OH BOY! No, I haven't forgotten about this little project of mine, I just wanted to wait until all the Lux issues were out so I wouldn't make too many mistakes writing this! I'm sorry you had to wait this long, but I will try to update more frequently! As always, Feedback is much appreciated and please, enjoy!

Chapter 4

Choice

Lux

If there was one thing that bothered me most about my family, it was that they felt the constant need to make decisions for me and to control my life. I understood that as a part of the Crownguard family, there were a few things that I had to mind, a few rules that I had to play by, but not having a say in my own engagement? How was that in any way fair? Garen didn't have to marry someone that our family chose for him, so why did I? I didn't see it as befitting that nowadays, tactical marriages were still happening. I felt like they had to be real desperate to somehow make all their problems just go away simply by being privileged and I honestly found it ridiculous.

So naturally, I wasn't really fond of the whole idea that now they also had me suspended from work for I don't even know how long.

"Consider it a vacation" aunt Tianna had said. Yes, real nice, a vacation in which I am not even allowed to go outside because my family fears that I'm going to be murdered as soon as I take one step outside Crownguard manor. I mean, do they even realize how stupid that sounds? Why would the rebels even risk putting themselves in such a dangerous situation just to kill one girl who doesn't even have that much of an impact on the political world. They were being paranoid and they refused to see reason or act in any way logical.

So here I was, trying to keep myself busy while waiting for the inevitable to come, another choice that had been made for me. I was getting a personal guard before I could even think of going outside again. This was probably the part that annoyed me most. The fact that they thought I was too weak to defend myself on my own. I expected at least Garen to understand that even without my abilities, I was still capable of fighting off any fool who would try to mess with a Crownguard.

But did anyone listen to me? No, of course not, I was just the naive little girl who allowed the country's most dangerous criminal to escape and start a civil war. In a way, it was true, but people had to understand, that if it wasn't for their radical view towards mages, things like that never would have happened in the first place. I sighted. Who am I to even talk? I probably caused that girl near Jandelle to get hurt, or even worse, captured by the mage seekers. I felt like an idiot and the thought of it wouldn't let me sleep properly.

I was pulled out of my thoughts and back to reality by a shy knock on the door. It was one of the maids who didn't enter, only said: "Miss, you have a visitor downstairs in the atrium. Your mother insists you come and greet him" I could hear her careful steps as she walked away almost immediately after delivering the message.

I was curious. Who would visit me? The only way to find out was to head downstairs, and I decided to pretend that it was my choice to do so and not my mothers.

I let out a surprised gasp when I reached the atrium and saw my brother's and my childhood friend, prince Jarvan waiting. Well, I suppose it's king Jarvan now, I thought to myself. It was strange, seeing him as that. He had always been the crown prince to us and I never actually thought the day would come when we'd call him anything else but that.

I remembered to compose myself. "Your majesty..." I uttered, not trying to hide my surprise at his visit "What a surprise!"

"Please" He answered "No need for formalities. I don't want me being the King now to stand in the way of the familiarity we've always enjoyed." I nodded. Of course he'd say that.

"What brings you to High Silvermere? Shall I have a maid get my brother?" I asked curiously.

"Oh no, I am not here to see him. I actually came to speak with you, Lux." That was also quite untypical. Jarvan and I were friends but he and Garen have always been much closer, having trained together for many years. They had enjoyed a long and healthy friendship, and while I was always welcome in their company, I was never as close as they were.

"Me?" I looked at him, not sure whether I should be pleased or anxious.

"Yes" he clarified "would you care for a walk in the garden?"

I nodded. I couldn't exactly say no, not even if I wanted to.

I led him through the atrium into the garden, even though he knew the way by himself. He had been here quite often throughout our teenage years. He held the door open for me when we stepped onto the terrace and I silently thanked him with a nod and a smile. I wasn't one for the kind gender based behavior, but with the pr–... the king, I knew I should behave lady like, or the maids would possibly tell on me. That, and I knew I shouldn't put pressure on my still injured shoulder.

"It is strange how the sun can still shine like nothing has happened." said Jarvan as we began our stroll on the little pathway that led through colourful fields of flowers and carefully trimmed hedges. "I wish we could end all this in one strike. Rid Demacia of all the mages once and for all."

I tried to hide my displeasure at his words. Instead, I asked: "What did you want to speak about, Jarvan?"

His gaze wandered to the flowers and for a short moment I thought he hadn't heard me asking at all. Then he turned his head back to me and said: "Our engagement was not made with your consent, was it?" It was not. I didn't want to tell him that I never wanted to wed him, at least, not in this way, he was my friend after all, and his feelings mattered to me. But as a friend, I also felt the duty to be truthful with him. He deserved to know how I felt.

"No" I confessed. I wanted to add something comforting but I didn't know what to say.

"I understand" Jarvan's gaze went back to the scenery. He was behaving strangely mature and it was a little strange to see him act that way. But his father had just passed away and I was sure that having to take a lot of responsibilities that he was not yet ready for had changed a little part of him.

"Listen, Jarvan..." I began, unsure how to phrase what I wanted to say "it's just that... I was overwhelmed with the word that suddenly I was supposed to wed a man who I had always considered a very close friend of mine. It's not like I don't like you, not at all, it's just that I have never thought about you in this way. I was – and still am not aware how I feel about the subject of us being more than just friends. I want you in my life, I just don't know if this is the way I want it to be."

Jarvan silently kept staring at the flowers. It's like he had built up a facade since the events in the crown city had taken place and he was trying very hard to be the king the people needed now.

"Since... since I am in command now I have the power to call it off. The engagement, I mean. Would that be in your interest?" he asked and I noticed the slightest tremble in his jaw. Yes, I wanted to scream, yes, please, I'm tired of not being able to decide my own fate!

"Don't worry, I would not tell your family that it was you who asked me to revoke my proposal. I will tell them that with the recent events that have transpired, now is not a good time for me to choose a bride." It was almost scary how fore coming he was.

"Jarvan. That would mean the world to me" is what I settled to say, hoping that I would not hurt him by doing so. I searched his face for emotion to give away any indication of how he felt about this, but he didn't let his facade slip.

"Just... know, that if you were ever to change your mind, I would not hesitate to take you as my bride, Luxanna."

My heart stopped for a split second. Was this a confession? Did he genuinely... love me?

I could only manage to nod, but after a few seconds of silence, I felt bad for staying quiet, and shyly said: "I appreciate your offer, Jarvan, I really do. Thank you. For doing this for me. I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"It's what friends do, isn't it? And in this war, one will need every friend they can get"

Jarvan declined my offer of staying the night at Crownguard manor and waiting until morning to ride back to the capital. He had important matters to attend to, which he had made very clear, so he couldn't afford to stay. I would have been surprised at this point, if anyone would be willing to stay and listen to my concerns. But I didn't want to be ungrateful. By calling off the wedding, he had done me an enormous favour which I would be sure to repay at the closest opportunity.

So I was alone for the time being. Well, almost. Garen was dead set on temporarily doing the personal guard job until we'd hire someone with a "suitable skillset", as aunt Tianna had put it. I didn't even try to fight it anymore. There was no use and I'd only end up wasting my energy, which I could use on a lot more useful occupations.

I had tried practicing my magic with the new wand I had been gifted by a few mages I had helped escape the capital city several weeks ago. I never had a wand before and I had to say, it worked really well for me. Channelling my powers into an object that could direct it really helped me focus my light beams more precisely and enhanced their intensity immensely. Garen noticed but pretended that he didn't mind, though I knew that deep down he still hadn't forgiven mages for what they had done to our family and our beloved city. But I couldn't pretend to be something I am not just so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I already had to hide my gift from the rest of the world, I needed to be able to confide in at least one person, even if I was acting a little selfish in doing so.

"Lux" Garen said to me while I was aiming for a self-made target I placed onto the wall across from my bed "I know you're trying to embrace who you are, and I respect that. But do you really have to do that here?"

I didn't bother to look away from my target. I was still angry about the whole personal guard matter and that he didn't even consider that I was able to defend myself, even though I was delivering a perfect display of that fact almost every day. "Where else would I be doing it, Garen? Outside? Oh wait, that's right. I'm not allowed to go there. Thanks to you." I was lashing out at him and I didn't care. If my family wanted me to be "safe", wanted to protect me from a non-existent threat, fine, but Garen questioning my only way of being productive while I was basically grounded made me want to hit something. So I did. I concentrated on my power and fired a light beam right at the target.

"That's not fair, and you know it. I'm only trying to protect you" Garen protested. I had heard it a hundred times before.

I knew he was. But he didn't realize that he was taking my freedom from me in the process. I settled on saying nothing. I felt like shouting but I didn't want to take my anger out on my brother any more than I already did, so instead, I fired a second blast of light.

"You know how mother and aunt Tianna would react if they found out about what you're doing in here" Garen continued. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Lux."

"Let them find out" I hissed. "What are they gonna do, call the mage seekers on me? Throw me out?" I knew I was being unreasonable but what did it matter anyway?

"You know I won't be doing this job forever. Eventually, you're going to get a new personal guard and it would be best, if they didn't know about your..." he stopped, but I knew what he had wanted to say.

"My affliction. You still think of it as that, don't you?"

"Lux, I didn't mean to–..."

"You didn't mean to do what, Garen? Call me an abomination?"

"You know that's not what I meant"

"But it is what you said."

"Lux, you're twisting my words around. I don't think of you as that, you're just angry and confused"

„Oh, I'm angry, for sure, but I am not confused. Why can't you just see that all these people want is to live in peace?"

"Murdering the king and destroying the city is not something a lot of people would consider peaceful" he argued.

"I know that, okay? I don't agree with their methods either, but it never would have happened if demacians weren't so hostile against mages in the first place! It's not like I don't know what Sylas encourages the other mages to do!"

Garen sighed in defeat. He knew I wouldn't keep quiet about the injustice happening in our country any longer.

"I just want everyone to be safe" I said, calmly this time.

"Me too, Lux" he said. "But you cannot save everyone."