Costia has been calling Lexa for awhile now, but all her calls and texts where ignored. She even tried Octavia to see if she was still there, but Lexa left a while ago. She was worried, her girlfriend never just disappeared but things have been different since Clarke showed up.

She was angry, everyone was keeping something from her, she didn't know the whole story and she was sick of it. Costia wanted to spend her life with Lexa, but currently it all seems so complicated, she wanted to run and hide.

After a few hours, the door opened, Costia jumped up from the couch seeing Lexa stumble in, drunk.

"Lexa? Where have you been? I have been worried about you?"

"Hey baby, sorry. I was busy and then had some drinks."

"I can see that. Busy with what?"

"Uh, I was with Octavia."

"Bullshit. I called her, she said you left."

"Come on Costia, I don't want to do this now."

"Seriously? You just lied and just brushed it off like it's nothing. What is going on babe?"

"I don't even know Cos. I am tired, it's all been too much, with Raven stuff."

"I get it hon. But please don't lie to me, don't make me look like a fool."

"You aren't a fool. I am sorry I lied. I just can't speak about it."

"Is it about Clarke?"

"Yes." Lexa breathed and closed her eyes.

Costia didn't need to know more, she hugged Lexa, kissed her cheek and turned around to go to their bedroom. She couldn't look at Lexa now, first she ignores her, lies, is drunk and something happened with Clarke. She didn't need to know more, she couldn't.

Clarke was sitting in her room, lights turned of starring into oblivion. Seeing Lexa, trying to explain and hearing what she had to say was too much for her. She mentally kicked herself for thinking the conversation was going to be better. Clarke should have known, Lexa hated her. They all hated her.

Meeting Finn back then was such a rush, she was hiding her feelings for Lexa and thought being with Finn would 'fix' her, there wasn't anything to fix. She should have followed her heart and not her mind. Being with the boy felt wrong, nothing felt right about him. She didn't care that he would randomly leave or say mean things to her. Clarke felt like she deserved that, being treated like dirt, because that is how she felt.

Raven kept going on about some guy she has been seeing, it didn't even cross her mind that this was 'her' Finn. When Raven finally got them all to meet the boy of her dreams, Clarke nearly passed out. In front of her was Finn, the guy she has been sleeping with, the guy she has been hiding from her friends, the guy who was a dirt bag. She wanted to yell and smack him, but he pretended like he didn't know her and she was stumped not able to utter a word.

The next day she met up with him, telling him this cannot happen again and they need to come clean to Raven. He yelled at her and told her to shut up. Throwing every bad thing she thought about herself into her face. Threatening her with pictures and videos, showing them to the world. She was a Med student at the time and couldn't have her career compromised. So she went along with him. Pretending they didn't know each other. In the start it worked, no one knew any better.

After a few weeks of charades she had enough, she wanted Lexa, she was ready to admit this. They met in the park and after the kiss, she knew this was it. She had to come clean to every one, no matter the aftermath. She went to his place, telling him he can do whatever with the pictures and videos, she didn't care, she was going to tell Raven. Clarke knew he must have been cheating on Raven even after they stopped, that is just what kind of guy he was.

Clarke wanted to be free of the lies, not just about Finn, but about her too. He played along, saying they will tell Raven together, but that was a lie. Once they were in the car, he told her she wouldn't get out of it alive if she told anyone. It scared her, but she was done being scared. They started fighting over the wheel, yelling at each other. This is when it happened, they missed the red light and crashed with another car from the left. It impacted on the driver side, everything went dark.

The next thing Clarke remembers is waking up in the hospital pain surging through her body. Next to her was Lexa holding her hand, looking at her worried and happy the blonde was awake. The next was when everything fell apart. Raven was heartbroken, Finn was dead, he didn't make it. One on side Clarke was devastated, on the other she was relieved, no one needed to know.

While the four friends where sitting in Clarkes hospital room, Raven checked her phone only to see pictures and videos she couldn't believe. Finn made sure Raven would know what her friend was doing behind her back. She got up and threw her phone at Clarke, who just looked at it in disbelieve. The other two women had no idea what was going on, until Raven started to yell, Octavia taking the phone into her hands and looking at it.

This was it, the last time all four of them where together. After that Clarke was alone in the hospital for weeks. None of her friends came to see her, she didn't blame them. Once she was finally discharged, Clarke decided to leave. She couldn't be there any more. At first she tried to reach out to them, but they never replied. During the accident her hand got crushed and her dream of being a surgeon like her mother shattered. Everything around her was destroyed and she could only blame herself.

Now she is back home, trying to fix her friendship, win the girl she loves back, but it all seems impossible.

Octavia and Bellamy were sitting together at his place, having their weekly dinner. Their relationship has been strained over the last few years, but they still tried to meet up and hang out. 5 years ago, Bellamy tried to protect Clarke, tired to make the others see there was more to the story, but they didn't care. Eventually he did take his sisters side, but he knew there was more. After Clarke left there were so many questions with no answers. Everyone mixed together their own story without the full picture. He knew the blonde wasn't a bad person, hell she was the kindest person he know. Clarke just got caught up in something, she couldn't get out.

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"Who?"

"Clarke, who else." Bellamy said, he knew brining up the blonde wasn't a good idea, but they had to get over it.

"No I haven't. I thought about it, but with Raven it's not the right time."

"It never is O. She is back now, now you can ask your questions."

"I don't need to ask any more. I know what happened."

"No you don't! You and everyone else just closed their eyes. Clarke was a mess before the car accident."

"So what, she could have talked to us. We would have listened."

"Really? I doubt it O."

"Stop being on her side. You are my brother, you saw what she did."

"I saw the pictures, but I don't think they were voluntary. You know this."

"No I fucking don't. She fucked Ravens boyfriend, told Lexa she loves her and then ends up in a car with the guy, where he dies."

"You are so stubborn O. Do you really think Clarke had a choice?`You said it yourself, she told Lexa she loves her. She always has, even when she was hiding it from everyone."

"Stop it Bellamy. I am done talking about Clarke."

Octavia got up from the table and walked onto the balcony. She took a deep breath, she knew Bellamy was right on some level, but she couldn't betray her firneds. She took Ravens and Lexas side, but never listened to Clarke or tried to reach out. She was contempt with loosing her best friend.

Bellamy got up next to her, he didn't say anything. They just enjoyed a few minutes of silence taking in every feeling they were having.

"I will call her O. I need to know, Finn was my best friend. I need to know what happened."

"I know."

When Clarke met all her friends, Bellamy was a package deal. Wherever Octavia went he came too, he was the older, but not cooler brother. He was protective and always thinking in one straight line, he didn't accept anything but his way. The more he hung out with his sister and her 'loud friends' as he called them, he realized his way wasn't the only way.

He saw Clarke as this girl that needed protection, but she really didn't. She was strong and fought for her beliefs and her friends. At one point he started to develop more deeper feelings for her, even tried to ask her out, but Clarke made it clear she wasn't interested. He took it well and appreciated her honesty. In the end he became some kind of confidante for her, apparently just not enough.

Bellamy watched his sister fall apart and her friends loosing their way. Octavia was someone who always wanted to make everyone laugh, once she couldn't she felt isolated and lost. She withdrew from everything. Lincoln seemed like he helped, but it didn't last. Bellamy felt like a failure, he couldn't protect his little sister or her friends. He lost his best friend, who turned out to be a monster.

He was playing with his phone deciding if he should call the blonde. When he saw her not too long ago, it felt like he couldn't breathe. His anger and hurt was bubbling to the surface, but he saw how broken the girl looked like and his brotherly instincts kicked in. Now he was going to confront her, to know the whole truth.

After what felt like hours of deciding he got in his car and drove up to the Griffin house. He thought calling her, would make her say no, figured showing up would be better. Bellamy also knew she wanted to reach out, she wasn't hiding any more.

Sitting in the car he looked at the house, he remembers dropping the girls of there, or picking them. Dragging a drunk Clarke once into the house, not being caught by Ms. Griffin. So many memories, all good and fun ones.

He walked up to the house, knocking at the door. This has to happened, he has to know.

It took a few minutes before the door opened, Clarkes face shocked.

"Bellamy?"

"Hey Clarke. Can we talk?"

"Uh sure, come in."

They walked into the house to the kitchen.

"Do you want some coffee?"

"You got anything stronger?"

"Sure." Clarke said and grabbed the bottle of whiskey her mother had.

She poured to glasses and handed him one over. He nodded in acknowledgement and took a big sip, refilling the glass.

"I need to know Clarke. What happened in the car?"

"Please Bell. Let's not talk about this."

"No Clarke, I need to know. I need to know what happened. No one knows the whole story, there has to be more."

"Of course there is, but what is the point? It won't change anything."

"You don't know that Clarke. Please tell me everything." Bellamy pleaded grabbing Clarkes hand.

She looked at him, tears in her eyes. Starting to recall every moment leading up to waking up in the hospital.

The more she talked about it, the more angry Bellamy he got. Once she got to being in the hospital with her friends seeing the pictures, he had tears in his eyes. He was angry, sad all these emotions he couldn't deal with.

"Why leave Clarke? Why not explain?"

"I tried Bell, but they wouldn't listen. I didn't blame them. I had to get away and do physical therapy. Deal with my own pain, my own loss."

"I get that Clarke, but 5 years?"

"I was scared, I didn't know what to do. They hate me, you know this."

"They don't know the whole story. If they knew, they'd understand."

"They wouldn't. I tried. Raven closed the door in my face. Octavia didn't even see me. Lexa, she walked away. I told her and she left me."

"Wait what? You spoke with Lexa?"

"I did, it didn't go well."

"Clarke, things have been different since you got back. Better. You need to try again."

"I am scared."

Bellamy got up and took the blonde in his arms.

"It will be okay, I promise."

Authors note: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought about this chapter :)