Chapter Twelve: Adjusting

Dear Tenten,

I hope this message reaches you well, though I hold little doubt since my last one did. Thank you for your kind words regarding my mother. Though it pains me to think about it I try my best to remember the good times.

Kira paused, her pencil stilling on the paper in thought. Glancing to her right, she looked at the picture of her family from years ago that lay a mere foot from her on the desk. Kira found herself wishing she'd taken the time to get more photos taken with her mother, or more photos in general. Now, this single image and the few mementoes she'd taken from her old home were all that she had left of the woman that had raised her.

The young ANBU sat at her desk in the room that was now completely unpack as of two days ago. It was a lot larger then the room she'd had before and the rather small amount of decor held within it made it look more like a hotel room then one used by the same person every day.

Maybe Temari had a point.

Kira bit at her lip glancing outside, the large window giving her a good view of the night sky. The moon was high; showing how late it was, yet Kira couldn't sleep. Her mind raced in too many directions and so, knowing she would have a busy day ahead of her, she took the time to write back to her friend in Konoha before too much time had passed.

Looking back down, she moved her hand to write again, feeling as though she could truly write what she wanted to the weapon user. The girl had become someone she could truly confide in.

There is a part of me that is glad for her passing, since my mother lived through two wars before this one and I'm not sure what another would have done to her. She would have worried, that much I know, because I would be in the middle of it. I still can't quiet wrap my head around it. The Fourth Great Ninja War. It is bound to be different than the others, given our alliance, but I will admit I'm unsure of what is to come.

What do you think?

How is the rest of your team doing? I feel like I never really got to thank them for everything before. I hope we can see each other again soon, before the war.

A sigh escaped her mouth and Kira shook her head, setting the pencil down. So much about her life had been thrown upside down upon returning from her mission. The absence of her mother, a new home, new job and then tension of an approaching war being most of it.

The gentle rapping of knuckles on wood drew her gaze to her door. She hadn't closed it, preferring to do so only when she slept or changed. In the doorframe, hand still raised to rest on part of it, stood the only other person crazy enough to be up at such a late hour.

"Oh, hey Gaara," she greeted, giving him a small, tentative smile. She had trouble really smiling lately. There had been so many changes, and so many upsets Kira had a hard time finding much to smile about.

"You're up late again," he noted, nodding to the window as if to back up his statement. Kira raised her eyebrows, giving him a look that clearly said 'you're one to talk'. He might have had an excuse but Kira still found it funny what he would comment on such a thing.

"I'm just trying to get some stuff done before things get busy tomorrow," she answered gesturing to the paper. "You can come in, you know." It was kind of strange how Gaara never entered her room without her inviting him in. Maybe he wasn't sure if she wanted him to. It could have been simply a gesture of respect for her privacy – though she had said she didn't mind unless her door was closed, something Kankurō had learned the hard way – but Kira wondered if there was more too it then that.

The redhead stepped inside, walking over and sitting on the edge of her bed. She should really get more then one chair in the room, she noted and realized she should probably do some shopping in the days to come.

"You got a letter a few days ago, is something wrong?" He looked pointedly at her half-written letter and Kira shook her head, not really minding his curious prodding. He'd leave it alone if she asked, but there was nothing really sensitive or embarrassing about it.

"I made a friend when I was in The Leaf. We've just been writing back and forth, keeping in touch," Kira explained and when Gaara looked at her questioningly she looked down, biting her lip as heat spread over her face. She wasn't sure why that embarrassed her at all. "Her name is Tenten. She helped me find where I was supposed to go when I got lost in the village. She's part of Rock Lee's team."

The air got tense at the name and when she looked at him again there was a mixture of guilt and regret in his eyes. Shifting she turned around in her chair, straddling it backwards and laying her arms over the top watching him shift his weight as if uncomfortable under her gaze. "He told me what happened you know, between you two. He offered to walk me to my Inn one of the nights I was there and took the opportunity to ask about you. He wanted to know how well I knew you, and if you'd ever really forgiven yourself for what you did." She rested her chin on her arms waiting a moment for him to say something. When he remained silent, his eyes looking else where, she continued. "He hopes you will, because he already has."

Gaara met her eyes again at her words, his eyes widening a fraction in surprise. Kira could understand his reaction. From what Lee had told her, Gaara had not only almost killed him, but had almost ended his career as a shinobi as well. It hadn't really surprised her; she'd known what he was like back then. All he'd cared about was himself, and it mattered little who got hurt. That's why his father had used Kira to prevent unneeded deaths.

"You've known what happened for a while then," Gaara spoke finally, carefully, as if he were walking on thin ice and one wrong word would send him into the frozen depths. "Yet you haven't treated me any differently, even though I hurt a friend." Sometimes Kira wondered, when he asked these things, if he was waiting for her to simply snap and leave his life forever. She felt her face soften and she lifted her head from her arms to speak.

"I think we can both agree I've probably seen you do worse," she pointed out and his shoulders tensed, but she tried to hold his gaze, tried to fight back the want in her mind, the almost need to look away. "I've told you already how I felt about that. You don't have to worry; I have no intention of ever turning my back on you. You're my leader Gaara, but you're also my friend. Neither of those are things I wish to see change." Gaara nodded his head, eyes still wide and Kira looked away again, cursing herself for her weakness. She was getting better, she could tell. After a few moments she added to the silence, "I met Naruto while I was there."

"You did?" That peaked his curiosity, and thankfully distracted him as Kira had hoped. She nodded her head, resting her chin on her arms again.

"I was heading out of the village when I ran into him and his two teammates. I'd briefly met Sai days before and he had instigated a conversation. The medical ninja… Sakura, I think? She was healing Naruto who looked like he'd gotten the shit beat out of him." At a perplexed look from the redhead Kira shrugged. "I have no idea…and I didn't ask either. Not my business. He asked how you were though, once I told him I was a friend of yours."

Kira honestly wasn't sure how she felt about the Hero of the Leaf. Sure, he was interesting and his personality glowed with a light that seemed to draw people in. She could see why he'd been able to make an impact on Gaara's life. Yet there was something about him that left her uneasy, as if she needed to speak carefully around him.

"I spoke with him briefly at the Summit," Gaara informed her, causing her to raise a brow in surprise as she glanced to him. Maybe her distraction hadn't work as well as she thought, because once more he looked troubled. "I informed him of Sasuke's attack on the Summit, and tried to sway him to see reason. He must realize that one cannot save someone who doesn't wish to be saved."

Kira frowned, looking at the ground in thought. She didn't have any hope for the rogue herself, and she probably would have tried to kill him if he appeared here now, after what he'd done, but she could see Naruto's reasoning. "It must be hard for him, " she muttered. "He must have had a very close bond with that boy, perhaps stronger than any other he's had. To give that up, to except that Sasuke had thrown it away…" Kira let her thought hang as she pressed her lips together.

She'd never had a bond like that, not really. Sure, Aya and Kankurō were close to her, the later even like a brother. But she'd never had a bond with someone who had accepted her as she was, when they themselves had suffered just as much, or more.

Except… did she?

Glancing at Gaara again, she took his moment of distraction to question herself. Perhaps she was wrong. It might have been a new friendship, only a few months long; but Gaara had accepted her without hesitation, much like she had for him.

How much would it hurt for him to abandon her now?

Probably not as much as it had for Naurto, who'd spent years with the Uchiha, but it would hurt. A lot, Kira realized, and bit her lip. She wondered if he felt the same, if he treasured their friendship like she did.

Tomorrow she would be starting her new roll as his guard, something that would feel much like putting on a well-worn pair of boots. It would be different though, because he would know she was there, and she wouldn't have to hide all the time. It would be a different experience as well.

Gaara rubbed at his eyes the way he did when he was frustrated and overwhelmed. He was looking at the bedspread he sat on, the dark purple and sky blue of the tie-dye brightening her room. After a few moments she hesitated and then spoke an idea that had been festering in her mind for a while. "Do you want to try?" At her question Gaara looked to her, confused and she felt her lips twitch. "Sleeping I mean. You might feel better, and it's not like you have anything to worry about, the one tails is gone so…"

"I…" he hesitated, looking awkwardly around the room. Kira felt the smile tug up onto her face before she really understood she was doing the action. It didn't feel strained in that moment, it felt normal, easy. Gaara caught her look though and stared for a moment as if her smile surprised him as much as it did her. Then after a moment he simply shrugged. "I could try…"

The next few minutes were the most ridicules moments Kira had ever had as she explained – or tried to – how someone went to sleep. Once they were in his room – it was huge, with quite a bit of decor that was shadowed since Kira had left the lights off – she'd told him to get comfortable in the large bed that really looked like it had never been used. He'd lain on his side under the covers, facing away from her as she sat on a stool near the head of the bed. He was restless and Kira had to stifle a laugh when he asked her what he was supposed to do now.

"Do you trust me?" she asked and his replying nod was given without a moment of thought. It made her smile again. She'd never given any really thought to it, but he really did trust her. He'd let her stay with his family, given her a job no one else besides his own family had even had. He did trust her, with his life.

Raising her hand she paused for a moment wondering if she should reconsider. Yet, what else could she do? She wanted so badly for him to finally, finally be able to rest. So instead of pulling back when every fiber of her wanted to she reached out and touched his hair. She felt him flinch under the contact before relaxing again and slowly, she moved her fingers though the dark red strands, over and over again. It was like a trance then, and a song she'd only heard on one other's voice peeling out of her own in a hum.

It was a low, calm tone, one that reminded Kira of days long past. Of nights when she'd been little and would wake up from nightmares she couldn't remember and yet would cry and cry till her mother came in and pet her hair and sang to her. Kira remembered many nights of that and could almost hear her mother singing the words as her lips vibrated the tune out in perfect accuracy.

It took a very, very long time, enough so that Kira had hummed the tune five times over, but once she was half way through it once more, she heard the change in his breathing, the steady, long draw of air that was unmistakable for one who'd fallen into the world of sleep. Slowly, she pulled her hand away from the rather soft hair and peeked over, a smile finding its way onto her face as she saw was his eyes closed.

Kira felt exhilarated by the sight and knew somehow she'd managed the impossible tonight. Not wanting to risk waking him Kira let the shadow of the room take her and in the blink of an eye she was back in her own room, having jumped from shadow to shadow as easily as breathing.

Taking a deep breath she felt sleep drag at her finally and sat down heavily at her desk. She would finish her letter and then get some sleep. At least now, she mused, she knew just what to write.

…

The papers on his desk seemed to have multiplied three times over since the alliance for the Forth Great Shionbi War came to be. Piled high in careful stacks around him, he wondered if people really realized that being a Kage wasn't what it was cracked up to be. Gaara stared blankly at words he wasn't reading on the next document in his hands.

It was only barely past noon and all he wanted to do was bury every single paper under the sand and forget about them. Couldn't people figure out some of this on their own?

The short tingle of chakra alerted him to the return of his raven-haired friend and bodyguard. Kira stepped from the shadows painted upon the far wall, the darkness slowly slipping away from her as if they were spider webs. She wasn't wearing her mask at the moment having just gone into town, the wafting smell of food telling him before he even really looked at her that she had been successful. She held two containers used for carry out orders from a local restaurant, and to his amusement, Kira also held the end of a dango skewer in her teeth, the three colorful balls slowly starting to sag on the far end of it.

She walked over the edge of the desk quickly, setting down the container for him on the only clear spot before using her newly freed hand to save her treat. Gaara honestly didn't understand why his sister and Kira liked that food so much. He found sweets to be distasteful and rather unsavory.

"Got your favorite," Kira spoke, eyeing the box. "Salted tongues and all." By the way her nose scrunched up at the words he could only assume they both were wondering the same things about the other's choices in food. He couldn't fathom why, his was so much better then dango.

"Thank you," he replied and sat down the unsigned document and reached for his food. He needed a break anyway. She nodded her head and moved over to the couch on the left side of the room, placing her box – or rather, large cylinder – of food in her lap and setting the skewer to the side for later. Popping often the lid she was greeted with pork and shrimp Raman, still steaming hot.

It was quiet interesting that Gaara's two closest friends both seemed to enjoy the same kind of food. He supposed she enjoyed it because it seemed familiar. As Gaara ate his food silently, his eyes looking over a piece of paper but not really reading it, he mused over that thought.

It had been a bit of an unsettling start for Kira when she'd moved into his family's home. She'd never lived with as many people and she certainly had never had a maid or cook. The first morning she been there Kira had walking sleepily into the room used as an extra kitchen and dining area and wondered around before simply looking confused. It turned out she'd been looking for the fridge to find something to eat to which his brother had snickered and his sister had looked concerned and explained that the chef would have something out for them soon. The chef had asked later that day to provide him with a list of meals she normal ate so he could fix her things in the morning she'd enjoy to which had apparently been startling to the girl.

Another incident had occurred later that week when she inquired to him if he had any idea what had happened to her clothing hamper. When Gaara had guessed that the maid had taken it to do laundry Kira had blinked, bewildered and then simply said, "oh…"

While a bit amusing to Kankurō, Gaara had worried about her rather easily seen distress for the first few day of her stay with them. Slowly though, thankfully, Kira had adjusted and soon enough fell into an easy routine at his family's home, now her home as well.

This part of her life, Gaara recalled, appeared to be the easiest adjustment for her. Being a bodyguard for him wasn't all that new to Kira, though the premise had changed and she wasn't constantly out of sight from him anymore. He could tell she missed her team at times and spent a great deal of her off hours with them. Gaara knew he would still require her to go on missions with them in the future, so that seemed to quell whatever sadness she had about it.

After over two weeks since she'd moved in, Kira had become a normal part of his daily life, often fetching food for them if only to make sure he ate something during the day. She stayed in the room, normally sitting on the couch and keeping herself busy, but knew when her job required subtly escaping into the shadows whenever another entered the room or when Gaara went to a different part of the building or village. She was meant to be the silent unknown defense for him to most, and only appeared to others when he called upon her, mask always in place.

"Hey Gaara?" her voice broke his thoughts and Gaara looked to her. She was staring at her food, chopsticks in hand, unmoving halfway between her mouth and the bowl. She shifted a bit, seeming distressed for a moment before finally speaking again. "Kankurō mentioned it to me, and, well I'm starting to think he had a point." She glanced to him and Gaara wondered just what his brother had done this time. Last time she'd acted like this it had been because she'd been upset about a new puppet Kankurō had shown her.

Not that Gaara could blame her. Using Sasori's puppet body must have brought up memories and thoughts about the place she'd been trained – the scorpion section – as the puppet master had a hand in making it what it had been before Gaara had torn it down. Kira had since gotten over it, if only because she saw the benefit in using such an advanced weapon, but he knew it still bothered her.

"He thinks… well, I think, maybe we should consider sparing with each other," she said quickly, her eyes on her food again. "If we're working together we should be able to fight together, and how can we if we don't have any idea how we fight?"

It was a good point, Gaara acknowledged. While Kira had watched over him while he had grown up, seen the violent way he'd fought and crushed others, his fighting style had changed dramatically over the last few years. Comparatively, Gaara had next to no idea how Kira fought other then what he'd seen when she'd used her tonfa's in a sparing match with Shura, as well as seeing her use her shadow abilities a few times, though never in battle.

The idea worried him though. As far as he knew, neither of them really knew how to hold back when sparring. ANBU never did as it was the best form of training, and Gaara had basically never sparred with anyone given his power and place in the village. An all out fight could turn out badly and worry ate at him as he envisioned hurting her on accident in the heat of the moment. He had more control than that, he reason, but it didn't stop him from reliving what he'd done to Rock Lee.

He meant to speak his worries to her, but they were interrupted when a sharp knock sounded from the other side of the door. In an instant and with flair of chakra hardly even felt Gaara found Kira's spot empty, her food nowhere in sight either. She was truly a ghost in the room, he thought off hand and set his chopsticks down before turning his attention to the door.

"Enter."

A ninja walked in, bowed and then held out a scroll. "Lord Kazekage, a message has arrived from the Village Hidden in the Clouds."

Gaara nodded his head and took the scroll from the ninja, who then went on to explain what he knew. Eyes flickering to the empty couch, Gaara knew he'd have to speak with Kira's about her suggestion later. For now, it appeared his time would be spent doing more paperwork.

Such was the life of a leader, much to Gaara's dismay.