, but nooooo, I'm just the crazy Spartan with temper issues and the inability to shut his fucking mouth! GOD!" He snapped, letting out a frustrated sigh.
"I… I'm sorry," The Weapon stammered to apologize, "I thought you'd want it…"
"And I do," John swiftly picked up the rocket launcher, jimmying some things around so he could fit it, as well as the two spare barrels on his person, "Just… clear things by me, next time, right?"
"Right." The Weapon swiftly acquiesced, as John continued to struggle.
The Chief stood, silently watching with a raised eyebrow, before Cortana spoke up.
"You notice he's a lot more… patient with her than literally everyone else, right?" Cortana asked of him, as the Chief stood, watching the other Spartan scrounge whatever he could from the crash site.
"Yes." He simply rumbled in response.
"…and you realize she's going out of her way to please him, yes?"
"No." The Chief replied just as simplistically.
"She dressed herself like a pirate for him." Cortana informed, "With how often they've both been going on about piracy, I'm tempted to say she did it to make him happy."
The Chief frowned, cocking an eyebrow. "Why would she do that?"
"…oh, God, don't tell me I have to explain the bolts and the bees to you…" Cortana muttered, before John let out a triumphant whoop.
"Ha-ha, yes!" John pumped his fist as he hefted the rocket launcher. "I missed this! Now… I named the first one Linda, so… you'll be Linda II. Well, Linda III depending on if we run into the real Linda. Or maybe she can be Linda III. She isn't a rocket launcher after all." He hummed before frowning. "No… she scares the piss out of me too much for that." He shook his head. "Guess I have to settle for third best, then…" He grunted as he flipped the overturned Warthog nearby, and climbed in, allowing the Chief to take the turret. He spun it around, facing four Jackals further down the beach, allowing the Chief to open fire on them and take them out. "But yeah, if the Pelican getting called in for a different reason still means it gets shot down, then that means that our reality is deterministic! Which means there's no damn point to doing anything here because it's gonna happen anyway! That's bullshit! Besides, what exactly determines what happens!? The Precursors did think the universe was a living entity with a will, based their physics off that too…" John suddenly got very troubled, feeling a burning anxiety all over him. "I'm… not too sure what to do with that information, honestly. Because what do you do when literally the universe itself wants you dead?" He wondered as they pulled up next to the first warthog. He looked over to the Marine, gestured for him to hop over, and continued on.
"That is, assuming of course, that reality is deterministic, and the universe is alive." Cortana replied. "Which we don't have concrete proof of."
"Yeah, you're right about that." John agreed with a shrug as they came up on the Cartographer building, beginning to clear out the Covenant guarding it. "Still, I can act on the assumption that it is, and say: Fuck you, universe! A microbe can kill a full-grown human, you think I can't beat you too?" He mowed down a Jackal, swinging the jeep around so they could make it up a hill onto the metal platform above. "Hell, it wouldn't be the worst fight I've ever had… I remember this time on Cronkee, little backwater in the Unicorn system, three goddamn people on the whole planet, and at the same time, this big freak of a Brute showed up trying to beat the tar out of me."
"But… you've killed lots of Brutes," The Weapon confusedly noted.
"Yeah, but that one was a fucking freak." John shuddered in recollection as they rolled up to the entrance, the Chief shooting everything that moved. A moment later, they dismounted, and headed inside, John hefting his rocket launcher as they headed down the ramps. He fired, killing all the Covenant in the tight room, before heading on. "He had… something inside him that made him damn near invincible. Hell, I couldn't even kill the fucker, we had to take him out with a lifepod and a slipspace rupture from a crashed ship nearby. God knows where he ended up." He blinked, paling slightly as they proceeded into the Forerunner corridors. "Oh, shit that means he's still out there somewhere. Yeah, I can see it now." He began as he turned, walking out onto a platform hovering above a deep, black chasm. "Some pre-industrial civilization's going about their day when Donkey Kong's roid-raging brother falls out of the sky and goes on a rampage." He looked up at the ceiling, then down into the pit. "Donkey Kong couldn't climb this… Now," He turned around, looking at a series of balconies below, "The Covenant are probably going to be guarding the ways in, not out, so if we get in behind their lines, it should fuck them up nice and easy, right?"
The Chief blinked, looking between John and the series of platforms, then back to the insane Spartan. He knew his future self was downright bananas, but this? "You're not making that jump."
"No," John poked him, "We're making that jump."
"What." Cortana muttered, analyzing the drop as well.
"My grappleshot's cord is rated to hold a ton." John answered. "Plus, I've done this a lot. Hell, it's probably one of the safer jumps I've made recently."
"Unlike the top of the Spire." The Weapon quietly commented, snickering.
"Quiet, you." John ordered, spotting a place he could grapple off. "Yeah, see? It'll be just like Star Wars." He shot a glance at the Chief. "Well? I'm waiting, Princess."
"Um…" The Weapon awkwardly hummed, as the Chief approached slowly, glancing uncertainly at the grapple.
"Oh, relax, you're still my princess." John retorted.
"Seriously, I don't get how you're not noticing this." Cortana muttered to the Chief, as the sane Spartan locked arms.
"Oh, by the way, I should mention I've never done this with a passenger." John quickly forced out, before retracting the grapple. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!" He whooped as he drug the Chief off the platform, swinging through the air in an arc, landing on the balconies below. "Huh, that went a lot better than I thought!" Two Elites then came running out of a chamber nearby. "Damn it, you always have to ruin my fun!" He bellowed as he and the Chief returned fire, the sane Spartan knocking a blue-armored Elite into the pit nearby, as the two majors went down. "Oh, hey, look, the Cartographer." John noted, wandering in toward the holographic ring. "See? I told you guys it was here." He touched the panel, different sections of the ring exploding. "Although I'm still wondering why we had to come here at all…"
"Be quiet, I'm analyzing..." Cortana ordered, "Halo's control center is located there. That structure appears to be some sort of temple or shrine, if I've interpreted this correctly." She let out a curious hum. "Interesting. A shrine is an unlikely place to put such a significant installation." The AI commented, before opening a comm channel. "Cortana to Captain Keyes."
"The Captain has dropped out of contact, Cortana." Foehammer answered instead. "His ship may be out of range or having equipment problems."
John's heart skipped a beat. "You okay?" He heard the Weapon ask of him.
"Keep trying. Let me know when you've reestablished contact, and then tell him that the Master Chief and I have determined the location of the control center. We'll be heading there as soon as we're topside."
"Affirmative. Foehammer, out."
"Didn't I tell Keyes not to investigate that 'weapons cache?'" John questioned, looking scathingly at the Chief.
"He thought that, if nothing else, it would be worth a cursory-"
"No, damn it!" John cursed, running back out onto the balcony. "This is bad, this is bad, bad, bad…" He muttered, clenching his teeth. "Well, come on!" He hissed at the Chief, grabbing the Spartan so that both could grabble back up. Their boots hit the floor, and they took out a Zealot waiting for them before moving. "It's-It's not a guarantee they broke containment… Yeah, I warned Keyes, he's probably taking care this go around, instead of blundering in." He anxiously muttered to himself as they walked up the ramps, more clear shimmers disrupting the air. "DAMN IT, YOU'RE NOT HELPING THINGS!" He hollered as they opened fire on the Elites, running toward the Pelican hovering around outside. "Just what I need, the Captain not listening to me after I prove I'm from the future…" He muttered, climbing into the troop bay.
"Not to worry, John," Cortana radioed, "We'll secure the control room, and then we can reestablish contact with the Captain."
"Are you not listening?" John asked in response. "You know what, fine, just tell everyone to get the hell out of dodge or something…" He muttered, self-consciously reclining, anxiously bobbing his leg.
"Let's get moving, Foehammer." Cortana addressed. "Here are coordinates and a flight plan I've worked up."
"Uh, Cortana, these coordinates are underground!" Foehammer replied in confusion as the pelican hovered over the center of the island, the huge metal structure the Hunters were guarding opening like an enormous hatch, allowing the Pelican down into the pit housing the Cartographer.
"The Covenant did a thorough seismic scan," Cortana replied, "And my analysis shows Halo is honeycombed with deep tunnels, which circle the whole ring."
"I hope your analysis is on-the-money, Cortana. This Pelican won't turn on a dime."
"Look on the bright side, Foehammer. The last thing the Covenant will expect is an aerial insertion...from underground."
The hatch closed, snuffing out all the light in the chamber, and John grimaced.
Something told him he really pissed somebody or something off with that comment about the Universe.