February 9, 2006 12:24 pm
Bugs and the Warners resurfaced in the garden soil. Ahead of them stretched a long grass field bordered by short decorative hedges. The green open space held a centerpiece of a stone fountain with a statue modeled after Bugs in Valkyrie Brunnhilde garb. The bunny statue clearly associated with the cartoon 'What's Opera, Doc?' balanced on one foot like a ballerina, and poured carrot juice from a Viking helmet held with both arms. At the end of the yard was the white mansion, no castle, with red tower tips that seemed to touch the sun. On the west side of the property, the ground broke off into a steep cliff and a white stone staircase swerved down to the narrow beach. The sound of gentle waves and the smell of sea water could always be detected outside. Despite the benefits of a large property, ocean view, and every luxury he could ever want, it wasn't Bugs' favorite house he'd ever lived in. Honestly he still preferred his old yellow house with the fifty foot ACME carrot juice waterfall, which Chuck Jones specifically designed for Bugs. But this new place was a gift from Steven Spielberg and the Tiny Toon Adventures human crew. Plus Acme Acres turned out to be a nice neighborhood. Also the house was only four blocks from ACME Looniversity. And most importantly, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot had taken a liking to the house the moment they saw it. So Bugs decided to keep the place. But at the moment, Bugs' attention was far from the castle and the yard work.
Still on a mission, the grey rabbit practically kicked open the back door, and left the Warners loitering in the sitting area. Bugs toon sped through the house, holding Clyde's carrot/mango smoothie out in front of him, as if Clyde's life depended on it.
"Slow down, Balto. The serum race is over." Yakko remarked, taking a break from sipping his milkshake.
"You think Clyde's not that sick?" Wakko asked.
"Oh sure, he is. He's as sick as a zombie. But Bugs is still overreacting." Yakko clarified.
"Oh." Wakko said. The middle Warner then shoved the paper cup and what remained of his shake into his mouth. His cheeks temporarily formed into a cylinder shape before, Wakko swallowed the whole cup down. Dot gave her glutinous brother a sour look.
"Well, as entertaining as that was," She deadpanned. "I'm gonna go see if there's something better on T.V."
"We'll go with you." Yakko decided. Dramatically, he pointed to a corridor. "Come potato sibs! To the couch!" Simultaneously the Warners morphed into black potato-like blobs, keeping their original white faces, and bounced away to the nearest T.V. room.
"Boingy, boingy, boingy!" They chanted.
Suddenly the ringing sound of the hall phone distracted the Warners. Anticipating the relentless competition of his siblings, Yakko dove for the red 1950's styled corded phone on the wall, before Dot or Wakko could say
"I'll get it!"
Yakko knocked the phone off the wall, just as his siblings knocked him off his feet. The eldest Warner hit the floor on his elbows and knees. Before his siblings could get the upper hand, Yakko kicked his heals into Dot's chest and Wakko's mouth, keeping them at bay. Dot slipped around Yakko's foot, and tried to pin him down by jumping on his chest. But Yakko sat up, and blocked her attack with a sturdy gloved palm to her face. She stubbornly fussed and reached out, but Yakko was too strong. With both siblings held back at a distance, Yakko put the phone to his ear, and opened his mouth to greet the caller. To his surprise, someone still beat him to it.
"What's up, Doc?" Bugs spoke. Yakko paused in confusion. Was Bugs calling the house from inside the house? Then the real caller's voice sounded.
"Hiya, Bugs. It's me, Mickey." A lighter voice answered. Yakko slapped a hand over his mouth to resist making noise. He released Wakko and Dot, and motioned for them to listen in. They all put their ears to the phone. Yakko knew the chance of he and Bugs answering the phone at the same time was normal in its own unusual way. But Mickey Mouse, the head toon of Walt Disney Company, calling up Bugs Bunny to chat? Whatever mysterious force in the universe that allowed that to happen had captured Yakko's curiosity and kept it under lock and key. Yakko physically could not hang up the phone.
"I couldn't have guessed." Bugs replied sarcastically. "What's the hubbub Disney Parks side?"
"I've got big news. We got the rights back to Oswald's name and all twenty-six of his original cartoons! He's finally a Disney toon again!" Mickey rejoiced.
"Dat's great news." Bugs agreed.
"Yeah, we're having a huge celebration for Oswald at my place tomorrow night. Can ya come? I think Oswald would appreciate it." Mickey requested.
"I t'ink he'd rather appreciate watching me get hit by a bus, than me showin' up ta crash his party." Bugs predicted.
"Aw, c'mon Bugs. He doesn't hate you anymore. He got over that. It's way behind him." Mickey insisted.
"No one gets ovah da loss of dere kid, Doc." Bugs countered. Mickey was silent for a moment.
"Sorry, Bugs." The mouse apologized. "I just really think you should be there. This never would have happened if it weren't for your help in '83." He praised.
"Yeah, and Ortensia would still have dat inkwell if it weren't for me help in eighty-t'ree." Bugs countered. "Sorry, Doc. But I don't wanna open old wounds." He declined.
"Alright, Bugs. I understand. But the invitation is still open for you, Clyde, and the Warners if you change your mind." Mickey accepted.
"T'anks, Doc." Bugs stated.
"Well, goodbye Bugs." Mickey signed off. The Warners heard a click on the other end of the line. Dot and Wakko backed away, but Yakko still held the phone to his ear; frozen and intensely pondering several questions in his mind. Since when was Bugs friends with Mickey Mouse? And what exactly did Bugs do that was so... debatably bad? What does '83' stand for? What did Bugs mean about the loss of a kid? Who is Oswald? Why does he hate Bugs? And most importantly, was Bugs even going to tell Yakko and his siblings they were invited to a party? Eventually Yakko pushed himself off the floor, and returned the phone to the receiver. Since Wakko and Dot were still awestruck from the suspicious conversation, Yakko let his impulse to chat break the silence.
"I'm... lost to the exploration of possibilities that could come from this." Yakko spoke up, dumbfounded.
"Yeah, that was strange. Maybe we should talk to Bugs about it." Dot suggested.
"Nah. We don't wanna give the impression that we spied on him. We'll wait 'till after he takes us to the party. Alright?" Yakko planned. The eldest Warner looked to both his siblings for their input. Or at least he tried to, before realizing Wakko was gone. Yakko's eyes searched up and down the corridor. Though he already knew his brother was on his way to blab the whole situation to Bugs, giving the rabbit the perfect opportunity to think of an alibi. "Wakko!" Yakko grunted.
Meanwhile far upstairs, Wakko leaped out the wall via a portable hole. He quickly peeled the black spot off the wall, and stored it in his gag bag. Steps away from him, was Clyde's bedroom with the door propped open. Wakko kept his back to the wall, and listened for Bugs' voice.
"Who was on the phone, Uncle Bugs?" The ill rabbit questioned.
"Elmer Fudd." Bugs responded instantly.
"Really?" Clyde checked.
"Yep." The rabbit said without a hint of deceit in his voice. Wakko bit his tongue with clenched teeth. Perhaps Bugs only meant the white lie as a joke. But the fact of the matter was, Mickey Mouse invited Clyde as well as the Warners. Bugs tricked his own nephew, out of attending the party. Thus, he surely wouldn't hesitate to deceive the Warners the same way. If Wakko didn't know any better, he'd suspect Bugs was trying to cover something up. Then to Wakko's surprise, the rabbit sidestepped out into the hallway. "Hang on just a minute, while I..." Bugs started. He paused when he noticed Wakko. The Warner's eyes dropped to the black rotary dial phone in Bugs' hand, and then followed its cord to the floor and all the way to Bugs' bedroom. "Hey, kiddo." Bugs greeted. "Did ya need somet'ing?" Wakko returned his attention to Bugs.
"Um... no." Wakko replied nervously. He couldn't stand to see Bugs lie to his face. So the phone call, was temporarily disregarded. "Did you need something?" Wakko countered. The rabbit smirked. He began to gather the phone's electrical cord as he walked. Wakko followed at his heels.
"Well dere is one t'ing, but I don't wanna put you kids t'rough the trouble." Bugs dismissively shrugged.
"Why? What is it? Oh, please tell." Wakko begged, falling for Bugs' ploy. The rabbit opened his bedroom door to Wakko, so they were out of Clyde's hearing range. A carrot themed chandelier brightened the room and its light golden-yellow walls. The polished wooden floor covered a wide perimeter around his king sized bed, then dropped down three steps into an entertainment center with a couch, T.V., and stereos. Bugs skipped the short stairs, and hopped over the backrest of the couch. He then set the rotary phone on a cube shaped legless table beside the couch, where it belonged.
"Well, Clyde could use some cheering up right about now." The rabbit told, picking up the conversation. "And one movie dat's always done dat for 'im is Who Framed Roger Rabbit." Bugs explained.
"That makes sense." Wakko commented.
"However, insert plot device here." Bugs continued dryly. "We left th' VHS ovah at de old place."
"Why didn't you ever go back for his favorite movie? Or just buy it again?" Wakko wondered.
"We left a lotta t'ings in boxes ovah dere. An' call me old fashioned, but dere's no sense in buying an old movie on DVD when your VHS copy woiks just fine." Bugs moralized. "Anyway, if yer interested, you, Yakko, and Dot can take tunnel number four to de old house. And if ya have any trouble findin' da movies, just ask the help. He should be in today." Bugs instructed.
"I don't think he likes when you call him that." Wakko pointed out. Bugs rolled his eyes.
"He knows I rib." The rabbit justified. "So are ya in?" Wakko bowed his head in thought. On account of Bugs' shifty phone call, getting out of the house seemed like a very good idea at the moment.
"Yeah." Wakko answered. "But we've never been there before."
"Don't worry. Just take hole number four. It's a simple path. Ya can't go wrong." Bugs explained. "Here's a key." He offered, tossing the bronze key to Wakko. "And don't take too long." The rabbit advised. Wakko kept the key cradled in the palms of his hands. As he walked out the door, Bugs caught Wakko's pout out of the corner of his eye. Double taking at the Warner, Bugs then noticed how the young toon slouched and drooped his tail. Finally Wakko slammed the door behind him. "What'd I say?" Bugs asked out loud to no one. The rabbit hurried off the couch to check on the usually cheerful Gookie faced toon. After all, what kind of guardian was he to send his charge off in a mood, without so much as asking 'what's wrong'? Bugs threw the door open, but when he looked around Wakko was nowhere to be seen. He began a sprint to stop Wakko at the garden. But he halted at the sound of a familiar muffled cry.
"Uncle Bugs?" Clyde called as loud as he could with a congested nose. The rabbit sighed.
"Coming, sport." Bugs called back.
Another portable hole away, Wakko landed right about where he thought his sibs would be. In the family room connecting with the kitchen, Yakko and Dot lounged in giant blue and purple bean bag chairs that nearly engulfed them. Yakko lazily flipped through channels until a familiar two tone 'clang' made him stop on Law and Order: SVU. Wakko tugged on a black bean bag chair in the corner of the room. Noticing the hushing sound the bean bag made, being dragged over the carpet, Yakko and Dot turned their heads towards Wakko.
"Hey! What'd ya say to Bugs?" Yakko excitedly inquired. Wakko squeezed the black bean bag chair between his siblings' chairs, and laid upside down on it.
"We're not going to the party." Wakko moped.
"Why? Are we grounded?" Dot gasped.
"Did you tell him we were spying?" Yakko interrogated, pointing an accusing finger at Wakko's nose. Wakko swatted it away.
"No. He just doesn't want us to go." The middle sibling snapped. He folded his arms and tightened the frown on his face. Yakko turned down the volume on the T.V.
"Start from the beginning." Yakko requested. "What'd he say?"
"Bugs lied." Wakko stated coldly. The two words quietly dwelled in the heavy atmosphere, until Wakko continued. "He told Clyde, Elmer Fudd was on the phone." Wakko reported. Yakko and Dot scowled to each other in confusion and denial. "He's not taking any of us to that party." Wakko finished.
"Elmer Fudd?" Yakko deadpanned. Having heard Mickey Mouse's voice with his own ears, the excuse sounded down right absurd to Yakko.
"The double-crosser. I'll bet he'll leave us home just so his date won't see four kids biting at his ankles all night." Dot imagined bitterly.
"That might be a legitimate scenario, sister sib, if it weren't for one detail." Yakko disagreed. Though he wouldn't say he gave Bugs the benefit of the doubt. The rabbit was obviously hiding something. "Bugs is the one who doesn't wanna go to the party. Remember, Oswald or whoever hates him." Yakko recalled. Those simple words gave Wakko an insightful thought.
"If he hates Bugs... What if he won't like us either?" Wakko worried.
"No way! We're too cute to be hated." Dot expressed. "And Bugs is just being too Mother Hen to let us have a good time."
"Or he's keeping us out of trouble. But who's to say, unless we met Oswald?" Yakko droned. The eldest Warner perked his ears up at the sound of his own words. It was so simple! Yakko sat up in his chair. "And why don't we?" He blurted.
"What?" Wakko questioned.
"We haven't met a 'special friend' yet that we couldn't handle, right?" Yakko lead.
"Right." His siblings followed.
"So what are we afraid of? We'll sneak out tomorrow night, dance, mingle, and chow down. And if Oswald gives us any trouble, we'll crash his party!" Yakko beamed. Wakko smiled back.
"I'm in." He declared, punching the air in front of him. Dot and Yakko stared awkwardly at Wakko's fist, which he refused to withdraw. "You're supposed to touch it." Wakko explained.
"Goodnight, everybody." Yakko jested.
"We know, Wakko. But it's so cliché." Dot sighed. Wakko mustered his cutest puppy eyes to Yakko. He curled his left arm and legs into a fetal position, while still holding out his right fist. Yakko rolled his eyes, before grasping onto Wakko's fist to stop his brother's begging. Dot followed suit, sealing their pact. Satisfied, Wakko took back his hand, and rolled upright on the bean bag. All the ink flow to his brain was giving him a headache.
"So what do we do now?" Dot asked.
"Well, before tomorrow night, we gotta dig up more dirt on Bugs and Oswald or Mickey if we wanna figure out that phone call." Yakko deduced. Wakko pulled out Bugs' bronze key from behind his back.
"I think I know a way." Wakko announced.
At the start of their journey, the Warners took off like speeding bullets down the pre dug tunnel from Bugs' castle in Acme Acres to his old mansion in the looney countryside of Toontown. However, by the time the Warners arrived, they tiredly dragged their knees in the earth.
"Take hole number four, he said. Don't take too long, he said." Wakko moaned. He crawled under Yakko's legs and laid flat in the dirt.
"Hey!" Yakko yelped, as Wakko's tail unintentionally brushed his underside.
"He never told me it was so far away." Wakko complained.
"We won't get anywhere if we throw in the towel now, sib." Yakko stated. "How ya doing back there, Dot?" The eldest Warner hollered over his shoulder, expecting her to be lagging behind.
"I'm right here!" Dot shouted at the same volume, though she was right at Yakko's heels. Yakko cringed at the noise. "And I'm fine, thanks for asking. I don't know what Wakko's problem is." She relayed in a sweeter tone. Wakko groaned at her. Yakko shook his head, and maneuvered over Wakko to keep crawling. His feet ached from kicking at the tunnels curved walls to spring himself forward, and his wrists hurt from leaning on flat hands the last half of the way. But he was still far from rolling over on his back, and waiting for Bugs to rescue them. A few meters further, Yakko's excellent night vision identified a square of opened soil covered by a cement block.
"Hey, sibs. I think we're here." Yakko alerted. He scrambled forward, and tried pushing up on the block. But it wouldn't budge easily. Straightening out his spine, Yakko used the full strength of his legs and lower back to steady him, whilst he attempted to lift the block with both arms. This time, the cement block gave way just enough for a sliver of sunlight to pour down on Yakko's face.
"Need any help?" Dot piped up.
"No. I've almost got it." Yakko huffed. Suddenly highly pressurized puff of air stung Yakko's eyes. He yowled in pain, and ducked down to dodge a second blast. Thinking he'd been sprayed with mace, Yakko cried without restraint to cleanse his burning eyes. Wakko and Dot barely had time to breathe, let alone ask what was wrong, when black smoke blew in from the tunnel walls. The two younger Warners latched onto Yakko, screaming in terror. Adrenaline pumped through Yakko's veins. With his vision rendered useless, and his siblings pressing him against the wall, he lost all sense of control. Despite all of the gags, weapons, and toon tricks at his disposal, Yakko truly felt trapped.
"I can't see!" Dot cried.
"I'll light a match!" Wakko spoke up urgently.
"Wakko! Wait a minute!" Yakko warned. But it was too late. The cramped space lit up from the glow of Wakko's single match in hand. Of course in typical Warner Brothers animation tradition, the smoke instantly cleared so the Warners could see the tunnel walls were lined with dynamite sticks.
KA-BOOM!
The Warners rocketed from their prison high into the air, leaving a trail of smoke behind them. Instinctively their bodies relaxed, and settled in for the elevator ride. They knew panicking and squirming would only fasten their inevitable drop. As the kids rose in altitude, Yakko studied the grand house Bugs had sent them to. The yellow structure resembling a Jenga tower topped with an observatory dome, unsteadily hung over a rocky peak. One of the many outward reaching cubic rooms shaded Bugs' beloved carrot juice waterfall he'd mentioned often to the Warners. Suddenly Yakko's eyes caught sight of a familiar face watching them from behind a terrace railing. He froze in place, and hooked his arms around his siblings so they could break the law of gravity simultaneously. Wakko and Dot noticed their old friend and shared Yakko's relief.
"Buster!" Wakko exclaimed.
"Hiya, toonsters." The blue rabbit greeted. He leaned his elbows casually on the miniature fence, crafted into a boarder of double B's. "Dropping in for a visit?"
"Trying to." Yakko answered. "But first, help a toon out." He pleaded, holding out his hand. Buster hopped up on Bugs' initials, took Yakko's hand, and reeled the Warners in. The trio glided over the railing, and landed safely on the terrace.
"So, fell for the old smoke bomb under the stairs?" Buster socialized.
"One of us more than the others." Dot glowered in Wakko's direction. Yakko checked over his shoulder for the damage. Behind the carrot juice spouting rocks, a grey and green area was set aside for a garden surrounding a narrow carrot shaped pool. This concrete pool inside an organic garden inside a concrete enclosure, atop a flat rock face, spoke volumes about Bugs' taste. At least to Yakko it did. While following the stone stairs that wrapped around the whole property, Yakko spotted one square that left an open hole and black scorch marks around its edges.
"Yeah. I think we deserve an explanation on that one. Because, last I checked, Bugs wasn't determined to kill us." Yakko remarked. Buster gave a nervous toothy smile.
"Sorry, guys. I did that." The blue rabbit confessed.
"What?!" The Warners yelled.
"What kind of idiot booby-traps Bugs' tunnels?! And the only one to his old house!" Dot emphasized.
"Bugs' orders." Buster explained. "Incase burglars tried to rob one house, he didn't want them getting a free ticket into the next one. And that isn't the only tunnel between the houses. If you took the safe route, you would've ended up over there." Buster pointed far from the house by the edge of the paved courtyard, at an iron gate with a carrot shaped door. The annoyed and tired middle Warner clenched his teeth down on his tongue. Bugs really needed to be more specific about directions. Maybe that was the reason the looney rabbit couldn't follow a map.
"Great. I can't wait for the next surprise." Wakko griped. Buster smirked as he walked over to the sliding glass doors leading into the house. In one corner sat two white buckets, one overflowing with suds. The blue rabbit continued his work where he left off; dipping his hand in a bucket, fishing out a rag, and brushing the rag across the glass. The Warners gawked at the rabbit. Of course they knew Buster's situation. Bugs hired Buster to take care of the house after Bugs moved out. It started out as a summer job, until Buster realized with Tiny Toon Adventures and Animaniacs canceled, his acting career was practically over. So he still nurtured and guarded the house he could never call home, all for the biweekly pay. Finally seeing what their lively and talented friend had stooped to, really hit home for the Warners.
"So, what brings you out to the unofficial Bugs Bunny Museum?" Buster questioned, not taking his eyes off his work. Yakko recovered first.
"We're looking for a movie Bugs left here. And some secrets as a side project." Yakko replied. Buster washed away the last of the soap bubbles, tossed the rag aside, and pulled the door's 'B' engraved handle far to the left. The past Tiny Tune stepped inside, and waved his arm to invite the Warners in.
"My pleasure to be of service." Buster recited.