Life went on for Belle like normal. She mingled around town trying her best to mainly keep her head down and then when night came, she went home. When the sun rose the next day, she went to work just like usual.
Working at the library without a heart, felt strange for Belle. It felt like she was going through the motions without fully living. Every time she looked at a book, she felt no connection with it, it was like she did not care about anything. She's had her heart ripped out before, but it was never for an extended period of time. It was just whenever Rumple would want to be cruel and play tricks on her when she was his maid that she had been removed of her heart. But this time was different, she felt like she was having an outer body experience. She felt everything but it was like she literally could care less. Emotionally, she was nonexistent. Without her ogling at every book and rereading chapters from her favorite novels every now and then, she actually got a lot of work done. More than she ever had to be honest. She worked in silence, not a sway, hum or step in her work. By the time the library was on the verge of closing she had finished every single thing she had to do to finally reopen the library. Granted, the window was still broken from the attempted break-in but that was someone else's problem.
The weather was feeling warmer than the morning and if Belle had her heart, she knew she would've wanted to walk around town to enjoy the amazing weather, but heartless Belle just wanted to go home. She was only half a block away from her home when she bumped into Will Scarlet who looked ever so surprised to see her.
"Belle?" Will called out as she almost didn't stop to greet him.
"Oh, hey Will." She responded icily.
"Did you get my flowers?" He asked with a smug grin on his face.
"That I did."
"I've been asking around town for you. I've missed you.' His smile looked pathetic to her and she couldn't help but feel annoyance.
"Why would you do that? We went on one date Will."
"I thought we were hitting it off? You seemed really into me. I still remember our kiss." She wanted nothing more than to feel some sort of emotion for him but without her heart she felt empty. She didn't even know how to respond without hurting him. But in reality, heartless Belle didn't care if she hurt him.
"I've been really busy…sorry." The apology sounded flat and unenthusiastic, but she literally could not control it. She wanted to avoid the interaction as much as she could, so she simply started walking away with her hands in her wool beige coat.
"Wait Belle." Will ran in her direction after he stood for a moment analyzing what was even happening. Clearly, he had never seen her act this way before.
"What." Her irritated tone caused further confusion from Will.
"Is this because of what I did?" His voice lowered a decibel.
"Don't know. What did you do?" She asked not truly caring. Will mistook her vague expression as sarcasm
"Dang it! It is, ain't it." Will started to pace around confused. "Killian said he wouldn't tell you that it was me who broke into your bloody library after a drunken night if I didn't tell anyone he practically killed me. What a wanker. I should've known with the two of yeh acting like best of mates lately."
"What?" She stared blankly confused now more than ever. "It was you?" Finding out who broke into her library stroke a chord of anger strangely enough. She couldn't believe it was Will. "How dare you!" She shouted grabbing him by the collar on his shirt, channeling all her rage onto shoving him forward.
"Rats. You didn't know did you." Will picked himself up off the ground.
"No. But now thankfully I do." She shoved him again rising a laugh out of him. "This isn't funny."
"I'm sorry, you're just too adorable when you're upset." Will admitted as he kept his distance from her.
"You're a real asshole. How could you have the nerve to try to court me knowing you did that to my library."
"Well see at first I just wanted to make it up to you, but now I really like you Belle. I didn't know you were a cool girl until after." Her hand raised and Belle was ready to slap him across the face when she felt a hand holding her back. She bubbled with anger and then turned around to see who was behind her.
"Killian?" Belle asked in a more relaxed tone than she had used to yell at Will.
"Thanks a lot for that mate, you're a real pal aye." Will called recovering from his fear of Belle.
"Get lost Scarlet." Killian growled out still holding Belle's arm as she finally lowered it.
It had been more than a week since she'd seen Killian and more than 5 days that she didn't have a heart. Initially, not having heart had made her forget about Killian but somehow in the dead of night, he still crept up in her thoughts. Why? Was it her body that ached for him? Why him?
Suddenly realization struck her. Killian withheld something from her. He knew who broke into her library even before they started having sex.
"You mind telling me what that was all about." Belle turned to face the pirate as Will ran away from them in genuine fear of Killian. "Why didn't you tell me?" She was angry now.
"I'm sorry." His face dropped as if he was disappointed in himself. "I didn't want you or anyone else for that matter to know that I lost my temper on him. It wasn't my finest hour."
"I wouldn't have judged you Killian. I've seen your temper firsthand pirate and believe me it doesn't scare me." She meant every single word.
"You're not mad?" He asked reacting to her body language.
"It isn't your fault Will chose to do that." Even though deep down she knew if she had her heart back, she might be hurt or feel sensitive about the topic, she truly in the moment did not care. It meant the world to her that Killian even cared what people thought about him. In a way it changed the way she saw him.
"I've missed you." Killian admitted eying the brunette full of lust and possibly a hint of something else.
"As have I." Belle answered without skipping a beat. Her doe eyes quickly observed her surrounding and without thinking she asked, "Would you care to join me for some tea?"
The words elated Killian. He smiled a toothy grin and hoped he would get to have the conversation with Belle that he had been longing for.
"How about I drink the rest of the rum in my flask while you have tea." Killian asked.
"Deal"
They reached Belle's home within a few minutes. Their hands no longer were intertwined but every now and then they bumped into each other causing Killian to send a small smile in her direction. Belle wished she could feel happy, but she just felt empty and well…heartless.
"You sure you didn't want any of this tea?" Belle called as she poured the kettle into a little teacup. She stared vaguely at the teacup and felt a surprise when her heart did not reminisce about the chipped teacup that once depicted her love for Rumple. Not even the coffee mug that she had chipped the morning she ended things with Killian. Not having a heart had its pros and cons.
"Trust me luv, I'm sure." Killian sat at her dining table that was cluttered with books barely leaving any space for actual dining.
"Sorry about the mess, I don't exactly have a slew of friends who want to have dinner parties at my house." She said without a sign of sadness in her tone. She sat in the chair across from him and settled her steaming teacup and kettle on the table.
"No worries. I lived on a ship for over 300 years, I've seen messes that would make this place look spotless." He joked as he rummaged through the books glancing at the titles and then slowly flipping through the pages.
He was all too familiar with her mess. He realized she had a habit of apologizing for things that were miniscule. Her mess barely even warranted the term mess, yet he smiled as she shyly began move the books off the dinner table and back onto her bookshelf.
It was a small bookshelf compared to the ones she had back at her library, but every single booked looked as if it had been read a copious amount of times.
After she was done storing her books she sat at the table with him and began to sip her tea.
"Do you ever miss your hand." Belle asked surprising him with an invasive question. She always wondered but never had the courage to ask.
"Some days. But not always. It is a cruel reminder of the person I was once and the selfish life choices I've made."
"Bravo, nice answer." Belle caught Killian looking surprised at her response as she sipped on her tea.
"I overheard Will saying you two kissed." Killian admitted with a smug look on his face. The comment looked like it had been on his mind for a while now.
"Were you spying on me pirate." Her posh accent was emphasized as she was taken off guard.
"Call it what you will I just was making sure the crocodile wasn't anywhere near you. After all I said I would keep you safe-" Killian looked down for a second as if collecting his thoughts and then back at her, "Even now."
The reminder of her impending date with the very crocodile Killian spoke of would've probably made her stomach turn, but again like before she literally felt nothing. She saw nothing but honesty and integrity embedded within Killian. He was truly being vulnerable with her.
"Uh- don't think I'm stalking you or anything, I just wanted to make sure you were safe."
"I never said that." She admitted. She knew Killian would never do anything to harm her and, in all honesty, although she despised the thought of being watched from afar, it brought a smile to her face to know Killian cared enough to look out for her.
It was an odd sensation that Belle couldn't truly put her finger on. She wasn't happy. She wasn't angry. But she felt a warmness in her heart. A heart that was not there.
"Now answer my question." His voice grew demanding quickly changing the conversation.
"Yes. We did share a kiss." Belle admitted with a smile seeing how Killian's face dropped. "I guess I kind of just let it happen." She shrugged almost questioning her own decision.
"He doesn't strike me as someone that would be your type."
"And what strikes you as my type." Belle asked with a grin creeping up on her face. She knew where Killian was heading towards with his questions, but she still enjoyed tugging it out of him. "And if you say evil and old, I'll kill you." She held up a finger at him and spoke in a mocking accusing tone.
Killian released a soft genuine breathy laugh. He eyed her with admiration, which caused her to raise a brow in confusion. She wasn't used to being stared at the way Killian was in that moment.
"I just don't see why Scarlet."
"Am I sensing some jealously from the captain?" She suddenly put her teacup down and inched slightly closer to where he sat. Her hand devilishly found its way on his knee.
In her head she knew she was in the wrong. She was making the first move. But with her heart gone, she couldn't think logically. All she could think was with her body. And her body wanted him. It craved him.
"I might be." He admitted as his piercing blue eyes gazed into hers. He was reacting exactly the way she wanted.
"Jealous of a kiss? Pirate you and I have done much much more than that." Her hands caressed his cheeks as his eyes trailed away from her. Her mouth watered thinking about him as his warmth pulsed under her fingers.
"It's not about the kiss-" He began but stopped in hesitation unable to finish his sentence.
"Then what?" Belle's curiosity was peaked.
"Why did we never go on a date?"
The question took Belle out of her trance. While she was still feeling lusty after him, she now felt something else. Something that confused her. Could it be happiness or hope? Perhaps both?
"Well we're sex friends?" She said as a matter of fact not catching on to Killian's questions.
"I know but, don't you ever want to be something more? Maybe not now but…when everything settles."
Insight pricked at Belle all at once. The realization felt heavy on her chest as she suddenly felt foolish for taking for long to catch on. No wonder he hated her sex friends expression.
"Oh Killian I-." Oddly enough Belle felt emotion rising out of her. Her eyes begged to weep but nothing came. She felt happiness. Peace. Lust. And then suddenly love? "I think I-" The word didn't roll off her tongue like she wanted to. Like it did in cheesy romance movies from the world without magic. The words stayed stuck in her throat. But albeit Killian caught the meaning of her words.
"I think I do too." Killian said with reassurance. He smiled a toothy grin and eyed her with a passion in his blue eyes.
It was then that Killian cupped her cheek and brought her face close to his pressing their lips together ever so softly. After they pulled a part for a breather, he quickly dived in for seconds and the passion grew. While Belle wrapped her hands around his neck as they kissed Killian used his hand to cup under her legs and pick her up from where she sat. She squealed slightly not expected the sudden movement as he picked her up out of her chair. "No worries, I'll always have you." His words sounded like a vow as they pulled apart for a breather and he put them down on the couch in her living room.
Belle crawled into his lap and spread her legs open around his waist.
Her heart would have made her stop. Her heart would have known this was pulling Killian into the danger zone that was her previous relationship. It was exactly what she wanted to avoid. But her heart was gone and Killian was in front of her telling her everything she wanted to hear. Her body was on auto pilot and all it wanted was to feel him again. To feel his warmth and power on her.
"This is where we had our first kiss." Belle's hands messed with his raven black hair as she faced him forgetting everything she was battling internally.
"How could I forget." He said slipping his hand under the back of her shirt wanting to feel the warmth of her skin closer. Her skin felt silky soft under his touch. Belle had missed feeling his hand along her body.
He brought her in for another kiss softly biting at her lip. She tugged along his raven hair pushing in deeper into their passionate kisses. Minutes passed slowly as if they were frozen in time. Their kisses felt different. There was more emotion in them. But in a moment of catching up with her breath, Belle pulled back gazing along his rough handsome features.
"I wish I had my heart for this." The words escaped Belle's mouth as he peppered hot kisses against her neck that practically had her begging for him.
"What do you mean by that luv." Killian pulled away from her. Suddenly all the tension left his body and he was left with only curiosity.
"Oh well… I don't currently have my heart." Belle shifted back to look at Killian clearly in the face.
"Why?"
"Regina asked me for it so she could see what Rumple was up to." Belle responded.
"So…this whole time we've been talking. You haven't had a heart."
"Yes." She admitted realizing he was clearly bothered by her admission.
"Now this all makes bloody sense." Killian said more to himself than to her. He carefully guided her off of him and stood up in thought. "This isn't really you. Of course, I would fall for this." He muttered again to himself.
"It is me. I just have less emotions and feelings. But for the most part it is me." Killian began to shake his head even before she finished her sentence.
"No. This isn't right." He began to head to the kitchen to grab his coat.
"Where are you going Killian?" Belle shouted not moving from the couch.
"I'm going to have a word with Regina about taking your heart."
"Don't be rash, you know it's the only way to figure out what Rumple is up to. I'm not strong enough to talk to him, yet." She rushed over before he could open her door and stood against it to prevent him from leaving.
"Why do you believe yourself to be so weak." His finger lingered under her chin. She wanted to urge forward and kiss him softly, but his face was still shaded with anger.
"Because I know myself and I know my limits."
"And I know you are better than what you think." He gently moved her aside and left slamming her door without another word. The door being slammed still rang her ears as she stood in silence missing his presence. She didn't expect for her to miss him due to her being heartless, but she did, she wanted to sink to the floor and feel sorry for herself. She never wanted him to be upset with her. She didn't understand how or why she had such a rush of feelings when she shouldn't be able to have any, but she did.
She laid in her bed swaddled in her covers half asleep until she heard a knock at the door. It was around 10 PM but she answered her door knowing it was around the time she was scheduled to be controlled by Regina.
"Can I come in?" Regina asked as soon as Belle opened her door.
"If you wanted to come in why didn't you just appear in here." Belle sighed.
"I didn't know if you were decent. Just thought it best to be polite." Regina shrugged as she slowly walked around examining every inch of Belle's home.
"Hah because you care oh so much about being decent to me." Belle quipped as she stood watching every move the reformed Evil Queen made. Regina looked shocked by her answer and almost felt proud that Belle actually was toughening up.
"Someone's in a mood…is everything alright?" Regina raised a brow genuinely interested.
"I'm just nervous. I don't want to see him."
"No that's not it." Regina caught her bluff. "Talk to me Belle."
"I'm just confused. I thought not having a heart meant I couldn't feel any emotions but then I got into a fight with someone I may or may not…be developing feelings for…and I actually felt everything. I felt sadness. I felt hurt. I felt it all."
"Feelings? I'm going to pretend like it is not killing me to learn who from Storybrook that could be." Regina's jaw dropped in shock as she formulated thousands of questions in her mind.
"Regina." Belle seethed as she crossed her hands already filled with regret that she confided in the Evil Queen.
Regina exhaled feeling sympathetic for Belle. She could see the sadness in her eyes.
"Oh Belle." Regina let down her guard and put an arm around the brunette. She wanted to tell the librarian that everything would be alright. But the way that things had been lately, she had no clue. All she could do was be honest with her, for once. "That's not how it works at all. You still feel things, just not as strongly as you would with your heart. It's not a major difference believe it or not. I still managed to fall in love with Robin without my heart. I'm sorry if not having your heart has affected you in any way…. the truth is I'm just so scared of what Rumpelstiltskin might do to the ones I love if I don't figure out what he's up to…he threatened Robin and I can't lose the love of my life." Regina spoke so fast and all at once that she was left slightly out of breath at the end of her sentence. "Please understand that this has nothing to do with how I feel about you personally." Regina's eyes looked filled with sorrow.
"You should've told me that in the first place Regina. I still would've done it."
"Again, I'm sorry Belle, I didn't think of you and how you might take this." Regina shrugged
"Its water under the bridge now, don't worry about it." Belle displayed a closed mouth smile. "So, are we doing this?"
"Unfortunately, we don't have another choice." Regina smiled and led the way out of Belle's home.
The weather was horrible. There was some light drizzle in the air along with wind that gave Belle chills. She wore a beautiful soft blue dress that resembled her very much old maid uniform, she herself didn't chose it but she knew Regina made her put it on to dig deeper into Rumple's heart. Belle had never experienced a sensation as foreign as when Regina controlled her to walk through the forest alone. It felt as if she was walking aimlessly without truly knowing her end location, but her heart knew. When she stopped at the location in front of the town well it wasn't her brain that stopped her from walking but her heart.
"Belle." She heard his voice before she saw him. His hair looked even greyer than the last time she had seen him, and his limp was back, and the cane was a clear indication of that. As Regina held her heart wherever she was, she kept telling Belle to relax and be calm. So that was exactly what Belle was doing. "I'm surprised you wanted to meet. And here out of all places."
"Do you remember what you told me here. On the night of our vows. About how I chased all the darkness out of you." Her hand almost jumped to her mouth to cover it as the foreign words left her. She had never been controlled like this before and she couldn't shake the strangeness of fact that the words exiting her mouth were not her own.
"Belle listen, I'm sorry for everything." Rumple began as he approached closer to her stance by the well.
"No. I don't want to hear any apologies tonight that is not what I came here for. For once in the whole time I've known you. I want to know the truth. Just please for once can you speak the truth. Why have you come back to Storybrooke? Are you here for me, are you trying to win me back?"
"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that." Rumpelstiltskin placed his hand carefully on his chest and seeped into himself removing a dried up pure black item that appeared to be a heart. His heart. "It would appear that centuries of dark deeds eventually do take their toll…not even the Dark One is exempt from that. And all that's left of this will be gone pretty soon unless I change my fate."
"What happens then? Will-will you die?" Belle's voice began to crack even though she literally felt nothing for him.
"In a manner of speaking, yes. I will lose the ability to love and that goodness that you saw inside me once, well that will be gone forever. There is only one man who can reverse this process. And that is the author. That is why I am here in Storybrooke." Rumple confessed.
"What about Zelena…why would you ever team up with her. I thought you hated her." Regina asked through Belle's body. Belle could sense her anger as she spoke into her heart.
"Turns out she needs the author for her own personal gain as well, she helped me get here to him on the condition that I made sure he granted her what she wanted. She found me somehow in New York." As Rumpelstiltskin noticed the concern that grew on Belle's face the more she looked at his heart, he decided to put his heart back into his chest.
"Now I don't expect you to understand" Rumple began to shake his head as Belle drew nearer to him.
"But Rumple I do understand."
"You do?"
"Sometimes I worry-I worry I threw out the chipped teacup too soon." Belle did not physically feel any emotions but as soon as the words left her mouth she started to tear up. The extent of Regina's control truly amazed her. Belle walked towards Rumple and just like she did many times before and she placed her hands on his head and brought his lips to meet hers. She knew the kiss would feel strange, and even though she had no heart the kiss made her sad. The kiss felt artificial and forced by Regina, she hated that it was even happening. But she felt like a spectator in her own body unable to change anything that was happening no matter how hard she tried to fight it.
"But you know what the biggest problem is though, Will is just such a better kisser than you are." Belle's mind was racing and the only thing she could think of was how Regina even knew her and Will kissed. And now Rumple knew. As much as she wanted to take back that sentence she couldn't. The words were out of her mouth and the pain she was feeling for saying them was nonexistent due to the lack of heart.
"Wait what" Rumple stepped back in confusion. He looked at her like he no longer knew who she was.
"You're pathetic Rumple. Watching you grovel back to me it's like a dog begging for scraps." Belle wanted to drop to her knees and stop saying the words she was saying, it was all too much for her. But the control Regina had on her heart was too strong. Even as she simply thought about walking away, she would feel a squeeze on her heart. She never wanted to hurt him like this.
"Why are you saying this Belle." Rumple began to speak hysterically, and his eyes began to water. She had only seen him cry once before and that was when Zelena almost killed Baelfire. She didn't even think he was able to cry due to her words. "This isn't like you Belle."
"Maybe not, but it is SO like me." Regina spoke emerging from the tall trees in the forest as she quickly got Rumple's attention.
"You have no idea just how much I'm going to make you suffer for this." Rumple quickly dissolved any sign of weakness and channeled his rage onto Regina who now held Belle's heart painfully tight.
"Stop" Belle shouted out in pain before finally dropping to the ground and clutching her chest as if her heart was still there. "You two want the same thing why don't you stop fighting and work together." Belle spoke with a strained breath trying to ignore the aching pain in her chest.
"Can you just stop squishing her heart and let the poor girl speak." Rumple shot Regina eyes of desperation.
"You really expect me to just forgive the person who has threatened to kill my family and everyone I care about on numerous occasions." Regina loosened her grip slightly only minorly relieving Belle of the aching pain.
"Regina…I know Rumple has hurt you and trust me I am not defending him ever again BUT you held me in an insane asylum for 27 years when you knew he cared about me. And not once has he tried retaliating think about that." Regina altogether let go of her grip allowing Belle to breathe clearly. She could tell Regina knew she was right.
"Fine. I will work with you Dark One. But know this, if you try anything. You know what will happen." Regina lifted Belle's heart high up and gave it a firm squeeze to show she was serious as Belle fell completely to the ground wincing in pain. Rumple looked like he wanted to say something in rebuttal, but Belle shot him a look he knew too well. It was her look of making him play nice with everyone. It was a look she had to use too many times during social events with the community. Belle knew Regina was scared and lashing out in fear for Robin and his son Ronald.
Sorry about making Regina a little bit on the darker side in this chapter and the past few but before I say anything, I wanted to let everyone know I'm a HUGE Regina supporter I love the way Lana plays her character. But I will say when re-watching season 4 specifically for this fic I felt as if she was a little rude and stand offish towards Belle and Once never gave us Belle's perspective to how she felt about Regina just taking her heart. So, I wanted to emphasize that a little bit and kind of write my own version of what I felt happened. However, there is room for growth, and I want to potentially explore Belle's friendship with her. Also, super sorry about the Rumple and Belle scene it literally broke my heart watching it AND writing it. I stuck to the dialogue from the show pretty SPOT ON and just changed minor details to make more sense for my fic so no credit at all goes to me for that dialogue and it goes to the writers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz.
I just realized that I gave Belle three potential love interests in my fics last chapter haha, she is a natural born hustler. It isn't until right now however that I have realized my beef with the role of Belle in Once. I'm so mad that when her and Rumple were on break they just paired her with Will? Like fucking Will? He was such a boring character who I honestly could've cared less for. Before I get hate…no I did not watch OUaTiW therefore I don't know his backstory. I understand that there wasn't many eligible bachelors and ones who would risk dating the Dark One's ex wife at that BUT c'mon fucking Will? Ok rant over…