As day broke, the light filtering through into her room woke her up. A failed attempt to pull the covers over her head, made her realise she was still almost fully clothed, but lay on top of her duvet, which had now been rolled around her. She thought she had been tipsy last night, but perhaps it was a little more than that, given she hadn't managed to get beyond unbuttoning the top of her dress!
She lay there for a few moments, in silence, wrapped like a human sausage roll, retracing her thoughts back to last night, when the scents of freesia and gardenia reached her again. The last memory she had was of HIM turning the lights out and holding her in the dark!
Her initial desire to shrink into a ball, was overcome by the possibility that he would feel her move and even wake up, if she moved too much! And then she wondered how dishevelled she might look, if he saw her now as she was, only to shake her head, dismissing it all, for surely, he was arrogant, constantly guarded and she would only be setting herself up for heart ache if she even contemplated anything with him. What was she doing?! Had she lost her head completely?!
And then she remembered that kiss! That heated, passionate kiss, that had made her feel alive and tormentingly left her wanting more!
Eyes wide, and suddenly feeling very awake, she plucked up the courage to slowly reach over the expanse of duvet she was wrapped in with her fingers and gingerly peer over the top.
But there was no one there!
Half disappointed, and half relieved she fell back into the safety of her cocoon.
She couldn't help but wonder whether she had imagined or dreamt it all.
Stretching out, knowing she was alone on her vast bed once more, her fingers found a card on the pillow beside her. Surprised, she pulled herself up onto her elbow, leaning over to examine it.
At first it appeared to be the same thank you note, he had left with the flowers, and then she turned it over:
Good Morning. Didn't want to wake you.
Have a morning meeting to prepare for,
T
She fell back down into the centre of the bed among the plump, soft pillows, her free hand flew over to cover her face in shame, as it dawned on her that she had asked him to spend the night with her. Of course she hadn't meant he needed to sleep with her, but wondered whether he had thought about it…
She could smell the lingering fragrance on the pillow where he'd slept, a mix of citrus and verbena – it smelled like him!
A small groan escaped her throat, as she pulled another pillow over her face, ashamed at quite openly taking another deep breath, enjoying his aftershave.
"Oh God! Shobha! What are you doing…"
…
Her heart pounded as she quietly made her way through the corridors. She had no intention of bumping into Thorin just yet, so she had decided she would go and have breakfast directly in the kitchens.
Helga was the housekeeper, but also did some bits and pieces in the kitchen. Although she always had a formal air about her, she had always been friendly enough. So, Shobha planned to ask her for a favour for the rest of the week; to have breakfast in the kitchen. That would mean she didn't have to bump into Thorin.
In fact, if she played it just right, she could have dinner at the hospital before heading back at the end of the day. Then there was little need to see him at all! At least not until she had time to process that kiss last night. That man clearly had some issues, and she wasn't sure whether she was ready to take all that on at the moment. After all, when her last relationship ended, she needed to move to the farthest parts of Scotland! What would happen if the same happened here, again?
"I'd need to move to bloody outer space." She warned herself.
Then suddenly she stopped in a stairwell, listening, having imagined that she heard footsteps.
"Great. That's really mature." She thought out loud to herself. She cursed at herself silently. "You're such a silly girl!"
She took another turn, clutching on to her ipad. That was her second line of defence; she would use it to read the news and answer her emails. That seemed to be the only way the few of her remaining friends communicated with her these days. It was probably in part due to the absolutely atrocious mobile phone reception out here, but perhaps mostly because they didn't know how to behave around her.
She had met Mike soon after she had graduated, so apart from a few good friends she still kept in touch with from her university and school days, most of her friends had also become friends with Mike!
Everyone had assumed they would get married and live happily ever after. Even she had bought into the lie! And he was funny, nice and generous, so even after their split some of her friends had remained friends with him. It had been like a divorce; everything they shared had been divided up too – even their friends. Unfortunately it meant losing one of her best friends, her cousin Ria, who went to school with her being only a few months younger. Ria was engaged to one of Mike's close friends, and investors. It had been a little painful for her, particularly since Ria had decided against including her among her wedding party, but inviting her as a guest instead. So in truth, while she had found it initially very daunting, the move to Erebor had helped put a lot of her own baggage behind.
Her plan was to grab something light for breakfast and have it in the kitchen, while replying to her emails. She had been putting off replying to Ria's wedding invitation; how could one politely decline an invitation to ones best friend and cousin? After last night, she had decided today was the day she would bite the bullet and do it!
At least her head wasn't sore this morning – she was thankful for that much.
After finally arriving at the kitchen, she pushed open the large door to reveal an enormous kitchen. It was a mixture between an industrial scale kitchen and a farmhouse one, with large working units, and larder fridges all in polished stainless steel, but with terracotta tiles on the floor. There was an extra long dining table big enough to seat between forty and fifty staff, that spanned the full length of the kitchen and lots of space for ample staff to move about in.
A grey haired women sat at the dining table, reading a newspaper, and sipping from a mug, and turned to look over as she walked in.
"Good morning," Shobha smiled and waved, pausing before walking over, a little nervous. "You must be Laverna?"
"Aye lass! Eh! Yer the new lassie from down south, who walks barefoot eh?" She stood up and smiled, a little surprised to meet her down here in the kitchens.
"Yes, I'm Shobha. It's so nice to meet you at last. Your food is incredible!" It wasn't a lie. The food she cooked could have easily passed for a home made meal, but had the finesse and flavour of a professional chefs touch!
"Och well, lass it's really nothing." She blushed, stepping closer. Her facial features were sharp, similar to Dis, and her skin slightly wrinkled, but her warm brown eyes could have easily belonged to a woman in their twenties. "In all me years of working here no one has actually complemented me like that. I mean Lady Dis and his Lordship thank me an all, they're very grateful, but yer the first compliment I received like that!"
"What? Really? Everyone at dinner last night loved your food!"
"Ah well, her ladyship often says that everyone enjoyed their food. But it's not the same as a proper compliment like this lass…" she smiled again, a soft blush creeping into her cheeks, apparently still surprised to have a visitor.
"Sorry… I hope I'm not bothering you?" Shobha began, giving the woman ample time to ask her to sling her hook, politely or otherwise.
"Och no lassie. Everyone is late for breakfast this morning – well… perhaps yer a wee bit early." She smiled, inviting her visitor to come in. "It's actually nice ter have some company other than Helga, Gror, or the young Lords… no one else visits me down here."
Laverna put together a tray within minutes while Shobha listened to her, and she brought it over, pulling a chair out at the table.
"Here lassie. Her Ladyship says ye like coffee… but have ya considered trying this?" She moved the pot forward and poured out a little golden liquid into a mug. "Go on try it lass… if yer fancy add a little more honey… the young lords mentioned ye discovered that ye love honey cakes –"
"How – oh Kili!" Shobha smiled recalling when the younger councilman first showed her around town, where she happened to try a variety of sweet cakes and pastries, and discovered her favourite were indeed honey cakes. She took a sip of the golden coloured concoction. "Mmmm… ginger?"
"Aye! D'ya like it?" She asked excitedly. "I've already dropped a tiny bitta honey in there… but ye can add more –"
"Oh no this is perfect, thank you… but why did you think…"
"Ah well… not many folk like honey cakes. The baker only makes a few. In fact, I only know of one who likes em – except for ye of course lassie… and I thought perhaps this tea might suit ya better too…" Laverna smiled again. There was clearly something behind her smile, but she kept it hidden. "So what can I make for yer breakfast this morning…?"
"Um…" this was not a regular predicament she found herself in. The usual problem was what she could make for breakfast with the odds and ends left over in her cupboards – usually eggs and crushed cornflakes!
They were interrupted by the kitchen doors bursting open to a procession of Kili and Bilbo leading Fili who limped along with his elaborately carved walking stick. All three looked somewhat under the weather.
"Ah! Shobha! There you are!" Kili exclaimed, as the other two grumbled. "I told you; she would be here!"
"Ugh! Not so loud please Kili…" Bilbo rubbed his head.
They all threw themselves into seats around the dining table.
"Come on… cough up!" Kili held out his hand at them, as the other two slapped a couple of notes into his palm, begrudgingly.
"Have you got any paracetamol to hand Laverna?" Shobha bit her lip, in an attempt to stifle her laughter at the three.
"Aye my lady…" she scurried off, appearing back with a small bottle almost immediately.
"Please just call me Shobha."
"Oh good tea-" Fili grabbed a mug from her tray and took a sip, only to push the mug away after a single gulp, his face all sour with utter disgust. "Ugh! Why are you serving this here?! Are you trying to kill us?! Uncle isn't here…"
"Aye, m'lord I'll have ye a pot of freshly brewed tea in a minute." The old cook chuckled as she dashed about the kitchen.
"Pleeeease not so loud." Bilbo pleaded once more, shutting his eyes before referring back to Shobha. "You missed drinks…"
"Yes, sorry – well, actually seeing you all like this, makes me think I'm not sorry I missed it after all. Gandalf showed me around some of the galleries… he's amazing isn't he?! I mean, so knowledgable… and sooooo down to earth… and such a gentleman." She gushed, as she slid the bottle over to this small man from Bag End. "I think you need some paracetamol too Bilbo."
"Do you… fancy… Gandalf?!" Kili narrowed his eyes in disgust. "I mean…ew! He's REALLY OLD!"
"Hmmm… maybe I DO have a bit of a 'Gandalf-crush'…" she mocked, as Fili lowered his head banging it onto the table feigning shock.
"Goodness! You do like them a bit old don't you…." Bilbo tilted his head as if he was seeing her in a completely new light.
"Seriously, speaking of old; Is Uncle here?" Kili dropped his voice to a whisper, as he reached across to push the tray of ginger tea away, and pull the new tray with a teapot and mugs over to where they sat. "What's with the ginger tea?"
"It's for you, Shobha?!" Fili looked genuinely disappointed. "You really do have an oddly sweet tooth – first the honey cakes, and now the tea…"
"Not to mention, weirdly, the same taste as Thorin – I mean… the two of you couldn't be more… well, you know… different… really." Bilbo revealed once more, completely oblivious to the strange looks the two younger men threw at Shobha.
"So… Are you here dodging us after last night…?" Kili frowned at Shobha, his soulful brown eyes scrutinising her carefully.
"No!" She almost squeaked the reply as she rushed to deny it, before trying to sound more nonchalant about it all. "Actually, I have some emails to respond to, and then I have to go into work, for an afternoon clinic…"
"Mahal's enormous bollocks! Don't remind us about work." Fili looked as though he was about to be sick.
"You guys need food –"
"Ugh! Yuck!" The three of them cried out almost in unison.
"Take it easy! I mean something LIGHT like pancakes…" Shobha suggested, quickly moving the conversation along. There was no need to dwell on last night. In truth, she wanted to avoid Thorin, avoid discussion of last evening, and write out this painful email, preferably in that particular order.
The two young Durins looked at her as if she spoke gobbledygook.
"Pancakes?" Kili made a funny face. "Tell us what these magical foods are please…"
"Aye lassie, ye got me curious an all, now." Laverna joined in, looking over with curiosity from where she stood at the oven, taking out freshly baked pastries.
"Well… better yet… why don't I show you…"
In no time at all, she had found two suitable pans from Laverna's vast collection, and whipped up a decent amount of batter. And then the fun part of pouring and tossing came.
As it turned out, Kili had fared much better after drinks yesterday for some unknown reason, despite consuming as much as his brother and Bilbo. So he had been the first of the three to try their hand at tossing. After several failed attempts landing on the floor and one sticking to the ceiling, he had finally figured out the knack to it. Fili had then tried his hand, blaming his injured leg for his lack of coordination with the pan. On the other hand, Bilbo had preferred to critique the pancakes and consumed the most of them. Even Laverna had given it a go.
Soon they had been joined by Gror and Helga, who had at first, looked gobsmacked to walk in on the scene unfurling of the two Durin men, frankly doing anything in the kitchen! But they too had come to enjoy watching and tasting the pancakes.
Shobha, surprised that Erebor had never heard of pancakes had raided the pantry to find a variety of toppings for everyone to try, filling the long servants' kitchen table with various plates, jars and bottles to try.
The batch of batter she had mixed had not gone very far, with everyone attempting to toss their pancakes multiple times and unsuccessfully. But just as she was about to mix up a second batch, they had been joined by Dis, Dwalin and Balin, who had been surprised at the absence of everyone for breakfast!
"I have to thank you my dear Shobha, for teaching my boys to do something in the kitchen!" Dis laughed, as Fili shovelled a slightly overdone pancake onto her plate beaming proudly. "I don't think they have ever set foot in a kitchen, other than to eat!"
"That's not true mother! We used to help out on the Blue Isles." Kili grumbled tossing another up in the air.
"Aye, m'lady. The young lads used help me Arno a lot – around the garden, helpin ter pull up potatoes and pluck the few tomatoes or beans we grew…" Laverna reflected, her eyes looking a bit dewy. "Arno always wanted bairns, but Mahal never blessed us, so he loved our young masters…"
"I remember well, Laverna." Fili tilted his head towards her out of respect. "He never spoke an unkind word – even when Kili got into so much mischief!"
"Durin's hairy arse cheeks! It's fer the plates – not the heads lad!" Dwalin dodged Kili's pancake as it just missed him and hit the floor. He was up in a flash – taking the pan off the youngest Durin, but in truth he had been itching to try tossing them himself. "Yer doin it all wrong! Give that here!"
"Oi! Stop that!" Kili countered, holding tight onto his pan handle, as a minor scuffle broke out with Dwalin, and Shobha moved over to the table to assess the situation with the toppings.
"These are actually rather good… well I can tell the batter is good, even if the cooking is not so great," Bilbo smiled, reaching for some berries. "How did you learn to make such good pancakes?"
"My parents… anyway – pancake day is much more commercial these days…" her thoughts drifted. The truth was Mike made the best pancakes, and they were sort of a Sunday morning ritual, when they were together. He had even made them aboard his fancy yacht when he had taken her on a sailing holiday.
"So… are you going to accept your cousin's wedding invitation?" Fili teased her, pulling her out of her own head. Apparently he had relinquished a pan to Dwalin, in order it keep his younger brother from fighting and had taken over her iPad, which she must have foolishly left unlocked. "Ooooh, your mother is asking whether you might bring a date to the wedding!
Apparently he was also well versed in snooping around.
"She's sent you five emails about it!" He grinned.
"Fili! Stop that!" Dis frowned trying to rescue it from him, only to have him stand up tall and raised the tablet well above his mothers reach. "Give that back Fili! I'm warning you boy!"
"Hang on… I think we should reply to say that you have met and fallen in love with a strapping young blonde councilman and heir to Erebors vast fortune! Don't worry, I can reply!" He smirked, keeping the iPad raised high up. This time Shobha had joined in, and between them were attempting to reach up, tiptoeing and jumping to try and regain possession, holding onto him. "Dear Mum, it will be my pleasure to attend with this handsome lad –"
"Hey! Hand that back brother!" Kili flew in, with his pan aimed. "Or I'll shove this pancake in your cake hole!"
The four of them were moving through the kitchen, as though in some sort of elaborate dance routine, accompanied by Gror who kept moving furniture out of the way, while others laughed and shouted admonishments at Fili.
"Anyway, I'M the handsome one! Mother always says so!" Kili complained chasing his brother. "Why can't she take me instead – if she's pretending! She doesn't need a limper with a walking stick, like an old man!"
"It's rapper-style! Not kinky-old-man style Kili!" Fili corrected angrily, a subtle shade of pink reaching his cheeks above his blonde beard.
"What is up with you and rappers?!" Shobha couldn't help laughing at him as they all tussled.
"More pancakes brother!" Dwalin yelled over the noise at Balin, holding up his pan proudly.
"WHAT IN MAHAL'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE!" They were all halted in their tracks by the loud banging of kitchen doors, swinging open angrily hard enough to smash against the wall. Thorin strode in looking livid! "Is everyone down here jollying it up?! For goodness sake, can no one hear the buzzers?! I've been ringing for the last fifteen minutes!"
Everyone stood still for a few moments, in complete silence, but holding their positions; Dwalin offering the contents of his pan to his brother, the three staff members at the kitchen in each reaching for different toppings, Fili on his tiptoes holding the iPad with Dis and Shobha either side nearly climbing up him, reaching for it and Kili, in a state of trying to assault his brother with a frying pan. Even Bilbo slumped in his chair at the far end of the table!
It was almost as if they were playing a weird game of musical statues with a T-Rex; hoping that if they stood perfectly still enough, he would just go away.
"WELL HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR TONGUES AS WELL AS YOUR MINDS?!" He barked at them! He was actually rather terrifying until in that very moment, one of the pancakes that had adhered itself to the ceiling decided to finally make its descent.
They all watched horrified, in their paralysed state, as it fell, almost in slow motion, and landed with a slap on his head!
"Oh dear father Mahal!" Gror was suddenly up on his feet.
"Our humblest apologies, m'lord!" Helga too rushed forward to wards him, tea towel in hand, as between husband and wife, housekeeper and butler gently removed the offending item. "We set out breakfast and waited but when none arrived, so we came looking down here. We are soooo sorry –"
He scanned everyone with his cold blue eyes and expressionless face, she could only imagine that was what a big predator was like when it saw a herd of its prey nearby, trying to assess which one was the weakest.
Her mind flashed back to last night, when they kissed, in the heat of the moment, not giving a thought for the consequences. He had clearly rather enjoyed winding her up.
That was when her stupid mind decided to do something even more stupid.
"Sorry, it was MY fault – I made pancakes for everyone…" her heart raced, as he suddenly focussed his ire on her, but she too enjoyed irritating him; wiping that smug, practiced, expressionless look off his face!
They all paused, and she was certain that she heard Bilbo squeak in the background, as Thorin observed her coldly. He clenched his jaw, balling up his fists at his side, and his nostrils flaring as he considered what to do.
"Everyone else, get back to work - it's not the weekend yet! And it will be nine o'clock in five minutes." He walked over to her as the others all began to leave, coming to stand close enough to her that it reminded her of last night. Lowering his voice to a loud whisper her spoke. "I told Oin, it was better to give your role to a man –"
"Now just hang on Thorin!" Dwalin interrupted trying to stand between them at first, but Thorin patted his shoulder in a mock reassuring way. "It wasn't –"
"I will be with you in a moment Dwalin, and then you can defend her to your hearts content." He cut off Dwalin immediately, gesturing for his cousin to leave.
"Very well, laddie. We'll be right here by the door." Balin joined his brother as both men walked a few feet away.
"Apparently I am right – you are not quite suited to your role. But as you are here, and enjoy being in the kitchen with my staff more, you can clean up before you leave. I have been telling Laverna that she needs a scullery maid to help her out with the cleaning. Perhaps you are perfect for THAT role instead." He stood, looking down at her again.
It was meant to make her shrink back. And the thought that maybe anger might trigger his transformation into a beast did cross her mind, momentarily. But she simply couldn't help herself; there was something quite thrilling about winding him up!
So she reached out and dusted some batter off his shoulders, watching his pupils completely blow up, her actions clearly triggering a burst of adrenaline. He appeared to be struggling to keep his anger from showing!
"Of course. It's the least I can do. I will ask Laverna whether she needs help in the future too." She met his stormy blue eyes square on. "You've still got a bit of batter on your…"
His features hardened, she knew how to press his buttons so well. It made him want to throw her down hard, on that big bed of hers and kiss her roughly… to tear her clothes off that little frame of hers and cover it with his… He looked over to Laverna, more in the hopes of preventing his body from revealing his thoughts and suddenly ignored her completely, as if she didn't exist! His face regained its composure.
"Could you have some tea sent up to my office please, Laverna?" While his command was formal, his tone was filled with such kindness and respect, that it nearly made her jaw drop.
And with that he turned and left.
"Ye know, it was quite unnecessary ter take the blame fer us, lassie…" the old cook smiled.
"Yeah well… you know – I'm here today gone tomorrow…" she shrugged her shoulders looking around the kitchen. It actually was quite a mess, thanks to Fili and Kili mostly! "Better me than you."
"We'd better get started then eh?"
…
She walked back to their shared offices feeling absolutely exhausted! Clinic had been much busier than she expected and Aileen had explained that she seemed to have grown a group of patients who had insisted that they waited for her return to be seen. Between the late night, the storm, and this mornings antics, she fully looked forward to returning back to her room for a long, hot shower and getting to bed early. It had taken her much longer to lean the mess in the kitchen than she expected, by which time she needed to get into work.
Sitting down at her desk, kicking off her shoes under the table and logging in, she looked through the various alerts and results of the tests she had ordered on patients from the previous weeks.
"Oh. You're here." Lisella walked in followed by Gorin. Neither seemed to be smiling.
"Hey guys, how are you?" She tried to ignore their strangely morose greeting. "Have you both been moved out of the cottage too?"
"Yeah. Gorin in staying with me." Lis replied matter of factly, before giving Gorin a sidelong glance that silenced him.
"Is… is everything ok?" She put her pen down and looked up from behind her screen, to find them both glaring. "I'm sorry… You've been ousted from the cottage –"
Perhaps Gorin wasn't always talkative, many of the men in Erebor often had an air of grumpiness about them until you got to know them. But Lis was never like this. Something was most definitely off.
"If you're finished, Oin wanted to gather up for a meeting." She replied, as if Shobha were a mere stranger, not someone they had shared a house with! "In his office…"
They both stood by the door, Gorin behind Lis, and Lis with her hands crossed in front of her.
"Oh! You mean now?" Shobha stood hurriedly, slipping her heels back on. "Sorry… I must have not got the memo –"
"It was only something that cropped up now, lass." Aileen had come to stand in the doorway, she was not as cold, but she didn't seem her usual motherly self either!
"Ok… I'm coming…"
They had all piled into Oin's small office. It really was not the sort of office a medical director of a hospital usually had.
"Ah lass, yer here…" Oin began. He was of course a bit softer. He put his notes down, and looked up at the whole group first. "I thought it was just for me to speak with the lass…?"
"Oh goodness, Oin, you're too soft on her!" Lis complained harshly before turning to Shobha, who was guided into the only chair, as she stood next to her looking down angrily. "I can't believe you! How could you do this to us?!"
"Alright lass." Aileen spoke from somewhere behind. "That may be a tad too harsh."
"Do what? I… I don't understand…" Shobha looked up at the woman she considered a friend here in Erebor confused, her brain desperately trying to think what clinical mistakes she might have made. But she really couldn't think of anything. "Was it a patient? There was one clinic I overran and everyone was late, but that was because I rushed out to the emergency department to check on a referral… but that was weeks ago? And I explained it to everyone…"
Then Oin pulled open his desk drawer and produced a neatly folded letter and set it in front of her.
Heart racing she scanned it, and with the first few lines, she found herself feeling sick. It was the resignation note she had written after her run in with Thorin at the ball!
She sat back in her seat, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her whole!
"How could you?!" Lis muttered angrily. "We told you, no matter what, we value you as a clinician, and would support you even against Lord Durin himself! To see, you had your foot half out the door all along –"
"Alright lass!" Oin interrupted her angry tirade.
"Well, if you're not going to ask her properly –"
"I said stop it now, Lisella!" Oin raised his voice to silence her. "Give the lass a chance to explain."
"It was written a long time ago, and I… I was meant to shred it… I… guess I must have forgotten." She looked around her at her judges and jury! "I swear that's the truth!"
Oin watched her carefully.
"Are ya sure now, lass. Because if ye have any doubts at all… I need ter know." He was much calmer and balanced about it, but as she looked up from the note again she saw a look on his face that she never wanted to see again; it was the look of disappointment. "As ye know, there are a few senior members in the council and almost all in the Iron Hills who are opposed to us having anyone from outside living and working here, especially a lass. But we will happily stick our neck out fer ya.. we just need to know yer not havin second thoughts."
"No! No! I mean I know I've had a rough first few months… but this was a mistake… a momentary lapse of judgement!"
"It's a bloody enormous mistake to make, don't you think?" Lis was still fuming.
"Oh don't tell me you've NEVER made mistakes yourself!" Shobha suddenly felt angry at her for making more of it than it should have been. And then she realised, it was probably Lis herself that had found the note. "How did anyone even find that?"
"I went into your desk looking for a pen –"
"That was a locked drawer!" Shobha frowned, feeling a little betrayed. If she had found that, she should have come to her straight away and spoken to her.
"Then don't leave the key in there!" Lis was now almost completely yelling back at her.
"THAT'S ENOUGH NOW!" Oin silenced the argument.
"Here." Shobha took the letter and tore it up into small pieces. "That's what I was always meant to do with it…"
"Go on… leave us fer a minute will ya." Oin looked at everyone else, crowded into the office. "D'ya want me to raise me voice again? Go on…"
Reluctantly they all left, shutting the door behind them.
Shobha wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. It was a terrible day at work, and she just needed to get through it.
"Lass… are ya alright?" Oin spoke gently, breaking a long silence.
"No… but I've been worse." She admitted quietly.
"I couldn't help notice ya wrote that the day after the ball… was it ter do with Thorin…? Or Dain…?"
She looked up from the torn pieces of the letter in her hands.
"Dain… is Dain. Many here in Erebor don't agree with him or his council. Ye should know that. All those patients who waited to see only ye… they've come ter see ye as their own…" he with sincere concern, still observing her with a mixture of suspicion and disappointment. "As fer Thorin… I thought he was quite warmin to ya? He won't admit it, but I think he was quite impressed with ya, after ye tended ter his wounds. In fact he told me that he would have ye change his dressings, when I offered to do it. His bark is much worse than his bite lass… no pun intended ya hear!"
The old healer smiled weakly at his own joke briefly.
"But if ye feel like yer not happy about how he is with ya, then ye let me know. I will quite happily take him on."
She nodded silently. She just wanted to go home. Except it was not home.
As she neared their office, she could hear Lis and Gorin, so she paused in the corridor.
"Come on, you've had it out now. You heard her – she wasn't even going to hand it in. Let's just all go for dinner. I thought you were excited to tell her about us?" Gorin suggested.
"That was before I found that –"
"You know, technically, you were in her locked drawer…"
"For Mahal's sake Gorin! Are you taking HER side now?!"
"Let's just grab a bite to eat – all of us… like we used to. And clear the air…"
"No. And nor are you to invite her. It's a free town, if she wants to go eat in the cafeteria, but she's not sitting with us.."
Shobha remained in the corridor, and decided against going back in, stuffing the torn pieces of her letter in her trouser pockets. Her bag, mac and umbrella were in the office, but it wasn't raining at the moment, and there wasn't much of value in there anyway, so she decided to head home. She wasn't hungry anymore either.
She just wanted to go to bed.
…
As she finally reached Durin Manor, she had regretted her decision to walk home. Apart from feeling tired and depressed, it had been alright, until halfway along when the heavens had opened up! By the time she finally reached the Manor, she was completely drenched, and her shoes caked in mud.
To her surprise Helga stood by the entrance with a towel, ready for her.
"Thank you Helga…" Shobha took the towel, grateful to mop up the water that streamed off her, but she was not really in the mood to talk. "How did you…"
"His Lordship saw you coming." Helga gave her a strange half smile, as if she saw Shobha in a different light. "We expected you to have called for Dario or Dwalin to pick you up…"
She stopped running the towel through her sodden hair, and looked at the Durin's housekeeper, half expecting her to tell her off.
"We were a little worried when we didn't hear from you miss…" Helga hesitated again.
"You're making me nervous now… please tell me what you have to say…" Shobha mopped up some more of the ample moisture that trickled down her like rivulets.
"His Lordship would like to see you." Helga finally admitted with a grimace. "Right away."
"Can't it wait?" She gestured at her own soaked appearance, pretty sure she had gone well beyond 'sexy wet look' to 'drowned rat look'.
But Helga shook her head, with an apologetic expression.
With a sigh, Shobha nodded, accepting her fate; she thought her day couldn't get much worse, but apparently it could. She was not really in the mood for an argument, so stood there trying to psych herself up to see him.
Silently towelling off much more of the moisture, she slipped her feet out of her muddy shoes and bent down to pick them up, but the housekeeper stopped her.
"Gror will clean them up and have them looking like new in no time, lass," she pulled out a second towel from somewhere, almost like a magic trick and began to gently press the water out of Shobha's hair, taking a moment to brush through it gently with her fingers, as though she was some sort of hair stylist. "For what it's worth lass… HE was worried about you…"
Shobha raised her eyes up from her own towel to meet the pale eyes of the middleaged housekeeper. She was dressed neatly in her all black top and skirt, with her dark blond hair up in an elegant bun, and she wore an expression of part worry and part sympathy, for having made that revelation.
Finally plucking up enough courage, she set off for his study. This had been an inevitability for sometime now, like that Phil Collins song… she could feel it 'coming in the air tonight'. There had been so much they had just brushed aside, that had been left unspoken of; the argument last night, that kiss, and he had seemed incredibly angry this morning.
Having reached the dark wood door to his study, she paused again for a few moments contemplating what she must have looked like before shaking her head and slowly lifting her hand up to knock.
"Come in."
She slowly pushed the heavy door open, and moved towards where he sat at the desk. Initially he carried on working, as she approached closer, when he looked up at her with a look of irritation, as though she were a bothersome insect in the height of summer.
"I'm not your 'parcel delivery service'." He grunted gesturing to a large box that sat on a chair opposite his desk.
Shobha slowly approached the package that had been wrapped beautifully. In fact, it was perfectly wrapped! Then she spotted the neat, familiar handwriting as she examined the box further. It was from the last person she expected; her cousin Ria.
"And hereafter you phone to inform Dario or Athol about the time you wish to be escorted back after work." He barked at her angrily from where he sat, while she continued to stare at the large parcel.
Ria, and Jessica were her two best friends at school, it just so happened that the former was also her cousin! Since year one, they had been inseparable. It was only after they went to university that their lives took them in different directions, Ria became a lawyer, and Jessica a dentist. But they still made time to meet each other once a month at least! Ria met Vikram, her fiancé through Mike, so it didn't come as a complete surprise when Shobha was not invited to be one of her bridal party. It didn't make it any less painful for her though, particularly since Jessica was her maid of honour. All this meant that suddenly after things ended with Mike, she also lost both her best friends. So the decision to take the job in Erebor had become a simple one.
She had been drafting an email to politely decline the invitation, against her mothers insistence that she attended with her chin up, and was planning to send it that evening, and now she was faced with this.
She continued to stare at it.
"This is non negotiable. Do you understand…?"
"Yes – okay." She replied without argument, finally gaining the courage to open it.
He looked up surprised by her unchallenged agreement to his terms. It was most unlike her. She looked engrossed by the sizeable box, her features filled with a mix of sorrow and nervousness. Her fingers skimmed over the tape trying to peel it off, but it had been sealed well.
Standing up he reached for the letter opener on his desk, and walked over to where she stood, feeling a little sorry for the woman. It was clearly from someone in her past that she once dearly loved, and perhaps still did, even after the hurt they had brought her. He couldn't help wonder whether it was the man she had once been betrothed to.
He stood close to her, then reaching over stopped her fumbling hands as they attempted battling the package.
"Here, let me…" he moved her hands aside and efficiently used the sharp silver implement, to quickly open the seals of the box. But before he could step away, the box almost burst open with ample pink material.
She immediately pulled opened the top flaps to reveal a combination of beautifully embroidered pink taffeta, and net, fishing out the envelope that sat on top.
The damp clothing clung to her frame, making it particularly hard for him to focus from where he stood so close to her. He could smell the rain on her, and the subtle perfume she wore as it warmed up on her skin. He shut his eyes briefly and inhaled deeply, before shaking his head in disapproval of his own lack of self control and stepping away to give her some privacy, although she seemed too engrossed by the box and its contents to even notice him.
Opening the pale pink envelope she read the note written neatly on the pink watermarked heavy paper. Ria always loved to write notes and letters – she always had dedicated stationary for that, which Shobha always considered sweet in an age where impersonal emails were the norm.
Hey Hun,
I'm so sorry things have been weird lately, and I'm sorry for not talking sooner – wedding plans have been quite crazy.
How are you doing in your new job? I didn't realise Royal Mail don't deliver direct to Erebor, so you must be in quite an exclusive town huh? Hope you're settling in well.
Vik has been so busy lately with work and I am as usual juggling everything. I sometimes think he doesn't really care much about the wedding details, but I guess that's him right?
I feel terrible asking you, but I really need your help. Jessie has pulled out last minute, so I really need another bridesmaid. Everything is in hand, Vik's sister will be my maid of honour, so you would only need to be there the night before for our rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself.
I'm really sorry I didn't ask before, because Vik had already asked Mike to be an usher. And I thought it would be too awkward.
Please forgive me for doing this to you, but I had no one else I could go to, and I really need a friend at the moment. I hope you will say yes – for old times. And I promise not to ask for any more favours again.
Let me know if you're bringing a date.
Lots of love,
R
ps LBD for rehearsal dinner – we've gone with a black and white dress code x
It was hard not to feel ambushed. She reread the note again, and peeped into the box. Ria had sent her maids outfit. Just when she thought her cousin couldn't betray her more, this certainly felt like the bar had crashed through the ground and emerged on the other end of the planet!
She was past feeling sad, and frankly felt angry at her cousin; angry enough to set the wretched box and it's contents alight, that very instant.
She turned to look at Thorin, who stood at his study window now, looking out with his back turned to her, hands clasped behind his back.
"Thorin, please… can I use your phone?" She finally spoke.
"Aye. Anytime." He grunted softly, continuing to look out of his window for a moment.
She dialled one of the few numbers she knew off by heart, and listened while the line rang. Initially it cut out to voicemail early. So she dialled it again. And then again.
Finally on the fifth go, it was answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi Jess." This was not really a conversation Shobha imagined she would be having at this point.
"Oh hi… Shobha… I didn't expect… I mean, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. But what's happening with YOU?" She couldn't help cold tone in her voice. After agreeing to be Ria's maid of honour, Jessica too had fallen silent.
"What do you mean…?" Jessica sounded uncertain.
"Don't give me that bullshit. Why is Ria trying to twist my arm into being a bridesmaid, because you've pulled out last minute? She's only got a few weeks left –"
"I just can't okay." She fell silent for a while, and Shobha gave her time. This was not her issue to sort out. "I have my reasons."
"Whatever it is, cant you just suck it up for a few weeks? For her sake?" Shobha hesitated, wondering what had instigated this. "I mean, you guys will be friends again in a few months time probably…"
"No. I don't think I can anymore."
"What on earth happened for all this –"
"I can't talk about it."
"Okay. This isn't year nine anymore, Jess." Shobha sighed, as she recalled memories of the two girls fighting, when she would have to intervene, and often each would divulge secrets that she would have to keep. "I had no intention of going back, but since she is desperate enough to be forced to ask me, I think you can save the confidentiality issues here."
"You're right, it's not year nine. Everything has just got so out of hand. I don't think it can ever be okay again…" Jessica trailed off quietly. "I can't tell you why, but I can't do it."
"Okay, look how about this; think of it as a favour to me. And you know that you owe me." It was emotional blackmail. But it was her last shot. "After everything fell apart, our friends were divided, and Ria flaked on me, I didn't expect you to cut me off too –"
"Well what was I supposed to do Shobha?! Carry on like everything was normal? Ria was so excited – everything was about the wedding!"
"I used to book my dental check ups with you! But suddenly your appointments were always fully booked… you didn't even have the balls to tell me to my face! And you know I didn't deserve that." Even if her old friend refused, after saying everything she wanted to, she would have her closure at last. "You owe me. Do this and we're even."
"I'm sorry Shobha, but I can't. If that means I owe you then so be it."
She nodded to herself, staring at the contents of the box. It seemed that nothing would go her way today.
"Fine –"
"I'm sorry, okay?"
"Well it's not okay. I've been hurt enough with everything, and then abandoned when I needed it most… whatever you feel, we can both spare Ria from the same fate." Shobha rubbed her head, irritated, sad and frankly exhausted. These women, once her childhood friends, had caused her enough pain. The hurt which she had carried with her, was now eating at her new found friendships here in Erebor. "I guess this is it right?"
She could hear her friend, sigh loudly on the other end of the line. Somehow, she had held on to the tiniest hope that the three of them would renew their friendships again, like when they were girls. But now the inevitability of it all was clear, and it raised a deep sadness in her all too reminiscent of the time when things ended with Mike.
"Look, sometimes, even best friends aren't meant to last forever." Jessica whispered, her voice cracking a little, with the realisation of the finality of their conversation. "So, what are you going to do?"
"The only thing I can." She concluded, accepting that this would probably be the last time she would ever talk to Jessica. She also knew what she had to do. "I'm going to do the right thing."
She didn't wait for her friend to reply, and just switched the phone off, sitting there for a minute, lost in her own thoughts. If she did this, then she would probably see Mike again. And worse, she would have to stand there and smile, pretending everything was okay with Ria. On the other hand, she could use a few days with her parents, after the last couple of weeks she had here in Erebor. And perhaps she needed to do this one last thing.
Not daring to pull out the contents of the box, she looked up to spot Thorin, back at his desk, sifting through some paperwork and scribbling some notes down in the margins. He did look rather handsome… it cast her mind back to last night and THAT kiss. It made her shiver, pulling the towel around her shoulders a bit tighter.
He had actually kissed her! In fact he had spent the night in her bed!
"There is a fresh towel on the side table next to you." He spoke without looking up. Seeing her wet like that only reminded him of that night they had spent in the gamekeepers lodge. He would have her return to her room and strip out of those cold wet clothes, but if she wished to remain here in his study, he didn't want to be seen as driving her out. "Would you like me to have Helga bring you up a hot drink? I… would offer you something stronger but… after last night…"
His voice sounded softer.
"No thank you. I'm fine… but…. I need to go home at the end of the month… a few days actually…" she picked up the towel and looked up at him, but he kept his focus on his paperwork.
"Very well. I can arrange first class tickets for the sleeper train, and Dario can drive you to the station."
"Thank you…" She was grateful for that. The idea of a long and tiring drive home was not what she needed before facing the ghosts of her past. And then she remembered that he had probably wanted to complain about this morning. Her heart sank at the prospect of another argument. "Did you want to talk to me about something…?"
"It can wait." He finally raised his eyes from his work to look at her, and to her utter surprise, he seemed concerned. "Are you alright Miss Seth?"
She nodded, and watched lines form on his forehead slowly as he observed her carefully.
"Bad day." She didn't want to talk about it, picking up the box and towels, she moved towards the door and paused.
"Well, if you wish to talk…" he offered quietly as though it was a sacred admission.
"Thank you."
Opening the door she quickly headed for the safety of her room – if he had no intention of discussing their kiss or anything else, then she wouldn't raise the issue either.
At least not for now.
…
The walk back to her room could not have been more than fifty feet, but it felt like days. Twisting the handle carefully to open the door while balancing everything she carried.
"Ah my dear, here let me help." She was startled by the hand that pushed open the heavy door to her room.
Quickly, she dumped the box inside and turned to find Gandalf standing there. He stared at a small note in his hand, holding it afar to focus on the writing with his aged eyes.
"Thanks, Gandalf." She smiled, but in truth she just wanted to slink off inside her room and collapse on the bed.
"I'm glad I bumped into you, actually," he spoke hurriedly. "I have done some digging around. Well actually I have an excellent assistant who does some of that work, and I am meeting someone tonight in Dale. I think you should come along."
"Oh… um…" she hesitated, looking down at her wet clothes, and then towards Thorins study.
"Of course you can get changed into dry clothes. And use that blower thing to dry your hair." He followed her gaze towards the study door. "Don't worry he won't know. Bilbo will tag along, and Kili will drive us there. We can leave through the back way."
She looked back into her room where the box Ria had sent taunted her.
"I think you may be right. The collapse may not have been a natural disaster after all." He continued to speak in a hushed tone. "But we have to leave in the next twenty minutes, otherwise we won't be there on time."
"I knew it!" She squeaked, a hand flying up to cover her mouth, as she attempted to silence herself.
"Hurry now. We have no time to waste. If we're late, he may not wait for us, or worse may not agree to meet again." He pushed the small note back into the pocket of his blazer. "We will meet Kili and Bilbo down by the kitchens in fifteen minutes."
This was a terrible idea. Surely she should have learnt her lesson after the last time. And if Thorin found out, she would be in a whole new level of trouble! But she simply couldn't help herself.
"Okay. I'm in."
…..
Dear All,
Thank you for following. Please let me know your thoughts xx