Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the series. The original サヨナラを教えて series is owned by FOOO嘉
I want to go back
I want to start over.
On that day, I shouldn't have lied to him.
I told him, "I liked him."
I told him it was a lie.
It was a lie of a lie.
Whether that was the only lie I've ever deceived him with…
I can't say for certain.
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"Do you have the resolve to face my Grandchildren?"
These days, I can't help but remember those words that were told to me back then. It was something my grandfather in law, no, my master told me.
"Devoting one's time to getting to know their behaviors, voices, and habits…is that not love?" …was what he said.
Nowadays, it's become easy for me to tell apart the sisters even without looking at their hairstyle. They don't even bother with such tricks these days and would say "It's boring that we can't tease you anymore" but I find it to be a personal accomplishment, nonetheless.
But is this really love? Have I really become so knowledgeable?
I wonder if they are really able to face each other like how I face them.
.
"So, this is Uesugi-san's love nest."
"Love nest?"
"Isn't it?"
It's the first time I've heart such a phrase. Yotsuba looked up to me and grinned.
"Aha. Are you perhaps embarrassed?"
"Idiot."
"Ehe~"
Yotsuba pointed to my hand, already moving up to adjust my bangs. It's an old habit I haven't been able to change.
With a face that spoke of a mission accomplished, Yotsuba happily walked out of the room, a small stride in her step.
.
It's unusual for Yotsuba to come over to my house. This was perhaps the first time this year alone.
The last time she came over was shortly after I had just gotten married. She was my wife's sister so it's only natural. Father-in-law still complained to me at a later date however.
It must have been almost a year since then.
Some of the other sisters show up frequently enough while others were more on special occasions. Everyone had their lives to live after all.
The place is a modern apartment perfect for a newlywed to live in. It was meant for two people to live in but since we're both often busy with work it's actually rather spacious. As a person who is used to living in a tiny place, I did feel a bit too extravagant and that we could have lived in half the space of our current one but my wife insisted.
She said it was not good enough if we ever have to consider increasing our family but just how many children was she expecting? There's no way I'm breeding five children.
Yotsuba surveyed the place, looking at tablecloths, lined accessories, and each photo frame with curious eyes.
Honestly, I wished my wife would stop placing so many photo frames everywhere. It's somewhat embarrassing but she's insistent about it. You could see a wedding photo for every two steps you take in here. I'm sure if my wife back in high school had seen the state of our apartment, she too would have gotten shy about it.
It felt awkward how Yotsuba looked past each one of them so I took a quick trip to the kitchen to hide the awkwardness of it all.
The clock above says it's a little past 11 o'clock. A bit early for lunch but it will have to do.
"Uesugi-san made it?"
"No, it was prepared beforehand."
My wife loves to cook.
When I was living alone in university, I never learned to cook as there were always at least three or four Tupperware containers filled with food in my small refrigerator. Even the serving size was large in consideration of my appetite.
However, the amount was just right this time.
Marinated salmon served with avocado on the side paired with a plate of Roast beef and taco rice. At the same time, I add paprika and pickled baby corn into two small dishes respectively.
I now had to wonder what to serve it with.
"I have beer and wine but I also have whiskey and shochu given to me by my father."
"White wine! I'll open the cork." Yotsuba laughed as she suddenly entered the kitchen. If it was back then, she'd say "Anything is fine. As long as Uesugi-san wants to drink it." Today's Yotsuba seems oddly assertive though that's just a trivial observation.
"Sure. You're strong enough to anyways." I pulled out a wine bottle and held it out to but she didn't move to take it.
"Please have some delicacy."
"But it's true…"
"Even if it's true, it's too rude to say to a girl."
"A girl?"
As I proclaimed my disbelief, I put some strength in my grip and uncorked the bottle myself, a floral aroma hitting the both of us. She held the bottle back to me.
"Ah!"
Well, sometimes her current expression when her cheeks swell up when she pouts does certainly match that of a young girl.
At least, it's hard to see her as an adult woman like this.
When I gently poked her puffed up cheek, Yotsuba turned red.
"…!"
Wide eyes stared back and my ears heard the loud beating of a heart, my own?
I pulled back my fingertip as if there had been a current running through it.
"Uesugi-san?"
"It's nothing. Let's eat."
I brushed her head quickly, much like I would a puppy. There should have been a difference between a woman over twenty and a puppy however there didn't seem to be any here.
I put set the table as I placed the dishes to each side and poured the wine into my glass. Yotsuba sat down across me, oddly pouting.
"Muu…Uesugi-san still treats me like a child."
"It seems you've gotten sharper."
Lightly grinning, I finally poured wine into Yotsuba's glass although that just seems to inflate her cheeks even more.
"You're too obvious about it!"
"You're absolutely right."
"You should really learn to get better at it."
"I'll consider it if you take off that conspicuous ribbon of yours."
"Unununu. How slimy."
How can a woman over twenty still consider wearing such a ribbon? I was relieved when I heard she didn't wear it at work.
"Well, it's not like I hate your ribbon."
"Ho~ho! I knew Uesugi-san thought of this as one of my cute charm points after all."
"It's actually awful."
"Why?!"
"It's sort of like the sky or the daily newspaper. It gives me reassurance seeing its still there."
"Isn't that an awful way to put it?"
"It's also convenient when we meet up. Easy to spot."
"Is that why you only go to me!?"
As we fill ourselves up, soon laughter echoed through the room.
It's actually true that the ribbon is useful for meet-ups. I feel relieved when I see it. However, I can't say such a thing to Yotsuba who usually arrives first.
When I see the rabbit ears in the distance, I can calmly walk to our meeting place. Whenever I get there, this person still feels like she hasn't changed since high school and I get as restless like a child as well.
I can't hate watching this girl who can't lie happily waiting for me. With a ribbon that stood out just a badly as it did in high school. With a silly smile that hasn't changed since high school.
She's always been waiting for me all the way back in high school.
I can't hate her.
Though I will never say such words.
I swallowed such words I would never say and raised my glass.
"Let's make a toast for the time being."
"Isn't it a bit too early?"
Even though she said such a thing, Yotsuba still lightly tapped her glass to my own. A liquid with a golden hue shook lightly in my glass.
"I wonder why it feels so good to drink in the daytime?" Yotsuba, finishing her wine glass in one go, leaked a fiery sigh.
Maybe it was because of her childish ribbon but I never though wine (or sake) matched Yotsuba. Orange juice is the more likely culprit. Of course, I don't say that because she may end up killing me if I do. That I choose not to say such words only shows that I've grown up a little.
"I agree."
I finished my own glass in two hasty gulps. After pouring a refill for myself, I turned the mouth of the bottle to Yotsuba's glass where she accepted a refill happily.
"It's just my own opinion but I think the sense of immorality adds a little spice to it."
"Sense of immorality…"
"Do you know what that means?"
"Ah! I'm being made fun of again!"
"No, I'm saying this as a person who knows the academic abilities of you sisters."
"What are you talking about? Of course, I know what it means"
It seems such words were taught to her by her sisters.
"What kind of toast is this by the way?" Yotsuba muttered as the wine was divided between the two of us once more.
"What do you mean?"
"Because if it's after work, then it means that I worked hard all day today. If it's at a wedding, it means congratulations. But what about today?"
"Three's a lot. We could just pray for each other's health and success. In the first place, offering sake to the gods and the dead done in religious rituals."
So, either we become each other's mothers or become grandfathers. Either way didn't make much sense.
"N-no, for now, do you want to celebrate Uesugi-san's unchanging marriage?"
"That's a bit too much for me. If so, then, I'll celebrate the same unwavering bond you Nakano sisters share as well as for your continued health."
"Why are you saying that now?"
"It's not like you had a fight, right?"
"Yes but.."
Suddenly, two high-pitched beeps rang through the air. It seemed that our smartphones got a message the same time.
A wave of relief went through me as I opened the message and looked at the sent photo. Indeed, it seemed to be lunch over there as well.
The same photo seemed ot have been sent to Yotsuba as well.
There was a homemade cake and the Nakano sisters surrounded it with a smile. Smiles that haven't changes since high school.
The difference is that there were four people in the picture.
"You didn't go?"
The message of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" was printed in icing on the top of the cake in the photograph.
Today, after all, was May 5th. It is the birthday of my wife and her four sisters.
My wife actually asked if I wanted to join but when I do, she usually hovered over me protectively, too occupied to enjoy the festivities. As her husband, I wanted her to enjoy her birthday party with her sisters without worry so I rejected the offer.
"Because it's not mandatory."
"I don't think that's the same line you once said of five people who sticking together."
"Then I would have refused to come."
"If you're free to attend, you're free to not go. There's no reason to refuse."
"Then why didn't you, Uesugi-san?"
I didn't say another word as I poured another glass of wine for Yotsuba. She took a small sip before turning her gaze back at me.
"Uesugi-san would be lonely by himself, right?"
"Is the child me or you?"
"Shi Shi Shi…it's good either way, right? Children should get along with each other."
"You're pretty much one at the core, aren't you?"
"Isn't Uesugi-san the same?"
"I've felt that way for a long time."
As Yotsuba said, if I wanted to refuse, I should have refused.
It should have been only natural for me to refuse.
And yet, I still invited her over to my house to eat and drink.
I knew the reason for my actions. It would be a lie to say I wasn't happy to spend the day drinking with Yotsuba, the first time in a long time.
I couldn't say such things however as my mouth would tear from the guilt to my wife.
"In addition-"
It may have been because she was drunk but Yotsuba suddenly laughed, her cheeks blushed pink.
Her words caught me off guard.
Glossy lips shone like the skin of an indecent snake curved up like a crescent moon, more magical than any wine.
I couldn't help but feel like I'd been dropped into a whirlpool of confusion whether the Yotsuba in front of me is really the Yotsuba that I knew.
Or was it just something I haven't realized until now?
I swallowed every thought in my head as I drank the wine before me.
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I just wanted to know what kind of love this was.
Whatever it was, if it was love, I was willing to happily let it go.
I had no choice in doing so.
These inconsistent thoughts sat somewhere below, always drifting within me.
Around and around.
A spiral of thorns floating within me, always scratching from within.
When they hit me here and there, I wish I could just scrape it all off and have it disappear.
Staying distorted, my thoughts continued to grow, feeding my pain,
Leaving me full of roses
And now I'm drifting through my life, here and there.
Around and around.
.
"So, this is Uesugi-san's love nest."
I felt nauseous just speaking those words.
When I say it to myself, it had me recognize once more that these two people were not only engaged but already married.
The room showed n signs of childish taste. It was unexpectedly tidy considering my memories of the past. Even my room full of houseplants was very cluttered.
I wondered if the two of them sat on the sofa with their shoulders together when watching TV or Uesugi-san, being the kind person, he is, would go out with her to shop for furniture.
When I picked up the remains of the woman's scent in the room along with certain traces of life, the bottom of my stomach wiggled harshly. The door of the room was open and the insides could easily be seen from the living room.
An unpleasant feeling rubbed the back of my heart and so I turned my eyes away.
Even though such things were obvious, I couldn't help but feel disgust at my own stupidity at still getting shocked on seeing such things. My gaze found trouble resting when photo stands took up every place I looked.
A photo of a smiling grandfather and my sisters smiling.
I remember the last time we took this picture with my grandfather. Uesugi-san was the one who took the picture even. There were times when the two of them would talk to each other, perhaps he was already talking about marriage. He called my grandfather master and I'm sure grandfather liked Uesugi-san as well, so it was not uncommon to see them talking but at that time I didn't really care.
I couldn't help but feel like I had a cool face in the picture as my fingers lightly tread across the frame.
Next to it is a photo of Uesugi-san in a tuxedo and that girl in a wedding dress. There was also a photo of Raiha-chan, Uesugi-san's father, and my own. The face of my expressionless fathers against their smiling ones is slightly funny.
And, on a shelf lined up with DVDs and CDS, a place where one would put a prominent photo, there a was wedding photo placed.
I don't remember memories of hat day. Even if I tried my hardest to smile, I couldn't smile at all. Everybody gave their phones to the staff at the ceremony hall to take pictures for them as substitute but I asked one of my sisters to send it later because the staff seemed too busy.
She laughed finding it odd that I was worried about such things on a day like this but I didn't let it bother me.
I also imperatively deleted the sent photos so this was the first time I've seen this picture properly.
When I look at myself in the picture, I looked like I was smiling with the same expressions as the rest of my sisters. Did I manage pull it off or maybe the others weren't smiling with their hearts into it either.
I'm a horrible person for thinking such a thing.
"Shall we eat?"
Uesugi-san's voice called out to me. The hand holding the photograph stand was wet with sweat. I put down the frame with odd difficulty, not realizing just how much power I was putting into holding it.
I'm glad it didn't break.
"Uesugi-san made it?"
"No, it was prepared beforehand."
Of course, his wife would have made something. Uesugi-san was already used to getting his food from those Tupper wear after all.
However, eating that girl's food, served in the same way she'd serve it to Uesugi-san…
I bit down my lower lip, not feeling at all hungry.
"I have beer and wine but I also have whiskey and shochu given to me by my father."
"White wine! I'll open the cork."
Anything would be fine if alcohol could take my attention away from it.
"Sure. You're strong enough to anyways."
"Please have some delicacy."
"But it's true…"
"Even if it's true, it's too rude to say to a girl."
"A girl?"
"Ah!"
The cork makes a pleasant sound as it falls out. Uesugi-san's mouth curled up, as if showing off how easy it was for him. I like this rude prank-like smile of his. When I first met him, he was still blonde.
It was only this smile that I was able to keep for myself for a while.
I puffed out my cheeks once more. It's an easy to understand complaint. Between a man who has experience and a woman who has none, it may be acceptable to call the woman a girl. What kind of expression would he have if I told him such a complaint?
As I thought of such things, a finger extended and poked one of my cheeks.
My face heated up as if it was on fire. It was just causal skinship but it is too sudden.
How unfair.
His timing is so good I can't help bit feel jealous. He's usually insensitive and has no delicacy but his timing is good in important points.
It's a total foul.
I think that's one of the factors that my other sisters are still not married.
"…!"
With eyes filled with condemnation, Uesugi-san withdrew his hand as if he was shocked. I wonder if her felt my feelings? No, there's no way he'd be aware of such things.
"Uesugi-san?"
"It's nothing. Let's eat."
He brushed the top of my head quickly like one did a golden receiver.
I couldn't help but feel like I'm being treated like a child. I'm glad that his hand touched me but I feel like I've been misled somehow
As he set the table, these thoughts resurfaced in my mind and I knew I had to make my dissatisfaction clear.
"Muu…Uesugi-san still treats me like a child."
"It seems you've gotten sharper." He laughed almost mockingly as he poured win into my glass.
His smile made me angry… but I couldn't help like it.
"You're too obvious about it!"
"You're absolutely right."
"You should really learn to get better at it."
"I'll consider it if you take off that conspicuous ribbon of yours."
"Unununu. How slimy."
Well, even the current me knows such a thing which is why I don't wear it when I go to work.
However, whenever I meet up with Uesugi-san, I make always make sur to have it on.
Because I want him to know Nakano Yotsuba's intentions have remain unchanged since our high school days.
.
Change?
Exactly what was I planning to do?
That's ridiculous.
I can't go back.
I can't start over.
.
"Let's make a toast for the time being."
"Isn't it a bit too early?" Even saying that, I lightly raised my wine glass next to Uesugi-san's.
"I wonder why it feels so good to drink in the daytime?" I drank down the wine like water probably because I felt excited.
I always drank at a pub or at a shop, today it's in his house.
My mood was already uplifted just from the different scenery and time.
No, that's not the only reason I was excited
"I agree."
He offered me another refill which I happily accepted.
"It's just my own opinion but I think the sense of immorality adds a little spice to it."
"Sense of immorality…"
How surprising…
"Do you know what that means?"
"Ah! I'm being made fun of again!"
"No, I'm saying this as a person who knows the academic abilities of you sisters."
"What are you talking about? Of course, I know what it means"
Immorality.
Yes, that was the main reason for my mood.
While his wife is gone, I'm are spending time with Uesugi-san in her place, as if we were a married couple.
How despicable have I become? How lowly and shallow can I get?
"What kind of toast is this by the way?"
I ignored the loneliness within me and decided to change the topic instead
"What do you mean?"
"Because if it's after work, then it means that I worked hard all day today. If it's at a wedding, it means congratulations. But what about today?"
"Three's a lot. We could just pray for each other's health and success. In the first place, offering sake to the gods and the dead done in religious rituals."
"N-no, for now, do you want to celebrate Uesugi-san's unchanging marriage?"
A lie.
A lie that came from my heart.
A lie that made me nausea from saying it.
"That's a bit too much for me. If so, then, I'll celebrate the same unwavering bond you Nakano sisters share as well as for your continued health."
"Why are you saying that now?"
"It's not like you had a fight, right?"
"Yes but.."
It's not like I've seen the others enough to get into a fight. It was only natural how the more we moved forward, the more separated we became.
A sound suddenly rang through the room. It seemed both Uesugi-san and I got a message at the same time.
It's surely a message from my sisters.
I thought such things as I opened the message to see a photo. Four people surrounded a birthday cake. Ichika, Nino, Miku, and Itsuki were all smiling.
"You didn't go?"
"Because it's not mandatory."
The words I spat out were so cold I didn't recognize myself in them.
"I don't think that's the same line you once said of five people who sticking together."
"Then I would have refused to come."
I spoke as if the invitation from my sisters was a job I had to refuse.
I instead wanted to go to his house. Even if it was me, he should have been able to refuse. No, his position should always be refusal.
So, I'll pass on the fault to Uesugi-san.
"If you're free to attend, you're free to not go. There's no reason to refuse."
"Then why didn't you, Uesugi-san?"
When I told him, I wanted to go to his house, I heard a gasp over his phone. It was silent for ten seconds but he eventually said that I could stay for a few hours.
Did you not expect such a thing? Or maybe you were already expecting it?
He didn't refuse when I said I wanted to go over so I made that my own excuse.
Did he do the same?
"Uesugi-san would be lonely by himself, right?"
I can't help but be a little condescending.
It almost feels like we've accomplices.
"Is the child me or you?"
"Shi Shi Shi…it's good either way, right? Children should get along with each other."
Adults can be adults while the children should just play with each other.
It's fun to make secret mischief. Even if people would get angry at us later, such things will be forgotten while we're still enjoying it.
One can say that such ignorance comes from the lack of foresight from a child, but I like a child's ability to transform the excitement in doing naughty things into something fun.
.
"In addition, it's because I wanted to spend my birthday with Uesugi-san."
.
If that's the case, then it's fine if we remain kids.
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TN: Chapter 3 done.
No, The wife is a sister. I believe there are hints here and there but I'll leave it up to you to believe who it is.