Kanami was flipping through a months-old housekeeping magazine in the waiting room when Misaki arrived at the clinic.
"I'm sorry," Misaki said breathlessly, sitting down beside her. "I lost track of time."
"Don't apologize to me," her friend said. "It's your appointment. I have to ask though - would you have showed at all, if I hadn't texted?"
"Of course! …I just might have been a little late." Truthfully, she didn't want to be here at all. Doctor's exams always felt so…invasive to begin with, and her first antenatal visit three weeks ago had been even worse. The lecture that she had gotten about not replacing her birth control in a timely manner hadn't exactly been enjoyable either.
Misaki took the clipboard that a nurse handed her and signed herself in. The names above hers had all been crossed off, but the little waiting room was still full. All women; all housewives. Some were visibly pregnant, and a couple had young children in tow.
"Misaki, you're fifteen minutes late as it is; what was more important than this?"
She glanced around the room again, then lowered her voice. "I was at the detention center speaking with Hourai."
"Oh?" Kanami leafed through the magazine. "And how's the smug bastard doing these days?"
"Not so smug anymore. He -" But Misaki broke off when she caught part of the conversation that was happening between two women down the row from her and Kanami.
"…contractors everywhere!." one woman was saying. A toddler was standing by her side looking about the room curiously. Kanami smiled at him and waggled her fingers; the child smiled stickily in response. "There must be some kind of genetic screen," the woman continued. "Otherwise, how are we supposed to know?"
"I don't know," said the other, bouncing a baby on her knee. "I read in the paper this morning a list of signs you're supposed to watch out for, changes in behavior, that sort of thing. But when they're this young, how do you what's normal or not? They say that contractors don't feel love for their families anymore - if Jomei ever…" she trailed off; Misaki could hear the tears in her voice. "How could I bear it? My husband told me the other day that he would never allow a contractor in the family, son or not."
"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," the first woman said soothingly, in direct contradiction to her earlier statement. Intent on her conversation, she didn't notice her child detach itself from her side and toddle over towards Misaki and Kanami. Misaki shifted her legs further to the side, but the child was making a beeline straight for her. "They say it only happens to adults. By the time Jomei and Takeo are grown up, they'll have figured out a cure."
The child toddled up to Misaki's chair and tugged at her trousers. She extricated the fabric; it was slightly sticky, she noted with a grimace.
"Ba?" the child said, reaching out to tug again.
"What?" Misaki asked and scooted a bit closer to Kanami and out of the child's immediate reach. Why wasn't its mother paying any attention? She glanced over at the other women, wondering if she should interrupt.
Kanami dropped her magazine and scooped the child up into her lap. "Aw, look at you, what a sweetie!" she cooed to burbling laughter. "Where's your mama?"
"Ba!" the child said.
"Is that right?" Kanami asked in all seriousness.
"That's not even a word," Misaki protested.
"It is to a baby," her friend laughed.
Just then, the woman finally noticed that she'd lost her child, and hurried over to the two them, apologizing profusely. The toddler reached out eagerly and Kanami passed it into its mother's arms.
"Don't worry about it," she told the woman, who Misaki noticed with a shock was quite young. "He's a little doll!"
The woman smiled and thanked Kanami for the compliment, bowing. As she straightened, she glanced at Misaki, and her eyes widened. "Are you - I'm sorry, but aren't you the police woman from the news? The one who - who works with contractors?" She said the last word in a hushed tone, as if it was still an international secret.
"Yes," Misaki said.
The woman bit her lip nervously. "Can you tell me - is it true, that only adults become contractors?"
"The youngest case reported was fourteen," Misaki answered. "But that was unconfirmed." The women didn't look mollified at all, and Misaki sighed. "Yes," she clarified. "It only happens to adults."
Relief washed over the woman's face. Misaki felt slightly guilty. What she'd told the woman was technically true, from the standpoint of Pandora's official records. However, she herself knew of a case much younger even than fourteen. Hei's sister, Xing, had only been nine when she'd turned. Misaki had already spent several sleepless nights imaging what that would be like, to raise a sweet little girl for nine years, only to have her become a cold and heartless killer before she'd even reached puberty.
"Are you having a baby?" the woman asked, her words growing less polite and more friendly.
No, I'm just here for the fun of it, Misaki thought sourly. She was in no mood to make friends in the doctor's waiting room. "Yes," she said in a clipped tone.
"What does your husband say, about you having such a dangerous job? I mean, you'll have to quit soon won't you?"
"I'm not married."
The woman's face went pink with embarrassment, but even so, she continued, "Are you worried, at all? About your baby, and contractors?"
"Of course not. As I've said in every interview I've given, there is nothing to be afraid of. Contractors are people just like the rest of us."
Fortunately her tone seemed to at last get through to the woman. She thanked Misaki, apologized again, and hurried back to her friend, clutching her child so tightly that the boy began to cry.
"She looks hardly old enough to be out of school," Misaki said as they watched the woman trying to comfort her child.
Kanami shrugged, waving and smiling at the pudgy wet face sobbing over its mother's shoulder. "Age doesn't have much to do with motherhood. Anyway - what were you going to say about Hourai?"
"Oh. Just that he finally agreed to talk."
"No kidding? Misaki, that's fantastic!"
"All that hard work is paying off at last," Misaki said with a tired sigh. "Damn, that reminds me - I need to call his lawyer." She dug around in her purse until she found her phone.
"Can't it wait at least until after your appointment?" Kanami frowned. "You've already waited a month, what's thirty more minutes?"
"I know; but I want to get the process moving as soon as possible. We -"
"Kirihara?"
Misaki's pulse jumped; she looked up to see a nurse standing in the doorway to the office interior, scanning the waiting room.
"Here," Kanami said when Misaki didn't answer, and rose from her chair. She gestured for Misaki to stand as well.
"This'll just take a minute." Misaki started to dial, but Kanami took the phone from her hand.
"Baby first; work second. Come on."
~~~~o~~~~
"Is this really necessary?" Misaki asked as they waited in the exam room for the ultrasound technician. "What can they possibly see this early?" She was stretched out on the inclined table; Kanami sat in the chair next to it. It was hardly a comfortable position, but at least she was allowed to keep her clothes on for this visit.
"Misaki, relax - it's just a dating scan. It's a standard procedure."
"But if there is anything wrong, will they know?"
Kanami shrugged. "I don't know."
"I thought you went to medical school."
"Obstetrics wasn't exactly my focus, and pregnancy isn't something that my patients have to worry about."
"Right." Misaki hesitated. "Tell me again that there's nothing hereditary about contractors?"
Kanami reached over and squeezed her hand. "Misaki, there's nothing to be concerned about. You know that as well as I do: contractor traits aren't linked to genes and aren't incorporated into the germ line, so they can't be inherited. But let's say that they could - would it make a difference?"
"No," Misaki answered immediately. "But…things are going to be hard enough as it is; I don't need something like that to have to deal with as well." And she knew in her gut that, whatever Hei's reaction to being a father would be, he would be horrified at the thought of placing his sister's burden on his child. She couldn't put him through that; assuming that he would ever had the chance to learn of it.
"Everything's going to be fine. You'll -"
"Good afternoon, Miss Kirihara," the ultrasound technician said as she walked into the room. But she paused when she saw Kanami's hand clasped around Misaki's. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your…"
"Friend," Kanami supplied, letting go. "I'm here for moral support."
The nurse looked visibly relieved. "Ah. Your husband had to work, I expect."
"I'm not married," Misaki said automatically - and immediately regretted it when the nurse's expression turned even stonier. It wasn't the first time she'd gotten such a reaction from clinic staff, and she dreaded the day when she'd no longer be able to conceal her expanding waistline.
The nurse set up the equipment in silence, then ordered Misaki to lie back and lift her shirt. Misaki flinched when the other woman rubbed cold gel on her skin without even a warning.
"Doctor Eida is estimating you at about eleven weeks," the nurse said as she moved the ultrasound wand slowly across Misaki's lower belly while watching the monitor. Now that she was immersed in her routine, her tone had grown slightly less frosty, though could hardly be called warm. "You were on birth control when you got pregnant - an IUD, correct?"
"Yes," Misaki said. "The doctor removed it at my last appointment."
"Did he talk to you about your increased risk for miscarriage?"
"Yes," she said again. She'd been trying not to think about that. It wasn't like she would have any control over it; whatever would happen would happen. Kanami reached over and squeezed her hand.
"Good. You need to be careful and take care of yourself. Make sure you take your vitamins and keep your stress levels - ah," the nurse said suddenly, pausing the wand a particular spot on Misaki's belly. Misaki's heart leapt into her throat; but then the nurse continued, "There we are."
"Oh, look!" Kanami practically squeaked. "It's so tiny!"
Misaki squinted at the screen, unexpected relief flooding her veins. "Where?"
"Right here," the nurse said, tapping a whiter blotch near the center of the grainy gray image.
"That?" She tilted her head to get a better angle. "It looks like a turtle."
Kanami snorted, and the nurse frowned. Misaki had no idea what they were seeing on the screen.
This whole thing was so surreal. Most days she still had trouble believing that she was actually pregnant. Aside from the daily nausea and the slow thickening of her waist, she felt perfectly normal. All the websites that she had read said that she still had another ten or so weeks to go before she would be able to feel any movement. While the idea freaked her out a little, she wished it would start earlier, just so she could have that solid confirmation that yes, this was really happening. She just couldn't wrap her brain around the idea that a new life was growing inside of her, something that would eventually become a tiny, living, thinking person. A person with a name, a personality, a future; a person whose entire existence would depend completely on her for the next two decades. That already depended on her.
It was terrifying.
"This is what we'd expect at ten to eleven weeks," the nurse said brusquely. She switched off the monitor and handed Misaki a towel to clean her skin with. "I think we can confirm your estimated date of delivery for October thirty-first. How has your appetite been?"
Misaki shrugged, wiping up the last of the gel. "Fine. I still can't eat anything greasy though."
"Oh, that's good; a greasy diet isn't good for babies, and you're already gaining a bit more weight than we like to see. What about the nausea?"
"Still awful." Misaki tugged her shirt back down, fighting against the blush she could feel rising in her cheeks. She didn't understand how she could be constantly starving and feel like she was about to throw up at the same time, but that had been her reality for the past month. She definitely wasn't overeating, though; okay, sometimes she had an extra bento at lunch, but she was working eighteen-hour days, sometimes longer. It was necessary fuel.
"Morning sickness usually clears up by week twelve or so; if it hasn't improved by your next appointment make sure to tell us. Would you like a copy?"
"A copy?"
"Of the image."
"Oh. I - I guess so. Yes."
~~~~o~~~~
"The look on that woman's face when she thought we - I can't wait to tell Hana, she'll be so pissed!" Kanami laughed as they sat down a table in the little tea shop down the street from the clinic.
"I'm sorry," Misaki said, though she wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for. "But thanks for coming with me; you didn't have to." She hadn't even thought to ask for company, but when Kanami suggested it she'd realized that she really didn't want to go alone.
"Don't worry about it," Kanami said, waving a hand. "You know I love anything to do with kids. Can I see the photo again?" She took it with a warm smile. "You know, I guess it does look a bit like a turtle. So, how are you doing - I mean, really?"
Misaki blew on her tea. "I'm alright. Still - still adjusting, I guess. I haven't had time to sit down and process everything yet. Maybe once I get everything from Hourai; then we'll finally be able to close in on this mystery Syndicate member. I'm sure there's still someone out there, pulling the strings. It's hard enough just trying to -"
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
Kanami set the ultrasound photo on the table between them. "Deflecting. I didn't ask how work is, I asked how you are."
"Oh." Misaki sighed and rubbed her temple. "I'm sorry; it's not on purpose. But I'm fine - really," she added when her friend raised a skeptical eyebrow.
It was the truth; mostly. Her time was so taken up with cleaning up the aftermath of the Tokyo Explosion and the innumerable, never-ending consequences of revealing the existence of contractors to the world that she had barely a moment to think about herself and her own situation. When she went home, it was only to catch a few hours of sleep before heading back to headquarters.
And despite the fact that he'd left no visible trace of his existence behind, everywhere she looked she saw Hei. She saw him gazing thoughtfully at the photos on her bookshelf, or standing over the stove stirring some rice. He was in the reflection of the bathroom mirror, his arm wrapped around her waist as she brushed her teeth and set the brush back into the cup next to his. The emptiness that she felt when she arrived home each night was almost physically painful. Her scarf had been hanging in her window for the past month, even though she knew that he'd left Japan that very first night; she just couldn't bring herself to take it down.
Gradually she became aware that Kanami was still waiting for more of an answer. "I'm fine," she repeated. "I just…worry about him, sometimes. Is he still in Shanghai?"
"No; looks like he's heading south, towards Hong Kong maybe. His star is still active a couple nights a week, and at least one or two others always fall around it."
Misaki stared into her tea cup and forced the anxiety to the back of her mind. Hei would be fine; he knew how to take care of himself. The best way to help him would be to shut down the Syndicate for good and lift the price from his head.
"I did notice something interesting the other day," Kanami continued; Misaki glanced up. "A class B star seems to be following his movements, like it's traveling with him."
"Class B? What's that?"
"A smaller star, one that doesn't emit synchrotron radiation like contractors' stars - a doll."
Misaki's brow furrowed. "Dolls have stars? I didn't know that; I thought they were all contractors."
Her friend winked. "Astrophysicist insider knowledge. It's almost impossible to link any one star to a particular doll, and since they don't have any activity that we can detect, it doesn't much matter. Only a couple labs in the world are researching them, and as long as dolls remain classified, there's no need to share that information. Anyway, as closely as this star is tied to BK-201, I'm pretty sure it's Yin."
"After seeing the tobacco shop boarded up, I had hoped…" Misaki inhaled deeply. "I'm glad he was able to take her with him; I'd hate for him to have to be alone out there."
Kanami was giving her a pitying look, but before she could say anything, Misaki's phone began to ring. Misaki fished it out of her bag and glanced at the screen. "Shit," she muttered, and hit ignore.
"Let me guess - your dad?"
Misaki took a sip of tea instead of responding.
"Misaki, you're going to have to talk to him at some point."
"What is there to talk about?" she said, setting her cup down so hard that tea sloshed into the saucer. "He won't stop lying to me about his involvement in the Syndicate! I don't care what his reasons were; if I can't trust my own father, I can't trust anyone. And…I have no idea how to tell him about - about my situation. He was part of a plot to commit genocide on contractors; what will he say if he finds out that I've been sleeping with one?"
"He doesn't have to know that little detail, does he? I mean, I thought you were planning on keeping the father's identity secret."
"Of course I am. If anyone even suspects, my credibility will be gone in an instant; and who knows what the Syndicate or anyone with an interest in manipulating either me or Hei will try to do." The memory of a photograph of her kissing the Black Reaper in a rainy street floated through her mind. She was positive that Hei had destroyed the copies that had been given to him, but she had no idea what had happened to the originals, or if the man who had taken them was still out there, somewhere. Was he still working for the Syndicate, or had he cut and run after the Tokyo Explosion? Had he given copies to anyone else?
Her hand was pressed against her stomach, she realized. Self-consciously, she lifted it and picked up her cup for another sip. "Anyway, you're the only person who knows; I'm sure Saitou will figure it out once I…well, once I can't hide it anymore. But I can't risk the circle getting any wider than that. It's just not safe for either of us. For the three of us, I mean. God, I'm two people now - I'll never get used to that."
Kanami regarded her thoughtfully for a long moment, then said, "My mom was asking about you the other day."
Misaki blinked at the sudden shift in topic. "She was?"
Kanami nodded. "She saw your last press conference, and said to tell you that she's very proud of her fourth daughter for not taking any shit from those dumbass reporters, but she's worried that you're not getting enough sleep. Also, you're invited for dinner any time you get tired of frozen meals."
Misaki smiled. She'd spent quite a lot of afternoons and evenings at her best friend's house in the months after her mother had died, when her father had been so taken up with grief that he could hardly bear to come home from the office; so much so that Ishizaki Laura had named her an honorary daughter. But then, 'Mama Ishizaki', as she was known in the neighborhood, adopted all the building's children. She'd tried teaching Misaki to cook so that she and her father wouldn't have to rely on prepackaged food, but Misaki had given up after the fifth failed attempt in a row to boil an egg.
"What did you tell her? About me, I mean."
"Just that you were overworked and overstressed, as usual," Kanami said. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to tell her about the baby yourself, so I didn't say anything about that."
"Oh - thanks," Misaki said gratefully. "I don't mind if you tell her though."
Kanami raised an eyebrow. "Anything to avoid having to do it yourself? I will, don't worry; maybe this will get her off my back about grandkids. She already has Hiroshi and a whole neighborhood full of the little monsters, I don't know why she needs me to spawn as well. Thanks for taking that bullet for me." She grinned, and Misaki snorted a laugh. "But seriously, Misaki, you're going to have to learn how to say it eventually; this isn't exactly something that you can hide for too much longer."
"Yeah. I know." Misaki sighed. Wishing that she'd never have to tell anyone was ridiculous and she knew it; yet she wished it anyway. She dreaded what her team would think when they found out - they would lose all respect for her. Especially Saitou. Mama Ishizaki would disown her. And her father…
Misaki gazed down at the photo that was still sitting on the table top and ran her finger over the little white blotch in the image. "Do you think...do you think I'm making the right decision?"
Kanami took a long sip of tea and considered. "I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. I mean, you know full well what you're committing to. Are you thinking about changing your mind?"
"No. No, I've decided. I just wish I knew what Hei would want."
"Misaki," Kanami said gently, "he isn't here. He might not ever come back to Tokyo. The only thing that matters is what you want."
"I know. This is what I want."
"Why?"
Misaki looked up from the photo. "Why? What kind of question is that?"
"The kind that I haven't heard you answer yet," Kanami said, regarding her placidly. "We've known each other for a long time, and you've never even talked about wanting kids. Now you have a brief affair with a man you barely know, and you want to raise his child? Why?"
"I'm not even sure, really," Misaki said. "It's just…I miss him so much. I don't know how, but in that short time he became such a huge part of my life. And now he's gone, like he never even existed. It actually feels sort of like it did when Mom died," she added hesitantly. "My apartment never felt so empty before. It's…it's lonely." She placed her hand over stomach. "I know that having a baby just to have some company is stupid, but…Hei was always so lonely too. I think he'd hate the idea of himself as a father, but family means everything to him. If he ever comes back…he'll have one waiting for him."
"And if he doesn't come back?" Kanami's voice was gentle, but even so Misaki flinched a little.
"Then I'll have something of his to remember him by," she said quietly.
"Well, just so long as you don't try and do this all on your own. Talk to your dad. It won't be as bad as you're afraid of, I promise."
"I will - after he comes clean about his involvement with the Syndicate. I can only deal with one life-changing crisis at a time."
Kanami's reply was cut off by the buzzing of Misaki's phone. "Is that him again?"
Misaki glanced at the screen. "No - it's the detention center. Kirihara," she answered brusquely. As she listened to the superintendent's voice on the other end, she could feel her jaw muscles tightening and her expression hardening. "I'm on my way," she said and snapped her phone closed, then pressed it to her temple and squeezed her eyes shut.
"What is it?" Kanami asked with concern. "Is Hourai backing out of the deal?"
"No. He's dead."
*Updated 12.26.16