Clarke was sitting in her room, starring at her phone. She still had some pictures on there from her previous life, happy ones. Her favourite was of Lexa and her. They were lying in the park watching clouds talking about the future. Both fresh out of college not knowing what they want to do.

5 years ago

"What do you think you'll do now Lex?

"Hmm not sure honestly. I want to explore the world. You, Clarke?"

"I want to see the world too. Let's go together?"

"Sure Clarke. Where to first?" Lexa smiled.

"Japan."

"Really? For how long have you been sitting on that."

"I don't know, I have always wanted to see it."

Lexa and Clarke laughed, they knew neither of them would travel that far, but they have always wanted to go something together, just them.

They both got up and started to talk to their cards. Clarke had been worried all they long and Lexa knew there was something on her friends mind. She also knew pushing it was never a good idea. Once they reached Clarkes car she stopped and turned around.

They looked each other in the eyes conveying their hidden feelings.

"Lexa, you know how I feel about you right? Clarke asked her, leaning forward.

"I really don't Clarke."

She leaned more forward, and whispered in her ear, "I love you." Clarke pulled away and kissed Lexa on the lips. Their kiss was quick and soft, but Lexa melted. She didn't know how to react and just stood there frozen.

"I have to do something, but I'll see you later okay?" Clarke said and turned around.

Lexa nodded, but kept starring at her friend. They have kissed before, always intoxicated. This kiss though was filled with unspoken feelings. She didn't know how to handle it and wanted to run. She has been in love with Clarke since the day she met her. This was the start to a new beginning.

Clarke sighed, she remembers everything from the day of the accident. Every mistake she made, the only right thing she did was kissing Lexa.

Lexa got off work and thought about going to Ravens, she knew Octavia would be there and honestly she needed some time for herself. Costia thought she was going over to Ravens anyway, she might as well find some alone time.

She found her way back to the park, the park that holds so many memories for her. They are all good memories, but brought back so much pain. She could see Clarke every where here. Seeing her after 5 years got to her, more then she wanted to admit. Lexa would sit in the park to torture herself, sometimes because of the things she could have done to make Clarke stay, other times because she was so in love and couldn't see what was going on.

In hindsight it was obvious, Clarke and Finn. All the times they disappeared better yet reappeared together. Raven and Finn fighting, pulling away from each other. What no one saw coming was them getting in an accident. The web of lies from them started to fall apart, everyone getting hurt in the process. No one got out of this without harm.

She let herself sink in the grass, starring at the clouds. Now Clarke was back, no one knew for how long, no one spoke to her. Lexa knew she had to stay away, for herself and her relationship, but she couldn't. She needed to know what happened.

Lexa took out her phone, dialling the number she used to call when she was a teenager, Clarke's home number.

"Hello?"

"Clarke?"

"Lexa?"

"Yes, can we talk?"

"Of course, when?"

"Now?"

"Sure, where?"

"The park."

"Okay, I'll be there in a few."

Lexa heard the reply and hung up the phone. Her heart was racing, her palms sweating. She wanted to run. What the fuck was I thinking?

Raven and Octavia were sitting on the couch watching some silly movie, laughing together, enjoying their time together.

The last few days things have been strained between them. Raven was still hurt and trying to ignore the jealousy, but she couldn't help smiling her friend did everything to spend time with her.

"Rae, can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What, no of course not."

"Then why do you keep pulling away?" Octavia asked motioning between them. They used to nearly be on top of each other watching TV, granted that was 5 years ago, but still now a whole person could sit between them

"I am sorry, I just, I need time."

"For what?"

"For myself I guess. This is all weird. We barley spoke the last few years, and now Lexa and you won't leave me alone."

"We are just worried about you."

"I know, but soon I'll be working again. I need to move on. I have been stuck the last 5 years, I have to move on O."

"And I am so proud of you, for working on yourself, but please don't push me away again."

"I can't O. We are friends, of course we are. I just went through too much shit."

"Then tell me Rae. You never speak to me about it."

"I can't it's hard."

"I know, but you need to open up."

"I know." Raven wanted to say more, but she couldn't. The only thing she could do was move closer to Octavia and rest her head on her shoulder.

Speaking about the pain she went through was hard, but maybe she could show how she feels through physical contact.

Clarke was sitting in her car, tapping her fingers against the wheel. The second Lexa called her, she dropped everything. Something must be wrong, none of her friends have reached out since she has gotten back, not like Clarke thought they would. Out of all the people to reach out it was Lexa, and the place to meet, their place, the park.

Clarke got out of her car, trying to swallow down her nerves. Every bone in her body felt exhausted , scared and nervous. Whatever happens next, will define her future.

She slowly walked up the narrow path, to the small open space her and Lexa always sat on, surrounded by trees with a clear view of the sky. Where so many times they poured they hearts out to one another. She spotted the brunette sitting in the middle of the patch, starring at nothing in front of her.

Now or never.

Clarke walked up to Lexa and sat down beside her.

"Lexa."

"Clarke."

"Thanks for call..."

"Don't. It wasn't a good idea." Lexa interrupted and got up.

Clarke reached out trying to reach her arm.

"Don't touch me Clarke."

"Sorry, Lexa. Please just listen to me, 1 minute." Clarke pleaded, hurt showing her in eyes.

The brunette seemed to have a battle within herself, she wanted to know what Clarke had said, but it was too hard to see her. Before she could keep going Clarke started talking.

"I know I messed up, I didn't just mess up, the accident happened because of me. I wanted to do the right thing, but Finn, he just wouldn't let me."

Hearing the boys name, made Lexa feel sick. She felt her stomach cramping up, her colour draining out of her face. Lexa didn't think hearing his name from the blondes lips would still make her feel this way.

"I don't want to hear it. I can't."

"Please listen, I couldn't do it any more. I broke it off with him. I didn't want him. I hated him. I resented him and myself for what we were doing. I knew Raven was dating someone, but not who. I met Finn, I was upset and we ended up in bed together. It didn't mean anything. Once I found out Raven was dating him, I told him it had to stop. It did."

"Please Clarke, stop."

"No Lexa you need to hear this. He never told me he was dating. Once I knew I stopped it."

"So what! You were in the car with him."

"Yes, we were arguing, I wanted to tell Raven what we did. He didn't. We argued and fought, he lost control of the car. I couldn't live with myself any more. I knew once I kissed you, I had to be with you. I love you Lexa."

"No, you never did, you slept with him."

"I know I did, but I couldn't face my feelings for you. I tried to distract myself, but you were always on my mind."

Clarke said crying, Lexa just stared at her not saying a word.

"I broke everything. I want to mend things. I want to move on. Please say something Lexa." She begged.

"It's been 5 fucking years Clarke. 5 years of pain and agony. How do you think I felt huh. You kiss me tell me you love me and then run off to be with Finn in an accident." Lexa yelled.

"I was meeting him to tell him we had to come clean."

"It doesn't matter. You should have told us, the second you knew who Finn was. Not hiding it from us, from Raven. Me"

"I was scared, I fucked up. I didn't know how to be honest."

"Simple Clarke you just come out and fucking say it. I am done, I heard your story and now you won't see my any more. I hope you got some kinda satisfaction out of this and leave us alone."

"Lexa please. Don't leave like this."

"What did you expect? That I'd forgive and forget?"

"No, but that... I don't even know."

"Have a good life Clarke." Lexa said walking away.

Clarke watched her leave, a loud cry erupted from her throat. She really has lost everything. The one person she always had in her corner, walked away from her, just like she did 5 year ago.

Lexa kept her head held high, until she knew that she was out of the sight from the blonde. Her knees gave in and she collapsed on the grass. Seeing Clarke, hearing her, it was too much. She hated Clarke, she never wanted to see her again. Clarke broke her, she never got over it.

She put her hand on her chest.

I love you Clarke.

Authors note: So what did you think? Some more insight I hope and hopefully you enjoyed the chapter, Thanks for reading :) I did play with the idea of memory loss, but took a different road since I need Clarke to remember what did happen.