Author's Note
Back again so soon? Howdy.
We're so thrilled y'all are carrying on with this here story. I'm going to stop now. This isn't working for me.
You can be an 1800's cowboy from the deep south if you want to be. I believe in you.
Darn tootin' I can be.
Okay, that was a step too far.
If it's alright for Woody, it's alright for me.
I fear Pixar may have given you a couple of unrealistic expectations in life.
You mean I can't be a talking cowboy with flowing ginger hair trying to locate my missing fish-son?
About your fish-son, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Not the sharks?
This isn't the time or the place. We hope that you enjoy the chapter, I need to go and give my friend here a talk.
Just tell me it wasn't the sharks!
…
Chapter Five: The Part Where Ollivander Nearly Takes Early Retirement
'So we're going to Hogwarts.'
Addy turned to Ella, a strange look on her face. Hagrid had not long left them with a cheerful grin and a 'I'll be seein' you in September', clearly unaware of the earth-shattering event his presence had just caused. Meeting Hagrid alone would have been enough to send them doo-lally, and add baby Fang to the mix and Addy wasn't sure Ella would ever recover. She was like a disney princess when it came to animals, she couldn't get enough of them and the feeling was mutual. And then Hogwarts. Which they were now apparently attending.
No big deal.
'Yes. Hogwarts.' Ella replied, voice slightly strangled. Addy coughed. Neither of them moved.
There was a pause, before: 'Well we should probably let Madam Malkin know we need some more robes after all.'
That was it. Suddenly they were screeching with unrestrained joy and clutching at each other as if to stop themselves from collapsing in pure excitement. Because any mention of attending Hogwarts and apparently they both turned into Victorian ladies, incapable of handling more than a thimbleful of emotion.
'The Hogwarts Express!'
'Defence Against the Dark Arts!'
'The Library!'
'The food.'
'DUMBLEDORE!'
They could have stayed in their little bubble of excitement all day, at least until it sunk in a little more, but Ella gradually became aware of how much attention they had attracted from the Armenian wizards in the corner and the irritated looks Tom the barman was shooting their way. Squealing teenagers probably weren't the best for business.
Poor culinary hygiene and the grumpy looking goblin in the corner probably didn't help either.
'Okay,' Ella said, attempting to bring her voice back to an earthly volume. 'Right.'
Her grip on Addy's shirt loosened and she took a step back, fingers running through her hair before giving it a little yank to bring herself back to the present.
'So we're going to Hogwarts.` She couldn't help the thrill that jolted through her yet again at those words, but she quickly shook it off. They had so much they needed to do, and now they had a deadline. Only six weeks until the Hogwarts Express left Kings Cross Station. She felt her stomach drop then, as this new fact cut through her excited haze. Six weeks. How were they going to learn everything they needed to learn in six weeks?
Addy noticed the worry that had soured Ella's Hogwarts high.
'Hey, what's up?' she asked. ''Don't tell me you refuse to go to our dream school just because it's house elves who do all the cooking and cleaning. We've been through this. You know as well as I do all that spew stuff of Hermione's went down like a sack of potatoes.' Addy paused. 'No, wait. A sack of grindylows. I'm feeling my environment.'
'You know it's S.P.E.W, not spew!' Ella felt her lips quirk up slightly at Addy's attempt to lighten the tension (all joking aside, though, it really wasn't fair that the house elves did everything and never even got any credit. A good servant is an invisible servant indeed. She'd be having words with Dumbledore about that).
'Potato, po-tah-to.' Addy smirked. 'Grindylow, grin-da-low.'
'Stop,' Ella begged. 'Of all the people I could have been stuck here with!'
'Eh, you love it.' Addy tipped an invisible fedora.
Ella threw up her hands in exasperated amusement, smiling fondly at her friend, before the grin slowly slid from her face and her previous look of worry returned. 'In all seriousness, we have six weeks to get up to scratch on six years worth of education.'
'Sounds like my GCSE's.' Addy snorted.
'-not to mention we're not even sure if we have any magic. For all we know, we're muggles!' Ella continued before noticing the look on Addy's face. She was gearing up for a speech. 'I know, I know. You're wounded, we are wizards of the highest order, I have offended your forefathers etcetera etcetera…'
Addy stayed silent, a little put out that her dramatic moment had been stolen.
'But what if we don't have magic?' Ella asked quietly, a little more timidly than before.
'Ella, I've tasted your banana loaf- not a euphemism - if that's not magic, then I don't know what is!'
Despite this stellar reassurance, Ella couldn't help the nagging worry that was slowly eating away at the happiness Hagrid's presence had brought her. It wouldn't be too awful if they didn't have magic, she tried to reason with herself, unconvincingly. They could just say they were squibs, that they'd lied to Florean because they felt embarrassed. it just felt so anticlimactic. Something had brought them here. It just couldn't be that they were transported to the wizarding world and yet not meant have any magic themselves. They were meant to help. She knew it.
Well, she hoped anyway.
'Maybe we could attend as squibs?' Addy finally offered, watching her friend worriedly. 'We'd be more approachable caretakers than Filch anyway.'
Addy watched as Ella squared her shoulders back, having clearly reached some kind of internal epiphany. Thank tits for that, she thought, looking at her friend. She could laugh and joke till the cows came home but she was just as concerned about everything, maybe even more concerned than Ella, and she needed the other girl's calm reassurance. Ella always seemed to know what she was doing, even when she didn't, and they could do with a bit of stylish winging it right now. Hm, Addy thought. 'Stylish winging it.' Name of their autobiography?
'Alright. We can worry about studying later. For now we really had better go back to Madam Malkin's to order some Hogwarts robes. Then I suppose we need to head to-''
'OLLIVANDERS!' Addy couldn't help the desperate excitement that burst out of her. She coughed. 'I mean, uh. Yeah. We could go get wands or whatever. Y'know, play the field.'
The pair grinned in spite of their worries. Even if it all went spectacularly, disastrously, hideously wrong (title of their EP) and they turned out to have no more magic than a couple of non-magicky rocks. Hell, even if they were chased out of Diagon Alley by a horde of angry broomsticks (coincidentally a dream Addy had had recently) and cursed to foxtrot down Canary Wharf (coincidentally a dream Ella had had recently), they were still going to get to walk into an actual wand shop and try out actual wands. They were still going to stare right at the man who had weirded out an eleven year old Harry Potter with all his 'You-Know-Who was terrible, but great' spiel. Or would weird out. Dammit with all this time travel.
It was amazing. Magic or no magic.
The two promptly paid at the bar, where Ella gave Tom an apologetic smile for their high-pitched antics and dropped a couple of knuts in the pewter tips dish. She knew all too well the joys of working in hospitality, the terrible pay and surly customers. People were never more vicious than over their food and drink. Except perhaps Death Eaters, she thought wryly. They didn't need someone to skimp on their pint to fly into a murderous rage; that was just their default setting.
Their visit to Madam Malkin's barely took ten minutes, bashfully admitting to the witch that they did need Hogwarts robes after all. There was a bit of a confusion when she asked for their house colours and they awkwardly admitted that they didn't have a house yet. However, the woman was a professional and she accepted their hastily explained story about being homeschooled with barely more than a surprised quirk of her eyebrow before informing them that the robes they'd been fitted for earlier were ready. Relieved at both the lack of questions and the chance to change into clothes not sticky with drying butterbeer, they thanked her, and she shooed them into the changing rooms. They emerged a few minutes later feeling very wizardy indeed ('Bewitching, some might say' 'Positively Enchanting, Addy'). All they needed now were wands.
There was some kind of silent agreement between them as they paused outside Ollivanders, its exterior so muted and sombre compared with the vibrancy of the rest of the street. Ella's eyes danced over the faded gold letters and she felt her stomach flip a little.
'Ready?' She whispered to Addy.
'Always,' Addy grinned, before catching herself. 'Ay, Potter based pun.'
'The first of many,' Ella sighed, with a fake eye roll, letting the familiarity of their banter soothe her nerves.
Addy gave Ella's arm a reassuring squeeze before tugging open the door. Their presence was indicated by a tinkling bell as they stepped over the threshold, barely glancing around at the towering piles of wand boxes that brushed the ceiling before they were struck with a wide, silver-eyed gaze that held them in place.
'Well, well, well,' came a surprisingly robust tenor from the mouth of a very old-looking wizard. His hair reminded Addy of Einstein, wild and unkept, and a pure snowy white that was almost translucent in the candlelight that illuminated the shop. 'A long way from home I see.'
Addy's eyes widened in shock, restraining the urge to turn to Ella with a crap he knows everything look. After all, how could he know? He probably had wizards and witches from all over the world coming into his shop every day. It wasn't too much of a stretch to assume that they weren't native Londoners, especially with their current lack of muggle clothing. However, there was something about the slight mischievous smile he was giving them, eyes glinting as they passed from her face to Ella's.
'Yes, it has been quite a journey to get here.' Ella replied calmly, with wary eyes and a polite smile. There was silence then as Ollivander gave Ella a knowing look and Addy felt her panic double.
'Traffic's a bitch,' Addy added hastily. 'We're uh, here to buy wands?' she offered, somewhat stating the obvious, but not knowing what else to say. Ollivander's smile widened before he disappeared into the shelves behind the counter.
'Well this is certainly the place for such a goal.'
His voice reached them just seconds before he did, frail arms clutching several different boxes. Setting them down on the counter, he turned to give Ella an appraising look. She resisted the urge to fidget under his gaze, feeling a little like she had when Florean had used the spell to x-ray her shoulder. Ollivander nodded to himself before turning to extricate a box of dark mahogany, opening it in front of Ella and indicating for her to pick up its contents.
'10¾ inches, vine wood, with a unicorn hair core.'
As soon as her hand closed around the slender object, a jolt of disbelief went through her. She was holding a wand, a real wand. The wood was smooth and cool to the touch, but sturdy. A moment passed and nothing happened. Her fear from earlier came rushing back, before the wand began to emit a faint blue glow. She turned to Addy, wide-eyed in wonder, and saw a matching expression on her friend's face. Suddenly the wand became unbearably hot in her hands and started to vibrate, as if to shake her off. She had barely dropped it back in its box before several objects from around the store came crashing towards her. Addy pulled her down just in time as they met over their heads in an ear-splitting collision.
'Whelp. Definitely magical then,' Addy whispered in her ear from where they were still crouching down on the floor, and Ella laughed in relief. Ollivander seemed entirely unfazed by the debris now littering the shop floor, clearing it with barely a movement of his own wand.
'Damn picky wands around here,' she joked back with a relaxed grin, feeling the weight lift off her shoulders and pure, ecstatic joy take its place. She was magical. Addy would never let her hear the end of it.
They helped each other to their feet whilst Ollivander retreated behind the counter once more, muttering to himself 'close, but not quite there...different wood, I think...more yielding perhaps…'.
After a few minutes he returned, handing Ella a leaf green box and gesturing for her to open it.
'Dogwood, unicorn hair. 14 inches.'
Ella plucked a reddish, roughly carved wand out of the box. It was much longer than the previous one, almost comic in size, and she knew that Addy would be dying to make a number of inappropriate jokes about its length and girth. As soon as she had the wand fully in her grasp, a spark shot out, nestling in the older wizard's hair which was promptly set alight.
'The third time today,' he sighed, wordlessly smothering the simmering flames with a quick flick of his wand. Ella barely contained a chuckle at the smoke that had taken the form of several playful dragons chasing each other over his slightly charred locks.
Once more he descended into the chaos behind his counter, returning only moments later holding a box so old the wood looked as fragile as spider silk. He gently patted away years of dust from its lid which immediately sent Addy sneezing. She idly wondered if it was possible to sneeze so hard she'd send herself back home, but quickly dismissed this interesting train of thought as she watched Ella pick up the wand inside. It was less showy than the other ones, more raw and natural, as if it had just been hewn from the tree. Addy watched as the air around Ella began to shimmer like light reflected in water, her friend's blonde curls dancing in a gentle breeze that hadn't been there a moment ago. She already knew before she saw the look of triumph on Ollivander's face that this was it. This was Ella's wand.
'12 ¾ inches, pear with a dragon heartstring, slightly yielding. Perfect'
As Ollivander turned to face her Addy began wringing her hands together beneath her robes. Of course Ella was magical, she could have predicted that years ago; she had an uncanny intuition for people's emotions, always mediating, always taking on others' pain like it was her own. Then there was her whole Dr Doolittle thing that seemed to attract every cat in the immediate area. She, however, had never displayed such talents. Ella might insist that her ability to whip out a quip in any given situation went beyond the powers of ordinary, but being handy with a joke hardly qualified as magic in her opinion. Just a stubborn refusal to take life seriously.
(Although her charming good looks and stellar wit had to count for something, right?)
'Well, let's hope the entire shop doesn't come crashing down on me.' Addy turned to Ella with a smirk to hide her nervousness. Case and point.
Ollivander stared at Addy for a couple of seconds, pondering, before offering her one of the wands from the pile on his desk. '10 inches, hawthorn, with unicorn hair core'. Ella watched as Addy reached for the wand before pausing, looking torn. As she studied her friend's face she felt the doubt and fear plaguing her. Ella wished Ollivander wasn't there, just for this moment, so she could reassure her. If she was magical then there was no way the other girl wasn't. Addy had such a gift for bringing people together, making them feel included with her easy humour. She was the ultimate antidote to any bad situation, and Ella knew she couldn't have gotten through the past twenty-four hours without her. She reached out and placed her hand gently on her arm, trying to convey everything through that one touch alone.
'Not my first time handling a wand, eh?' Addy joked, smiling uneasily.
'Addy, you knobhead. You're as big a virgin as I am.'
Ollivander looked faintly scandalised, but Addy mock gasped with her usual melodramatic flair and some of the tension seemed to relax from her shoulders. She seemed to steel herself then, flashing Ella a 'oh what the hell' look and grasping the wand in her hand. The second her fingers brushed the wood, the cabinet to their right exploded with such a violent BANG it startled even the half-deaf witch three fire-whiskey's deep at the Leaky Cauldron. Glass and splinters of wood rained down on them, and Ella felt the tension drain out of Addy as both girls burst into peals of laughter, swatting at the debris as it continued to fall. Ollivander shot them an exasperated look before clearing up the mess with another flourish of his wand and a low 'perhaps not'. The next ten minutes were eventful to say the least, with Addy going through wands like they were Florean's ice-cream. '10 ¼ inches, walnut, phoenix feather' was particularly interesting, as it appeared to turn the whole world upside down for about ten seconds. Ella still felt a little woozy when Ollivander came strutting out from the shelves with a look of slight mania, holding a vibrant red and purple box that had seen better days.
'Never, in all my years…' he was grumbling to himself. Ella turned to Addy, eyes sparkling. 'I think you may have broken Ollivander.'
'It's not my fault none of his wands can contain my overwhelming awesomeness.' Addy replied with a wicked grin. 'Down with the patriarchy!'
'12 ¾ inches, apple with dragon heartstring. Unyielding.' Ollivander held the box out to her, with a look that said if this one didn't work he might as well pack up shop and move to Peru.
He need not have worried, as it turned out; the moment Addy held the wand she knew the real fun had just begun. The wood was polished smooth and carved with delicate symbols. She could already feel Ella's desperation to find out what they meant, the nerd, and the thought had her smiling as a gentle warmth swept through her, like she'd just eaten one of her mother's Sunday dinners. All at once she felt safe, comfortable, in a way she hadn't since they'd arrived in the wizarding world, not even at Florean's.
'As I suspected' Ollivander voice cut through her joy, clearly satisfied now he knew that his wands were not to blame. 'Difficult, but not impossible.'
The girls looked at each other with a mock shrug.
'Eh. Not the first time we've been described that way.'