Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the series. The original サヨナラを教えて series is owned by FOOO嘉
After entering university, I tried to find some part time jobs. More specifically, ones that let me move around as I'm bad at keeping still.
Finding one at a florist shop was perfect for me.
I liked flowers plus I didn't mind doing any heavy lifting. The only trouble I found was that my hands would get wrinkled and rough because I often watered the plants. Thankfully, I was recommended some hand cream to remedy it.
The shop was nearby the university Uesugi-san was attending so sometimes he'd show up even if flowers and Uesugi-san were not exactly, the best combination. In fact, I don't even recall him buying any flowers too often.
When I thought about why Uesugi-san visited so frequently, I came to a single answer. However, such an answer was too presumptuous or convenient for me so I tried to ignore it. When I asked everyone else, Nino said "Fuu-kun likes to spoil Yotsuba" while everyone else grinned while nodding so perhaps the overly convenient answer was, after all, the current one.
I'm wasn't sure that was what Uesugi-san felt though.
I didn't have any confidence in such thoughts but I was sure if any answer that didn't match my initial ones was the right one. Well, even if I thought about such things, there was no way to confirm it.
"Did you come to see if I was working properly?"
I couldn't ask such a question because it would have been too embarrassing.
If it was Ichika or Nino, they may have said it in a friendly way or, if I was Miku, she may have thought of it as sweet. If it was Itsuki, she would have purely asked without any self-awareness.
However, I'm not my sisters. I'm not smart, I'm not the type to be spoiled, and I'm a bit of a coward.
The only thing I can do whenever Uesugi-san passes by is to skip work at that moment. I could only so my best to avoid asking, "Why do you always come over?"
Whenever my part-time job ended early, I'd go out to eat with Uesugi-san.
It's natural for university students that had no money to not eat too much. I received an allowance from father, but when I remembered the trouble I caused during high school, I had a hard time using it. So, it was common for Uesugi-san and I to buy a cheap dinner and go to each other's houses to eat a lot of rice.
There was one such day where Nino caught the flu.
Both of our part-time jobs ended at the same time so it was time for us to eat some miso-simmered udon noodles mixed with green onion, chicken, and shiitake back at my apartment.
It wasn't important that Nino was sick.
She had told us about it on the LINE group between us sisters and I also knew that Miku, who lived the closest to her (rather, they shared the same apartment complex) would go over to nurse her.
What was important was that Nino's place position at the café she worked at was currently vacant. Ordinarily, there would be people willing to fill in. However, as it was Christmas, most of the employees weren't willing to sub. Even if they'd make money, they weren't willing to work on such a special night.
I asked if I could fill in and Uesugi-san nodded with a noodle of udon on his face.
I knew it was only because my sister was suffering from the flu so I was a heartless and disgusting little girl who thought herself lucky. However, even if it was just a part-time job, spending time with Uesugi-san on Christmas was too much of a hope-less temptation.
As I was apologizing to my sister in my head, I noticed that I was already selling cakes in a Santa Outfit next to Uesugi-san on Christmas day.
"Everyone looks to be having so much fun! It's so exciting."
"They're all just messing around with each other, aren't' they?"
"Typical Uesugi-san."
Uesugi-san the couples that passed but, in truth, I was the one who felt like I was messing around. More couples passed and, while it would be a lie to say I wasn't jealous, I still thought it was better being with the boy I couldn't confess to under the cold rather than spending Christmas by myself.
It was definitely worth it to sell cakes while occasionally chatting.
Actually, the most important part was not walking with a boy on Christmas but what came after. I definitely didn't say that as I'd then be told such things didn't fit me.
We talked about different things. How school was boring, strangers that came to our part-time jobs, that the price of vegetables was too high, how I accidentally bought a ribbon with the same pattern, about Uesugi-san's other friends. We laughed at how Ichika was able to get a role as an intellectual teacher in a recent drama.
.
The job passed in no time.
It was much easier than I heard it would be and I was paid generously by the store manager while Uesugi-san had a face like he swallowed something bitter.
After changing my clothes, I was given two cakes and checked the clock. It was still half-past nine. If I leave, I'll be able to return home around ten. I had money. I had cake. I was able to talk a lot with Uesugi-san and filled in for Nino.
I'd be happy to return home with no complaints, water my plants, take a bath, and finish the day in perfect form.
"Uesugi-san! Do you want to go shopping?"
Even then, I tugged at Uesugi-san's black scarf. His face pretty much said "What the hell are you saying?"
Indeed. What was I saying?
"Let's buy some chicken! It's a Christmas party!"
What was I talking about? All the shops were closed. Christmas was almost over so there would be no chicken left. Also, what…Christmas party? Suddenly dropping such a suggestion on Uesugi-san would be nothing but trouble. Why don't I even think properly? It's always like this. I'm almost crying with how much I hate myself right now.
Uesugi-san checked the clock. Surely, he must have been thinking how could Yotsuba think of such a thing and was preparing a sermon.
"We should go to XXXXXX supermarket. It should be empty at this time."
After a long sigh, Uesugi-san suddenly mentioned the name of a supermarket near my apartment. He said so as his eyebrows crinkled together.
You're not leaving?
My face felt like it did when I was about to cry, as if my feelings were all about to boil over at once. Was I really as genki as everyone called me?
Filled with joy, I took hold of Uesugi-san's hand and pulled hurriedly ahead of him. It was embarrassing to feel the warmth in my own transfer over to his. It was more embarrassing when we shared the same temperature but I couldn't let go without calling Uesugi-san's attention
We held hands until we arrived at the supermarket.
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[It's finally over!]
[Good work]
[Are your students finished too?]
[Somewhat. The idiot got tired]
After cleaning up the studio and checking my messages, I laughed louder than usual. It was clear how he cared even through such cold words. He hadn't really changed since his days as a tutor. He was a person who worked sincerely without holding back, after all.
Just a little bit, I felt jealous for his students.
[What are you doing now?]
[I'm choosing a reference book that even a monkey could understand]
[You're as dishonest as ever…]
[Leave me alone.]
[Fufufu]
I placed my phone down so I could change out of my work clothes.
I didn't want to be late.
.
It was a bookstore he always frequented. I stood close to Uesugi-san who was reading a reference book with a serious face. Even when I was within arm's distance, he still hadn't noticed.
"Ue~su~gi~san!"
"Oh."
When he finally raised his face, he immediately returned the reference book in his hand back to the shelf. It was much like a high school student who had been caught reading something naughty. I'm sure he thought I was teasing him.
The mood we had was quite out of place from the tense air of students studying around us.
"You won't buy it?"
"I've decided to recommend it."
He didn't say how long he's been waiting.
I didn't ask how long I'd kept him waiting.
Of course, we didn't decide on meeting so there was no set meeting time.
We only met after work to eat out together because it was convenient for the both of us.
That's the rule we made.
.
When we left the bookstore, the winter night felt cold to my skin. I could even see my own white breath melting away in the air. The illumination by the sights around us…just looking at it made me know it was Christmas. I didn't have the feeling at all until we I got her.
Thus, it was only after walking with Uesugi-san that I realized it was Christmas today.
"Let's go home after some shopping."
After saying a natural invitation to go to my place, I couldn't help but feel like an alien substance had just rolled off my tongue. I felt like they were words mixed in with other things. It was natural for me to say "home" because that was my apartment but my heart still rustled at the sound.
I don't' even know what I'm doing anymore.
When I stole a glance at Uesugi-san walking next to me, there was no reaction. Maybe, I should just pretend not to care?
"Alcohol?"
"There's still some left over but it may not be enough."
Uesugi-san asked as he took hold of my jacket and bag in one hand. It seemed that he had grown up with how casually such care came compared to how he used to be. At the same time, when I thought how he only did this because he was used to doing it to another woman, my mood couldn't help but sink.
I may be a bit unstable, to be honest.
"You want to buy some cake?"
"Do you have any reserved?"
He didn't answer, playing with his bangs. Such an easy-to-understand gesture was cute.
"Then should we buy some chicken?"
"Of course!"
"Hoh?"
When I saw Uesugi-san's grin, I immediately knew what he wanted to say.
"I don't think people count Chicken wings when they buy refer to a Christmas chicken."
"Chicken meat is chicken!"
"Kukukuku…"
Uesugi-san's shoulders shook as he laughed.
That day when we had gone shopping after returning from our part-time job, there was nothing in the supermarket as expected. The only thing we got were chicken wings with a half-price sticker attached.
For the time being, chicken was chicken, and it seemed my figure of throwing the chicken wings into our basket had was unexpectedly funny for him. It was unusual enough to see him smile.
Even though there were no customers, I didn't like being laughed at in the supermarket. I thought I would really kick him but seeing his innocent laughing face made me stupid too and felt that it was something I could bear with.
In the end, he at least showed some regret when I forced him to carry a bulging shopping bag full of leeks and chicken wings but I'm sure it still wasn't enough.
Even now, a few years later, he still liked teasing me about it.
"It's delicious isn't it!"
"Well, it's delicious for Christmas chicken wings."
"The soy milk hot pot is also good for the body."
"Collagen is also good for beauty too…pfft…hahaha."
"Mou! I'm not making it than!"
I turned my back to him
Of course, I knew that Uesugi-san wasn't that serious.
So, I just pretend to be angry.
A silly, kid-friendly exchange like this is so much fun and soothing.
It felt like we returned to those university days…before Uesugi-san started dating.
I fully recollected such emotions.
It was good way of getting rid of any guilty feelings.
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"Nnnn…."
When I pinched Yotsuba's sleeping cheeks as she slept, I couldn't help but laugh. Her sleeping face was sloppier and goofier than when she was awake.
It was much too defenseless so I couldn't help but smile.
Was this really the face of a woman in her mid-twenties?
"Your pace is always fast as usual."
Today, I watched her sleeping face.
.
On that same day a few years back, when we returned from our part-time jobs, the supermarket should have had all their products fully picked off as a hunting ground for vultures and hyenas. At the very least, there were leeks, good for protection against colds, which I threw into the basket.
It then that Yotsuba came back, looking like a puppy who wanted praise after successfully catching a thrown ball.
It was funny how instead of a chicken, she only had wings.
A Christmas party with no decorations and no chicken.
Only wings.
Just looking at how proud she looked, I couldn't help but laugh.
.
The hotpot was made from soy milk, chicken wings, green onions, ginger, and a few other things. It was delicious, more than I thought earlier, and it was warm enough to spread over my body that had been exposed to the cold for countless hours
It might have just been the sense of accomplishment at a job well done or maybe just the excitement of Christmas.
Anyone from my family, even myself, would have been surprised to see me laughing as I held a bowl and watched TV, something I didn't really do,
Raiha might have thought her brother's head had finally gotten a screw loose from all the studying I did.
Anyways, I'm sure I wasn't my usual self that day.
.
Much like now.
That's why I've been watching Yotsuba's sleeping face, cheeks red as she happily smiled like an idiot. I should have gone to sleep quickly, as well, or put a blanket over her so she wouldn't catch a cold and then leave as quietly as I could.
Yet I kept watching the sloppy, goofy, sleeping face of Yotsuba as I drank tea.
"You can't be a kid forever…"
If I thought about it, it had been a long time now.
From the time I started tutoring, our distance was already close. She was always careless and defenseless.
No, I've always been aware since we first we met in Kyoto. She'd always been like this. She'd get into people's hearts without permission and shake it up.
I was overcome by thoughts of how I was an unnecessary person and there just was no space within me for my loneliness, left to be forgotten.
Student.
My wife's sister.
Close friend.
First love.
She's gentle, innocent, unchanging.
I don't know what I want to do,
But all I know is that I want to cherish this.
I'm sure of it.
"You shouldn't be so defenseless…"
I gently brushed a strand of hair off her cheek with my fingertip.
A hand reached up to overlap with my own that had touched her cheek.
"Only in front of Uesugi-san."
Her eyes gently opened to meet my own.
I felt myself inhale.
Yotsuba's smile was like a flower blooming before me.
A smile as enchanting as sweet honey floated towards my lips.
My face approached, unthinking, to draw out such sweetness.
.
I felt a gentle touch on my cheek.
A soft sound that gently beat against my eardrum.
What kind of sound was this?
A warm sound.
A cherished sound.
What was this sound?
"You shouldn't be so defenseless…"
It wasn't a sound but a voice.
A warm voice.
A cherished voice.
My favorite voice.
Whose voice?
It's that person's voice.
The voice of the person I loved.
.
This was surely a dream.
It's fluffy, warm, and comfortable.
Besides, the way this important person touched me was so gentle that I wanted to cry.
It was too convenient. Too sweet and convenient for me so this must be a dream.
"Only in front of Uesugi-san."
If this was a dream, then there was no point in being shy.
I see. Uesugi-san's face was in a position where he was right before my eyes.
What a wonderful dream.
I shouldn't allow myself to be overwhelmed by a dream that's too good to be true although I still don't want to wake up.
Because it's a dream, I don't have to be shy. There's no need to hold back.
I brought my face closer to Uesugi-san's face so I could surrender to this floating sensation.
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It was only after several seconds that I realized that this was not a dream
TN: What the fuck is Fuutarou's problem with Chicken wings? I mean, yeah they're different from a whole chicken but it still sorta counts.