Misaki stepped out of the hospital, the automatic doors of the ER hissing shut behind her. It was even colder now in the early hours of the morning; she wrapped her jacket around herself and gazed at the dark, gray-tinged sky to the east.
It was strange to look east and not see the camouflaged wall of the Gate towering over the city; she found she missed its presence. She missed her city, with its familiar streets, familiar people, familiar politics. She knew who she was there.
At least, she had.
"You didn't get hit tonight."
Misaki started, her hand reflexively moved towards her weapon before she recognized Aisha's voice.
The contractor was slouched on a bench just to the right of the doors, hands stuffed in her pockets. She stared blandly up at Misaki from under the brim of her ever-present ballcap. "I saw you leave the room," she said by way of explanation. "I followed."
"You've been waiting out here the whole time?" Misaki stepped over to the bench and seated herself gingerly next to the other woman. She was too tired to be surprised that she'd never picked up the tail; watching her back had been the furthest thing from her mind on the quarter-mile walk to the hospital.
Aisha shrugged in response and continued to watch her expectantly.
Misaki sighed and leaned forward on her elbows, resting her forehead in her hands. "No, I didn't get hit; it was something else. I'm fine now."
The baby was fine, anyway. Misaki herself couldn't be further from.
After three hours of fluids and monitoring, the ER physician had released her with a strong admonishment to limit her caffeine intake, her physical activity, and her stress. The caffeine she could manage; she didn't know what she was supposed to do about the other two. Waiting behind or on the sidelines while others risked themselves on her behalf was not something that Misaki wanted to do - or even knew how.
She was responsible for so many people below her in the police hierarchy, not to mention all of the innocent citizens that she'd sworn to protect. Now there was one more potential life, one that needed her best efforts to take care of herself. She had never felt so fragile before, and it frightened her.
She and Aisha sat in silence as long minutes stretched away. Misaki wasn't sure why the contractor was there, but didn't feel like sending her away. It was nice to have some quiet company; it reminded her of Hei.
"I have a question," Aisha said a last.
"Everyone does," Misaki replied wearily.
"Were you upset about that woman dying?"
Misaki pushed aside the flood of guilt and regret. "Of course I was! Even a contractor should understand that."
"Oh. It's just that you didn't act like humans usually do when someone gets killed. You know, crying and stuff. You acted very rationally and ordered people around instead."
"I still had a job to do."
The contractor eyed her. "Kouno said that you just act like that to hide how much you care about people."
Misaki blinked. She never tried to hide anything; but displaying weakness in front of her subordinates wasn't something that she could afford.
"I thought he was wrong at first," Aisha said, continuing to watch her face under the harsh lights of the emergency room portico, "but I think now maybe he's right."
"I have a leadership role," Misaki said, but her protest was half-hearted. "It's important that people see me maintaining a level head, regardless of my personal feelings."
"So you were upset when that officer died?"
"Yes."
"Why? She was working with the Syndicate; she only switched sides because she got caught."
"It was more complicated than that," Misaki said. "People are more complicated than that. She made a choice that went against her morals because she thought it was the best way to protect her son. It must have been itching at her conscious for years; this was her opportunity to make up for what she did that was wrong. It's something that almost every human can relate to. She didn't deserve to die because of it."
"Is that why your father turned himself in?"
Misaki rubbed her temple tiredly. "I don't know. Maybe. He hasn't talked to me since then."
Aisha turned to stare at her feet. "Would you do it?"
"Do what?"
"What Officer Tou did. Break the law to protect someone else. You don't have a son; your father, maybe?"
Misaki slipped her hands into her coat pockets and rested them on her belly. "Would I break the law? If it was to protect someone, of course; a person's life is more important than words on a piece of paper." She sighed. "Would I make the same choice as Tou and assist criminals, if I was in her position? I don't know."
Aisha frowned. "You don't know?"
"It's impossible to say unless I do find myself in that position." Misaki thought again of the handler with the incriminating photographs and the relief she had felt at realizing he'd slipped through their fingers tonight, and a fresh surge of self-loathing rose up. "Sometimes, there are no good choices; only hard ones."
The contractor tilted her head. "I don't think you would. Saitou says you always do the right thing."
"Saitou says that?" He was the one who knew about her affair with a wanted killer, after all. She didn't deserve his good opinion. "Why are my subordinates all talking behind my back, anyway?"
"I ask them questions; I'm trying to understand."
"Understand what?"
Aisha bit her lip; after a long moment's hesitation, she said, "No one in the police trusts me because I'm a contractor. The others in Section Four only do because you tell them too. So why do you?"
Misaki considered before answering, idly watching the trees across the street sway in a gentle breeze. "I suppose, it's because I believe your motivations to help us will keep you trustworthy. Until they don't. But until then, I have no reason not to give you the benefit of the doubt."
"Is that why you trusted BK-201 too?"
Misaki glanced over at Aisha; there was a suspicious twist to her mouth.
"Because I know his reputation," the contractor continued. "Everyone in the Syndicate did. Whether it was true or not, who would trust a person like that?"
"I knew Hei's reputation too; or at least rumors of it. But I trusted him for the same reasons I trust you."
Aisha looked as if she needed more than that, so Misaki added the line that she told everyone. "He could have killed me more than once; he didn't, even though it would have been the rational thing to do. That was enough."
"I don't believe you."
Misaki turned to the contractor in surprise.
"That's an emotional reason; but you're more rational than most humans. Almost like a contractor. I don't think that reason would be enough for you."
Misaki wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. "Why is it so important that you know?"
"I'm putting myself at risk to help you uncover the last of the Syndicate. What if I'm on Abo's list?"
"I don't think they know -"
"Not yet. But what if they do find out? Why would someone like you trust someone like me or BK-201?"
Misaki leaned back against the bench. "The night I stumbled into his operation, his handler told him to kill me."
"And he didn't, he just erased your memory. Kouno told me."
"He didn't erase my memory. I lied about that."
"Why?" Aisha demanded.
"Because he asked me to." She sighed. "He was trying to protect someone else. A doll. It didn't make any sense for him to let me live at all, let alone with my memory intact, but he trusted me first. All I did was return the favor. He never broke his end of the deal; that's why I continued to trust him. Contractors aren't all that different from people," she added. "Anyone can break your trust; but you give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong. That's all it is. I don't know why it's so hard for other people to grasp."
"Contractors didn't betray me and throw me in prison for a year; that was humans."
"I know. And I'm sorry."
Aisha didn't answer; for once the normally chatty contractor seemed lost in her own thoughts. Together, they sat in silence and watched the sky slowly turn pink, then orange, then blue as the sun rose.