Natsu didn't wake up screaming this time. He was trembling and sweating, but it wasn't as bad as the times before.
He sat up and stared at his palms. 'A bond, huh?' He did want to have sex with Gray eventually, it was just... he was nervous as hell. Sure, he pleasured himself on a regular basis, and he even used his dildo sometimes, but real sex? The thought alone caused his trembling to worsen. Yes, he knew how to prepare for sex, and he also knew what felt good, and that they needed to take time with the preparation, and he also knew that he wasn't alone and that Gray would probably know what to do, too, but still...
He shook his head vehemently. First, he needed to think about how to confess to Gray—again—without being awkward.
'Maybe... first, make sure that I understand that you're not into Lucy... and drop one or two hints, try to flirt with me, and then confess?'
That couldn't be so difficult now, could it? With all the tips Gray gave him, he was sure he would manage somehow.
Natsu took off his watch with shaking hands, seeing as it would draw attention immediately, and he didn't want to tip Gray off today. He made sure that the key and the chain it was attached to it was safely hidden under his muffler, and then wobbled to the bathroom. Maybe a shower would help to calm his nerves.
Upon reaching the guild, he slumped down on the bench opposite of Gray. Not knowing how to start, he ended up staring at Gray in silence for a few minutes while Gray ignored him in favor of playing with his glass.
'First, make sure I understand you're not into Lucy.'
Natsu took a deep breath. "I'm not into Lucy!"
Gray eyed him warily, then answered in an annoyed tone, "I don't know why you bring this up now, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't believe you."
"Why?"
"Because your behavior says otherwise."
"You're mistaken. I'm in love with someone else. Lucy found out a while back, and since then, I could openly talk to her about my feelings. I don't need to hide it from her. That's why I'm happy being around her."
Gray raised an eyebrow, studying Natsu's face warily. Natsu could hear Gray's heart rate pick up.
"Oh? Well, that's good for you, I guess."
He wasn't pushing, but neither was he taking his gaze off Natsu's face.
"Yeah, it's a huge relief, after keeping my feelings bottled up for so long. After all, I've been feeling this way since I was around thirteen."
Gray's pulse quickened even more, but he didn't let on.
"That's a long time."
'Time to use one of the tips Gray gave me. "Tell me that it's a 'he' you're in love with while looking at me and being nervous." Okay, be nervous. How do I pretend to be nervous when I already know his answer? Think about something embarrassing. Sex. Think about sex. Sex with Gray... My hand around Gray's hard cock, stroking him...'
Natsu felt his cheeks heating up. "Y-yeah, well... I... I haven't found the courage to confess to him yet."
"Him?" Gray's cheeks reddened.
"Yes. I'm in love with a guy. Got a problem with that?"
"N-not at all!" Gray hastily made a dismissive gesture with his hands, looking even more flustered.
'So this is how flirting works, huh? Not that difficult after all.'
"Although he pisses me off most of the time, I can't help feeling warm and fuzzy whenever he's close to me... And the desire to touch him, to kiss him... is maddening."
Gray's lips were slightly parted, his breath ragged. He was leaning towards Natsu, probably subconsciously.
"Wh-why are you... telling me... all this?"
"Because I have the impression–" Natsu stretched out his hand until he could run his fingers over Gray's cheek– "that he's interested in me, too."
Despite being an ice mage, Gray's cheeks were warm, nearly hot to the touch.
"W-w-well, y-you sh-should ask h-him then."
Natsu smiled involuntarily. "How would you feel about only the two of us going to my house?" He ran his thumb carefully over Gray's lips, and continued with a lowered voice, "I'm sure we'll find an even better way than fighting to spend time..."
Gray didn't show any physical reaction other than gaping at Natsu for a few heartbeats, the color in his cheeks rising even more. He didn't even breathe.
Natsu was getting worried Gray might faint, scolding himself for overdoing it, but then Gray took a deep breath, and blurted out, "Yes!"
There was a clap, then a second one joined in, and soon they were met with a series of applause and congratulations from their guild mates. Gajeel stirred, woken up by the loud sounds around him. He looked around in confusion, and then went over to Levy to ask what he'd missed.
Gray buried his face in his palms.
Gajeel shouted in a teasing tone, "So ice boy and flame boy got it bad for each other, eh? I bet you beat the crap out of each other to decide who gets to top, gihi!"
Judging from the way Gray squirmed at this, he was dying of embarrassment. But Natsu wouldn't budge. He jumped to his feet, raised a fist, and shouted, "Well, at least we have somebody to do it with."
This seemed to hit a nerve with Gajeel; he was on his feet in the blink of an eye, mirroring Natsu's gesture, and shouting, "What was that, you—"
"Solid Script: Gag!"
Levy's face was flushed. She had trouble holding Gajeel back, who wanted to charge at Natsu. When he was about to break free, she leaned in and kissed his upper arm, which caused Gajeel to blush heavily and stop his efforts immediately.
Natsu had a tease already on his lips, but Gray reacted too fast for him. He dragged Natsu out of the guild hall while covering his mouth with one hand. Only when the door closed behind them did he let go.
"Hey! I wanted to tease Gajeel a bit!"
"Yeah, as if that wasn't already embarrassing enough! Don't you have any shame?"
"Why? I didn't do any—"
"Bragging about sex which we didn't even have yet, and in front of Wendy no less. Didn't you see how flustered she was?"
"Err..."
A smack to the back of his head.
"H-hey!"
"That's your own fault for being an idiot. Now come on, let's go, before you decide to go back in and find another embarrassing thing to do or say."
And with that, Gray took off in the direction of Natsu's house, not looking back to check whether Natsu followed. Natsu wanted to complain, wanted to stop Gray, tell him that he needed to do something important first, but Gray was already out of earshot. Sighing, he decided to tell them later—they still had a good five hours until the departure of the train after all.
Natsu grabbed Gray's hand as soon as he caught up, which made Gray blush and stammer, but he didn't attempt to withdraw his hand.
It was astounding how much Gray's behavior changed when Natsu acted differently. It made him wonder whether there was a way to turn Gray into a self-confident hunter if Natsu just acted like the shy prey. If he unmistakably signaled Gray that he was interested, but too shy to act on his feelings, maybe then Gray would jump into action?
"Natsu... Why now?"
"Huh?"
"I mean... you said you've been into me for about six years, yet you've never acted upon your feelings until today. What changed your mind?"
Should he lie? Would it ruin the mood if he told the truth? Would he ruin his own mood if he lied? Probably. Truth without the part where Gray died, then.
"You'd never believe me."
"How can you know that if you don't try?"
"Oh, I did try. You didn't believe me... at first."
This earned him a suspicious glance. "I don't understand what you're getting at."
"Yeah, well. It's because this day keeps repeating itself with me being the only one who can remember. It's the fifth time, and we confessed to each other already twice."
Gray stopped short in his tracks. He blinked rapidly, wearing an incredulous expression.
"Okay. You're right. I don't believe you."
Natsu pulled Gray into a tight hug before whispering into Gray's ear, "You've already invited me to your flat once. We went there together. You made me wait outside so you could remove the pictures of me. We cuddled on your huge bed."
Gray pushed him away at the shoulders, but Natsu refused to let go, so they ended up with their faces close to each other's and their lower halves still pressed together. Gray stared at him wide-eyed and flustered.
"Y-you mean we had... uh..."
"Sex?"
Gray's reaction was just too cute—he bit his lower lip, closed his eyes, and gave a small nod.
"No. We haven't done anything sexual yet. This would be the first time."
Lowering his head, Gray leaned forward until his forehead rested on Natsu's. He didn't open his eyes when he said, "I'm still... a virgin. A-and you?"
"What do you think? I've been in love with you since puberty."
"W-well, you could always do it with somebody just for... pleasure?"
"I'd never do that. What's the point of it if you don't love your partner?"
Tentatively, Gray opened his eyes, pulled back a little, and smiled.
Natsu couldn't resist; his body moved of its own volition, closing the distance between them, pressing his lips against Gray's. Like always, the first few seconds of the kiss were one-sided and awkward, but once Gray overcame his initial shock, he reciprocated all too willingly, carefully sliding his lips against Natsu's, testing, gaining more courage with every second.
This time Natsu wanted to go all out, so he shoved his tongue into Gray's mouth, reveling in the surprised sound this earned him. He took advantage of the parting of Gray's jaw, and involved his tongue in a heated fight, while sliding his hands suggestively lower and lower until he reached Gray's waistband. A moan escaped Gray's throat, and Natsu was barely holding one back, himself. With their crotches being pressed together, they could both tell what effect they had on the other.
But they were still out in the open, only halfway to Natsu's house. Even if nobody—except for Jellal—was around, they shouldn't be doing such a thing there. Although he had to admit that the danger of being caught had a tempting side to it. Another time.
Gray seemed to have the same thought, seeing as he pushed Natsu away brusquely, hissing.
"Your house. Now."
They ran the rest of the way, not bothering to hold hands or talk.
When they reached the house, Natsu opened the door, nearly dropping the keys in his haste. Gray didn't bother commenting on the state of cleanliness in Natsu's house. He just took his shoes off and urged Natsu on to lead him to the bedroom. Gray pouted at the sight of the small bed, but the expression vanished when Natsu practically threw him onto it.
Natsu took his shoes off hastily, and then crawled onto the still fully dressed Gray, straddling his hips.
"Do you want me to take off your clothes?"
Gray let out a strangled moan. "Yes, please."
Natsu bent down and kissed Gray, fumbling with the belt loop and the button of Gray's jeans meanwhile. They were both already well on the way to getting hard, and Natsu's insides burned with desire. He broke the kiss, and slid down on the bed, taking Gray's pants with him. On his way back up, he paused when his face was level with Gray's crotch, now only covered with the thin fabric of his boxers.
If he just lowered his head a bit more, or stretched out his tongue... He could already very clearly smell the musky scent of Gray's arousal, and it turned him on even more. He gulped. Being so close to Gray's crotch... it made him nervous.
"Natsu... Everything okay?"
Gray looked at him with a worried expression.
He quickly crawled up and lay down chest to chest on Gray. "I'm just... a bit nervous, I guess. It's my first time after all."
Gray's expression softened, and his hands came up to cradle Natsu's face. "It's alright. There's no pressure. I'm nervous as well."
The way Gray looked at him, the glint in his eyes, the slight trembling of his limbs—his whole body language said that he trusted Natsu unconditionally.
'What am I doing here? I'm withholding a part of the truth, I'm about to have sex with the one I love not because I feel ready, but because I want to save him. It feels like I'm betraying his trust...'
Natsu rolled off of Gray, forgetting that his bed was way too small for such an expansive move. He hit his head at the edge of the nightstand, and then landed on the floor with a dull thud.
"Na-Natsu?!"
Gray was on the floor next to him in no time, and pressed an icy hand against the spot where Natsu's head had hit the nightstand.
Natsu gulped. "Sorry."
"You're freaking out, mh?"
Again that worried look.
"I was about to have sex with you for all the wrong reasons..."
Gray's eyes widened. "Do you want to talk about it?"
'Yes, but no... Having sex with you and making you think everything's okay feels like betrayal. Telling you would be neglecting your plea not to tell you. But I feel like I'm about to burst inside, with all the weight on my shoulders. I want to rescue you, and I want you to know my reasons. There are so many decisions I need to make. Decisions I think you should have a say in...'
"I can see you're fighting with yourself. Please let me in on what's worrying you."
"I don't want to burden you..."
"And I don't like to see you suffer silently like this. Whatever it is, let me help... please."
"No, you don't understand... I'm trying to spare you. The last time, you even asked me not to tell you."
Gray studied his face attentively for some seconds before asking, "Is something bad going to happen?"
Natsu flinched. He'd been too careless, given too many hints. It was too late to talk himself out of it.
"Well... yeah. Can we move to somewhere more comfortable for this?"
They decided to sit on the bed, cross-legged and facing each other.
Natsu took a deep breath, looking anywhere but at Gray. "Y-you are... going to... uh..."
Gray's fist clenched, and he gulped. "What?"
"Err... d-die."
Gray froze, staring into space for a while, his face carefully neutral the whole time.
"Y-you..." He trailed off, then sighed, and tried anew. "S-so earlier... y-you lied?" Gray asked, a hint of hurt in his eyes.
What exactly was he referring to? Did not telling the whole truth qualify as lying? Gray seemed to take his hesitation as affirmation.
"I... I see... I'm going to die, so you want to fulfill my biggest wish before that... You found out that I'm... in love with you... For my sake, you lied to me, and you were about to give me your virginity..."
"No! It's not like that at all!"
"Then... Did you want to try how it is to have sex with a guy?"
If Gray really believed that this could be true, then how the hell could he stay that calm? Shouldn't he rather feel used, betrayed, disgusted?
"Why... aren't you angry at me?"
Sighing, Gray shifted a bit so that he could grab Natsu's shoulders. He locked eyes with Natsu. There wasn't even a trace of anger or hate—only sadness and acceptance.
"Ever since the moment I accepted my feelings for you, I couldn't stop thinking about all the possible outcomes, no matter if they were likely or not. I also considered the possibility that you would sleep with me for reasons other than love—maybe to relieve stress or because you're curious... and I had an internal battle over the correct reaction in such a situation for a long time. If I refused and scared you off with that, I would forever wonder about what might have happened if I accepted, and hate myself for that decision. I would persuade myself that I could have made you fall for me if I just tried. Even if it didn't work out between the two of us in the end, I could have found a way to save our friendship. At least then I wouldn't beat myself up over the fact that I didn't even try. So... I'd never refuse, no matter what reasons you might have for wanting to have sex with me... But please... don't force yourself."
Natsu threw himself into Gray's arms once he'd finished. Luckily his bed didn't have a bar at its foot, or Gray's head would have bumped against it. Gray looked taken aback and puzzled. It was as if he'd already accepted that Natsu didn't love him.
"I... I didn't lie when I said that I'm in love with you. It's just... I don't want to rush things... I wanted to get closer to you... bit by bit."
Gray's eyebrows furrowed. "You're not ready yet, and you feel pressured because I'll die?"
Natsu buried his face in the crook of Gray's neck. "Almost. I think that having sex with you might save you. That's why..."
There, it was out. Gray would probably laugh at him for such a stupid assumption, or scold him for thinking too much.
What he hadn't expected at all was warm arms hugging him tightly, a hand caressing his hair, and Gray answering in a soft tone, "That sounds ridiculous. But even if it was true, I wouldn't want you to force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with. If time is being turned back, then it doesn't make any difference if I die or not, right?"
"A-actually... time is being turned back because you die every time..."
Gray wanted to know the details, so Natsu told a short form of his story. Gray listened attentively, asked some questions when he didn't understand something, but he didn't let on any negative reactions. He was holding back for Natsu's sake again.
"That means... Jellal is watching us even now?"
"Ah... maybe not all the time, but yes. I bet he's sitting in one of the trees outside."
Gray blushed. "He'd watch us while we're having... sex?"
"Probably. But you actually like that, right?"
The blush on Gray's face intensified. "I... uh. W-well, maybe? I mean... u-uhm. Yeah."
Natsu poked Gray's side, which caused him to let out a surprised laugh. Interesting. Natsu hadn't known that Gras was ticklish. He filed this information away for later. Maybe he could tickle Gray until he was gasping for breath.
"I figured. You're a kinky exhibitionist after all."
Gray's pout was just too cute, and Natsu needed all his self-control not to attack him with another poke or a pull on his cheeks.
"That's just the way I am, idiot. But I'd never expect you to do anything you don't like; I hope you kn—"
Natsu leaned in and pressed his lips to Gray's to shut him up. Because how dare he be so considerate and adorable? They sunk back into the mattress without breaking their kiss, with Natsu on top. Their lips slid against each other's softly, carefully. Since Natsu knew that Gray liked it, he opened his mouth and pulled Gray's bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling playfully, teasing Gray with his sharp canines, careful not to break the skin.
A content sigh escaped Gray's lips, and Natsu could feel Gray's cock filling out again as the kiss went on. He smiled against Gray's lips, and teased him even more, but was pushed back a few seconds later.
Gray glared at him, but the blush on his face and his panting lessened the effect. "If you don't stop this, I might just jump you."
"No, you won't. You're too considerate."
Natsu stretched his tongue out to annoy Gray, but he wasn't prepared for Gray catching it between his fingers and covering the tip in ice.
"Ehhh, fat'f anfair!"
Gray smirked, and kept Natsu in suspense for a few seconds, but when his ice began to steam, he let out a laugh and dissipated it.
"I can't feel my tongue, baftard!"
"Ohh? I'm so sorry!"
Natsu launched himself at Gray, attacking the ticklish spot he'd found earlier. Gray burst out in laughter, trying to tickle Natsu back, but he was rendered defenseless by Natsu's ruthless assaults. Natsu found out that Gray had many ticklish spots at his sides, stomach and under his armpits, and he exploited his new knowledge until Gray was a gasping, wriggling, begging mess. He took pity on him eventually, but as soon as Gray had control over his limbs again, he went for a counter attack. Natsu hadn't known he was ticklish until then, although his reaction wasn't as immediate as Gray's. He could easily hold back his laughter at the beginning, but the more Gray tickled him, the harder it became. It didn't take long for him to end up the same way Gray had, and Gray didn't release him until he'd suffered about as long as Gray had. Gray laughed throughout the whole thing, so he was as breathless as Natsu was by the time he released him.
They exchanged kisses while their breath evened out, lying on the bed, entangled with each other. The next half hour was spent talking and kissing. Natsu showed Gray his diary and what was already written in it. Gray insisted that Natsu and Ultear were misinterpreting the prophecy and that he didn't see any reason why their sex life should have any impact on his death. Naturally, he didn't let the opportunity slip to make fun of Natsu's 'mighty sperm' being able to 'prevent the world from falling apart' as per the prophecy. He managed to make Natsu doubt his and Ultear's conclusion, although he wasn't entirely convinced. Gray squeezed the promise out of Natsu that he wouldn't take this assumption into account when deciding on the point of when he felt ready for sex.
When they next checked the time, it was already ten o'clock. They decided that going to the guild and telling their friends the truth was for the best. Gray agreed that there was no reason to go on the mission if they didn't know how to prevent his death yet. Natsu noticed the small flinch every time they talked about it, but he didn't comment. Gray's decision was probably heavily influenced by the fear of being dissolved if they went vs. the relatively 'normal' death of a heart attack if they stayed. Natsu admired the calmness with which Gray handled the issue of his own impending death, even if it was just on the outside. He was sure he'd freak out if he were in Gray's shoes.
Gray advised Natsu to gather more information on their enemies, their goals, and the way the fights went if it was Gajeel vs. Ichika, and Lucy vs. Bubbles. He was convinced that the search for a solution was far more complicated than just having sex, that Natsu would know when he got closer to his goal, and thus have time to prepare for the day when he would succeed in saving Gray.
Natsu planned on keeping Wendy from going on the mission as well, but Gray vehemently refused this. What if somebody got hurt on the mission? And what if the enemy healer—Yushin—just pretended to heal, but actually hurt their friends even more? On the off chance that Gray wouldn't die this time, they shouldn't put their friends into more danger than was necessary. Or on the chance that the turning back of time could reverse only Gray's death, and nobody else's. Plus, if Porlyusica said she could neither prevent his death nor revive him, then Wendy wouldn't be able to do it, either.
Natsu reluctantly admitted that Gray had a point there, and so they walked to the guild hall, never letting go of each other's hand. Juvia wanted to throw herself at Gray the moment they stepped into the guild hall, but Gray created ice bars that prevented her from reaching them, and kissed Natsu while everyone was watching. After convincing her that he really was in a relationship with Natsu, she ran away, crying.
After everyone had congratulated them and calmed down, Natsu explained the situation. He tried his best to leave out unnecessary information, seeing as they didn't have that much time left.
When his explanation was finished, Natsu asked Lucy on advice about how to write a diary, but the only tip he got was: "Write down what you deem important and don't want to forget. It's a diary and meant to be read only by you, so you can do with it whatever you want."
They left the guild after lunch and wishing their friends good luck on the mission. Happy willingly stayed behind with Mirajane again. Natsu and Gray had agreed on using the rest of the day for bringing Natsu's diary up to date, seeing as he'd written down only the prophecy so far.
They spent the next few hours at Natsu's house on his bed, talking, writing, bickering ("I'm not cute, what the hell?! ... Sweet? What am I, a candy? ... I'm also not ado—oh, well. No, it's fine. Just leave it.") and thinking about theories on what the prophecy could mean, but they all sounded ridiculous at best. Gray suggested that Natsu should probably read the prophecy out to the whole guild and ask them for help. Maybe together they could come up with something that made sense. Natsu decided that he'd do exactly that the next time.
When he finished writing, he sighed in relief. Gray took the book and the pen from Natsu's lap, but instead of putting it back on the nightstand, he pulled his knees up and rested the book against them so that he could write. To Natsu's annoyance, he couldn't see the pages, so he was about to get up and crawl behind Gray.
"No. Stay where you are. You can read it later, just... not now."
There was a blush on Gray's cheeks, and his gaze was fixed on the book. He was embarrassed by what he was about to write? Now that was cute! Natsu felt his lips tug into a fond smile.
"Fine. Do you wanna lean against the headboard? It's more comfortable to write here."
Gray accepted the offer thankfully and began to write.
Since Natsu didn't have anything to do, he already felt bored a few seconds later. He couldn't comment on what Gray wrote or make fun of it, like Gray had done earlier. If he tried to steal a kiss, Gray would surely think he was trying to cheat. The only part he could safely touch without being suspected were Gray's feet and maybe his elbows. So he lay down on his chest with his head close to Gray's feet, and touched them carefully.
The sound of pen scraping against paper stopped immediately. Natsu didn't know what to make of it at first, but then he heard Gray sigh near inaudibly. He put more pressure into his touches, and he could tell that Gray was holding back sounds of enjoyment.
"Hey... Are you trying to distract me? I'll need much longer to write at this rate."
"Err... Can't you just continue writing while I massage your feet?"
"No, I can't. They seem to be a sensitive spot... I can't concentrate on writing like this."
"Then you'll be aroused when I massage your feet?"
"Not like that, idiot! It just... makes me feel warm and content."
Natsu smiled involuntarily.
"Then... what else can I do? I want to be close to you and touch you."
He heard Gray swallow. "W-well, you could... let me blindfold you... Th-then I'd let you snuggle up with me."
This made Natsu shoot up straight. Gray's face was flushed, and his eyes wouldn't meet Natsu's.
"Are you carrying a blindfold with you?"
Gray looked at him, baffled. "I'm not that perverted, idiot. I was thinking about using my shirt or any other item of clothing..."
"Ohh? I hope you noticed that you just admitted that you are a huge perv—ouch! Hey!"
Natsu rubbed his shoulder where Gray had kicked him rather powerfully. Gray glowered at him, but after a few seconds he sighed, and admitted, "Yes, well. I am a pervert when it comes to you. Satisfied? Now, do you want to snuggle up to me or not?"
Naturally, Natsu agreed, with the condition that Gray would use his shirt as blindfold. A minute later found him curled up against Gray's naked upper body, lazily stroking his fingers over taut muscles and soft skin.
It didn't take long for Natsu to get dizzy with the intense scent, the warmth of Gray's body, the incredibly good feeling of Gray's skin under his fingers.
Gray asked him to stop the stroking a few times, but Natsu couldn't restrain himself for more than a few seconds. Gray sighed and gave up after a few attempts. His fast heartbeat was reassuring and soothing, and Natsu tried not to fall asleep, but it was a lost cause.
"—up—pyhead."
There was something warm and soft on his cheek. It felt heavenly, but Natsu was reluctant to let go of his dream. He and Gray had a good time, with lots of cuddling, kisses, and also sex. Oh yes, the sex was good. Sometimes raw, sometimes slow and romantic... He'd like to do it again. But the warmth that wanted to tear them apart was insistent, and it was no longer only on his cheek; it was everywhere. On his legs, his stomach, his chest, around his neck.
"Mhhhh."
He snuggled closer to the warmth, feeling safe and content. There was a warm hand caressing his hair, and Natsu leaned into the touch instinctively, letting out another content sigh.
Soft laughter rang out next to him. "You're really clingy when you're asleep."
'Gray. Gray? Shit, I fell asleep!'
Natsu wanted to sit up, but he found his limbs firmly intertwined with Gray's. Their faces were so close that Natsu had difficulty making out Gray's expression. Judging from the fondness in his eyes, he was probably smiling.
Hadn't Natsu been blindfolded when he'd fallen asleep? Gray must have taken it off at some point.
But more importantly: "How long was I asleep?"
"Just a few minutes. It's shortly after six now."
Shortly after six... That meant they had less than an hour left. Natsu's heartbeat quickened instantly, panic rising in his gut. He clung to Gray like a lifeline.
"Shh... No need to panic, Natsu. We'll see each other again soon. Please don't let my death get to you."
Natsu tightened his grip even more. "As if it's that easy! I don't want you to die at all!"
Gray brought one hand up to caress Natsu's hair, and the other one wrapped tighter around his hips. "I know... I'm just... worried for your mental health."
"I'm strong."
"I know you are... But so am I, and if I imagine seeing you die over and over again... I'm sure I'd go crazy after a while... So please, at least try not to let my repeated death get to you... Maybe it's better if you don't see me dying."
Natsu pushed Gray away and then pinned him on the mattress, scowling. "No way! I won't leave you alone!"
Gray turned his head to the side, and let out a small sigh. "Yeah, I thought so... I'd react the same way... But I'm seriously worried about you."
Natsu buried his nose in the crook of Gray's neck. "How can you be so selfless when you know you'll die soon?"
"Because I'll forget it, but you're the one who has to deal with the agony. Promise me you'll lean on me when it gets too much."
Natsu pushed himself up, looked Gray into the eyes for a moment, and then leaned down until their mouths were nearly touching. He whispered "I promise" before laying his lips on Gray's.
They spent the better part of the next hour on Natsu's bed cuddling, kissing, exchanging sweet words of affection and reassurance. Gray interrupted it once nearing the end, saying he wanted to change something he wrote in the diary. It took him only a few seconds before he was back in Natsu's arms.
Gray died in Natsu's arms, with tears in his eyes, and Natsu thought that if he didn't tell Jellal, he'd probably just think that Gray had fallen asleep. Natsu didn't try to revive him this time; he knew it was futile. He turned Gray onto his back, watching the sad expression on his motionless face for a few moments, before opening the window and beckoning Jellal to come and verify for himself that Gray was dead.
Jellal didn't leave Natsu's bedroom before calling Ultear, and after they disconnected, he intended to drag Natsu away from his dead boyfriend. But Natsu wanted to stay by Gray's side. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the pale face, from the lips he'd kissed just minutes ago. Lips that were still warm to the touch.
He noted distantly that Jellal complained about a bleeding nose, but Natsu didn't care. It was his own fault for wanting to separate them.
The hour went by, and nothing else happened. Natsu just sat there apathetically, staring at Gray, running his fingers through his hair, over his face, his neck. Jellal stopped his efforts eventually when he noticed that Natsu still had enough strength to hurt him.
By the time Natsu's vision blacked out, he felt empty and lifeless.
Natsu's Diary
July 7th
Day 1 & 2:
We (Gray, Erza, Lucy, Wendy, Carla, Happy, me) went on the mission to a town called Kinsha. There were three mages holding the town hostage. One woman and two men.
Ichika: Long, black hair, small face. Twenty-something? Cheery, outgoing. Magic: manipulate positions of items and humans (excluded: everything tied to the floor). One hundred meter range.
Bubbles: tan, tall, brown shoulder-long hair, brown eyes. Probably in his twenties. Swears a lot. Unfriendly. Probably in love with Yushin. Uses bubble magic. Blue contains ice, red contains tasty fire, green contains a caustic substance that dissolves everything within seconds (including humans).
Yushin: pale, blue eyes, blond hair. Scar that reaches from outer corner of left eye to left corner of lips. Probably a bit over thirty. Always bored. Probably in love with Bubbles (flirts with him lots). Healer. Doesn't fight.
I fought against Bubbles and I screwed up. Gray died attempting to save me. Apparently they didn't mean to harm anyone (haha...) and Bubbles just lost control over his magic because he was high on emotions. They need money for finding Bubbles' father who went missing. Gray just asked me why I didn't try to offer our help in finding his father. Maybe we could've prevented the fight. I hadn't thought of it to be honest. It's a good idea. I'll try that if I ever go on that mission again. Gray says I should. Okay then. I still can't forgive him.
Day 3:
Gray and I confessed our love for the first time. He was (cute) (sweet) adorable. We kissed and hugged lots at our usual fighting place. We didn't go on that mission a third time. Gajeel went instead. The plan was to make him fight against Ichika and Lucy against Bubbles.
Gray invited me to his flat after lunch. We cuddled on his bed, and fell asleep. I had a nightmare and needed to vomit after I woke up. We took a shower together (we didn't do anything sexual) and went out for dinner after my stomach had settled. I found out that Jellal was following us, and then Gray died because of a heart attack. I tried to revive him, but it was no use. I got some information from Jellal: Ultear is the one turning back time, and she said I'm the only one who can keep his memories and the only one who can save Gray. She offered me to contact her anytime with Jellal's communication lacrima.
Day 4:
I lured Gray out of the guild hall to confess to him, but it didn't go like expected. He misunderstood and became angry. Convincing him didn't take that long, but still. I shouldn't ever start a love confession by telling him that he confessed to me. He'll suspect I broke into his apartment and deduced his feelings from the pictures of me.
I talked with Ultear. She told me the prophecy (I already wrote down the text) and some more things: The oracle of the magic council told her the prophecy and said nothing else. Ultear can turn back time to a definite point she set in advance. Only one person is allowed to keep their memory if she does this, so of course she chose me. I asked her to come to Magnolia because I want to write a diary and she needs to manipulate it so the text won't vanish.
Gray and me spent the afternoon in the city, eating lunch and shopping. We bought a diary and a watch. After that we met Ultear and Meredy, and went to Porlyusica's house together. I wanted her to prevent Gray's heart from stopping, but she couldn't do it. She also couldn't revive him. I promised Gray that I wouldn't ever let him die in the belief that I was into Lucy. He also asked me not to tell him that he'll die if possible. Porlyusica told me that Gray's death is not a natural one, that 'his time on earth is over'. I'll find a way to save him nonetheless.
Ultear gave me some more information: She's also keeping a journal, and she's counting the rewinds. She stays far away in order not to endanger herself and thus the plan to save Gray (I won't be told her position and I shouldn't ask for it). She says she trusts me unconditionally. I think if there's something I need her help with, she'll probably help. She can't wait more than one hour after Gray died because otherwise the point would vanish. She said I should have sex with Gray in order to save him.
Day 5:
I tried flirting with Gray, and it went well. He says he nearly fainted when I seduced him in the middle of the guild hall. We raced to my house, and I intended to have sex with him, but I freaked out and he noticed. He made me spit out the whole truth, and while I told him, he misunderstood and thought I'd want to have sex with him out of pity. He told me that he'd have sex with me no matter the circumstances. Maybe one day when I'm ready I'll just ask him for sex without confessing, and then confess in the middle of it (or leave him hanging a bit and confess after). Gray's getting aroused right now, so I'll definitely do this at some point. Gray's saying I'm enjoying this situation way too much. Well, I need something positive if I don't want to go nuts. I admit that he's right when he says he's worried about me—I'm always right, idiot!—and I'll probably never write again while he can watch.
Also, Gray says it's ridiculous that my 'mighty sperm' would 'prevent the world from falling apart'. He thinks the theory that having sex would prevent his death is nonsense. I just promised not to base my decision to have sex with him on this theory.
To get back to how the day went: I cleared up the misunderstanding, and we went to the guild to explain everything and that we were not going to go on the mission with them. Then we went back to my house. Since then I'm trying to write, but someone is distracting me on a quite regular basis. Not that I hate it. Quite the opposite.
(Gray)
I love you from the bottom of my heart, Natsu. I never was in love with anyone else, and I can't imagine ever being in love with anyone that is not you. Even before I fell in love with you, I could never imagine a life without you. Today showed me that you feel the same way, and now I know you'd be just as miserable without me as I would be without you. So please, for the sake of both of us: don't ever give up until you find a way to save my life. I want to spend a long life with you by my side. Right now your body is pressed against mine. I've never felt so happy before, and yet I'm sad. My chest hurts when I think that our time is over soon and next time we see each other, I won't be able to remember a thing. I'd like to record all the things that happened between us today, all the kisses, touches, love confessions. All the silly things we said, the way we teased each other. I love every second of it. (I really don't know what I should do. I feel torn between asking you to wait with everything sexual until this is all over and telling you to) go ahead with it when you feel ready. I want to be able to remember, yet I don't want you to hold back when you want more. (Forget what I wrote. When you want it, go for it!)
I know I asked you not to tell me about my death if possible, and it's still true that I'd prefer not knowing it if I had the choice, but here's another plea that's far more important: Please share your sorrow with me and let me help you. Please lean on me when it gets too much. Your mental health is far more important than my temporary worries. I'll make you promise. Please keep it.
I believe in you. You're strong, both physically and mentally. You'll find a way to save me, and then we can spend our lives together. Please always keep this in mind. Never give up. You're not alone. I'll always be there for you.
A huge thanks to everyone who's continuously supporting me with nice messages on tumblr, likes/reblogs on tumblr, comments on ffn and AO3, kudos/favs/follows/bookmarks/subscriptions! You're the light of my (admittedly very dark) days (lately). Don't ever underestimate the power you have over my wellbeing!