I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: going with the muse-liked flow and calling this a 'timestamp'. This is thee reason I updated the original title to this one-shot story and re-opened it as "in progress". There may be more musings in varying degrees of order. I don't know what else to call them.
Chapter 2: A study of Steve's feelings on/around/soon after C.J. arrives back in Oahu after Emily's made her tough decision.
H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O
Standing just within the doorway to the bedroom, Steve wondered if Danny would hate him or understand. He loved Charlie and Grace with his whole heart; he truly did. He'd lay his life on the line for either of Danny's kids no questions asked.
But he'd been Uncle Steve first. And now, despite the length of time which had gone by, he was still Uncle Steve. Greater - bigger than mere 'uncle' to be sure - and yet, always less than father. A very special partner to their father and good acquaintance to their mother. A confidante and protector. Someone they could rely on and have fun with. But assigned to a different plane.
Steve was fine with that, too; still was perfectly okay with it to be sure. The universe was working as it should.
Nonetheless, he wondered if Danny - and even the kids - would be mad if he tried to explain this other, deeper feeling he had towards C.J. He wondered if his growing sense of guilt was going to eventually eat him alive.
"Everything okay," Danny's whisper snuck up on him from just over his shoulder and Steve quickly nodded, feeling guilty about his private musings.
"Perfect," he managed to say. "They're both sound asleep."
"Still can't believe it, can you?" Danny said. There was a smile in his voice. A bit of laughter in the soft tone. "I really can't either. It's going to be different now with two six-year olds. A teenager."
"Yeah." Steve shook his head as he stood there staring at C.J., feeling that sense of protective warmth spread through his chest as the child flipped over onto his stomach in his sleep. Steve's smile was gentle as he watched the small fingers briefly move.
C.J. was dreaming. Maybe even 'talking' as his fingers twitched again. His lips moved and he smiled in his sleep; a happy dream then. Steve's private smile deepened. There was no way he could deny it: he did feel differently towards the boy and was desperate to rationalize it. Find some way to get over this new and very unexpected ripple of guilt.
Different wasn't bad. It wasn't a play at favoritism either. Maybe it was because of the child himself and what he'd gone through in his short life. How he looked to Steve first for every re-assurance where Grace and Charlie rightly had both their parents. He still didn't quite know how to say all that to Danny though. He fretted if he should even try.
"I felt the same way when Grace was born," Danny was whispering. "Like ... how could this tiny person really be mine, right? And with Charlie? Even though at the time I didn't know he was mine. When he was born, it felt almost the same way, you know? Almost. But when he slept over that very first night once we'd known the truth? I tell ya, it was like being kicked in the gut all over again."
Steve nodded once more, this time feeling his chest tighten up. Tears pricked his eyes as Danny wended his arms around his waist from behind. He lay his cheek against Steve's arm, saying nothing for a time.
"I get it," Danny whispered softly. "It's wonderful isn't it? And God, Steve. I love seeing you like this. I love more than anything in the world that you get to feel this, too. How I felt when Grace was born ... the way it felt with Charlie when I found out he was really mine. It didn't matter how old they were. I'm so so glad that this little boy is here ... now ... because there'd be no way for me to explain this to you ... and you deserve every bit of it."
Steve literally stopped breathing as he turned towards Danny. He looked into his eyes, incredulous in his love before he gathered Danny in, letting his tears of absolute joy simply stream down his face..
~ End. ~