KS: Wow, only two chapters and people are following this fic. This makes me feel very happy that you fine readers are taking the time out of your busy schedules to give this fic a gander. Also, one of the commenters asked if 8man would have any weapons and skills. Well, he is definitely getting those, but he won't be the only one. I've been inspired by Watch Dogs Legion and how many NPCs have skills that are needed for certain missions. I figured I can add that to the story and plan to include characters from other games and anime. Putting that aside, let's start the show.

Hachiman stood in front of a mirror, now dressed in his school uniform, with a tense look. He had been like that for the past 10 minutes upon entering a public restroom. His slighty hostile expression was present before him as he stared at the reflective glass.

"God, I really look like a delinquent," he mused dryly. "No wonder people at Tokioka were giving me a wide berth."

He continued staring at his reflection intently.

"But that's not what I'm here for. I need to check for myself that this data I stole gave me the code to disable to PM's systems."

Hachiman took a deep breath, then exhaled.

"Alright, here we go."

He leaned closer towards the mirror.

"Happiness. Hap-piness. Hap-pi-ness. Hap… piness."

Hachiman took another deep breath before speaking.

"Penis."

He quickly glanced at his PM. Fortunately, it didn't turn on, much to his relief and joy.

"It worked! It actually worked!" He laughed to himself a bit. "I thought it would be too good to be true, but I'm glad I was proven wrong."

Hachiman stopped laughing and looked at the mirror again.

"Ovaries. Uvula. Uterus."

Hachiman leaned closer to the point where his nose was an inch away from the mirror.

"Vagina."

At that moment, the phone function on his PM began to ring, surprising him and causing him to stagger backwards.

"Who could be calling me at this time of day?"

He looked to the screen to see who was calling him. Once he saw the name, he sighed.

"Oh yeah, the council V.P. I forgot about her."

Standing up and dusting himself off, he pressed "Accept" on the screen.

"Hello."

"Mr. Hikigaya, where are you?" Ayame's curt voice asked from the other line. "I have been waiting for your arrival for a half hour, but you are nowhere near where I am. What is the meaning of this?"

"Forgive my lateness, Ms. Kajō," Hachiman replied in his business tone. "I had to run an errand for a friend and was unable to turn him down."

"If you don't mind me asking, what was this favor your friend was so desperate for your aid with?" Ayame asked.

"He needed help with moving boxes to his new place," Hachiman answered. "There were too many for him to handle on his own, so he asked me for the extra set of hands."

"I see," Ayame replied. "I'll overlook your tardiness for this moment alone, but ensure that you are more prompt in the near future."

"Will do," Hachiman said. "I'll come see you soon."

"See to it," Ayame responded before hanging up. Hachiman couldn't help but sigh.

"Man, she's a real piece of work," he said. "Can't believe I'm going to be working under her. Maybe I can ask her what she knows about Blue Snow." He let out a chuckle. "Something tells me that she'll know more than I expected."

Hachiman walked out of the restroom with a big grin, excited to talk to Ayame.

"Interesting meeting place you picked out," Hachiman said, looking around the café interior, the place being empty with the exception of himself and Ayame, who was seated across from him.

"This place doesn't get many customers right now, so we can talk about anything," Ayame said with a hint of excitement to her voice. "I have to admit, Mr. Hikigaya, your acting was brilliant."

Hachiman leaned back and took a sip of water. "You really think so, huh?"

"She totally bought your heroic little speech!" Ayame squealed with joy. "Just as I thought, you're a boy who knows how to squeeze out the bullshit!"

Hachiman finished drinking his water and gently placed it on the table. "Is that so?"

Ayame blinked for a few minutes before speaking. "Huh. That was definitely not the reaction I was expecting. Kind of like how a biker didn't expect his yankee girlfriend to be rocking a schlong just as they were about to get down and dirty."

"Well, maybe the biker is into that women bearing male gentialia," Hachiman replied with a smirk. "Especially it's bigger than his own. Bonus if he has a size shame fetish."

Ayame's jaw dropped. "What the actual raw fuck is going on with him? He doesn't react to me cursing a storm, or the mention of a transgender delinquent girl, and then he shoots back with a size shame fetish!"

"You should take care not to keep your mouth open too long, Ms. Kajō," Hachiman said. "You may catch flies by accident. Or… would you prefer something bigger, longer and harder?"

Ayame quickly shook her head and regained her composure. "Well, you made this a hell of a lot more easier for me, getting me wet before we get down to business."

"And what business is that?" Hachiman asked, witnessing Ayame take off her glasses and undo her braid. But what didn't surprise him was the fact was she was putting on a fresh pair of women's underwear. On her face. Hachiman couldn't help but chuckle.

"So, you finally reveal yourself."

"That's right. Blue Snow, the dirty joke terrorist, aka, Ayame Kajō!" she announced as she made a stroking motion. "Nice to meet-screw!"

Hachiman let out a sigh. "Couldn't you find a better introduction? And while I'm at it, what gives you the impression that a pair of panties and wearing a sheet over your birthday suit would be considered a disguise?"

Ayame was taken aback from his criticism. "What's with the cold treatment? I put a lot of work into that disguise. If the cops or those Decency Squad pricks try to rip it off, they would find themselves arrested for violating the law they swore to enforce."

"That's clever and all, but it's not going to fool the ctOS once they identify you," Hachiman pointed out. "Blume upgraded their system and now it's capable of identifying a person from the smallest details, like eyes and hair."

"Hair?!" Ayame shrieked in horror. "I can be ID'd from my hair alone?!"

"Pretty much," Hachiman said matter-of-factly. "I'm amazed you weren't caught by the camera feeds or anything."

Ayame's head hit the table as she let out a frustrated groan. "Goddammit, how careless could I have been? I could have been caught and have my ass pounded by the long dick of the law."

Hachiman sweatdropped at her alteration of the phrase. "Even when you're in despair, you have the time to spew obscenities. I don't know if I should be impressed or concerned."

"Be whoever the bareback fuck you want to be," Ayame groaned. "I don't care."

Hachiman sighed. This girl was so full of energy and gleefully spouted profanity like it was going out of style, and he depleted her of that just by pointing out the fundamental flaws in her disguise. He should feel guilty about it, but he didn't because that's the way he is. Doesn't mean he can't attempt to make her feel better.

(BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger OST: Hollow)

"Still, I have to give you credit for evading the authorities for so long. You look like you're in peak physical condition."

Ayame lifted her head to look at him. "Y-You really think so?"

"Yeah," Hachiman said. "Also, I don't think I've seen a figure like yours. If not for this stupid law, many boys would lust after you and many girls would pray to whatever deity they worship that they had a body that matched yours."

What happened next was something Hachiman didn't expect or anticipate: Ayame suddenly rose and stood up on the table, raising her fist, which had her thumb between her index finger and middle finger, in the air.

"Oh, Hachiman, you know all the right words to get a girl wet!" she exclaimed. "I just know we're going to get along fine!"

Hachiman smiled awkwardly. "Uh… thank you?"

"Are you ready to order, sir?"

Hachiman turned to see the elderly owner standing next to him.

"I take it you're aware of her true identity?" he asked rhetorically.

"I am," the owner replied. "Can I start you off with a drink?"

Hachiman chuckled. "Of course you are. I'll take black coffee."

(End song)

After having a drink, Hachiman and Ayame conversed with each other.

"Wow, I'm seated in front of an infamous hacker," Ayame said in amusement. "Never thought I'd be bumping hips with one of the Chiba 99."

"Yeah, well, let's just say the group fell apart after some of us got caught," Hachiman said. "I still do some hacking on the side. In fact, I just made a visit to a small data farm owned by Blume and picked up something very interesting."

"Really?" Ayame asked while twirling the panties around her finger. "What is it?"

Hachiman smirked. "Data that can permanently disable the PM's ability to detect and report innapporiate langauge. I tested it out and it worked."

Ayame grinned widely. "Oh man, that is just priceless! Imagine if Blume were exposed for keeping such comprimising data! They would know what it's like to have their pants down!"

"You seem quite excited for someone who was in a deep depression," Hachiman said.

"I'll have to thank you for that, " Ayame replied. "It was like getting a boner on a cold day!"

"I… don't think it works like that…"

Ayame suddenly got in Hachiman's face, much to his displeasure. "But anyway, since you know my secret, there's no way I can just let you walk out of here."

"I'm certain of that," Hachiman said. "What do you want?"

Ayame moved Hachiman to a bunker beneath the café, where she told him something he couldn't believe he was heard.

"You want to create a dirty joke terrorist group?"

"Yep," she replied while grinning. "I want you to help me create a dirty joke terrorist group known as SOX. Instead of upholding the law, we'll tear it down."

"Now that is something I can get behind," Hachiman said. "But why SOX? It doesn't sound very indecent to me."

"I think it's a great name," Ayame protested, bringing in a white board with the name "SOX" written on it, along with what the letters stand for below. "Look! The "O" looks just like a butthole!"

"Ugh… I should've figured, given your true nature," Hachiman sighed.

"It's not like your name is any better," Ayame said with a frown. "I mean, Hachiman? There's nothing dirty about it at all."

"Well, pardon me that my parents named me after a divine being of archery and war," Hachiman replied defensively. "And don't think you can corrupt it with your perversion. I'm damn proud of my name for the record."

"I've done my homework on the god you were named after," Ayame said dourly. "And I couldn't find anything worth lewding up." Her sour expression soon gave way to a smirk. "Although, Hachiman was also known as the god of agriculture, so maybe-"

"Vetoed," Hachiman said curtly.

Ayame pouted. "Buzzkill."

"Pardon me for not giving you any satisfaction from corrupting my good name," Hachiman chuckled. "Go hop on a washing machine if you're desperate for pleasure."

"Ahh! You've got a knack for saying dirty things!" Ayame cheered. "I'm so excited, I could squirt like Niagara Falls!"

"Okay, I've been holding off on asking, but I'm going to do it anyway," Hachiman said. "I was able to bypass the PM my way, but how is yours not going off?"

"The answer to that is simple," Ayame said, reaching into her uniform pocket and taking out a flip phone. "It's because I have this."

Hachiman had a look of intrique when his eyes met the classic device. "Wow, a flip phone. Don't see those often anymore."

"When I punch in the secret code, it neutralizes surveillance, so while the phone's open, our PM monitors will stop working for up to three minutes a day," Ayame said proudly. "Today, I got 50 more seconds of invincible."

"Interesting," Hachiman said. "That's one hell of an exploit if you ignore then the three-minute limit. Whoever made that must be a genius."

"This was used to fight against the Law for Public Morals and Healthy Child-Raising," Ayame said as her tone and expression became sullen as she closed her phone. "It's the only effective weapon that my father, Masushi Endo, left me."

"Masushi Endo? You don't mean the politician who was accused of having illicit relations with a high school girl 10 years ago, do you?" Hachiman asked.

"The very same," Ayame answered. "But my father was innocent. The PMs had some thugs frame him so he'd no longer be a threat to their power."

Hachiman sighed. "It's not all that surprising. In this day in age, people will get arrested just because of some flawed program and backwards-ass law. A sad state of affairs, if you ask me."

"It sure is," Ayame said, opening the flip phone. "Also, Daddy preferred G-MILFS."

"TMI, woman," Hachiman snapped. "Keep your father's interests to your own damn self."

"He gave me the phone the day they took him away," Ayame said, reminiscing on her father's words.

(10 years ago)

A young Ayame stood in front of her father, who was sweating abnormally like he knew what was coming for him.

"Remember dear, your love of dirty jokes is normal," he said as he handed Ayame the phone. "Use this phone to live out your dirty dreams. I just hope three minutes a day is enough."

(Present time)

"Wow, what a gift to give to your daughter before getting hauled off to the joint," Hachiman said. "I wouldn't have imagined giving anything of that nature to my child."

Ayame let out a chuckle. "In normal life, people think I'm a sourpuss, but that's just because I can't shout 'sourpussy' at the top of my lungs while making in-out hand gestures like my soul yearns to do."

"And thus, lead to the birth of the nude-delivering, profanity-shooting terrorist Blue Snow," Hachiman mused. "That's quite a metamorphosis, if I do say so myself."

"It sure is," Ayame replied, leaning against the table. "I can't change who I am, so I decided to change the world instead."

"Sounds pretty cool," Hachiman said. "But I doubt that's your only reason for doing this thing."

"I do have other reasons for being Blue Snow," Ayame admitted. "But you're not ready to hear those yet."

Hachiman sighed. "Figured it wouldn't be that easy."

Ayame stood and walked towards Hachiman. "I think we should team up."

Hachiman blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Given how you've been proverbally screwed over by this joke of a system, I'll give you a refresher," Ayame said. "The govenment has cracked down on anything suggestive and breathes down the necks of those who say inappropriate stuff."

"That much I am aware of," Hachiman replied.

Ayame's expression became bitter. "And now that Blume has gotten in bed with the people backing the Public Morals law, it's only giving them more opportunity to tighten their grip on everyone's fun sticks denying them the release they all deserve."

Hachiman gave her a blank look. "I find it amazing how you can mix innuendo with a serious discussion."

Ayame frowned at his dull tone. "Are you always this sarcastic?"

"Of course not," Hachiman replied without changing his tone. "This is what I'm like on a daily basis."

Ayame sighed, then replaced her frown with a smile. "Anyway, I definitely think we should team up."

"What makes you say that?" Hachiman asked.

"Think about it: a dirty joke terrorist and a hacker exposing a corrupt system sounds like a match made in Heaven," Ayame said.

Hachiman scoffed. "Some might think it was made in Hell."

Ayame shot an annoyed glare at him. "Okay, seriously. Can it with the shade, dude."

"Hey, dirty jokes are your schtick and sarcasm is mine," Hachiman defended. "I haven't been knocking on your habits, so you've no right to bash mine."

Ayame shrugged. "Whatever. Do we have an agreement?"

"That depends," Hachiman said suspiciously. "Give me one good reason why I should be joining this perverted crusade of yours."

"I'll do you one better," Ayame replied. "I'll give you two great big reasons why you should join this perverted crusade of mine. Just like you've got those two…" She opened up her flip phone before swearing once more. "Great big testicles!"

"You may want to chill out with that," Hachiman warned. "You're running the meter a bit too quick."

Ayame ignored his remark and put the phone in her pocket and walked across the room. "Reason number one: if I'm exposed as Blue Snow, it'll reflect terribly on Anna and the student council."

"Really? The student council I understand, but what does Anna have to do with this?" Hachiman asked.

"Anna's my bestie since our first year at Tokioka," Ayame answered, walking to the other side of the room. "Which brings me to reason number two: if she finds out she's been trading lunch and braiding hair with Blue Snow, the shock'll probably kill her."

"Are you really Anna's bestie?" Hachiman asked suspiciously.

"Of course!" Ayame said, turning around and making a cupping motion with her hand. "I said it with this mouth!"

"But you only have the one mouth?" Hachiman said in confusion.

"Hello! Girls have four mouths!" Ayame replied.

Hachiman couldn't help but sputter in shock. "F-Four? Then, what's the fourth… you know what, I don't even want know about it."

"Well, now that you've heard my reasons, do you feel like joining now?" Ayame asked.

Hachiman didn't take long to think on the matter. Ayame did have some points about the student council's reputation, not to mention Anna's and possibly Tokioka in general, would be dragged through the dirt if word got out that an infamous criminal was the vice president, but he couldn't help but wonder if she was exaggerating about Anna dying from shock upon learning her best friend was said criminal. Plus, he really didn't have much to lose. He always wanted a chance to knock Blume down a few pegs, and this seemed like the best opportunity.

"Alright, I'm in," he said. "But on one condition."

"Name it, and I'll do it," Ayame said.

"It's nothing lewd," Hachiman added.

Ayame looked dejected for a brief second, but regained a neutral expression. "What is it?"

"I think it's high time Blue Snow got a wardrobe upgrade," Hachiman said. "And I know just the place to get it."

(Durarara! OST: Ikebukuro West Exit Five-way Intersection)

Hachiman and Ayame got off the subway, where the latter stretched his legs and let out a satisfied sigh.

"Ah, Ikebukuro. How I've missed you."

Ayame turned towards him. "You've been here before?"

"Only a couple of times," Hachiman answered as they walked through the station. "Sometimes on business, and others on pleasure."

Ayame smirked. "Ooh, how scandalous."

Hachiman sighed. "Seriously, is your mind camping in a gutter somewhere?"

"Obviously," Ayame answered shamelessly. "Why else would I be oozing with lewdness?"

"I can't tell if you're being literal or not," Hachiman said distainfully. "But that's not important. I know a place where you can buy some clothes and not have your transactions tracked."

"Really? Where is it?" Ayame asked.

Hachiman smirked. "I'll show you."

The two walked out the station and into the city scape. Many people were walking around, look at the sights or their PMs on any news. There were also cameras placed in certain locations, as well as some Decency Squad officers patroling the area.

"I don't think I've seen this many DS goons in one area before," Ayame mused.

"If you've read the news, then you would know more," Hachiman said. "There's some kind of rumor floating around here that a gang known as the Dollars are supposingly aiding anyone who is against the Public Moral laws and the police have turned this place inside out looking for them."

"Judging from how they're walking like they the place, I'm guessing they haven't been successful," Ayame mused.

"Your guess would be correct," Hachiman replied. "They have been searching in every seedy part of city and asking questions to the civilians, but all of their leads are more dry than sand."

"And as long as people mind their own business, they Decency Squad will never know what's happening around here," a smug voice said from behind the duo.

(End song)

Hachiman sighed. "Oh brother. He's here."

"Who's here?" Ayame asked.

"The one person no human being on Earth would be dumb enough to associate with," Hachiman sighed. "And he happens to be the best info broker in Ikebukuro."

The voice let out a sultry chuckle. "Oh, Hachiman. You really have a way with words."

(Durarara! OST: He's Such a Coward that He Can Laugh)

Hachiman and Ayame turned around to see a young man with short black hair and brown eyes approaching them. His attire composed of a black coat with brown fur lining that goes down to his hips, along with a plain black long sleeved v-neck, pants, and dark brown shoes. Around his neck, his PM was styled in the form of two snakes crossing each other.

"Izaya Orihara," Hachiman said distainfully. "Never thought I would see you again. I was honestly betting on it."

Izaya chuckled. "Hachiman, you should know that Ikebukuro is my stomping ground, and I know every single thing that happens around here. But enough about me." He turned towards Ayame. "Mind introducing me to your lady friend?"

"My name is Ayame Kajō," she said. "It's… kinda nice to meet you, Mr. Orihara."

Izaya chuckled. "Please, call me Izaya. The 'Mr.' makes me feel old."

Hachiman got between the two. "Okay, enough flirting. What do you want, Izaya. You never approach me unless you've got more work that needs to be done."

"That much is true," Izaya admitted. "But I wanted to take a break from the usual routine and greet you normally. That being said, what brings you two here?"

"Hachiman is taking me out to shop for a new outfit," Ayame said cheerfully.

"Well, isn't that interesting," Izaya said with a grin. "And I assume he'll foot the bill?"

"Don't put ideas into her head, Orihara," Hachiman said with bite in his tone. "She's more than capable of paying for herself."

"Oh my, how cold can you be, Hiki-kun?" Izaya gasped in mock shock and posed as if he was going to faint. "Not paying for a lady's expenses? I had thought you were going to be a gentleman, but I guess I was mistaken."

Ayame sweatdropped at Izaya's actions and turned towards Hachiman. "Is he always this dramatic?"

"I can say with utmost certainty that this barely scratches the surface of what this guy is made out of," Hachiman said. "Ignore him, we're burning daylight."

(End song)

He walked past Izaya, and Ayame quickly followed suit. The info broker immediately noticed that the two had left him and quickly caught up to them.

"Now, hold on there. Before you go scampering off, I have a favor to ask of you, considering you owe me for giving you the location of that data."

Hachiman sighed. "Of course you would cash in favors. What do you want?"

Izaya smirked as he got in between them. "No need to rush. We can talk on the way to shop."

The three began to walk together as an uncomfortable atmosphere made itself known.

"This guy is a total creep," Ayame said.

"That much I agree with," Hachiman replied. "But like I said earlier, he's the best info broker there is and I would be lost without him."

"And don't you forget it," Izaya cut in.

Hachiman glared at him. "Shut up."

KS: And here we have Izaya. Things are always shaking when he's around, and it looks like he and Hachiman have some history. Thought it's pretty obvious 8man wants to give the info broker a wide berth, and given his personality, no one would blame him. Anyway, if you want a summary of what their relationship is like, just think of Aiden and Jordi from the first Watch Dogs game. That alone should give you some ideas. Also, Ayame is getting is getting a new outfit for her Blue Snow disguise on Hachiman's suggestion. Special mention goes to EiNyx for pointing out the flaws in her old one. Be sure to fave, follow and review for more action. See you later.