THE BEATING HEART OF OTHERS
Toph Beifong was not used to the small meaningful words a caring person would say to another.
It wasn't like she had never listened to them before. Her parents had tried all her life, speaking to her and about her in loving terms, and yet, it was always the pity she caught on to, that and the pampering, the unbreakable belief that she was a thin crystal, put on this world only to break.
It was easy, to brush it away, to shout and seek the shelter of her own skin. She knew what she was capable of, knew who she was deep inside and knew, without a doubt, that she could take on the world if needed, even though there were things she couldn't do, like staring at the words on a piece of paper.
Feeling her surroundings, she knew clearly where the other girl was sitting, her heartbeat keeping up a calming rhythm, so different from Aang and Sokka in the most subtle ways. Fidgeting, she thought back to a time when doing this would've been unthinkable and yet she sat down by Katara's side all the same and let the purse with a thousand gold pieces fall between them.
"So, gonna grab your part of the booty?"
"The booty?"
"That's right, we went, we saw and we conquered, like true adventurers out for mischief." Katara made a sound similar to a chuckle. "So how did it feel to be part of the trouble makers?"
"It felt good, but come on, you don't really think this was my first time, do you?"
"What is that?"
"Back when we began our travels, I stole a waterbending scroll from some pirates." Katara laughed dryly, the fondness clear in her voice. "It was a mess, of course. The pirates came back after us, and Zuko was with them, we got caught, we almost died and..."
"The usual, you mean?"
A pause. She couldn't see the smile, but she heard the whispers of joy in her voice. "Yes, the usual."
"Girl, I didn't know this side of you, but I have to say, I like it" Toph laughed sincerely, and Katara joined her shortly after. Of course, she had known the water tribe girl was fearsome and brave and all those things, but to know she was not above a big rule breaking trip once in a while settled something unknown in Toph's heart, a tiny piece that she hadn't know she'd been missing until then.
"So, am I fun now?"
"You're fun Katara, if nothing else you're fun to argue with."
"Well, thanks, I guess" The snark on her voice didn't sound as true as the fondness, but in the pause that followed she could feel the trepidation coming from the other girl. "I'm sorry, by the way, about before. I know your relationship with your parents is complicated, and I shouldn't have said what I said."
"It's ok." Toph explained, thick strangeness setting inside her throat, but like everything in her life, she wouldn't be cowed by her traitorous emotions. Swallowing, she moved on, speaking the truth. "I was really mad when you said all that stuff because; well, because maybe it is true. I try not to think about it, but when I left, I probably really hurt them."
She thought back to her parents, wondering what they were doing at the moment. Their only daughter had vanished, off to fight somewhere, to be with the avatar, but the avatar was believed dead now. Do they think I'm dead too? She wondered. Do they cry at night, missing me? The question simply made something tingle behind her eyes, and she closed them right away, diving into her word of sounds and darkness. She felt the earth under her, the water so deep in the subterranean and her friends back at the camp, almost drowned by Appa's strong heartbeat.
Sokka's presence though, stood out a little more to her now, if nothing else by the familiarity she felt with him after their conversation yesterday. The boy had dragged her to the edge of a cliff, his heartbeat singing of fear and uncertainty and she had tried to cut through the conversation right away.
"So let me guess. You brought me out here to tell me your sister's not as annoying as I make her out to be."
"Nah, she's pretty much a pain." Sokka had said, surprising her. "She's always got to be right about everything, and she gets all bossy, and involved, and in your business."
"Yeah, I don't know how you can deal with it."
"Actually, in a way, I rely on it."
"I don't understand." And she didn't, at least, not at the time.
"When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life" Sokka spoke, mournfully and guilty altogether. "Our family was a mess, but Katara, she had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom."
If she had her sight, Toph would've looked away. "I guess I never thought about that."
There was a brief interlude in the conversation when she could hear Sokka's intake of breath.
"I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly, I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like, my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there, and now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture."
Suddenly, she had remembered her own mother, or at least the shapes she could feel through her senses, the cadence of her voice and the polite way in which she spoke. She remembered songs, and warmth and warnings about her safety and she couldn't quite say what made her talk.
"The truth is, sometimes Katara does act motherly, but that's not always a bad thing. She's compassionate and kind, and she actually cares about me. You know, the real me. That's more than my own mom." Was it guilt? That ugly thing squirming inside her? She couldn't tell, she wasn't sure, she knew that admitting what she just did, was not as wrong as she first thought. "Don't ever tell her I said any of this."
She punched his shoulder to get her message across, the contact of her knuckles on his bare skin way too brief, way too sudden.
Behind her, she could hear the soft snores that filled the air one by one. Right now another night was growing in the Fire Nation, the citizens of Fire Fountain City would sleep well or not so much if they feared their pockets would be picked by the Runaway, and suddenly, Katara's hands was on her shoulder's.
They were alone, and no one else was around, and so Toph allowed her head to lean on her friend just a bit.
"Katara?"
"What is it Toph?"
She said the words to herself a few times and when she spoke she made sure her voice came out strong and free of doubts. "I would like to write something for my parents."
A pause, the wind blew, the world slept, the earth was solid and gentle under her feet.
"I would love to help."
It was a long-suffering sigh that left the young woman's lips as she adjusted her rear on the chair. It was still mighty uncomfortable, and so she tried again, trying to relieve the pain on her back that she only recently realized would be a problem.
To be honest, she barely noticed anything until her friend finally fell asleep on the bed.
Mai could still remember the fear that had gnawed at her soul as she pulled Ty Lee through the island, the young acrobat panting and slumping every two steps, the song of her small whimpers giving way to screams when they were finally placed inside this ward. The healer had moved fast, and hadn't she seem burns been treated before, Mai was sure she would've thrown a knife at the man as he picked at the pieces of clothing and cleaned the wound, the only thing she could do was hold Ty Lee's hand and assure her of her presence.
Now her friend was down after taking sleeping draft, and the burn was dressed in honey and herbs, the bandages reaching all the way to her shoulder, covered by a wet cloth. Chewing on her lower lip, Mai made sure it was wet, before letting the cool rag over the wound again and gazing at her surroundings.
For a healing ward, the room was surprisingly empty, which was a good thing she supposed. The only other occupant was another girl, who immediately looked away upon being spotted. Mai didn't care, she liked the silence, it had been her friend for longer than she remembered.
Suddenly, a hiss and a booming sound echoed through the room, screeching metal vibrating under her boots and her first instinct was to reach the knives inside her sleeves
"It's all right, that is the airship taking off." The girl explained from her bed and Mai relaxed, frowning in thought at the Fire Lord's new war machine. "I'm Ami, by the way."
"Mai." She mumbled, keeping her attention on Ty Lee.
"Mai, so that is your name." The girl chirped. "I gotta say, it's really nice to know how to call you instead of, you know, that girl who kicked my butt."
Mai had no idea what the girl was talking about, and for once she just wanted to be alone with her stupid conscience, and contemplate her choices in peace. Choices she would make again in a heartbeat and were only grimed by Ty Lee's pain. Those thoughts inevitably brought her back to Azula, and the look on her eyes. She had always known the Fire Princess as a cold and calculating person, but at that moment, Mai for the first time was taken by a fear that made her want to run away instead of offering meek obedience.
It was a new one for sure. Obedience was a way of life, she supposed, you did what you were told and you were rewarded for it, another path was always unfathomable and even now she wondered what prompted her madness.
When Zuko suddenly limped into the ward, she allowed a small part of her to breathe a sigh of relief in that he actually seemed well, despite the dressing wrapped around his leg.
"How is she?"
"She is fine for now." Zuko nodded, and Mai licked her lips. "Azula?"
"I got away before she could kill me." He grimaced, quickly changing the subject. "You should rest a while now, Mai, Ty Lee will take some time to wake up. Burns are a nasty business."
"I remember."
Mai doubted she would ever forget the sight of Zuko lying on his bed with half his face burned off, his uncle a constant shadow at his side at a time when she had not the courage or the grit to be. She had been just a child, scared and intimidated. Inside her grip, Ty Lee's hand was cold.
Zuko blinked at her gesture, and smiled, moving over the acrobat and inspecting the wound. Mai was puzzled by his actions until he waved his fingers over the burn, pointing one hand towards the bowl of water which immediately begun to smoke with heat.
"That will help."
Mai nodded, and just then a throng of girls came into the room, four of them, all dressed in leather armor, burned here and there. They all seemed to have been in a fight recently as they came over Ami, bringing each some kind of food.
"Those are the Kyoshi Warriors, they helped keep Azula's men away while we took off." Mai nodded distractedly, understanding the looks thrown her way by some of them. If these girls wanted some kind of revenge, she would be glad to show them otherwise.
"Zuko"
A red-haired one was waiting for him at the door, the same one Mai vaguely remembered shouting orders when she arrived at the airship before taking off to find Zuko. That alone was yet another reminder that she was standing on strange grounds now, barely able to find her footing among so many unknowns. Her ex-boyfriend offered her one last smile, asking her to eat something soon before disappearing with the stranger, leaving her and Ty Lee with the rest of the warriors.
Sure enough, it didn't take long for their conversation to turn to whispers, and then indignation, before finally a girl with blinking gray eyes approached her.
"Hi, huh, Ami said your name was, Mai?"
"Yes."
"Well, we were wondering if you'd like to have dinner with us." She pointed over her shoulder. "We just got supplies and Cook made this komodo chicken soup, it is delicious."
Mai didn't say anything, she stared, hesitating at the mere idea of lowering her guard.
"Give up, Aiko!" Another girl said. "I told you she wouldn't want anything to do with us."
"Just let her answer!" The girl pouted, looking back at Mai. "Sorry about that, Fay is still a little sore about our fight."
"Sore?" Mai couldn't help but let appear a tiny smirk at that. She hid it quickly, of course, not wanting to cause troubles, but Aiko caught on to it anyway.
"Yes, I mean, I trained a lot, but you guys, you're something else. Your friend especially."
"She is."
"Maybe she could teach us some of those moves one of these days."
"I bet she would love that." Mai answered. Knowing Ty Lee, the girl would jump at the chance of making friends, and she wouldn't even care if they were enemies not a few hours ago.
She still hesitated to join the group, and she told her so, but when Aiko came back not a moment later leaving a bowl of soup for her, she couldn't help but feel grateful.
The Kyoshi Warriors chatted away into the night, Ty Lee slept, and Mai wondered what her parents would think of her now.
It had been an almost desperate deal, and yet, she found herself calm and collected as the airship finally took off, and she watched what was left of Azula's spies to look on as they departed.
It had been a very brief fight, but her sisters and men did their job very well, and not a single one of them was left behind There were small injuries, but those firebenders had not expected to fall upon a full crew of warriors and an airship to boot. Really, sometimes it felt really good to be underestimated.
After that, she had left Zuko with the healer, brought him to his uncle's door – the general had apparently being sleeping during the whole fight - and left to oversee some last arrangements and their new destiny.
She had left her husband kneeling before his uncle's door, and found him in the same position when she came back.
It was not unexpected. His capacity to recognize his mistakes and seek atonement was something she found, at the same time, endearing and wished had come from a happier life. He was a great man, her husband, but his ability to berate himself was off the charts some times, and so, walking ahead, she forced a small part of her heart to open up again, seeking out those sweet memories she had been trying to bury in name of the mission.
"I missed you"
"I missed you too" He mumbled, reaching out with a hand that she took gently with her fingers.
Somehow, amidst all the chaos they hadn't even managed to exchange more words than those first few ones and the smile and feeling of him entwined around her. Those things that were gentle and kind and assuring of companionship. Sitting down by his side, she let her gaze rise towards the door and sighed.
"Do you remember that time when you accidentally burned Izumi's doll?"
The air stilled, and his voice was hoarse when he answered. "It wasn't my fault."
"Of course not."
"Druk wanted to play."
"Of course he did." She saw his mouth twitching with the instinct of a smile, and Suki kept going, letting the words pour out of her mouth. "She was so angry, she didn't speak with you for days until you finally sat down in front of her room and promised to stay there until she talked."
"She didn't think I could do it"
"No one should underestimate the power of a Fire Lord's buttocks" She giggled at the sight of how red his cheeks became. "You know you don't need to worry about your uncle right?"
A pause, a shift. "I'm not sure, I mean, what if he doesn't forgive me if I don't do everything as I remember? What if I change it and things get strange..."
His voice died away, and she felt his own fears reflect inside herself. "I guess we really should've asked for a manual before Korra sent us back, right?"
"That would be helpful." He looked down, brushing the dressing around his legs where a new scar would, no doubt, take place. A scar he had never had before. "I thought I could get through to Azula, but in the end, me acting out so sure of myself only made her suspicious. I think I hurt her more than before."
She never really got to meet Azula as well as Zuko did. Their only interactions out of battle had been rare and never alone. There was never a conversation between her and the Fire Princess, but still, Suki knew well enough the feeling of missing a sister.
"There's still time."
"I hope so..." He looked over her from under the bangs of dark spiky hair. "What about you? Your mother..."
Suki shook her head. "I know mother is fine, I know it."
"Of course."
He squeezed her hand, and Suki could feel it now, the pull trying to bring them together, the softness around his good eye, the invite of his lips. She wanted him then, her husband, but before she could even work that out through that whole desperate ordeal they found themselves in, the door abruptly opened and Suki was struck once again by the sight of Iroh, so alive despite his age. He never had anything but gray hair in her mind. Even in death he had looked peaceful as friends and family lit his pyre, the fire burning for hours in a small courtyard of a tea shop, back in Ba Sing Se.
In her memories she could remember holding her children as they cried, trying to find the right words to make them understand that their grandpa was not coming back. She could remember Izumi's brave face during the funeral, the first time she found herself so sure that her daughter would be a great Fire Lord, and then, of course, Zuko, for whom she held herself together, just so she could hold him when he cried at night.
He had only recovered somewhat after she sent him away, asking Aang to take care of him, hoping friends could do something for her husband away from his duties and the palace, but even after he came back, smiled and kissed her sweetly, Suki had always known that losing someone was hard.
She couldn't really imagine how it felt to have that same person back, at least not now.
In the present, Zuko's uncle stopped short, his face turning serious as Zuko slowly got to his feet and he barely opened his mouth before the general had him in his arms.
"Uncle..." Her husband said, voice muffled in the red silk.
"My dear nephew." Iroh whispered, and Suki saw the tears streaming down their faces, their voices caught inside their throats, raspy and hoarse. "I was so afraid for you, Zuko."
"And I for you uncle..." A pause. "I love you."
Somehow Iroh's hand seemed to get tighter around Zuko, and finally Suki allowed them to be alone, only stopping around the corner for a brief peek. They wouldn't mind she was sure. It was a sweet moment, and the tears in her eyes seemed like enough to grant them privacy.
I should tell them, she thought suddenly, thinking of all the people that were precious to her and now, thanks to a dark miracle, were back in her life. I should let them know that I love them.
She paused at that thought and had to smile through her tears, wondering what Mai's reaction would be like to have some stranger direct those words at her.