Dear Readers

on to the next part!

Please note that this was written in the middle of the night (1.41 AM). I might come back later and clean it up a bit, but for now, I hope you enjoy the next update.

Sitting on the porch, Joy was nursing a cup of coffee, pondering the last two months. Ever since his visit, Booth had moved in with her. He'd been completely focused on her recovery. He didn't mind answering any and all questions she had about her past, but seemed reluctant about anything that had transpired between the two of them. As she sat in the soft afternoon sunlight, her eyes closed and her mind once again strayed to the man on her couch. Contrary to the portrait he seemed determined to portray, she could tell he wasn't doing well. His eyes were red. His face was drawn and pale. And it was completely, irrevocably, undeniably wrong. She didn't know him that well. Not yet. He'd talked a lot about her. About her life. About their life. Their family of squints. Strangely - through the stories he told her about them all- she felt a connection to Angela the most.

She felt Hodgins was like a long lost brother she could vaguely remember, but would embrace with open arms, given the opportunity. Cam sounded like someone she'd be able to confide in. He had told her about them. Their shared history. Their inside jokes. The easy affection between the family they had created for themselves. The nicknames. How she would be adressed differently by different people, based on the unique relationship she shared with each and every one of them. He'd talked for hours. He'd laughed. He'd cried. He'd said all the right things and yet, it was still all wrong. Because of this sense of wrongness, she hadn't divulged a lot about herself since the accident. She didn't want to burden him any more than she clearly already had.

She had regained her family and with every day that passed, her determination and her devotion to returning to her tribe grew stronger and stronger. She longed to meet Angela and reconnect. However, her memories remained a mystery to her. As long as she didn't have her memories back and couldn't protect herself sufficiently, Booth had cautioned her against returning home. She had reluctantl agreed. She hadn't regained even one memory and Dr. Sweets had subtly hinted at the possibility that they might never come back. It had bothered her to some extend of course, but not quite to the extend that it seem to bother Seeley.

Seeley. Booth. She worried for him. He had stayed with her at the cabin for the last two months and she had watched his steady decline with a deep ache in her chest. He pretended to be okay and to be back to every day life, but he was all off. She didn't know how she knew, but she knew. His smiles felt forced, his reactions just a hint slower than what she'd expect from him. He had told her about his own life a bit, his cosmic balance sheet, his past as a sniper, she knew all about it, but she knew spectacularly little about the time they'd spent together. He'd gone on and on about the squints and how important she was - and still is - to them, but had remained silent about his own interactions with the group, trying to make her believe he was just their protector.

And it wasn't that she didn't believe him, because she did. She felt safe with him. And had felt safe with him from the moment she'd laid eyes on him two months ago. She knew instinctively that this man would place himself between her and a bullet if it came down to it. However, when it came to biting the bullet... he shied away.

Unbeknownst to him, she had confronted Dr. Sweets in their last session. She'd asked for a private moment with him, since Booth usually partook in the sessions in an effort to jog her memory. When he had left, she'd turned to him and had gotten straight to business.

"I will thank you for your honest answers, Dr. Sweets. As you always remind me, this is a safe space and truth and honesty have nothing to fear here. So I expect your full honesty." Wearily, he nodded. "Seeley and I, we were in love, weren't we?"

"Straight to it, huh? Well, Joy, the shortest answer that I can truthfully give you is yes... and no."

She'd looked at him as if he'd lost all of his marbles as he'd readjusted his tie and cleared his throat. "To the best of my knowledge, both of you exhibited a lot of behaviour that is typical between romantic partners. However, neither of you openly declared their love and intention for the other, so the only one who knows if you were truly in love are yourself and Booth."

Disappointed, she sighed. "You expect me to believe that is the truth?"

Dr. Sweets nodded. "My personal truth however is slightly different. It is my personal opinion that Booth had been wearing you down for years, slowly chipping away at your disbeliefs and dismissals of things as unconditional love, family, safe vulnerability and emotional honesty. And I believe you were close to letting go of your last fears and trusting him with your emotional wellbeing. To me and all of your friends, you two were very much in love and when I had to tell him this big, fat, impossible lie, I saw the impossible. I watched the unbreakable break."

His words caused a lump in her throat, but nevertheless, she encouraged him to continue, with a burning, questioning gaze.

"At the funeral we held for you, he refused to consent to the idea of an atheist ceremony. He fought every single one of your friends, except for Dr. Saroyan, who realized that his grief was all encompassing and could only be processed through the rites of a Christian burial. Your friend, Angela, fought him tooth and nail over it, never letting go of the fact that you wouldn't have wanted a Christian ceremony." He paused for a moment.

"Booth and Angela think they are the only ones who know the true reason why your funeral was held in a church." Sweets gritted his teeth and swallowed the lump down. "He begged her, Joy. Not for your sake. Not for your friends sake. But for his own. It is the one selfish thing he has done during this whole disgusting parade of lies." Sweets eyes glossed over as he was transported back to that memory.

It was late as he walked down the hall of the Jeffersonian Medico Legal Lab. He had discussed some of the last points with Cam concerning the funeral that would be held the next day, when he heard it. At first it was a loud bang, followed by the sound of a man and woman arguing. Recognizing the voices as Booth's and Angela's, he quickly hid in the shadows. He watched as Angela stormed into the main hallway and onto the platform, Booth not too far behind.

"No, Booth. Damn it! She. Would. NOT. Want. This!" She whirled around on the infuriating man. "Why will you not understand that?!"

All of the fight, all of the perseverance bled out of the older man as he sank down on the steps in front of the platform. "Because I need it, Angela." He chuckled miserably. "You really think I don't know she wouldn't chose this? I was her partner for nearly six years. I know she would do just what you're doing. Hell, she'd throw in a lecture or two about how this is all ridiculous anyway, since our bodies will deteriorate and faint into nothingness and that her mind, her heart, everything that made her my Bones is gone already anyway."

With a deep sigh and a desperation born out of the need to understand this broken shell of a man, she sank down next to him. "But you won't let this one slide."

He looked up at her and shook his head. "No," he responded quietly. "I won't."

"Why not?"

He swallowed and let his tears fall freely. The first tears he'd cried since he'd been told of her tragic demise. "Because I'm afraid that if I can't grieve her properly, I'll never be able to grieve at all."

Sweets' heart had broken when Angela had gathered him in her embrace and they'd continued to cry their hearts out for the next thirty minutes. Thirty minutes that had been the hardest of his life as he was punished by the bleeding whip of their grief over and over again. And he knew it was punishment, because it was his lack of authority, his betrayal which had allowed this farce to take place and this many lives to be ruined. So he had endured their blunt, emotional pain. He had never quite recovered from it.

"Dr. Sweets?" Her soft voice made him snap to attention and he smiled tiredly.

"My point is Joy, that he loved you - her - Bones. He loved her with all his heart, yet his love went unanswered. I'm afraid he might not be capable of such vulnerability ever again. It destroyed him." He cleared his throat. "When this happened the last time, when the shoe was on the other foot and you believed him to be dead, he bridged the gap. He offered an olive branche and you gracefully took it. This time, I'm afraid the olive branch will have to come from you. Not because you have any guilt in this situation, but because he simply lacks the strength. You're still healing, but so is he and sometimes," he hesitated, but he persevered, "sometimes I don't know which of you has the most healing to do."

Her conversation with Dr. Sweets had made her think about a lot of things. And she'd reached a conclusion. There was a lot that she didn't know. A lot of information was second hand information. She couldn't confirm the accuracy of most of what she knew. But there were things she knew for certain.

One, she was safe with him. And she wanted him to feel safe with her. Two, he was hurting and she wanted - no needed - that to stop. And three, he was the man of her dreams. If he couldn't be brave this time, then she would be.

She rose from her chair outside on the porch and walked inside, where he was napping on the couch. She walked over to him and sat down on the coffee table. Even in sleep, his face was troubled and drawn. She knelt in front of the couch and gently kissed his forehead until he stirred.

"Bones?" he grumbled sleepily. "What's wrong?"

"I know there is a lot that I don't know and I accept my own ignorance. My heart has been very clear though," she whispered softly. "I love you. I don't know what happened in the past and why I didn't love you then. But you loved me. Let me love you back," she whispered bravely. "No more hiding. I think we need to talk."

A lot of new information. As always, I love to hear what you guys think!

WHAK (with Hugs and Kisses)

AbsyntheFather