Chapter Sixty-Five

It had been one year and three months since the events of Kurngalfberg. I was far from being mentally sound to return to active duty, and I had to learn to accept that it was going to take time. A lot of time.

My heart felt far more at ease than it ever had though, thanks to finally wedding Julius. Now that he was my husband, much of my previous and unfounded fears of him disappearing, retreated back into the depths of my mind where they quietened down with relief.

It was still hard to believe, but indeed I knew it to be true – Julius was now my husband. Every time I thought about it, my body and heart rushed with a giddy warmth which made me smile at the most random of times. It gave me strength and reassurance. It was like an island in the middle of the sea, one which allowed me to stand up and take a breath from the waves which had tried to swallow me down into the deep.

I still struggled with training however. Sometimes, training was fine. Other times, I was struck by flashbacks of my worst moments, triggered primarily when any strike came down over my head, as all of my defeats had come down from the sky above me.

Julius had been calm. He had been patient, and so understanding that I often burst into tears again from just how much of a good man he was. But he always held me, always kissed me softly, and stroked away the phantom fear and pain.

I felt like I did not deserve such goodness. How could I be lucky enough to have such a man as Julius? How was it that he chose me?

Yet he did. There had never been any doubt, in the same way I never had eyes for another man. It was as if Fate had created him for me and I had been created for him. He was my Destiny, and I was his.

It was a strength and reassurance, as strong and unyielding as my wedding vows to him were, as powerful and unbreakable as my oath to myself on my necklace.

That strength, had enabled me to function for the most part. It gave me the strength to realise that returning to active duty any time soon, was not going to be possible.

Therefore, I had made a different request of Julius. Of course I still intended on keeping my name on his roster. His regiment was the only one for me. However, I also did not want to stay in the manor all of the time. It had indeed become home now, but I wanted to have time to slowly recover my mind through seeing the world.

Julius granted it without hesitation, though with the condition that I returned every night, of which was not a problem. I was happy to sleep anywhere in the world and had my fair share of sleeping in the dirt with the grass for my pillow. But at the moment, I struggled to sleep without Julius. I fell asleep to him next to me, and I woke up to him next to me. To not see him before or after, brought out an irrational panic which I hated, but had to accept was normal during the recovery of post-trauma.

And so, I spent my time travelling around the lands of Atreia, keeping busy through experimenting with various plants, metals and stone in Julius apothecary, and drinking in the beauty of the world, while Julius himself returned to functioning as a more active and full-time Empyrean Lord once again in Vengar and Cygnea.

I had not yet been able to return to Beluslan. One day, I knew I would. But I could not bear it yet, not when I knew the city of Kurngalfberg would be forever frozen beneath the ice. Returning to the scene of my failure was not something I could handle yet.

During this month, I visited Altgard. It had been one of the first lands I wanted to visit, and yet nearly four hundred years since first coming to pre-Cataclysm Atreia, it was only now that I was first exploring the region.

It was a beautiful land. Altgard fortress stood firm in the centre, surrounded by a lake and a ring of mountains. Beyond the mountains, where lush forests and farmland, steep and stark valleys and more forests between the tight and jagged hills.

To the south was the coast, were sailing and airships docked to bring trade to the prosperous land, as well as tourists to the magnificent monolith which was Impetusium, the fighting arena used by Daevas to duel, for both fun, as well as to settle scores and old grievances.

To the north east, was Altgard Observatory, perched on the edge of the cliff face, cleverly disguised by sharp mountain faces and canyons, overlooking another enormous body of water, where the view of the sky was as vast and as open as it could be.

I climbed up the canyon, enjoying the walk through the lush green and overhanging trees. Birds chirped from branch to branch, small rodents scurried beneath the fallen leaves, and bees hummed in the air as they flitted from flower to flower to collect nectar for their honey.

It had been a long time since I last saw Israphel. Centuries perhaps, and admittedly, I missed his company. I wished he had not been an Empyrean Lord, because I had enjoyed our casual talks. It had been hard enough trying to come around to speaking to Julius again as a normal individual and friend after finding out he was an Empyrean Lord. The difference however, was I had grown up with Julius as my closest family, as the brother who had raised me.

Israphel on the other hand, had just been a stranger. Indeed he had become a friend, but I had not known him well enough to have the notion settle enough in my mind, before discovering his true identity.

Nevertheless, I wondered if Israphel was at the Observatory today. He said Altgard was his home, and spent most of his free time here. But as I had come to learn through Julius, Empyrean Lords had very little free time, and even less was actually spent in their homes.

At the top of the canyon, the walls opened out slightly to encompass both sides like comforting arms, and the path turned left, up the hill, to the Observatory at the end. It was beautifully secluded and quiet, and I walked up the hill to the building, where its domed roof was closed. It was day, so of course, the telescope would not be brought out while the sun shone so brightly.

At the entrance, two Daevas stood guard, and they watched me briefly to ascertain whether I was possibly dangerous or not. Given my normal attire, no such alarm crossed their features, and returned to watching the surroundings, ever alert.

An Obelisk stood to one side, where if any Daevas had an accidental death and bound their souls to this Obelisk, would rematerialise to a quiet environment, open to the sky and endless lake before them.

I stood at the edge of the cliff, taking in the magnificent view before me. The lake was vast beyond compare, more like an enormous river or narrow sea, which stretched on in both directions right and left, for the mountain ranges of the north, channelled the water on either side to indeed create a narrow sea which eventually fed out into the ocean beyond the distant horizons.

As I gazed, I felt my shoulders sink. Besides Siela, I had spent very little time in the southern hemisphere of Atreia. Almost all of my time had been spent in Balaurea, and the northern hemisphere, in Asmodae. It was beautiful. So filled with life, with colour and warmth.

But the Cataclysm plunged this entire northern hemisphere into darkness and a cold, eternal twilight.

The education I had been given from the teachers and tutors of my original time, had been so wrong. The Elyos had become so cocky, so arrogant, because we still possessed this light and warmth. How could we have considered ourselves blessed, chosen, and right, when we had so easily condemned and forsaken our own people on the other side of the world?

We were all Atreians. We all lived in Atreia. We were all part of the same world.

All children of Aion.

It should have been obvious, especially given Aion still spoke to and ascended the Asmodians, as much as He did for the Elyos.

The sunlight made the Elyos soft and proud. The darkness made the Asmodians hard and bitter. It was a divide which should never have happened. How was it that neither side had reached out to the other in the immediate aftermath of the Cataclysm? Was it because of the Abyss? Had the rift somehow barred each hemisphere from each other?

But then, why was it that when the Elyos and Asmodians finally found each other in the Abyss, they fought each other instead of embraced each other?

"What happened?" I breathed to the gentle breeze.

Just what actually happened during those peace talks? Where did it all go wrong?

In five hundred years, I would find out.

It made me feel sick to consider, to comprehend, that I may actually be around to witness the event which almost destroyed the world.

"Beralin? Is that you?"

My attention was hauled back in from the sky and I turned with surprise to the voice. I could not pinpoint through the Weave where people were in the world yet, like Julius could. Therefore to my expectation, there had been a fifty percent chance of Israphel being in Altgard.

Israphel had come around the curved side of the building, wearing a modest, gentleman's attire, with a book under one arm, sextant and compass in hand, and pencil tucked behind his ear.

I was reminded of the first two times I had ever seen him, dressed simply back then as well, no lordly title. Just a Daeva.

Like Julius, Israphel could flit easily between the two, between a simple gentleman in appearance, and powerful ruler of the world.

Israphel looked as surprised as I was, but an honest smile lit his face, and I mirrored it.

"Lord Israphel," I greeted with a bow.

"Oh come now, Beralin, I have said time again that you do not need to stand upon ceremony with me," Israphel said as he came up to me. "But I am delighted to see you. How are you, really? Because the years have not been kind to you," he then said more gently and his expression grew concerned.

"Recovering," I said. "I will not lie, I am very jumpy these days, and training ends in tears more often than success. I do not think I will be returning to the front any time soon. Therefore I have requested leave to travel. I should have come here centuries ago, but, well, there was never enough time. Ironic, given we are immortal."

Israphel snorted with agreement. "Indeed. Immortality may mean we can live forever, but by no means does that entail having more time to do what we would prefer to do."

"Ah, well, I have the time now," I said brightly. "So I am trying to utilise it as best as I can, and one is to finally visit Altgard."

"And what do you think of it so far?"

"I am not disappointed."

Israphel's expression brightened. "I am glad," he said with relief. "Do you intend on staying?"

"For the rest of this afternoon, yes. Each day I tackle like a hike," I said, patting the pack on my back. It made me look a lot more normal and human-like, less conspicuous. I did not want anyone to possibly think I was a Daeva. I did not want to be dragged into any fights of conflicts.

I could not bear it.

Israphel's expression softened. "Well, in that case, would you like to sit with me while I take some measurements?"

I nodded.

He looked dubiously amused. "Are you sure? Julius is not going to arrive in a fury to see you with me?"

I blinked with dismay. "No. Why would he?"

Israphel chuckled as he walked over to the simple wooden table which had been hammered into the grass. "I am teasing, Beralin. Though I am ashamed I could not attend your wedding. There must always be a Tower Guardian on duty. Given Siel had never met you in person, it was fair she be given the opportunity."

I shook my head. "I understand," I said. "I admit, I would have liked to have seen you there. But not all things could have been granted."

Israphel set his book and compass down, and smiled slightly. "Well that is reassuring to hear. But at least allow me to extend my congratulations to you in person then. Not as Lord Israphel, but just as Lephar, your friend."

Warmth bubbled in my chest. "Thank you," I said softly.

It was no secret to me that Julius's opinion of Israphel had fallen since the conquest of Levinshor. Nevertheless, I was not the one in either of their positions. I loved Julius. And I thought highly of Israphel. Their discrepancies were between the two of them. It had nothing to do with me.

"What did you think of Siel?" Israphel asked lightly as I sat down on one of the stools and lowered my pack to the ground.

"Lady Siel is by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," I sighed. "She puts all others to shame. So beautiful on the outside, and I feel her heart and soul are equally as beautiful on the inside as well. None can be as noble or as pure as she."

Israphel opened the book, to reveal pages of chart paper, some of which had been drawn heavily on with straight lines of intersection and annotated with numbers.

"Indeed she is," Israphel agreed wistfully. "Of us all, she is perhaps the most noble and most pure. The ideal Tower Guardian."

There was a slight twinge in his tone which captured my attention, almost like a sense of wishful regret, or envy. I frowned. Unusual to sense doubt from such a powerful Empyrean Lord.

"You are the most charismatic of all the Empyrean Lords, Lord Israphel," I said. "I do not know Lady Siel. But I think, if I may be so bold to claim a good enough acquaintance with you, and state certainly by far, of all the Lords I have had the pleasure to meet, you are the most charismatic and inspiring of them all."

He paused, and his pale blue eyes landed on me, and they warmed. "Thank you, Beralin. I needed to hear that, I realise. Sometimes it is hard to remember our strengths if we keep comparing our other traits to others." He sighed and shook his head at himself. "Julius is a lucky man. I wonder if he realises just how lucky he is."

I felt a touch of heat rise to my face, and cleared my throat softly. "What are you doing?" I asked, attempting to change the subject.

He picked up the sextant from the table with care. "Correcting this sextant. One of my young navigators threw it overboard in a tantrum. It is now out of alignment."

"Why did he throw it overboard?" I asked, as I took out my flask.

Israphel chuckled. "One of my veterans was trying to teach him how to use it during the night. He could not understand, and so lost his temper and threw it into the waves. Suffice it to say, the young Daeva was disciplined afterwards."

I frowned in thought as I poured the tea. "I thought sextants were used at night anyway?"

Israphel smiled as he held up the sextant to the sun and closed one eye, to stare into the eyepiece with the open one and started making adjustments along the arc with subtle and practised fingers.

"Sextants are usually used only during the day, actually. But the most experienced can use them at night as well. As long as there is a bright celestial body in the sky, whether it be the sun, the moon, or the brightest stars, a sextant can be used, provided there is a view of the horizon within the light of the sky available." Israphel lowered the device down and took a reading, before drawing a line across the chart. "Many navigators only use a sextant during the day, as they are sometimes too lazy to learn to use one at night." He lifted the sextant again to take another arc. "Some consider the sextant as too old fashioned, even more so if used both night and day."

"Ah," I breathed in understanding. "Hence why the young navigator threw a tantrum then. He could not understand."

Israphel smirked with amusement. "Many young Daevas believe their ways of thinking is the way forward, and that all old knowledge is outdated and should be cast aside. Alas, all modern, current day knowledge is based on the knowledge and technology of its predecessors. And, unfortunately for them, there is a reason why the old techniques still hold such powerful sway today."

"The old ways are the most accurate."

"Precisely. They learn this lesson with time, but of course, it takes time for them to reach that stage." Israphel drew another line on the paper. "With age, comes wisdom."

I smiled faintly. "For the most part. Though I think, with age, comes more confusion. The world becomes a little more complicated as each year passes by. It does not feel like wisdom."

Israphel took a third reading. "And that is precisely why it is wisdom. Because only the wise will learn to see and admit that the world is complicated, it never gets easier, and simply gets harder. It takes great wisdom to admit and accept such a revelation."

I wrapped my hands around the cup of the flask, watching the steam rise into the air. I had not drunk from it.

Israphel's words made me think, for I had never considered the saying 'with age, comes wisdom' in such a way before, and I was surprised to see the logic of his interpretation. It was so simple, yet so effective, so true.

I snorted softly. "In that case, I'd rather not have the wisdom."

Israphel chuckled again. "I am afraid those who do not want the wisdom, are always the ones who have it. It is always the way. As I am sure you have come to find throughout life, that the ones who do not want the heaviest responsibilities, are always the ones who end up shouldering them in the end, because they are the ones who understand it best. And those who understand, are the ones who are both blessed and cursed. Aion is balanced, in all things. We see that best through Sudryl."

"Lord Sudryl?"

Israphel lowered the sextant, and carefully readjusted the angulation between the index mirror and horizon mirror with focused, unblinking eyes.

"As the mouthpiece and will of Aion, Sudryl has to walk a fine line between the realm of Godhood, and the physical world of Atreia. It is both a blessing and a curse, for wherein one walks the line of balance, it binds him from acting." Israphel exhaled. "Sudryl is the greatest of us all, but is also the most powerless. Every action will have a reaction. Sudryl cannot afford ripples across the world, lest he destroy it by mistake. Hence why we exist, for we are in a better position to act on Aion's will. Sudryl is the guide for us to follow."

There was so much to Sudryl which I did not know nor understand. Yet, there were links, connections, through Julius and his own identity as a Weaver. As Israphel mentioned Godhood, it brought back the dark and frightening inkling I had felt whenever I thought of Julius's title as Aion's Vessel. Somewhere in my heart, I knew – but did not want accept or admit – that Julius was closer to Godhood than what he said. As Sudryl's son, it was inevitable.

There was more to the prophecy than what met the eye.

But to uncover it, brought a sickening nausea to the pit of my stomach.

Learn Atreia's history. To heal my world. My Tree is only a guide. It is not the solution. Learn what happened. Make it right, when you return.

Those were Aion's words. And I felt the blood drain from my face as I realised the haze in my mind was actually clearing. What had once made absolutely no sense before, was slowly, gradually, coming together.

The clues were all there, between Aion's words, the words of the prophecy, as well as the reality of my original time – of a broken Tower.

No, I thought. Not now. I don't want to look at it now. Please.

I pushed the cup to Israphel to distract myself. "Would you like some tea?"

Israphel glanced up from the sextant, half distracted, but an open warmth flickered through his eyes with old remembrance. He carefully let one hand go, and took the cup with his now free hand and inhaled the steam.

"What tea is it this time?" He mused.

"A simple tea this time. Otombliss, with fresh azpha," I said.

Israphel took a sip, and nodded with approval. "Sometimes, the simplest of things have the greatest value and impact," he said fondly.

I laughed lightly. "That is very true."

In more ways than one.

"Whoever would have thought that back then, times were so much simpler to what they are now," Israphel said with reminiscence. "The world has changed a great deal."

I watched Israphel with curiosity for the rest of the afternoon, learning more about navigational tools and charts. It was a lovely afternoon. Simple, and carefree, similar to our first meetings many centuries ago. I found myself wishing again that Israphel was not an Empyrean Lord, likewise with Julius. They had both entered my life through humble and ordinary means.

I could still treat Julius with the same normal humility and normality. But with Israphel, it was impossible, because he was an Empyrean Lord. It did not stop me wishing however, as Israphel felt like a normal friend, a good one, like Cedric, like Celledon and Yvannia.

Yet my most normal and best friends, had all died.

Israphel would follow suit in five hundred years.

It was a tragic and heavy weight upon my heart. A bitter one. Why was it that everyone I had come to care about died, or would die?

However, the one I could not lose no matter what, was Julius. His was a loss which would destroy me entirely. Therefore I knew I had to become strong again, and become stronger still. I had to protect him.

The sun began to set beyond the horizon, and it was time for me to depart.

"Thank you for showing me the Observatory, Lord Israphel," I thanked him. "I am glad you were here today. I have explored nearly half of Altgard now, but there is still much more to see."

Israphel nodded a gentlemanly bow with a smile. "And I am glad I was here as well. Fate has smiled upon me today, it seems."

"You are one of the four cardinal Lords. I should think Fate smiles upon you constantly," I said with a puzzling raise of my eyebrow.

He laughed softly. "Just because I am Lord of Space, does not mean everything goes in my favour. Sometimes it is quite the opposite."

I tilted my head to the side, my expression softening. "But only the strong can endure those opposites. And you are one of the strong."

He gave a side smile. "I am strong, you say? You have never seen me in combat, Beralin. How do you know I can be strong?"

I grinned. "Like I said, charisma. I have not see any of the Empyrean Lords in combat, not even Julius. But the presence does not lie. You are all Lords for a reason."

His pale blue eyes watched me with unreadable depth.

I bowed to him. "I hope to see you again in future, Lord Israphel. Until then, I take my leave." And I truly did hope I could see him again, and likewise Azphel and Marchutan. They were three whom I considered my friends in my heart. But immortal life was cruel. Indeed it was decades and centuries between my ability to see the most important men in my life.

"Beralin, wait," Israphel said abruptly.

I straightened from my bow, curiously, holding off my warp for the moment. "My Lord?"

He gazed at me. His eyes contained an unusual emotion, something which almost appeared bittersweet, yet sad at the same time.

"In a different time, in a different world, do you think, it could have been me?" He asked. Though his voice was quiet, it carried across the air firmly and steadily. It was not a question asked by a Lord, but a question asked by Israphel, the man.

I stared at him, stunned and confused as I comprehended just what he was asking me exactly. Because as his question sank into my mind, the meaning behind his quiet words became clear.

Israphel exhaled softly and looked down with a shake of his head at himself. "Ah, do not listen to me, Beralin. I shall not keep you here any longer. The evening draws close."

Emotion clogged my throat, and I tried to swallow. "Lord Israphel . . . I . . ."

He held up his hand apologetically. "It is fine, Beralin," he said kindly. "You do not need to say it. What I asked is a selfish wish which is an impossibility. I know. I know you have had eyes only for Julius. Ever since the beginning."

My chest was tight, and I took a deep and quiet breath. "Lephar," I said gently, for once, discarding the title of my own accord. "As you know, I cannot give you what you seek. But, I truly have considered you my friend, and as my friend, you are as important to me as the bonds of family in spirit. I love you as my friend, my true friend. To others, such love may not mean much, but to me, it is a love which is just as powerful. It . . . is not what you seek. But I wish you to know, that I hold you high in my heart."

And I did. Those whom I had deemed my true friends, were not many. But as a result, I loved them heavily. I loved them dearly. They were the family I chose for myself.

Thus, hurt all the more when I lost them, when they had been taken from me by the enemy, by the Balaur. Those friends, meant everything to me.

I suddenly realised in this moment in time, that Israphel's Displacement was going to shock me greater than Cedric's, Celledon's and Yvannia. Even though I knew Israphel's was coming, it was the knowing which was what made it ten time harder to have to swallow.

Israphel's expression softened. "Thank you, Beralin. Just knowing I am valued in your heart, is enough," He sighed. "Indeed, Julius is the luckiest man in Atreia."

I smiled. "On the contrary, I am the luckiest woman in Atreia."

Israphel snorted faintly, but smiled fondly in return. "You are. Indeed you are, Beralin."