The past month went by quickly but at the same time, it seemed like it went on forever.
Once they found out they were going to Cabo, they were all over the moon thrilled and immediately started looking for a house to rent on the beach. They opted to all stay together in a house rather than separate, expensive hotel rooms. The cost was significantly cheaper plus they had tons of space in the house.
Once they booked the rental and had their flights scheduled, they had to get Sophia a passport but we're told for a child it was a pretty easy process. The entire cast already had one so it was just Sophia's they needed to get. A week later they got an appointment to get her photo taken and temporary information while they waited another week for her passport to be available for pickup. The girls were glad when that was taken care of because it would have been a mess if there had been any delays with that.
While planning the beach vacation, they also had some other news...
The week after the trial, Nata and Heather had taken a home pregnancy test after Sophia had gone to bed for the night. Unfortunately, there was no baby. Naya was devastated because up until then they had never experienced that feeling of failure before. With Sophia, it seemed so easy because, despite the hormones she had to take which drained her, she got pregnant on the first try. She expected this time to be just like that but I guess that was wishful thinking. She must have been slightly naive to think this would always be a first try success thing for them.
After that devastating news, Heather held Naya the rest of the night allowing her to vent and let out all of her frustration, anger, disappointment, and heartbreak.
A week after their negative test they went back to visit Dr. Laine and opted to try again and started the second round of hormone injections for another two weeks before implementation. Naya tried her very best during this time to keep her spirits up, especially around Sophia but even the little girl could tell something was wrong. She knew her mami but her little brain was having a hard time understanding. Naya and Heather never told Sophia what happened, because one, they had no idea how to, and two it was so hard to talk about.
June 19th, 2019
The group was leaving on the twenty-first in the early morning for their vacation. They all decided to get crazy and just leave for a month and come back the third week in July. They were all off work and the ones that they would be hanging out with over the summer were all coming on this trip so it was perfect. Heather and Naya's family had planned to come out to Cabo the first or second week in July and just spend a few days with them and have a little mini-vacation. A few of the crew's other parents were also planning to come for a weekend or a few days during the month that they are there. They were all so excited to have a month-long vacation in Cabo.
It's been a month since they started hormone injections meaning it was time to take a test tonight and see if they were lucky this time around. Naya needed it to be positive this time because she doesn't know if she can do that again.
Heather was in the kitchen with Sophia setting the table for dinner and they were talking casually until Sophia went out to the patio and grabbed a pink flower from one of the potted plants and came back in to set it beside the plate where Naya always sat. Heather looked over at her daughter and smiled but was a little curious because of the look on her daughter's face.
"Whats up sugarplum?" Heather said making Sophia smile at the familiar nickname before the frown hit her face again. Sophia just shrugged and Heather pulled out a chair for her daughter and patted on the cushion before taking a seat herself in the chair next to her daughter. "Talk to momma, little love. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Heather asked while leaning forward and tucking a piece of hair behind her daughter's ear. Naya is listening from around the corner and is heartbroken whenever her daughter feels troubled or sad. She was so close to going in there but didn't want Sophia to tense up since she seemed really close to telling Heather what was wrong.
"Is mami sad?" Sophia said heartbreakingly and looked up from her hands in her lap to her momma's matching blue eyes. Heather knew that Sophia was picking up on Naya's heartbreak over the past month because the one poignant rule in their house is to never hide their feelings and not be ashamed of how they feel. Naya was trying so hard to keep her happy demeanor and most of the time she did amazing and would only break down at night around Heather, but it was weighing on her, and Sophia being the intuitive little girl she always was, picked up on her mami's sadness.
"What makes you think that baby girl?" Heather asked and Naya looked down at her hands. Now not only did she feel like a failure at conceiving a child, but now she felt like a failure for making her daughter sad and worried because she couldn't get it together enough around her daughter that now she's noticing her sadness too.
"I know my mami, momma. She's super sad but trying to hide her feelings. We don't do that because being sad is okay, right momma?" Sophia said and Heather let out a little smile and got up from her chair to kneel in front of her daughter instead, placing her hands on her little knees.
"Baby girl, you are absolutely right, it's bad to hide your feelings no matter if your angry, sad, happy, or hurting because all feelings are important, right?" Heather said and Sophia nodded with a small smile.
"Right, momma," Sophia said and Naya could barely handle it anymore without feeling like she wanted to break down and bawl. Naya rounded the corner and smiled at the two girls as best as she could. Sophia and Heather looked over and Sophia reached her little hand out making Naya's face light up. She grabbed her tiny outstretched hand and kneeled next to her daughter just like Heather was. Heather rubbed her wife's back and Sophia leaned forward to place a kiss on her mami's cheek before sitting back up.
"Do you feel sad, mami?" Sophia asks still holding Naya's hand and Naya was just about to deny it again and make up some bullshit excuse but one look at Heather urging her, to be honest, made her look back at her daughter and nod subtly.
"I am a little sad baby, and I'm sorry I worried you. Mami will be okay." Naya said trying to sound much more confident than she was. Sophia had a look that said, nice try mami.
"Mami, can we snuggle tonight and talk about our feelings?" Sophia says seeming way more mature and grown-up than a little four-year-old girl. Naya looked at Heather before turning back to her daughter and nodding.
"Yeah, baby girl. We can do that." Naya said reluctantly. She wasn't a huge feelings person and she tended to bottle things up until she exploded which was the opposite of Heather and most of the time for Sophia as well. Naya was glad she took after Heather in that aspect.
"It's a date!" Sophia smiled making both of her moms grin back at her. This is the only kind of date she will be having for thirty years. Naya made this rule which Heather enforced. Poor Soph.
After dinner, Sophia was allowed thirty minutes of quiet time where she watched an educational based show or video that her moms had approved. This just allowed her to unwind from the day but it was long enough between dinner and bedtime because they never allowed screentime right before bed. After all, it would just keep her up.
During the time Sophia was distracted by the tv, Naya and Heather decided it would be a good time to just take this damn test and get it over with. Naya originally wanted to wait until late tonight to do it but all she was doing is pacing around and packing her suitcase and unpacking it for the hundredth time just to kill time. Heather finally had enough and had to put the love of her life out of this misery whether it was good or bad news.
"Honey, let's take this now so we can just relax tonight, the not knowing is driving you crazy, my love," Heather said and Naya sighed from where she was folding and putting stuff back in her suitcase and groaned looking up at the ceiling.
"Yeah, okay. I think I've repacked this bag like eight times already..." Naya sighed and Heather kneeled next to her and grabbed her hands helping her up. She placed both of her hands on her cheeks and looked into her wife's eyes.
"No matter what happens we will give Sophia a sibling, okay?" Heather says and Naya nods reluctantly. They both head to the bathroom and glance back into the bedroom to make sure Sophia is still entertained by the tv that's across from their bed. She was leaning against a stack of pillows against the headboard and had her blanket draped over her and her bunny sitting in her lap where he could watch the show too. They both had to smile because she looked so damn cute but then they turned back to the bathroom and they knew what was coming. All Naya was doing is having flashbacks of the last time they took a test and she cringed at the thought of having to do this again. Hasn't she been through enough shit lately? Why can't something good happen for them?
Heather could tell her mind was spinning and grabbed her wife around the waist from behind and just kissed her neck in a way that always seemed to calm her down. Naya hummed before turning her head enough to kiss her wife on the lips and opening the top medicine cabinet to pull out a pregnancy test. Naya always got the ones that said, pregnant, or not pregnant. She despised the line ones because it was always a guessing game trying to figure out if it was a second line or was it not. She needed something to just tell her flat out and not mess with her mind any more than it already was.
"Do you want me to step out until your done, love?" Heather asked moving towards the door but Naya shook her head frantically.
"Please don't leave me. Please stay." Naya said and Heather nodded with a small smile and sat on the edge of the bathtub while Naya did what she needed to do. Heather continued to caress her thigh and arms to keep her calm. When Naya flushed the toilet and went to wash her hands at the sink she grabbed a few tissues and laid the test face down on the countertop. Heather stood and wrapped her arms around her wife from behind while she was at the sink not wanting to be disconnected from her wife at all. Naya always needed that closeness to feel safe and right now she needed that reassurance that Heather was right there with her.
"You are incredible Naya. I'm so proud to be your wife and the things you do so that we can have a family is more than I will ever be able to thank you for. You, my love, are everything." Heather said and Naya wiped a tear before bringing her hand that she just dried off around the back of her wife's neck and kissed her lips.
"I love you so much baby, I'm so sorry I've been acting like this but I never experienced rejection like this the last time. You know I've failed at many things whether it be auditions, career, relationships, and the list goes on and on, but the feeling of failure when you can't do this is so much deeper. I'm really trying to be strong, especially around Sophia b..." Naya rambles and Heather wastes no time in bringing her in for a secure embrace.
"First of all, the last thing in the world that my wife is, is a failure. I understand how you can get there though because this process can be pure hell until we get that result we want, it's exhausting, draining both emotionally and physically and that's all for me, Honey, I can't even comprehend the effects this must-have on you and you are allowed to feel any and every emotion that you feel and our little girl is wise beyond her years and knows that. I want her to always feel like she is safe with us in sharing any feelings that she has and she won't learn that it's okay unless her mami also knows it's safe. I know emotions and feelings aren't comfortable for you and that's okay, but when you are struggling, honey, it's okay to tell me and if Sophia happens to see her mami sad, it's okay because sometimes we all feel sad." Heather says and Naya leans against her and nods just as the stopwatch that Heather set on her iPhone goes off and she presses stop to turn off the noise.
"All you, my love, go ahead," Heather says softly and Naya takes a deep breath before picking up the test and turning it over. Naya instantly collapses into Heather's arms and shakes her head, Heather looks at the test and sighs.
Not Pregnant
"You're okay, love. You're okay. Shhhh" Heather coos and holds her wife tightly. "I'm right here," Heather says and holds her wife like this for what they can assume is a couple of minutes but felt like forever. Naya leans her head back and her read tear-stained face is breaking her wife's heart.
"I failed again! What am I doing wrong, the fucking accident! They told me I was okay! What if something happened they didn't see?!" Naya said with an unimaginable amount of hurt and devastation lacing her voice that broke Heather's heart. She hated that Naya was blaming herself and her body.
"Hey, beautiful. You are okay. You've been checked so many times and the accident didn't cause any damage. Sometimes this happens and there's no explanation or reason. Just like there was so special reason it happened for us right away the last time. Each one of our babies will come exactly when they are supposed to, my love. Their incredibly stubborn like you." Heather smiled and it made Naya smile. Hearing her wife tell her that their future children will all be born whenever they are meant to, was comforting.
"I love you, baby," Naya said leaning against her wife's chest as she stroked her hair. They knew Sophia's show would be over shortly so they figured they better go back outside since they promised her cuddle time.
"I love you more. We will have another beautiful baby." Heather assured and Naya took a shaky breath and nodded before chucking the test in the trash and walking out with her wife into the bedroom. Sophia turned her head and had a smile on her face from the show but instantly frowned because it wasn't hard for anyone to tell that Naya had been crying.
The tears started rolling down Naya's cheeks and she instantly turned her back to her daughter cursing herself and trying to wipe them away. Heather grabbed her hands and shook her head,
"It's okay baby, we will explain it as best as we can so that she can understand. It's okay for her to see you cry, love." Heather said and when Naya and Heather turned around Sophia was standing on the bed with her arms wide open with a little frown waiting for her mami. Naya choked out a sob and walked into her daughter's embrace who was now taller than she was since she was standing on the bed. Naya wrapped her arms around her daughter's waist and Sophia put her arms around her mami's neck and petted her hair softly.
"It's okay mami. Me and momma are here." Sophia said sweetly and Naya cried in her daughter's arms. She tried her best to stop and pull herself together, but that sweet little voice and the empathetic little girl that reminded Naya exactly of Heather was just too much and she couldn't stop the tears. Heather rubbed her wife's back and winked and Sophia nodded with a smile that she was doing a good job helping her mami. Sophia gave her a small smile in return before pulling away enough to sit back down on the bed and pat the middle of the bed with her little hand.
Naya scrunched up her eyebrows and tried to shift the little girl to the middle to she had room to sit on the end but Sophia shook her head and pointed to the middle of the bed.
"Nope, mami, you sit between us so we can cuddle you." Sophia smiled and Naya couldn't help but smile in return and shake her head slightly at the precious girl she was beyond lucky enough to call her daughter. There is truly no greater title she could have than being her mother.
"Baby girl..." Naya wiped her eye as the little girl smiled and held out her hand.
"Come on, mami, come on momma," Sophia says as she lays in bed and waits for both of her mommies to get in the bed in front of her. Heather lays down first and both of Naya's girls playfully pat the spot between them and Naya can't help the smile on her face. Naya crawls onto the bed and scoots up so she's laying on a couple of stacked pillows up against the headboard. Sophia then reaches down towards the foot of the bed and grabs her blankie and bunny. She moves to her knees and drapes the blanket over Naya because according to Sophia, her blanket is magic and fixes everything, bless her heart. She also puts her bunny beside Naya and then sat cross-legged by her mami's head and kissed her cheek before her little hand started massaging and playing with her hair. Naya smiled and wiped her eyes because her girls were the greatest gifts in her life. "Why are you so sad, mami?" Sophia asked and Naya looked at Heather for her to explain because Heather always seemed to be good at that. Whereas Naya would always get more flustered, probably use words that are way too complex for a four-year-old to understand, or find some other way to screw it up.
"Alright, my little love, so you know how mami and I were working really hard on getting you a new baby brother or sister?" Heather started and Sophia nodded with a smile. "Well, honey, it's been a little tough and your mami just found out that there isn't a baby in her belly yet," Heather said softly and Naya wiped some tears with her long sleeve cotton shirt she was wearing. Sophia frowned in disappointment but she seemed to realize that her mami and momma needed her so she took a completely different approach than the typical four-year-old might. She didn't say it wasn't fair or throw a tantrum about not getting her way, she didn't do anything that would make her moms feel worse, instead of proving to both of the women that their daughter was truly something to be admired.
"Oh. Mami is that why you have been so sad?" Sophia frowned and Naya gave her a small nod in reply.
"Yeah, baby, mami really wanted to do this for you because you were so happy. I wanted to do it for momma too and even for me. I just don't like to let my girls down." Naya admitted and Sophia and Heather both leaned down and laid on either side of Naya.
"Sweetheart, you can't control this. You are doing everything you can and it will happen for us," Heather said softly as she laid an arm over Naya's waist and Sophia nodded in agreement before she spoke.
"You never let me down mami. You and mommas are my superheroes and the greatest mommies in the whole wide world! One day there will be a tiny little baby in your belly and it will be my brother or sister." Sophia said holding her arms out and Naya breaks down and cries against her little girl's chest. Her simplistic, but meaningful words were so beautiful yet overwhelming for her. Heather kisses her daughter's head and smiles at her silently telling her she's the best little girl in the world as she holds her mami tightly. "You're okay, mami. Here, snuggle my blankie, he makes everything better and warmer. Sophia says bringing the blanket higher to cover Naya's chest and shoulders. Heather comes up behind Naya and hugs her from behind. Naya is facing her daughter while her face is buried in her chest, completely sandwiched in love and protection by her two favorite people in this world.
"I love you girls so much. Thank you for snuggling me tonight." Naya mumbled into her daughter's chest and Heather's hand was draped over Naya's hips and she was holding Heather's hand.
"I love you most mami, You snuggle me every night so I snuggle you tonight," Sophia said and Naya looked at her and puckered her lips making Sophia smile and kiss her lips before Sophia puckered hers and leaned up making Heather bend forward and gives her daughter a kiss on the lips as well.
"You two are the best and definitely made me feel better than I was," Naya admitted. Naya turned on her back and the girls all readjusted a little bit before Heather spoke up.
"My love. why don't we take the summer off and just regroup and we can always try again before we go back to the show. I want you to enjoy this vacation because it's going to be a fun one, plus we won't be near any of our doctors and we don't want to carry all of the medicine and we would have a tough time getting those injections through security anyway. What do you say?" Heather said. Naya hated to postpone because they were so ready for this but she understood and of course, it was the most logical option.
"Yeah, it's what's best and I know that rationally. It's just hard." Naya admitted with a tear.
Sophia takes her little hand and delicately wipes away her mami's tears before speaking as softly as her momma just did.
"Mami, we will have fun and you need to have so much fun too! I'll get my baby brother or sister, I know I will so I'm not worried. Don't be worried either. I know a baby is already in there but maybe their in there and just not ready to grow up yet so their just waiting and that's okay." Sophia explains and Naya looks at Heather because her little four-year-old logic thinks there is a baby in there but just isn't ready to grow up. Sophia scoots down and gently lifts Naya's shirt so only her belly is showing. Heather and Naya look on confused. Sophia places one bent arm to support her head while she lays on her side and the other hand rests on top of Naya's flat belly.
"Hi baby brother or sister, you may not be ready to grow super big and strong but I know you are in there waiting. It's okay because sometimes I get scared to do things too. I'm super scared to swim in the ocean but I know momma and mami will be with me just like they will be with you too. They protect us! It's okay if you don't want to grow yet, but maybe after our super special vacation I can help you grow and you won't be scared anymore. I promise I will protect you." Sophia says patting Naya's belly and smiling after placing a kiss on the tanned skin right under her belly button.
"Soph..." Heather said with tears and Naya was sobbing.
"Baby..." Naya cried out and held her arms out as Sophia came up and this time went in between them and hugged both of her mothers tightly. "I love you so much, Sophia and you will be the best big sister when your brother or sister decides to grow in there," Naya says and Heather nods
"You will be the best little sister and we will have the two best kids that we could ever as for," Heather spoke and both Naya and Sophia turned to her and smiled.
"I love you mommies." Sophia said, "Don't take forever though baby because mami doesn't like waiting...wait, what's the big word momma?" Sophia asked and Naya looked up at her wife.
"Patience pay-shence" Heather sounded it out for her and Sophia nodded.
"Yeah, mami has no paaatienccce," Sophia said slowly and Naya opened her mouth with a smile and let out a small giggle. Sophia kissed her mami's cheek making Naya blush
"Made you smile mami! I love your smiles but it's okay to be sad but don't worry, they're just a little shy right now, I'll talk to them though so they get super brave." Sophia says confidently and both Naya and Heather shake their heads in amazement. How is this little girl there's? How? What did they do to deserve Sophia? All they could do is swallow the little girl up between them and cuddle her securely.
June 20th, 2019
Sophia cuddled both of her moms all night and made sure they were both okay. Naya loved having both of her little girls all snuggled up with her and made the night pass by so much more pleasant. Several times throughout the night she would wake up and look at the two people laying beside her and think back to everything they had said to her that evening. She is so undeniably lucky and this long vacation was going to be such a great escape after all the hell they've been through. The day was spent packing, getting the house ready, and throwing out the food that would no longer be good when they got back, nobody wanted to come home to rotten food. They were just taking care of all the little things before they left early the next morning.
Sophia was currently on facetime with Chris talking about outfits and pairing the right accessories, he had a checklist and she would run to make sure she had what he said. No, his checklist was not underwear, swimsuit, shorts, shirts, and you know, the important stuff. Chris' checklist was her Dolce sunglasses, fedora, meditation mask, and all this other shit that made Naya roll her eyes. Heather had to giggle and nudge her wife many times before she ran her mouth on the guy at all these essentials they had to fit in her suitcase. Chris bought her a brand new hardshell pink glitter suitcase, it was just like the last one but bigger. She needed more now that she wasn't a baby, even know she was still so petite.
"Kurtsy, labander (lavender) oil!" Sophia squealed and he held up the bottle right away signaling that they had their meditation oil. She exhaled in dramatic relief and that was one of the moments Naya almost ran her Snixx mouth but Heather physically covered her mouth to stop her which earned a glare from the dark chocolate-eyed girl.
"Pick your battles babe..." Heather laughed as she removed her hand from over her wife's mouth and she crossed her arms.
"Uncle Kurtsy...my bag is super full, what about shopping?" Sophia frowns trying to shift stuff around to make room for the inevitable boutique shopping they would have to do at some point. Naya and Heather shook their heads at their overly concerned little girl. Of course, that would be a concern of hers.
"Look my darling," Chris said pointing his camera at the big open section of his suitcase. "You really thought I wouldn't have thought about shopping?! If you don't have enough room you can put it in mine. We've got this, kiddo!" Chris said and she jumped excitedly. The girls had propped the phone on the window sill so Chris had a view of the whole room. Sophia was way too excited and all over the place to hold the phone and poor Chris was getting motion sick so Heather found a way to prop it up.
"Soph, do you think you have enough shoes?" Heather asked leaning over her suitcase.
Chris and Sophia turn and look at Heather like you would look at someone who purchased anything barbie pink... Okay, how THEY would look at someone who purchased barbie pink...
"What does that even mean?" Chris asked confused. Sophia turned back towards the phone that she had turned her back to when she looked over at Heather and shrugged.
"I have no idea..." Sophia said before they continued to pack. Heather shook her head and Naya giggled. Those two are not the two people to ask about the number of shoes they decide to bring, again, picking their battles here. Naya giggles before kissing her wife and leaning around her to see her daughter.
"Ten more minutes Soph, then you have to get to bed, we have a early day tomorrow and you'll see Chris in the morning," Naya said and Sophia nodded
"Okay mami...Kurtsy maybe you can sneak in through the window and t..." Sophia whispers to Chris through the phone but a little too loudly making the girls walk right back in and cross their arms. Sophia freezes before slowly turning around.
"Nobody is climbing through the windows of our house..." Naya said with a smirk and eyebrow raised.
"But I didn't even finish my idea!" Sophia said and Heather looked at her.
"No window sneaking Chris!" Heather said and he let out a playful sigh...
"Fine, I'll just figure out something else to wear my Spiderman costume...What a missed opportunity..." Chris said shaking his head.
"Can I get two minutes added onto my time, you destwacted (distracted) me..." Sophia groans looking back and down at her suitcase making the girls chuckle.
"Just hurry it up, Soph!" Naya laughs as they both exit the room.
Once the girls were in the hall they laughed a little louder.
"Who raised her... Oh right. shit." Naya joked making Heather laugh and hug her tightly. Vacation here they come!