Chapter 31: The Frying Pan

Back at the Loud residence, down in the basement, the huge mounds of clothing sat neatly folded, and on the corner floor, Luan was resting, rubbing her temples, totally exhausted and lethargic.

"Uuuugh, my head," she mumbled, "what the flying confetti-heck happened?"

She looked around her; she must have blacked out because the last thing she remembered, she was singing with clothing. At some point she figured she must have folded them since before they were in a massive pile on the floor.

A random piece of ABS pipe was lying next to her, some of Lana's plumbing supplies. She grabbed a long one meakly and placed it near her temples, nice and cold, soothing her throbbing head.

"If my life was a fanfic, this would be head-cannon, hehehehe."

One of her clown hats and ties was also lying next to her. She grabbed them both and pretended to make both talk to each other in different voices hand-puppet style.

"Hey dude, you like Tie-food?" She said as the raspy hat voice.

"Oh shut it you, you degenerate, sticking rabbits inside yourself," her deep-voiced hat voice said.

"Don't get yourself in a knot over what I do with my friend Gary. He hops where he pleases. Besides, just hangin here trying to figure out what's going on."

"I don't know what's…hehe, good one tie, but I don't know what's going on either. I'm usually top of the heap, but here I am on a loopy girl's head."

"You both gonna sink in a depression, just go with the flow," Luan suddenly said making a rapsy voice for the pipe.

"Pipe down!" The tie voice said.

"Yeah, go flush yourself dude," the hat voice also said.

"Pft, whatever, suck my fat long twelve incher you relics. I'm capping off this discussion, go hang yourselves," the pipe said, before Luan tossed it to the side.

"Micropipette more like, hahahahahaah," the tie said.

"Hahah, good one. Puttin other people's necks on the line, I'll go ahead and cap this off," the hat said, before Luan placed the hat on her head, the tie on her chest and neck, cracking a little smirk.

"Aaaah...that was so stupid!" Luan said laughing gently, pulling herself off her back into a pretzel sitting position.

"Boy, what a day. My throat's sore. Ugh, feels like that time Luna made me sing rock metal with her."

She wobbled back on her feet and took several deep breaths.

"Okay…get it together girl. Gotta figure out what went down. Last I recall was the dope brownie debacle a lil while ago, Lincoln and Lynn eating some of the brownies me and Luna were gonna trip on…oh shit! The other drugs…uuuugh this is gonna be a nightmare. I should have stayed knocked out."

Luan slowly walked up the basement steps up into the kitchen; it looked a little messy with her cooking still, even while she cleaned during her cooking. She quickly wiped down the counters, washed several of the dishes…and made a mental note to buy a new glass dish because she was in no way ever going to use it again with the family, especially her dad who normally used it for all the cooking.

She checked the living room; still in one piece. That was good she thought. She checked her parent's room, the dining room, the stairs, place by place it all looked relatively normal for the Loud house.

"So far so good…maybe I was just overreacting," she said with an uneasy laugh.

Upstairs now and everything seemed relatively normal, save for the red carpet having a lot of foot marks, and some of the rug being wrinkled, the same marks from Luna's amplifier and music equipment.

"Huh, was expecting much worse…better check the rooms just to make sure…oh! Someone took a shower," Luan said as she opened the bathroom; all foggy, steamy and warm still, with the bathroom window opened to release the steam out.

The muggy air seemed to magnify Luan's stress BO. She sniffed herself, arms then shoulders then underarms.

"Yuck…note to self, I need a shower soon."

She checked Leni's room. Nothing out of the ordinary, and she went door by door save for hers and Luna's. Lana and Lola's room, Lisa and Lily's, all normal and okay. She backtracked to Lucy and Lynn's…she was surprised by how many balls were scattered but otherwise it was rather normal, although Lucy would have a fit if she found her corner of the room trashed with Lynn's sports equipment.

Luan quickly tossed all of Lynn's sports balls and equipment and smelly clothing on her side. Several taps from the window took her attention; it was Lucy's bats.

"Oh! Hey guys, hold up. Darn Lynn probably forgot to open the window for you again," she said opening it up, Fang and many other bats she didn't know the names of yet swooping in around Lucy's bed curtains. Fang hovered in front of Luan and gave her a nose lick.

"Dwaaaaaa, thank you Fang," Luan giggled, giving Fang a quick pet, before he too took his spot.

"Wow, Lucy found a ton more bat friends…good thing they're not in my room, probably drive me batty, hehe."

She finished her minor cleaning of Lucy's side.

"Huh, where the hell is Lynn? She's supposed to be getting over the brownies in here."

Luan left the room and headed to Lincoln's. Nothing anomalous in there either, save for a rather pungent odor of Lincoln's hormones in the room.

"Uuuuugh, fuck that's strong," Luan mumbled, salivating a little and sniffing the air.

"God that'- intoxicating," she cooed, squeezing her legs together as she felt tingles down there.

"But no Lincoln or Lynn here either. What the hey? Maybe they're with Luna? Speaking of which, where is she?"

Luan headed back towards her room. The equipment was shuffled all around like she was about to put on a performance. She felt the carpet was a little wet still. Looking down she saw Luna's wet foot prints wobbling all over. Luan couldn't help but put her foot inside it and note how hers was slightly smaller than Luna's. It made her chuckle since her feet were always bigger than Luna's till she turned 16 and they stopped growing.

On Luan's bed she saw a wanky clown costume spread on her bed with a flower oozing a liquid; a pungent aroma of coconut and honey was pungent.

"The hell? I haven't used that clown suite in soooooo long. When did I pull that out?"

Luan curled the suit in a ball and tossed it in her chest, making sure not to look at Mr. Coconuts; he was the last thing she needed to see and hear.

"Nope, nope, nope," she said with a mumble, shoving the clown suit on top of the dummy.

"Ha! Did it."

"Boy howdy did you do it you walking Looney Tune. Really should have put your suit away cause that shit you made squirted all over. You-"

Luan slammed the trunk shut the moment the voice started, staring blankly at the purplish wall for a few moments.

"Matches, gasoline, maybe I can find a fire pit or metal trash container."

"I heard that! Murderer!" The voice yelled out in a muffle from within the chest.

"Go suck a log Mr. Coconuts. Now what the heck is going on? No Luna, no Lincoln, Lynn. They better not be doing God knows what out on the streets. It looks like," Luan said, beginning to feel the wet footprints with her toes in the carpet, "she just got out of the shower not too long ago. And I don't see her boots anywhere."

Luan plopped on her bed for a moment, laying back and taking some much needed deep breaths.

"In and out slowly Luan. In and out," she thought, taking super long inhales and exhales, calming down her burgeoning tension to her absent siblings.

"Alright. Cool it. Just need to undress, find some clothing, make a few calls, they couldn't be gallivanting off recklessly. They're probably baked out in the yard. I'll just call the….oh god damn it! Where's my cell?"

Luan punched her bed annoyed, shooting up and vigorously stripping down. Her body reeked of sweat, hormones and a rather still fragrant coconut aroma about her, which was the only thing she liked; she still thought she was rank.

"Get some clothes ready, take a shower, and turn the page on this whole crazy ass day. I've had my fix of crazy shit for the day," Luan said, heading to the shared closet. She got so frazzled she didn't even notice that her cellphone was right there lying next to her pillow on her bed, with several missed calls from Pop-Pop and Myrtle, the Loud family's newly awesome adopted and grandmother.

It was a walk-in with a corner that had an additional four feet into the back wall, housing a rather large amount of space in the dark, save for one tiny little night light that burnt out years ago Luna never got around to changing. Their closet had been modified by Lisa and Lana a few years ago as a sibling win; Luna and Luan vs Lana and Lisa in building contest. To the entire household's surprise, Luan and Luna won the contest against the Genius and DIY genius – build a network the fastest. Experience won out over genius in this rare case, especially when Lisa and Lana were fighting the whole time on what sort of "networking" they were going to do, plumbing or science consultation.

She moved so briskly to get a change of clothes from her cabinet she didn't even notice in the dark, back corner of the closet, hidden by a ton of Luan's clown and mime costumes was a butt-naked Luna, laying on her side in a total daze, drooling and salivating like crazy with her monster tongue dangling like a hound dog. She was partly hidden by the dark, the menagerie of shoes and boots and various spare items thrown in the back dark corner the girls used.

Luna gurgled gibberish as Luan closed the closet, grabbed a towel and headed for a nice long shower…what would have been a long shower, but she only had four minutes of hot water. Luan could feel the temperature change to quickly so all the hot water was gone.

"Dang it Luna! And dang it Lisa and Lana! You can do all sorts of modifications to the house but NEVER did ya think to make it so we never gotta worry about hot water."

Luan cleaned up, dried up and headed back to the room. She dried her hair with her favorite yellow dryer. She sat down at her desk with the mirror, watching and ruminating with such delight the hot air drying her hair. It was getting super light angelic brown, fluffy and wavy.

The shower plus the air dryer streaming warmth on her made her feel so at peace. Luan's nerves tingled from what felt like an enormous amount of stress being taken off her mind.

Just focusing on feeling the heat, seeing her hair get so foofy and wavy, it was one of the few times she didn't feel weird without her pony tail on.

"Wish I could just get used to wearing my hair like this all the time, but, I love my crunchies too much," she said with a giggle, streaming her fingers in her hair, feeling the super hot root hairs tingle her scalp. Luan made a big goofy smile as she rubbed her scalp soothingly.

"Ugh, I need Linc to just use a hair dryer on me and give me a looooong scalp massage. I'm owed it…in a not totally sexual I-wanna-bang-my-bro sorta way, hahaahah! And ya know what? I…I'm pretty. I think I am, I'm not just…all these," Luan said, looking down at her colossal breasts. She played with them a couple times, flopping and bouncing them.

"Yeah, you're a part of me…you ain't me though. Ain't gonna let you knockers me around, ahahahahah, get it?"

Luan put the air dryer all over her body, standing up to let it dry her all over. She had a giggly smile that made her feel like Leni at the mall on a clearance day or Lola after dominating the competition at the Michigan pageant…or especially Lily eating an ice cream and doing every known Looney Tunes impression known to man.

"Fuzzies," Luan giggled, pointing it towards her butt now, laughing at a bad joke she was thinking of.

"And here I thought hot air came out the other way, HA! And here I thought Luna was the only one with a hot ass."

She pointed it to her legs.

"Kneed some heat, hehe."

Then her feet.

"What was that episode? Bloo said…oh yeah! It's hot in Toooooooooepeka, PFT!"

She twirled around and put her back to the mirror, focusing the air on her back.

"Back at ya girl, and this ain't a cold shoulder look either…oh my God I'm a dork, hahahahah!"

She kept up the silly distracting fun, quietly singing a song to herself, "Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling! And evertime we kiss I swear I can fly! Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last, need you by my side."

"You know, besides that stupid orgy and all the other bullshit, that was some pretty kick-ass improve on the spot. Poor Leni, she's not too bright…my Leni at least."

She sat back down, letting it blow her face, letting her hair wave gracefully all over. Another little motif passed her mind she couldn't help but hum-sing.

"Play it loud, play it loud. I got no time for turning it down. Play it loud, play it proud…I live it, I breathe it, don't tell me I don't need it now…man is that one catchy song Luna made."

She sat back in her chair and had a curious thought.

She spread her legs open and let the dryer blow on full blast on her womanhood.

"Hehe, yes, I got hot pastrami..AHAHAHAHAH! Oh man that's a bad one."

Luan let it blow over her whole body for a little longer till she felt her entire body feel warm and prickly, little warm happy goosebumps all over her now. She turned her hair dryer off, put it away and rummaged for a few things in a drawer, putting on some deodorant and started rummaging for a scrunchy.

"Huh, coulda sworn I…oh derp, I think those other ones are dirty. I'm pretty sure I got a few spares in the closet," Luan said, heading back into the closet. The closet doors seemed to close by themselves quicker than usual but she didn't mind it, she was used to the dark in here. She closed her eyes and felt around the top few drawers, like it was a fun little challenge to feel her way and heighten her sense.

"Nope, not that drawer, but hehe, been looking for that frying pan. Dad'll be stoked. Hmmm…come on…nope, not that…got it!"

"I sure do lil bro," a voice called out lowly, seductively and with amorous intent, right into Luan's ear.

Luan couldn't move; she was so terrified she could have sworn she blanked out for a moment, still leaned over in the dark feeling around the cabinet. She squeaked as suddenly the full weight and force of Luna's voluptuous bigger body surrounded Luan from behind, pressing against her cabinet.

"Mmmmmmmm, hey lil dude, glad you got the cue. It's dark, ain't it bro, hehe, but you're a trooper," Luna cooed in an unbelievably drugged out state, licking and nibbling on Luan's ears.

Luan's eyes bugged out, fingernails digging deep into the wood of the cabinet, her whole body clenched tight.

"HOLY FUCK SHE THINKS I'M LINCOLN!" Luan screamed inside her head. "I GOTTA….oh fuck that feels good," Luan drunkedly thought, lost in the feeling of Luna's tongue and tender nibbles along her neck and ears.

"Hey, hehe, hey Linc…I'm like, sooooooo fucked up right, but you been gaining some chub? Your butt feels bigger than usual, hehe. I can dig it lil dude. Some ass with that monster cock of yours is a rockin good time my lil white-haired angel," Luna said with a horny dazed tone, rubbing her hands around Luan's butt, rubbing her toes on the sides of Luan's ankles and feet.

"Ha ha, dang dude, I think you had a growth spurt or something."

"…WHY AM I NOT STOPPING THIS?" Luan yelled at herself in her head, until Luna pushed her against the dresser and lifted her leg up and started licking all over her legs, starting at her heels down her toes up to her ankles, swirling her tongue around her ankle joint, then along her back leg and thigh…Luan couldn't help but squeak in eye-rolling pleasure.

"Awwww, my lil bunny-boy likes it when I lick all over him eh?"

Luan couldn't help it; something inside her knew this was so, soooooo very wrong but…

"Ye…yes," Luan nervously whimpered quietly, making her voice sound a little like Lincoln's.

"Mmmmm, and, hehehe, you tucking your junk away from me dude? Tsk tsk, tease…I know how to fix that," Luna giggled as she caressed the space between Luan's leg, making her shiver in both terror and pleasure, Luan knowing Luna was searching for Lincoln's packing and junk down there. She squeezed her legs together to make it seem like she was hiding them.

"You're such a tease you lil bunny-fuck. Das okay, I know how to make you move, hehehe," Luna said as the spread open Luan's cheeks and dived her tongue straight into Luan's backside.

Luan covered her mouth from the girly scream she let out, quickly grabbing randomly a vintage clown hat and biting into it full blast to let the dense fibers muffle her spastic mortification.

"HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Luan uncontrollably cried out in her head as shouldn't help from being so overwhelmed from the sensation of Luna's giant tongue digging deep inside her backside. She NEVER would have thought this is what it felt like. Everything was fine, it was just okay…and know Luna was tongue fucking her ass thinking it was Lincoln.

It all came crashing, what Luan was letting Luna do in an obviously messed up state, what she instantly deduced they get up to.

"WHAT THE LITERAL FUUuuuuuuuuuu," Luan whimpered as Luna's tongue began hitting a spot inside her that suddenly made her tear up, her legs giving up as she suddenly came a gigantic amount between her legs and all over Luna's face.

Luan couldn't think; it was so violent, one of the most violent intense ones she may have ever had, at the level Other Leni would do. She couldn't move or think.

"Mmmmm, I made my lil Lincy cum again, hehehe. Good lil dude, now it's my turn. I'm ready bro, you can take my anal v-card now," Luna sweetly giggled, slowly slinking up and laying all her weight on Luan, her own cum acting as a lubricant to ease Luna sliding up Luan's still rippling, quaking body. Luan blacked out for a moment, waking up to feeling Luna rubbing along her tummy, licking her now sweaty and cum-covered back.

"You sure made an awful ton there Linc, hehe, a lot more coconutty than I remember. Gotta be something in them shakes Leni makes us every morning. And mmmmm Linc, what a nice round booty ya got," Luna said as she felt up Luan's chest.

Her chest.

Luan tried getting her bearings. Luna was now beginning to caress around Luan's huge breasts, which just so happened to begin lactating a ton of milk from them.

"Mmmmmmmmmm…Linc, ya eating a ton of sweats? Your chest got like, super big. I…hehehe, I'm sooooo fucked up on whatever was in that flower thingy on Luan's costume or whatever, but…whoa, bro your tits are massive! Mmmmm…I'm soooo fucked up hahaha, your tits are as big as Luan's dude."

"…oh shit…OH SHIT, OH FUCK ME SHE'S GONNA-"

"Huh…hey Linc? Is that? Is that you lil bro?"

"OH GOD NO! FUUUCK!" Luan screamed in terror in her head. She rummaged something with a free hand.

"Linc? Is that you? Ya sure feel an aweful lot like-" Luna mumbled before she lazily wiggled for the light switch above them.

"Linc is that…Lua-"

SMACK!

Right when Luna turned the light on she saw a grey blur. It whammed her on the head so hard she got knocked out from the closet out into their room, twirling in circles before comically landing ass-up on her bean bag chair, tongue out as she had a KO look on her face. She was out cold.

Luan slowly walked out of the closet, shaking violently, her eye twitching nervously as she was holding the frying pan in her hands. She saw Luna was out cold, arguably going to be out for quite a while with a smack that hard.

"L…Luna?" Luan weakly called out.

No response. Luna just began slightly snoring as she lay there, butt up in the air spread-eagled.

"…I'm sorry Luna," Luan mumbled, looking so unbelievably ashamed at what she just did.

She tossed her frying pan onto her bed, then proceeded to get her own clothing on. She then struggled to get some undies and her shirt onto Luna, having to manhandle the unconscious Luna.

"This is fucked, like next order level fucked. What the FUCK were you thinking? What was I thinking?" Luan barked as she had a one-way conversation with her passed out sister. She felt her forehead; there was a good sized bump on her left noggin, not too big. Luan was so thankful the frying pan wasn't one of the older school iron skillet types, otherwise that could have really hurt her.

"What caused all of…THE CLOWN SUIT!" Luan roared, looking suddenly at the chest. "That…hoooooooooooooooooly fuck…I think those brownies messed me up so bad I put that thing on and did stuff…and I musta made something and put it in the flower…Luna somehow got squirt with it when I was downstairs…after her shower...she got squirt...messed her up even more than..." Luan mumbled in piecemeal, putting all the pieces together now.

"This…whole fucking day…is my fault," Luan moaned, sighing now more like Lucy.

"Literally back to friggin square one with my mood. Jesus, what a long weird day," Luan said in a more annoyed tone, just about smirking from the total amount of bemusement, shock, utter lunacy of today.

"I mean, why should I be surprised? I'm a god damn sexual deviant lunatic. You were just accidently drugged out by me and thought I was Lincoln in the dark…ooof, and I did NOT know Linc was into anal stuff. That's…that's gonna be hard to chew on…do I wanna pun that?"

Luan nervously laughed a few times, before grabbing a spare comforter and throwing it over Luna, putting a pillow under her head, so she was a bit more modest and nice, though she as drooling all over. Luan washed her face of her own cream off.

"Whelp, apparently Luna my older sis took my anal cherry…there's something you don't hear every day."

She gave Luna a delicate kiss on her bump, pulled out a big bottle of Ibuprofen and put it next to her plus a spare apple juice; she'd need it when she woke up.

"Uuuuugh... just wanted to have a good day, that's all, is that so wrong?" Luan sighed with a pouty huff, at this point at a "fuck this, I'm done" mood. She crawled into her bed, grabbed the frying pan, and just stared at it, almost for a solid three minutes without saying anything, just letting her mind process and wrap up the day.

"And I just wanted a new scrunchy."

And she suddenly began laughing hysterically. Overly hysterically, borderline hyper-manic laughing, gasping for breath as her laughing got even wilder and crazier.

It was out of her control, non-stop, like an unending train of gasping giggles, chuckles, spastic spasms of her diaphragm.

She angled the frying pan and slammed her head with it, knocking herself out cold, it falling hard behind her bunk bed onto the floor out of sight as she passed out cold onto her pillow in the blankets, now as still, quiet and placid as Luna was, minus Luna's light snoring.

Luan's phone buzzed on vibrate; a missed phone call from mom and dad, Pop-Pop and Myrtle. Luna's phone buzzed a few times too by the amp.

And like that, all was quiet and still in the Loud House…for the time being.

Yo everyone!

Sorry about that delay. It's a bit sucky out there alas, and I've been running dry and focusing on other lil projects. But, just needed a simple bit of "kick in the ass" to bring this thing back from the dead. Again, sorry about that. Had some writers block, but gonna be trying to pump 1-2 chaps every month, they're shorter, 3-10k words but it'll be easier, trying to put myself back onto a schedule cause that'll help discipline me to write TONS more for other things I'm jimming up.

I really hope everyone is staying healthy and safe out there. Take precautions, be safe, and happy holidays, ya'll! Gonna try to post 1-2 more chapters for X-mas time cause it's the best time of the year!

Much love everyone! Please leave reviews, like the feedback, even the silly stuff that makes me laugh my ass off XD

CHEERS!

PS, fuck this stupid horrible fucking year of colossal disappointment, pandemic, economic deprivation…but if someone is in need ya'll, help them all that you can. As James Stuart would say, do a little lookin out for the other fella too. DM if you got questions.